SAINAN NO KEKKA
SHIN KIDOU SENKI GUNDAM WING
Mirage: Quatre
(m -räzh ) n 1: an optical illusion in which atmospheric refraction by a layer of hot air distorts or inverts reflections of distant objects 2: something illusory and unattainable
Even in death, Atsuki's poor luck followed her.
It took hours for her to be missed, confirmed dead, and before I saw her actual body. I feel horribly guilty about that… but to me, she was a stranger. She was the shell of Lilah Winner… my sister had died that night so many years ago when she had run away from home with a man who was entirely unsuitable. If she'd been one of my empathic sisters, she would never had anything to do with him- the one time I had seen him, I got the impression that his aura was covered in a slimy black substance. Omaira actually had tried to get him extradited off the Colony, but it was too late. Lilah was in love- or she thought she was. Fourteen seems to be too young to know what real love is... at least, for Lilah. She was a sheltered girl, not yet ready to confront the realities of the world.
When the attack on Preventers Headquarter's had begun, I had been with Reeshya, Yaminah, and Jaffa, where we were meeting in one of the small conference rooms with Major Carrington to discuss legal options. I found the woman to be one of the most abrasive people I had ever met, and even Jaffa's considerable patience had been tried several times since making her acquaintance. The major was no beauty, but her brain was exceptionally sharp, as was her tongue. She didn't have any use for diplomacy, and while it was definitely different from what I was used to dealing with, the novelty quickly wore off. A simple please every now and then would have been pleasant.
It was 2:37 exactly when I heard the first explosion. I know because I was watching the clock, wondering how much longer I had to remain before I could make a polite excuse and leave- perhaps take a walk out to the hangers and see some of what the Preventers had been working on lately. My hands itched to do something manual, create something that was tangible, rather than abstract.
I never got the chance.
A muffled explosion pierced our conversation, and I immediately took cover by kicking the conference table over, dragging Reeshya down with me. I didn't have any weapons as I hadn't carried any since the war, and that made me curse myself mentally. I missed having the cold metal of a gun in my hand as an assurance that I could protect those nearest to me- I didn't like using it, but being able to look after myself and those things I value was something I treasure.
I will admit -very privately- to being something of a control freak.
The others stared at me, and I realized that they believed it was a car backfiring- I knew differently, though. There's something distinct about the sound of destruction, something that lives on in your nightmares long after the event in question has passed. "Get down!" I yelled angrily. They were all (even Carrington and the other Preventer agents who should have known better) standing around, looking confused. "That's gunfire!"
Reeshya yelped in fear before covering her mouth, and I could feel her tremble against my hands. Yaminah dropped like a rock with the poise only a courtroom lawyer could acquire, while the two guards in the room drew their weapons, flanking the door. Jaffa remained stock-still in her seat, her breathing heavy and her normally rich skin pasty. I looked at Carrington, and the competent woman dragged my sister behind the table I had pushed on its side.
The soldier in me took immediate account of the situation. A comfortably appointed room, with a heavy oak table that might deflect some of the worse fire- or might not. It would depend on what ammunition the attackers were using. No windows, which was good, and only one entry- which made it easy to defend, but if they got in, we were sitting ducks. Two Preventer guards, three civilians, Carrington, and myself. The agents each had two weapons visible (and probably more). I found myself taking control without conscious decision.
"Ree, Jaffa, Yaminah- stay behind the table no matter what. We're going to barricade in until the Preventers get ahold of the situation."
"What does this have to do with us?" Reeshya demanded.
I gave her what I hoped was a reassuring smile, though my mind was flying. "Ree, people know I'm on base, and I'm persona very non grata to most of the known world. I guarantee you a price is on my head..."
"But- there's a trial..." she said.
Yaminah took up the explanation. "Trials don't matter. You can't change what someone feels by reasoning with them. Emotions are more complex than that."
The lack of a weapon finally got to me, and my nerves overrode my manners. "Give me your extra gun," I demanded, turning to the airman who hadn't spoken yet.
"Huh?" The young airman scratched her head. "You're not authorized to carry weapons on base," she said finally. She kept her eyes on the door, but I could tell from the way the corner of her mouth twitched that she'd never been in a combat situation before. Just great- that was all I needed. A trigger-happy greenie at my back.
