What if Sirius Black never went to the Potters on that fateful day?
Notes: this is a Wolfstar fic, so Sirius and Remus are shipped through out. Some details of the original story have been shifted to fit in with this 'what if', so this is a AU of all seven books. It slips between a few POVs.
This is also my first Wolfstar fic and Harry Potter fic! Whoop whoop!
One Night Can Change Them All
It is a cold and drizzly morning when Petunia Dursley hears the timid knock on the door.
She looks up from holding her son, eyebrows pulling in slightly. Who on earth would be knocking the door? She doesn't know many of her neighbours, not past the few nods and smiles she gives them when she passes them in the street. Still, she places her son down in the baby play pen in the living room and heads for the door, creeping quietly so she doesn't disturb the other baby she's left upstairs. Her sister's son has rarely stopped crying in the nearly three weeks he's been here and frankly, Petunia would do anything to make sure he stays silent. Babies aren't meant to cry that much, are they?
The door chain makes a slight sound as she opens it and Petunia hopes it's not enough to set either of the babies' off. They don't react so she opens the door, her eyes frowning in confusion when she sees two strangers on the doorstep. Both men, one dressed in black with matching long hair and the other dressed tattily with scars running across his face. Both, she decides, would terrify her Dudley.
The tatty man makes the effort to smile at her yet she recognises it as strained. The other man looks almost moody but he's bouncing on the balls of his feet like he can't stop himself moving. Agitation, she presumes, and purses her lips. She doesn't understand why people can't just be still and polite.
"Good morning," the tatty man says brightly. "Petunia, isn't it?"
Petunia's fingers curl around the edge of the door. Her skin prickles.
"How do you know my name?" She asks.
"Oh, don't worry yourself!" The man exclaims with a laugh. "We're not here to hurt you."
"That depends on how she's been treating him." The black haired man mutters under his breath. He's quickly elbowed in the ribs by the tatty man followed by a hiss to the ear.
"Sirius, you promised to behave."
"And I will – once I've determined if she's treating our godson with respect." Petunia just about catches the returned whisper and her frown grows.
"Who are you two?" Her fingers are tighter on the door now. She can slam it shut in their faces if she wanted to, she's sure.
"I'm Remus Lupin; this here is my friend Sirius Black." The man she's decided she likes a little more than the black haired one says, pointing at their respective chests. Petunia stares back with no recognition.
"We're Harry's godfathers – well, I am officially, but old Moony here is an honorary one." The black haired man, Black, says just as Lupin is opening his mouth. Lupin looks flustered at the interruption for a moment but quickly regains his composure.
"As Sirius said, we're here about Harry. May we come in?"
Not ten minutes later, Petunia has the two strangers sat in her living room as she serves them cups of tea, infinitely grateful that Vernon went to work early. Her husband doesn't understand magic much and he certainly doesn't understand the presence of her nephew in the house. Petunia herself doesn't know much either but she wasn't given a choice any more than Vernon was. Still, if Vernon knew of two people who knew Harry, the baby would be in their arms before she could even say but the letter.
"Where's Harry?" Black asks brusquely and Petunia tells him with a degree of coldness that the baby is upstairs and would he mind keeping his voice down.
"He screams constantly when awake." She explains and only Lupin seems to look sympathetic.
"Yes, he would," the man says, "since the evidence would suggest that he saw his mother killed in front of his eyes."
Petunia pales, her hand that holds the tea shaking.
"So Lily-"
"Died nobly, trying to save her son? Yes." Black interrupts her with little regard for her feelings. His leg is bouncing still.
"Petunia, would you mind terribly if Sirius went up to see Harry? He's not seen him since that- that day and he's a little agitated." Lupin accompanies his words with a polite smile and Petunia can't help but say yes. Black is up without so much as a thank you but at least he walks quietly so her own son isn't disturbed.
"I'm sorry about him, Petunia." Lupin says. "He's been a little… guilt ridden since that night. He was meant to be their protector, you see."
"Yet my sister is dead." Petunia still doesn't know if she's devastated by that. She loved Lily, yes, but Lily had become someone different as they'd aged. In the end, Petunia couldn't say if she ever actually knew Lily Evans and she certainly didn't know Lily Potter.
Lupin's face seems to age before her.
"We trusted the wrong person." Lupin says quietly. "That person betrayed your sister and my friend and might have taken Sirius down with him too. The only reason Sirius wasn't the one to find baby Harry was because he was with me that night. If he wasn't… Merlin knows what might have happened."
Petunia feels the heavy weight of his words and they make her very uncomfortable. Luckily for her, Lupin seems adept at telling that.
"Now, where were we?" Lupin smiles before taking a sip of the tea. Petunia unconsciously copies him, finding the tea a little too sugary. How much did she pour in? She can't quite remember.
"Ah, yes, Harry." Lupin completes his own thought.
"What about him?" Petunia's voice is quiet and timid.
"As you know from your letter, Dumbledore entrusted Harry to you to raise." Petunia nods. A baby and a note on the door. Privately, she's wondered what sort of man does that to a baby. "Now, Harry must stay with you. It's imperative that he grows up calling this place home." Petunia nods again but she's not enthused.