I gave her a soft smile, the one that so many people found enchanting, but the hint of steel behind it belied the innocence my blue eyes seemed to promise. I never learned the trick of lying with my eyes. "If you give it to me, I won't be a liability. I need to be able to protect myself... the gun, please." I held out a hand for it.
The airman glanced nervously around, but the Carrington just nodded to her. She sighed and unholstered it. I checked carefully and went to her side, careful to avoid being in front of the door, just in case someone decided to knock by blasting a few rounds through it. Personally, I thought a grenade or other explosive was more likely, but I wasn't about to worry my sisters. "It holds nine bullets, but I always leave the first chamber empty to avoid accidents. Safety's here," she said, turning the gun slightly so he could inspect.
"Can I have another bullet?" Always be as fully armed as possible- Heavyarms had taught me that.
"Um...."
"I flew a Gundam. I'm certainly not going to shoot myself in the foot!"
She handed over a small bag she produced from inside her hip pocket, and watched critically as I loaded it. I did so smoothly, almost amazed when I considered that this was the first gun I had held in a year and a half. It felt awkward in my hands, as though the balance wasn't quite right. Still, it was much better then being unarmed.
I glanced at Carrington. She had appropriated the other airman's extra gun and stood on the opposite side from me. I heard Reeshya try to muffle her sniffles, but it was Jaffa's heavy breathing that worried me the most. She seemed to be going into some kind of shock.. and if left untreated....
I didn't want to think about that.
"Now what?" I demanded.
"We wait," she said, grimly. We listened as the explosions came nearer, then pounding footsteps approached. I tensed slightly and suddenly everything seemed sharper. My senses had heightened and the adrenaline in my system was at a level it hadn't reached since the end of the war. It was an addicting feeling.
The polite knocking on the door surprised us- if it had been the terrorists, they would have barged right in. Still, I signaled that Carrington was to do the speaking, since it was likely that the terrorists would be after me. "Who's there?" Carrington demanded.
For once I blessed her lack of common courtesy.
"Major Li, attaché to General Une. She sent me to get Winner and his sisters to the bunker."
"Security clearance?" I demanded, deciding that this "Major Li" obviously knew that I was in the room, so it was safe enough to speak.
"Li- Alpha Phi Omega!"
The computer behind us chirped confirmation that it recognized the voice pattern and code, and Carrington swung the door open as I trained my gun on it. A small squad of Preventers stood there behind a small Asian major and Carrington gestured that I should put up my gun. I did so reluctantly.
"Li, what the hell is going on?" Carrington demanded.
Li gave her a look of sangfroid that Sally would have envied. "We're under attack," she answered succinctly. She gestured, and the Preventers entered the room, fanning out and helping my sisters to their feet. "We're moving the Winners to a more secure location."
"Where?" I demanded.
"The bunker beneath this building." Li said. She clicked her headphone set on and toggled it. "I have the prince and his harem. Bringing them to the seraglio."
I coughed at that. My sisters were my harem now? From the look on Yaminah's face, she shared my sentiment.
The next five hours were spent in a small, extremely high-security bomb-shelter located below the primary shelter underneath the main building- the one for VIPs. Part of me chafed about the special treatment, but I'd always had it. I tried to get my sisters interested in a card game with very little luck as Li and Carrington kept holding hushed conferences every ten minutes or so, presumably about the situation.
By the end of the fifth hour, my nerves were shot. I wasn't used to adrenaline rushes anymore, and my body was showing the strain. Yaminah's usually neat appearance was mussed, Jaffa had circles under her eyes, and Reeshya looked like she was on the verge of a complete nervous breakdown. "Carrington, any word?" I demanded.
"Ten more minutes, and the base will be secure."
"What happened?" Yaminah asked. "I thought this was one of the safest places in the world."
"It is. Someone introduced a highly sophisticated virus to our system, probably through our security computers. Then there was a minor explosion on base- water and sodium- nothing major, but it made a big bang. The virus knocked our power out for a little while, and while we were switching to emergency generators, the terrorists attacked. They managed to penetrate quite deeply."