"But there is nothing saying you shouldn't have help." At this, her head raises to look at Lupin. Hope tugs at her lips.
"Help?" She says.
"Yes. Sirius and I, thanks to the help of a friend, have gone about buying the house across the street." Lupin nods to the window. Petunia vaguely remembers a house being for sale – but wasn't it bought a few months ago by some young family? Maybe they've already moved out.
"We can come over here and help you look after Harry so you can keep an eye on your own child. We'll help when he starts displaying magic, when he starts asking questions about his parents. We can even babysit on odd days and nights when you need some family time." Lupin's offer is so tempting Petunia almost snatches it up right then without a thought. That needy baby, having two people to rely on other than her. It's so tempting.
But she must be reasonable too.
"Vernon couldn't know." She tells Lupin, her eyes to her tea. "He- he doesn't understand magic. He'll demand you take him away. He wouldn't understand why Harry has to live here."
"So discretion will be advised." Lupin nods with understanding.
"But when he's at work, you could come over." She makes clear. Something close to joy twinkles in Lupin's eyes.
"That sounds marvellous, Petunia."
Lupin – or Remus, as he tells her to call him – shows her a few photos of him and Black with her late sister, as proof they knew each other. But somehow Petunia doesn't think she needs the proof. She sees something in Remus' eyes that screams of the truth and when she sees Black again, she sees it in his eyes too. When they leave her, Petunia feels like a ton of weights have been lifted off her chest.
She's not alone.
On the night the Potters had died, Sirius Black wanted to go check on them. James had told him to leave them alone for a night – one night won't kill us, idiot James had said and now Sirius wants to scream in his face are you sure and he can't anymore because James and Lily are dead – and Sirius was going to disobey and check on them anyway when he'd decided just to check on Remus first.
Sitting among newspaper cuttings, Remus had sat with a look on his face that made Sirius want to kill the nearest person because Remus, his Moony, was sad. The werewolf slurring is getting worse, Remus had remarked. Even if the war ends, I'll definitely never get a job now.
Sirius couldn't leave him like that. So he'd thought a brief sorry to James even though James would probably be thanking him for staying away and he'd sat on the floor with Remus, talking about anything and everything until he'd ran out of words and Remus was still looking like a kicked puppy. Then Sirius had kissed him, hoping for a smile and instead he'd gotten a fierce kiss back with fingers in his hair. Sirius had been smiling and blushing and kissing, living a moment he'd thought about since year five at Hogwarts and definitely thought about after the drunken kiss Remus had planted on him at the Halloween party a year later. I'll check on James in the morning, Sirius had decided, thinking that a night spent with his limbs tangled up with Remus' sounded much better than being a third wheel.
Then morning had broken and the news was there. Lily and James, both dead. Harry at his aunt's. Peter, the traitor, escaped.
Sirius could barely breathe.
He imagined all the ways he could have helped if he only went that night and all the way through he had Remus assuring him that there was nothing to be done. They might have even blamed you, Remus had pointed out since only Sirius, Peter, Lily and James knew about the change in secret keeper. Remus had gone on to say Sirius wouldn't have stopped and told someone the truth. He'd have gone to kill Peter and Sirius couldn't say he wouldn't have. At least you're here to help Harry, Remus had said and that's where the plan had started from.
Three weeks later and Sirius had turned up with a pair of house keys.
Moony, he'd said with a grin missing most of its feeling. We're moving in together.
"How do you even know the neighbours?" Vernon wears a frown and Petunia remembers when all he did was smile at her. Their wedding wasn't as grand as Lily's but Petunia had been the happiest woman in the world and Vernon had looked like he'd been the happiest man. Now he's frowning and Petunia can't remember when he last smiled.
"We met in the street." Petunia aims to be vague. "But it's free babysitting, Vernon! We can't argue with that. It'll be a day of just you and me and Dudley."
"The way it was meant to be." Vernon mutters. He's got Dudley in his arms and she's got Harry. They're walking to the door and Petunia knocks loudly. She's looking forward to this day with her family – she gives Harry a guilty look but he's grinning oblivious.
"Dog." He says, stretching his arms towards the door. "Dog!"
The door opens just as Vernon's huffing, tapping his foot impatiently on the ground. Remus stand there, a gentle smile on his face and Petunia finds her own face mirroring him.
"Petunia!" Remus greets her. "And this must be Harry." He's good at playing to their story, that Harry is a stranger to him.
"Yes, this is Harry." Petunia says. Remus bends slightly to Harry's eye level and grins at him.
"Moony!" Harry crows and Remus chuckles.
"You've been listening to Uncle Sirius too much." He murmurs quietly so Vernon doesn't hear him. Then he straightens and aims a polite smile at both Vernon and Petunia. "You'll be back by evening?"
"Six or something." Vernon's lip curls up at the sight of Remus and Remus knows what he's thinking. How did someone as poor looking as he end up here in Privet Drive? Then Sirius is skipping down the stairs in his ripped jeans, his face splitting into a smile when he peers at Harry from behind Remus.
"Here you go, Remus." Petunia hurriedly hands Harry over and then the bag. "We'll be over to collect him later."