"Were any captured?" Yaminah asked in a deadly voice. It sent a soft shiver up my spine; I would hate to be one of the terrorists, should Yaminah get her hands on me. Perhaps I wasn't the only non-pacifistic Winner in the family.
Carrington looked grim. "Unfortunately not. Most were wired with dead man's switches, self-termination devices, or had turned themselves into human bombs. We weren't prepared to deal with suicidal fanatics. Their goal wasn't to take the place over- it was to do as much damage as possible before they were killed."
"What was the damage?" Reeshya asked. Her lips were pale, and I wondered if she would need a doctor. Unfortunately, we had sent Tikia and Juju -the sisters who were best-versed in medical care- to L4 to await the trial away from the media, judging it wise not to have the entire family in one place- it would be too tempting a target.
For all the good that precaution had done to prevent an attack.
"Casualty reports are still coming in, but we have at least forty confirmed dead. Une was evacuated, so this technically isn't HQ anymore. There was only a few million in property damage, but our computer system is screwed to hell." Li sighed, almost as though she was in pain. "It's going to take a complete wipe to repair the system, and we'll have to rebuild it from the ground up. I hope everyone was following procedure and using back-ups, but I doubt it. It's going to be a lot of work." It was weird, but I almost could have sworn that Li was more concerned with the computers than the loss of life. She scratched her chin thoughtfully. "Might just be easier to get a new system put in."
I tried to keep from glaring, honestly I did, but it slipped through. Jaffa saw it and placed a placating hand upon my shoulder. "Is there anyway to track someone on base? Our sister Lilah wasn't with us, and we're concerned for her," Jaffa said to Li.
Carrington and Li exchanged glances. "It may be-" Carrington began, but I stopped her. I could feel the impending lie.
"What happened?" I demanded.
Again, glances were exchanged. "It seems she was hit," Li said softly, looking uncomfortable.
"How bad is it?" Ree asked, but I knew the answer already. I had seen the look in Li's eyes before. It was the look of someone who was unsure of how to break terribly, life shattering news, but someone who knew that it had to be done.
"Ree," I said softly, touching her arm and trying to project as much empathy as I could. "Lilah died," I whispered.
Her eyes widened and she trembled violently. "No. No, Quat. Major Li didn't say that. What are the doctors doing?" she asked, with the innocent faith of someone who believed that things would be okay in the end.
Carrington, in an uncharacteristically gentle move, pulled a seat out and helped Reeshya to sit. Jaffa had lost most of her color, but otherwise was bearing up well, and Yaminah seemed hardly affected, which wasn't much of a surprise. She hadn't known Lilah until a few days ago- there was hardly any reason for her to grieve. "I'm sorry, Miss Winner, but you're brother is right. Your older sister died a few hours ago in the first wave of the attack."
I nodded grimly. "Has she been taken to the morgue yet?"
That did it. Jaffa broke into tears, and Yaminah gave me a glare for upsetting her even as she gave Jaffa a hug to offer comfort. Reeshya just sat, waxen, her eyes vacant. I shrugged apologetically, but I knew that one of us would have to identify her.
The Preventers looked even more uncomfortable. "We've been having a slight... problem." Li looked at my sisters, and gestured that I should follow her.
I did so reluctantly. Jaffa and Reeshya especially had a right to hear what had happened to Lilah, but in the state they were in, I doubted they could take much. "What's wrong?" I demanded in my "I am Quatre Raberba Winner" voice, the voice I used when I wanted answers.
"We're having problems retrieving the body from one of your sister's.... friends."
"Friends?" I asked. Lilah hadn't known anyone on-base that I was aware of....
"From the Breaks," she said shortly. Apparently your sister came to Earth to follow her lover, and one of her friends was with him."
Her lover? My head spun. I didn't want to think about this.... not with her dead. I had just found her again, and hadn't yet reconciled how I felt about her....
"He was with her when she died?"
"Yes, as was her lover. Her lover immediately barricaded himself in a room on-base, and he took her body to the hospital. He won't let anyone near her body. We've tried to tranq him, but that hasn't worked- seems to have some kind of immunity to them. We have no other ideas right now, since he's a trained assassin, and to be honest, recovering the body of a dead woman is low priority right now." She spat the last sentence out hurriedly, as though she was afraid I would be upset about it.