"Don't worry about it. Go and have fun!" Remus struggles to balance both the kid and the bag before Sirius is swooping in to pick up Harry.
"Dog!" Harry laughs happily.
"I didn't realise they were-" Remus shuts the door before he hears the word Vernon would use to describe him and Sirius, not wanting to hear if it's rude. Harry's still laughing and Sirius is smiling alongside him.
"Come on, Moony! Let's go have fun with our boy!"
It becomes habit. Harry spends every second Saturday over and Sirius marvels over how he's growing. He takes pictures often, taking them to James' and Lily's graves as if they can see. The weekdays they spend in Petunia's house and Sirius realises he doesn't mind kids that much. They're simple, unlike adults, and it's easy to get them to behave if he pulls a few faces. Sometimes he'll transform into a back dog if Harry won't sleep; once, Remus walks him along with Harry and Sirius only does it because of how excited Harry seems to be. But every day he's hit with the pang that James is dead, that he'll never see this amazing kid grow up and it's just unfair. Remus is always there to remind him that while James isn't there, Sirius is and James would be thankful for that.
It takes a few months of the babysitting for Petunia to notice that Remus goes missing once a month.
"Where's Remus again?" Petunia asks with Dudley on her hip as Sirius amazes Harry with a basic muggle magic trick.
"Ill." Sirius says without a pause, missing the frown on Petunia's face.
"Is he really?"
"You think I'd lie to you, Petunia?" Sirius glances at her just in time to see the nod. Petunia and he have never had the relationship Remus has been able to cultivate but Sirius knows it's because he doesn't care about this woman. Remus wants to care but Sirius only cares about his family which is two members smaller now. He doesn't feel anything about this woman. She's just Remus' friend and the aunt to his boy. That's all.
So the nod doesn't hurt him.
"Ask him next time you see him." Sirius tells her, thinking of Remus whose back in their home, exhausted with a new myriad of injuries over his skin. This full moon had been bad. It's harder to control a werewolf when he's alone – Sirius is too used to it being three, not one. He and Remus have always had a great connection when animalistic, perhaps better than their connection as humans since James and Remus seemed to click much better than he could with Remus. Connections mean little when the werewolf is raging and this full moon made Sirius almost feel afraid. Not for his own life, of course, but for Remus himself.
If only James was here.
"Maybe I will." Petunia juts out her chin.
"Why are you ill so often?" Petunia makes good on her promise only a week later after commenting on the still healing scratches up Remus' arms. Dudley is away with Vernon for the day so she came, naturally with Harry, for tea over at Remus' house. Sirius is playing as usual with Harry, watching the child on the kid broom Sirius bought for him. The kitchen is the safe place for Petunia and Remus to retreat to though they both wince when a crashing sound can be heard.
"I have a low immune system." Remus shrugs.
"You're lying to me." Petunia observes. She doesn't know why she assumes that. Call it intuition. But the guilty look running through Remus' eyes tells her she's right and it also tells her not to push it. Some secrets should stay secret, his eyes scream at her.
"Did my sister know the truth?" She asks instead of the question she wants to. Surprise features briefly on Remus' face.
"She did." He answers shortly.
"And Sirius?"
"Obviously. Without him-" He cuts himself off. "Without him, James and Peter, I wouldn't have survived."
"Is it a wizard thing?" She asks next, sipping at her tea.
"Much to my mother's horror, yes." A dark smile slips over his expression. "But don't worry. It won't hurt you or Harry."
"Just you, then."
Remus pauses, stares at the floor and nods.
"Just me."
"He's magic, Moony!" Sirius proclaims one day, placing Harry in front of him. "Look! That hair cut Petunia gave him – his hair's grown back in."
Remus looks over his Daily Prophet and smiles slightly. Harry, a young six year old now, grins back.
"Uncle Moony, am I magic?" Harry asks and Remus can't help but smile more.
"Of course you are, Harry. You're very magic."
"Vernon's not here?" Remus notes there is a distinct lack of Vernon in the room. His coat, usually strewn on the sofa – gone. His cigars, for occasional use – gone. His general attitude that sinks into the walls – gone. He hasn't seen Vernon since Harry began displaying magic, actually.
Petunia's shoulders stiffen a little as they watch Sirius entertain both Dudley and Harry with some magical sparks. Remus is forever surprised that Petunia doesn't tell Sirius to keep the magic out of her house.
"No." She says eventually. "He… he and I decided to live apart for a few weeks."
"Oh?" Remus sips his tea to mask his surprise.
"It's not permanent!" Petunia rushes to assure him. Is she trying to convince him or herself, Remus wonders?
"It's just…" Her eyes cast down to her son. "Vernon doesn't have the same views I do. We want to trial a separation."
"Mmmmm."
"It's just for a little bit!"
"Of course."
"Just until we sort a few things out."
A few months later and Vernon's only spotted in the driveway every week or so.
"I think they've broken up." Sirius comments one evening.
"Sirius, try not to spy on the neighbours. We need to plan out Harry's birthday party." Remus frowns at the catalogue.
"He's never there anymore."
"That doesn't make spying okay."
"I think it's better for her. Vernon's a dirt bag."
"He's her husband, Sirius. Be kind."
A pause.
"It'll be better for Harry."
"Sirius."
"Can't a man look out for his godson?"
Petunia never confirms the break up but Remus never sees Vernon anymore and the times he and Sirius and him are allowed around adjust.
"They've broken up." Sirius decides. "For sure."
"Good for her." Remus says quietly.
"We'll have to tell him one day."
"What?"
"What happened to his parents."
"I told him. They were in a tragic accident." Remus twitches at his own words. It's not a lie and he'd vowed to tell the truth but when Harry had gazed up at him with those innocent four year old eyes that reminded him of Lily so much, his tongue froze. He couldn't say the truth.
"The real truth, Moony." Sirius voices Remus' own thoughts.
"I don't want to."
"Neither do I." Sirius admits and Remus looks to him with surprise.
"You don't?"
"I don't want his parents to be dead either. We can't always have what we want." Sirius shakes his head with a sigh. "You handle it, Moony. I don't want to say it."
Neither do I, Remus says but in his head. Sirius has suffered enough.
"We have to do family trees for homework." Harry informs them. "Can you two help?"
Sirius swallows.
"Of course, Harry! Tell me what you need."
They don't tell Harry the truth that night.
"What happened to my mum and dad?" Harry's watching him with such alert eyes and Remus knows it's time. He's got to tell the truth.
"They died bravely, Harry." He starts with halting words and the rest follow in a similar fashion. He tells the six, nearly seven year old, about how there was a very bad man who wanted Harry dead and his parents fought him to keep Harry safe.
"So they died for me?" Harry's eyes are thoughtful. Remus can only nod.
"They loved you very much." Sirius drops down on the sofa next to Harry, having been listening from the doorway. "Your dad, James, was so proud when you were born, looking the spitting image of him."
"And your mum, Lily, she couldn't go an hour without telling you she loved you." Remus adds on, blinking back tears. Harry looks between them both.
"Do they have a grave?" Harry asks.
That Halloween, as Remus and Sirius make their annual joint trip to Godric's Hollow, they have one more with them.
"Here you go, James and Lily." Sirius says quietly as Harry looks solemnly at the stone. "Here's your boy."
Petunia lets Harry run straight to Remus and Sirius when the first letter comes bearing Hogwarts' crest. Hagrid comes a few days later, not looks at all surprised at Sirius' and Remus' presence, confirming once and for all that Dumbledore must be aware of their presence in Harry's life. Remus doesn't know if he feels happy or uncomfortable with that.
They let Hagrid take him to Diagon Alley, with Sirius stalking. Remus doesn't think he'd be welcome and Harry's quite happy with Hagrid.
The full moon coincides with Harry's train trip so Sirius tells Petunia to take him. Remus nearly hits Sirius over the head when Sirius realises he didn't tell Harry how to get on Platform and three quarters.
"Ah, the boy would have figured it out." Sirius says optimistically while Remus hastily pens a note to Harry asking him how he got to school thanks to Sirius being, as per usual, a dumb ass. He's relieved when Harry does indeed assure him he got to school thanks to a witch talking loudly.
Sirius is over the moon when Harry takes an instant dislike to Snape. Remus is glad he made sure Sirius didn't teach Harry any jinxes ahead of time.
Harry stays at Hogwarts for Christmas.
Sirius is moody for days.
Remus feels the same.
When Harry steps off that train, Sirius' heart leaps for joy even if Remus stayed at home.
His boy, happy and smiling, comes running for his arms. Sirius hugs him and never wants to let go.
He feels like murdering Dumbledore when Harry's finished with the tale about Quirrell.
That damn old man.
Remus is bed bound for a month from his last full moon so when the next one comes along, Sirius has little time for Harry. The house elf arrives when he's distracted and before Sirius knows what's going on, he's getting a letter from Dumbledore about letting Harry fly a car to Hogwarts.
In Dumbledore's defence, this does seem like something he'd plan with Harry but he's a little miffed that Dumbledore would even suspect him for a second.
Later, he makes sure to write to Harry congratulating him.
The boy's just like James.
"Dumbledore!"
"It wasn't his fault, Sirius." Remus sighs, a hand coming up to cover his face. They've already been around and around in this merry-go-round of an argument and now it's circling again.
"There was a bloody snake-"
"Basilisk."
"on the loose in Hogwarts and he doesn't once write to us to tell us-"
"We're not his parents or even guardians. He doesn't have to tell us."
"no, instead he wants us to be shut out, kept out of the loop! He almost got our boy killed by Slytherin's heir!"
"A girl was possessed, Sirius. It wasn't her fault." Remus is getting sick of talking.
"Harry could have become snake food. Dumbledore let him nearly get killed." Sirius spits, raging as he paces the floor. "Dumbledore needs to stop shutting us out. We're his family."
"Petunia is his family, in Dumbledore's eyes." It's unfair, Remus knows, but there's also no arguing against Dumbledore. Remus' trust in the man has barely faltered since the man turned up on Remus' doorstep to tell an eleven year old Remus that he could come to Hogwarts.