I nodded. "Understandable. Perhaps I can persuade him to release her to family custody for burial?"
"We're under lock-down!" Li said forcefully.
"Is the base secure?" I asked levelly.
"It has been for three and a half hours."
It had only taken them ninety minutes to sweep the entire base for explosives and other security breeches- not bad. Still, the base had been penetrated, which seriously undermined my confidence in their abilities- which I supposed was one of the purposes of the attack. "Well, I'm going to go see."
Apparently I must have sounded uncompromising, for Li sighed and gestured for the airman who had given me the gun to come over. "Airman, give Mr. Winner the holster so he isn't wandering around with a live weapon. Escort him to the hospital wing, doctors lounge in the ER. Darkflight -that's his name, and remember he's an expert assassin who's in rehab for God knows how many drugs- took her to the ER- we don't know why, as it was clear she was already dead."
I sighed and put the safety on, took the holster that was offered and removed my jacket so I could slip it over my dress shirt. Then I left the room, following the airman who had originally come. I hoped Yaminah would remain calm enough to take care of Jaffa and Reeshya, but that would definitely be something I'd have to see to later. Right now, though, I owed it to Lilah to take care of her.
The hospital center was buzzing with activity. I could see the color-coding on patients as doctors had been forced to perform the unsavory act of triage. I didn't want to be there- I could feel my senses assault by pain and death from all around him. I looked at those who wore the infamous black tag sorrowfully, depressed that they had already been given up on. They lay quietly, many of them given mercy drugs to ease their way out of life.
Lounges had been converted to makeshift treatment areas, with orderlies slapping on burn creams and band-aids to staunch the injuries until a doctor could see patients. One nurse was wandering around with a clipboard, her eyes glassy from shock, as she took vitals over and over. This was the HQ- no one had been expected to deal with this kind of carnage here of all places. Of all places, Preventers was supposed to have been the safest in the world. Reality was hitting all of us like a sledgehammer between the eyes.
The airman to a small out of the way room, one that looked like it had been a private waiting area in better times. Now the chairs had all been pushed to the side, and only one man was in the room, cradling the body of a familiar young woman. She was dead. I could tell as soon as I set foot inside- her emotional signature wasn't there anymore. It was something I was used to- every human being gave off an emotional signature, and I was used to those constant presences around me. It was my sixth sense, as much a part of me as smell, touch, taste and sound.
Lilah was dead. There was nothing animating the body that had been my sister's.
"We can't get him to give her to us- he insisted on seeing you," the airman said. "I'll leave you two... when you have her, you can bring her down the corridor to the second waiting area- it's being used as a temporary morgue."
"My thanks, and the thanks of my family," I said softly. The airman gave me a brief salute, and left, shutting the door behind him.
The young man looked up then, his eyes dark with grief and some other undefinable emotion. His skin was such a deep black that it seemed to absorb all the room's colors, but the features were finely chiseled, and Asian to boot. He wasn't wearing the uniform of the Preventers- indeed, if he was part of some kind of official government, I would eat my shoes without sauce.
This had to be Darkflight, the assassin who had been her friend. Perhaps more- he looked and felt like someone who had just had a piece of his world taken away from him. His heartbreak was tangible, but I was selfishly glad for it. Someone had loved Lilah, truly loved her as she had deserved.
"Atsuki?" he whispered staring at my face in surprise, then shook his head. "You have to be her brother.... you look like her." The man stared down at the body in his arms with an odd form of contemplation in his eyes.
"I'm Quatre.... what happened?"
The man rocked back slightly, carefully keeping the dead girl's body against him. "She was hit by a bullet, in the back. A stray shot- if she hadn't paused then- if he hadn't-" he shook his head, raising a hand to stare at it in fascination. "She didn't even know she was dead."
The callused black hand bore dry blood on it, and I found it morbidly fascinating. Humans have always found blood the very substance of life, and to see it spilled, the blood of my sister... my sister's blood. The same blood I have running through my veins. Platitudes about not suffering came to my mind, but I had seen too much death to mouth words that were meaningless. "Did you know her well?" I asked.