Sirius stops mid step, jaw hanging low. Has he finally started listening, perhaps?
"Petunia is his aunt, Sirius." Remus says softly. "We're just his father's friends."
"I'm his godfather." Sirius tries to argue.
"Dumbledore knows what he's doing. We've got to trust him."
"A house elf nearly killed Harry. His teacher tried to wipe his memory. His friend got petrified. His friend's sister nearly died. We're meant to trust Dumbledore?" Sirius shakes his head. "You can, Remus, but I won't. That man has a death wish for Harry and I'm not going to let him get away with it." With that, Sirius stalks away, heading for the door, and Remus can only stare, unable to really argue with that logic.
"Pettigrew!" Sirius runs into the room, eyes mad and lungs breathless. From the table, Remus looks up from his toast, one eyebrow raised.
"Lupin. My name is Lupin, Sirius." He says, taking a bite.
"No, no, Pettigrew has been spotted!" Sirius frantically shakes his head and Remus sits a little taller.
"Pettigrew? Really?" A feeling of disgust has curled up in his gut so Remus discards the toast. Peter Pettigrew. The man they all trusted. The man who would set up Sirius to cover up his own betrayal. A disgusting man.
"Yeah! They think they saw him in Egypt, skulking around." There's a look in Sirius' eyes that Remus knows all too well. It's not a look that he wants to encourage.
"Then they'll catch him." Remus tries to resume eating but his mouth isn't having it. Pettigrew. The man who stole Harry's parents.
The man who broke their family.
Remus pushes his plate away from him, his appetite wholly gone.
"They think he'll come for Harry." Sirius announces. "Now that he's been spotted after so long."
"Dumbledore will protect him." Remus wishes desperately to believe that. But Pettigrew has a weapon – he's an animagus. Remus should tell Dumbledore but… that means admitting that he betrayed Dumbledore's trust all those years ago and Remus can't do that. He just can't.
"You'll take the position then?" Dumbledore's eyes are unreadable but then again, when are they ever not?
"Do I have a choice?" Remus sighs. "Harry… He could do with me there if Pettigrew's on the loose but I'm not… I'm not safe."
"Severus will make the potion, Lupin. You'll be fine." Despite Dumbledore's promises, Remus can't relax. Severus Snape is hardly his biggest fan and wouldn't this be the perfect time to get revenge for all those pranks? One wrong Wolfsbane and his secret is out.
"It'll be made properly." As if reading his mind, Dumbledore speaks.
"Of course. I wasn't-" His cheeks heat up. There's no point in lying. "James, me, Sirius…" Peter. "We weren't always nice to Snape. I wouldn't hold it against him if he messed it up."
"Severus won't do that, Lupin. Trust me. He understands that the safety of his pupils is more important than a petty feud." Dumbledore's piercing eyes seem to go through him.
"Alright then. I'll take the position." Remus doesn't have a choice. If Pettigrew is on the loose, he has to be there to protect James' boy.
"I'm coming with you." Sirius says like there's no negotiating with him and honestly Remus knows there's no real way to get Sirius off an idea once he's had it.
"Dumbledore won't allow you to stay on the grounds," Remus points out instead.
"But I'm your boyfriend!" Sirius pulls a face.
"Partners of professors can stay in Hogsmede." Remus suggests, privately feeling a little envious at that thought. So close to Honeydukes!
"I'm not just your partner. I'm Harry's godfather and after last year's incident with Lucius Malfoy, he needs me close." Sirius decides.
"What are you planning to do, Sirius? Sneak onto the grounds somehow?" Remus says a little tiredly, waving his wand at a pile of clothing so it folds itself neatly into his suitcase. The thought of going back to Hogwarts has made him apprehensive even with the offer of Wolfsbane. Remus would give an arm and a leg for a reliable steady supply of that potion and here it is, being offered for practically free. He may have a few opinions on Snape but he can't argue against the man's potion skill. The Wolfsbane will be of excellent quality and maybe for once, he can be safe at the full moon. The prospect practically makes him salivate. He doesn't like the possible danger he could present however. Wolfsbane or not, he's still a werewolf. He's still dangerous.
While he's been deep in serious thought, Sirius has been plotting. Sirius exclaims a noise of joy, startling Remus as he tucks his books away with another sweep of his wand.
"That's exactly what I'll do, Remus! I'll sneak onto the grounds!"
"What?" Remus widens his eyes. "That was a joke, Sirius! You can't sneak onto the grounds, not with Pettigrew on the run!"
"Why can't I? Pettigrew threatens Harry and I promised James I would always protect his son," Sirius has a look in his eyes that tells Remus no amount of arguing is going to change his mind. "Give me one reason why I shouldn't do this."
"The dementors-"
"The dementors aren't after me, Remus," Sirius says impatiently.
"The dementors won't care who you are. They look for souls and Dumbledore won't be able to protect you." There's a fear building inside Remus, a fear that Sirius would be quick to dismiss as irrational.
"Last year we trusted in Dumbledore and he nearly got Harry eaten by a giant snake!"
"Basilisk," Remus corrects on autopilot.
"I'm not one of your students."