"I loved her," the dark youth said. "Foolish of me, but… there was just something about her. She was fragile, but there was strength in her. She fascinated me." He pushed a strand of her pale hair off her forehead. "I never told her."
"I'm sure she knew… she was a Winner."
The man shook his head. "No, she wasn't… if she had been a Winner, she would have been with your family, where it was safe." Despite his words, there was no accusation. It was a statement of fact. "She was a streetie… and died like one." He chuckled low in his throat, amused. "Funny thing, though. Her being a Winner."
"Oh?" I asked.
Darkflight laughed again, a little more wildly. "I wonder what it is about Winners and Gundams. You were a pilot and she fucked one."
The color drained from my face, and I felt rage- partly mine, partly his. I remembered her speaking of a man, on the plane to Geneva, "Not even for him can I whore myself to the family again," she had said, but I hadn't taken time to figure out who he was.
Now I did, and the picture came together in a remarkably complete, and ironic, whole. "Heero..." I whispered, not sure what I would do if I saw him. He had been my friend, but he had helped Lilah destroy herself.
Darkflight seemed satisfied by the anger in my face. "He was my partner... Atsuki's lover. She came here for him, Winner. Thought she could help, though God knows how. All she ended up being was another body on the ground. Why go to all the trouble of going to Earth to get killed when all she had to do was live in the Breaks a while longer?" He sighed and brushed a hand into her hair again.
Heero... an assassin.... my sister his whore. I stared at her, wondering how many secrets she had taken with her when she died. This was the second of my sisters I had seen dead- Iria had been the first, killed protecting me. When she had died, I had felt insane with rage, leading to the building of the Zero; with Atsuki, I felt nothing aside from a distant sadness, regret for what could have -should have- been. It was odd- Iria and Lilah had been my two blonde sisters, the only ones who resembled me physically. Was it a curse, perhaps? Were all blonde Winners doomed to die violent deaths?
I fingered my own pale strands of hair and wondered.
Would I, too, soon be joining them? And would that be such a bad thing? To die a martyr? I shook my head, rejecting the thought that kept coming back to me. We had been heroes, the other pilots and I. And heroes didn't let themselves become martyrs.
I looked down at the dark boy who was still cradling the body of the woman who had born my sister, coming to a decision. He was shadows to her sun, but the sun had set upon her life. Night had come, and the storms were breaking. A poetic metaphor, but a very true one. "Darkflight," I said.
He looked up at me, his dark eyes lackluster. "What do you want?"
"What's the burial custom of the Breaks?" I asked.
He shrugged. "Sell the body to the maggots if you're not close, otherwise burn it to keep it from rotting. The morticians and coroners wouldn't go near the Breaks- no one blamed them."
"Well, then... I'd better call the crematorium," I said quietly. "I'll leave you alone for a while longer to pay your final respects."
Darkflight looked at him, more life returning to his features. "I thought... you were Muslim."
"I am."
"Isn't it forbidden for the body of a Muslim to be cremated?" he asked.
I nodded. "We'll perform the other rituals- the washing, prayers, and three day mourning period, but if the people of the Breaks are cremated, then Atsuki should be as well." I looked down at my sister's shattered body for a final time. She looked like a child sleeping in the arms of a dark angel.
"Why?" Darkflight whispered, unable to keep his voice from cracking on the word.
I knew how much that concession meant to him. "Atsuki isn't just a Winner anymore- she was a Winner who lived in the Breaks. Who knows what that meant?" I watched as Darkflight's callused fingers tangled in her hair. "I wonder if there ever was a Lilah Winner... or if I was only seeing a mirage." He looked up at me and nodded. Our eyes met, and for an instant we understood each other perfectly, two strangers who, had life taken its normal course, who never would have met. One a wealthy businessman who had the world at his fingertips, and the other a streetrat who didn't even rule himself. Still, we had been brought together because we loved the same woman, a woman neither of us really knew.
Definition of "mirage" from Dictionary.com
Link to information about Islamic burial customs
"Maggot" is Breaks slang for someone who deals in human body parts, particularly dead ones. They tend not to ask questions about how the body is acquired. Healthy young bodies not long dead are the maggots preferred stock.
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