"If you were, you'd listen to me when I tell you this plan is stupid and isn't going to end well." Is that a headache pulsing at the edges of Remus' vision?
Remus keeps his eyes shut even as he hears the children come into the compartment. They are cautious, their voices low as not to wake him.
"Who's he?" He hears a voice ask.
"His suitcase says Professor R Lupin," A girl's voice answers. "I wasn't aware professors could travel on the train."
"He looks a little poor- Ow, Harry! What did you step on my foot for?" The first voice squeals and Remus' lips nearly curl into a smile. Harry? What were the chances?
As previously discussed, Harry makes no mention of their connection, choosing to sit down instead. Remus thought it would be wise to pretend as if they didn't know each other, to stop comments of favouritism.
The train has brought so many memories back up for Remus. The first time he met James and Sirius. The first time leaving them for home, hoping they wouldn't forget about him. The joy he felt when they greeted him with hugs for the second year. The bittersweet sadness of the last year. Still, he likes being around this train. He almost feels young again.
Sirius had to apparate to Hogsmede, something both of them are grateful about. Sirius has time to set up and plan how to sneak in to Hogwarts; Remus gets to keep an eye on Harry in the meantime.
"Expecto Patronem!"
"Who screamed?"
"No one, Harry. No one screamed."
"Have some chocolate."
"Okay."
"You're not going to argue? What if it's poisoned?"
"Ron!"
"What?"
"He's a professor. It's not going to be poisoned."
"Hermione's right, Ron. It's not going to be poisoned."
"How was the train ride?" Remus isn't surprised to find Sirius in his room when he finally gets there. As a child, the dinners was enjoyable. As an adult, less so.
"Dementor tried to hurt Harry." Remus grunts, making his way to the bed where he collapses down, throwing an arm over his face.
"Dementor?" There's an edge in Sirius' voice.
"It didn't hurt him, so stop worrying." If Remus hadn't been there, perhaps the story would have been different. But Remus was there so there's no point in imagining that scenario.
"Luckily you were there." Sirius sits on the bed next to him. Remus makes a noise of agreement. "Hey, Moony?"
"What?"
"You slept on the train, right?"
"So?"
"How are you still tired?"
It's easier than Remus imagined to pretend not to know Harry.
Harry's different in school.
He teaches Harry the Patronus Charm just for safety.
Sirius turns up at a Quidditch game. The Dementors attack. Was Pettigrew there?
The Wolfsbane turns up later and later.
A broom turns up for Harry. Remus can only sigh and shake his head. Sirius.
Sirius gets more and more impatient. He sneaks off at night to hunt for Pettigrew and Remus only finds out after the Fat Lady was attacked impatiently.
When Dumbledore asks about Sirius, Remus lies and says he left his partner in Hogsmede. Remus thinks Dumbledore knows he's lying.
The Marauders map turns up. Remus and Sirius waste a few evenings giggling over it but Remus makes sure to keep it out of Sirius' reach overnight, not wanting to encourage Sirius' obsession over Pettigrew.
Buckbeak is sentenced to death.
Remus sees Pettigrew.
Remus can't find Sirius.
Remus sees Sirius. He's dragging Pettigrew down.
Remus leaves.
Sirius is going to become a murderer.
Remus never imagined Harry would find out about his furry little problem this way.
Sirius never imagined he'd have to battle werewolf Remus on Hogwarts grounds again.
Harry never imagined that that was why Sirius could transform into a dog.
"I can't believe Snape grassed you up!"
"Can't you?"
"It's so mean!"
"We nearly killed a man."
"Pettigrew deserved it."
Remus can't argue against that. If Harry hadn't been there… Sirius and Remus would have become murderers.
"At least Harry finally saw you transform!"
"That's not a good thing, Sirius."
"He knows how fierce you can be."
"Dangerous."
"Nothing would have gone wrong. I was there."
"I nearly killed you too. Hermione. Harry. Buckbeak saved them."
"At least we finally met his friends!"
Remus sighs.
"Silver linings, huh?"
Remus waves Harry off to the Quidditch World Cup with an odd sadness.
Harry will have fun, he knows. The Weasleys adore him as their own so he'll be safe. But Remus knows why he's sad and it's because he can't be at Harry's side forever.
His shoulders shiver. One day Harry will be grown up and then what will he and Sirius do? They only stuck together because of Harry – or that's what Remus thinks realistically. Sirius isn't the type to commit and then three weeks after one night, he was moving them in together. Then the kisses grew and nights occurred again and of course Sirius is always there for him when he's shifting but Remus can't think Sirius will stick around after Harry's grown. Harry is like James in so many ways that both Remus and Sirius almost forget he's not James and James was the one who brought them all together. When Harry is gone, why will Sirius need to stick around?
In the living room, Sirius is setting up a board game with an expression of concentration shaping his features. Leaning in the doorway, Remus absorbs the sight.
"I know what you're thinking, Moony." Sirius says without looking up. Remus raises an eyebrow.
"Oh? And what am I thinking, Padfoot?"
"You're thinking Harry's growing up too fast." He's not wrong so Remus chucks him an agreeing noise. There's a pause.
"You're also doubting us." Sirius adds on and now both eyebrows are up.
"How did you know?"
Sirius looks up from the game.
"It's easy to know what you're thinking, Moony. You have this air when you're getting defeatist."
"I'm not a defeatist. I'm a realist. I'm a werewolf and you're-"
"I'm your friend." Sirius cuts in. "Your only friend."
"Thanks for rubbing that in, Sirius." Remus shakes his head. "Is there even an us?"
"There's always going to be an us, Moony, as long as you believe in us." Sirius says.
Sirius sees nothing wrong with Harry competing in the Triwizard Tournament. Remus doesn't think he even believes Harry when he says he didn't put his name in the Goblet.
"I would have done it!" Sirius brags. "But this is even better! James would have been so pleased!"
Would he? Remus keeps the thought private.
Harry is shivering. Sirius directs him to the shower and he goes numbly. He didn't take the train home for the first time since attending Hogwarts, with Sirius picking him up directly in Hogsmede instead. One quick apparate and he was home, still in the dirty robes he held a dead boy in.
"Dumbledore." Sirius glances at Remus as he spits the name. "He did this to our boy."
"Voldemort did this." Remus corrects. His heart is bristling with rage. That monster can't help but ruin Harry's life.
"Dumbledore hired a Death Eater!"
"Crouch fooled everyone."
"Dumbledore could have gotten Harry killed. He's gotten him traumatised instead." Sirius shoots a look at the door Harry stumbled through.
"At least he got to come home to us, Padfoot." Remus touches Sirius' shoulder.
"At least there's that."
"We should have been there for him, Remus."
"I know."
"We left him."
"I know."
"He was grieving and we left him alone to deal with that."
"I know."
"It's unforgivable."
"I agree."
Sirius narrows his eyes into a glare.
"Stop agreeing with me, Remus. You chose to leave and of course I had to go with you. Don't play the 'I know' card with me." He says hotly but Remus just regards him calmly as a response. That's the thing Sirius both loves and hates about his werewolf. He's always calm even when he has no right to be calm.
"We," Sirius notes the emphasis, "both chose to follow Dumbledore. He had tasks for us to do and you had to be involved to set up Grimmauld Palace."
"One of us should have stayed with Harry!"
"In an ideal world, yes, one of us should have stayed. But it couldn't be me because I'm unreliable since every full moon I transform into an uncontrollable beast and it couldn't be you because you were needed." There's a slight growl around the word beast and Sirius' expression softens slightly. "I am safer at Grimmauld Palace, Sirius. Snape can make me the Wolfsbane."
"When you accept it, you mean." Sirius mutters, frowning at even the mention of Snape.
"I don't want him to feel forced to make it." Remus says patiently. "And that's not the point. The point is we had no choice but to leave Harry."
"We should have chosen differently." Sirius can't deal with this conversation. He goes to sit up and Remus' hand snakes out to pin his against the table. Sirius looks down and stares at their hands for a second or two. Slowly, he lowers himself back into the seat in silence. Remus is also looking at their hands and Sirius notices his shoulders are shaking.
"We should have been there." Sirius tastes the bitterness of his own words in his mouth. Remus sighs, a shallow sound that's barely noticeable. The silence permeates through the room, though that's not very different. His childhood home only has two settings: too loud and too quiet. As a child, Sirius tried to fill the house with sound, if only to spare his own soul from the torture of silence. Then he'd grown up and realised it was stupid.
Remus sighs again, a heavier sound.
"We should have."
"I think my cousin has a crush on you." Sirius says one day as he and Remus lie in bed. Grimmauld Palace sets Sirius' skin on fire but being with Remus makes it better. He wonders what his mother's portrait would say if she knew about her oldest son sleeping with a werewolf. He doesn't know which one would set her off worse: the werewolf or the fact her son is gay.
"Your cousin?" Remus frowns.
"Nymphadora."
"You mean Tonks?" Remus' frown deepens. "She doesn't have a crush on me." He pauses. "Does she?"
"Someone should tell her you're taken." Sirius smiles.
"I don't want to embarrass her. The crush, if it's real, will fade and when she's older, she'll be happy that she never dated a werewolf." Remus decides but Sirius thinks he's too quick to dismiss feelings. They can be more powerful than Remus seems to think – Lily proved that.
"Embarrassment will cure it quicker." Sirius points out.
"I don't want to embarrass her, Sirius."
Arthur's attacked. Harry won't talk to either Sirius or him.
Sirius blames Dumbledore.
Remus thinks about getting a book out on trauma.
The patronus flies in just as Remus is taking off Sirius' shirt.
"Harry's in danger!" Sirius is up in a flash, buttoning back up his shirt. "Let's go."
"Wait for me, Sirius!"
Remus' heart nearly gives in as Bellatrix's spell hits Sirius square in the chest.
Sirius stumbles backwards.
The veil murmurs behind him.
No, no, no, no, no-
Harry's hand is there and he's pulling Sirius down with him.
Relief explodes in Remus' head.
Harry's running after Bellatrix.
"Harry!"
Remus checks Sirius' pulse. The man is prone. The panic starts again.
It's there.
Slow but there.
Relief comes crashing down again.
Sirius can't move.
Not for a while.
Harry's angry, at himself.
Remus can't stop holding Sirius' hand.
Harry's withdrawn.
Remus and Sirius stay at Grimmauld Palace while Sirius recovers.
Sirius hates it.
Remus is just glad that Sirius isn't dead.
"I'd have died if you'd died." He whispers into Sirius' sleeping ear one night.
"Will he be okay?" Harry asks Remus over Sirius' sleeping body.
"The spell Bellatrix used caused damage throughout his body. He'll be okay in time." Remus answers cautiously, his hand in Sirius'. Harry looks at their clasped hands and then up at Remus.
"You really love him, don't you?" Harry says softly.
Remus looks down at Sirius.
"I do."
The Weasleys look after Harry. Remus looks after Sirius and Tonks steps in to help Remus when he's exhausted from his transformations even with the Wolfsbane. Tonks' touches last a second too long and Remus remembers what Sirius said about her crush.
He tells her, carefully and gently, that she's too pure for him.
It takes him another two weeks to be able to confess he's dating Sirius. He's not used to telling anyone.
Her face is a careful mask but Remus knows she's hurt.
He's sorry but that can't help her.
"A Death Eater?" Still shaky on his feet, Sirius raises an eyebrow as Remus tells him Harry's latest theory. "I agree with the boy."
"Draco is a child."
"He's a Malfoy."
"You're a Black and you turned out okay."
"I was a fluke. Malfoy won't be."
"Try believing the best in people, Sirius. You might be surprised."
"Yes I will be – when they turn around and betray me."
"I think Snape and I could grow to tolerate each other." Remus tells Sirius one night.
"Snivellus?" Sirius snorts. "Nice joke, Moony."
Sirius is rolling over to sleep before Remus can tell him it's not a joke.
"The school was invaded because Malfoy was a Death Eater? Dumbledore should have listened to Harry! I'm going to kick that man's ass!" Sirius struggles up from the bed.
"Dumbledore's dead!" Remus yells back. Sirius stops.
"He's dead?"
"Snape killed him."
"Snape?"
"So I guess you were right all along, Sirius. There's no point seeing the best in everyone." Remus holds his head in his hand, the bitterness of his words swallowing him whole. Sirius says nothing in response even though he could gloat, and merely puts an arm around Remus. But that's enough.
At least he's not alone.
"You're going too?" Petunia stands in Remus' kitchen as a wizard helps her son pack up their belongings. She's trying not to look at her home because if she does, she'll cry. She's losing her home and her life and she doesn't want to cry in front of Dudley.
"We're helping Harry escape, yes." Remus nods. "You'll be safe, don't worry. And we'll make sure Harry's safe as well."
"Good." A silence that stretches an age overcomes them. Petunia looks around the kitchen where she's shared so many cups of tea, at the man who offered her help when Dumbledore abandoned a baby on her.
"Will you be safe, Remus?" She asks and her chest hurts when he hesitates.
"We should be." He says eventually. Petunia thinks of a thousand words to say – I hope you're safe. You've been a good friend. Thank you for helping me with Harry. I'll miss our time. Her lips refuse them all.
But Remus is looking at her with sad eyes – his eyes are always sad, she reminds herself – and a half smile.
"I know, Petunia. I know." He says softly as if he can read her mind.
"Remus? They've got to go!" Sirius calls from outside so Remus gestures to the door. Picking up her bag with shaking fingers, Petunia follows Remus outside, offering him a weak smile when the light hits their faces.
"Be safe." She tells him, then Sirius. "Both of you."
She's already told Harry the same thing. Live for your mother, she said.
"We will." Sirius answers for the both of them and, with a brief wave at both them and Harry across the street, Petunia heads for her car. She casts one glance back at her perfect home, the place she aimed to escape her sister's shadow in, and then one glance at the house and people who spared her from madness. Standing on the lawn, Remus with a hand extended in a wave, Sirius with hands in his leather jacket. Those two men, as odd as they were, were her salvation.
For some reason, Petunia thinks it'll be the last time she ever sees Remus Lupin and Sirius Black again.
Sirius isn't happy about not being allowed to escort Harry to safety.
"You're a risk. You care too much about Harry." Remus reminds him.
"How can caring too much be a fault?" Sirius grumbles. Still, he goes but not before grabbing Harry in a bear hug.
"I'll see you there, Harry." Sirius whispers into Harry's hair and it's hard for him to let go.
Harry. Remus. They're safe.
It's rather selfish, but Sirius privately thinks he's glad it was George who was injured instead of Harry or Remus.
Sirius is on the floor. Spells are flying through the air. Wedding guests are screaming.
"Ginny!" Harry yells, panic strewn across his face.
"Go, Harry, go! We'll be fine." Remus shoves him into Hermione's waiting arms.
Green flashes close by him.
Harry's gone.
He's safe.
Sirius and he, fighting Death Eaters just like the old times when James was alive.
Remus is better at it now.
Sirius loves it.
Sirius wants to find Harry. He also doesn't want to risk Harry.
It's the hardest decision he's ever had to make.
He doesn't trust Dumbledore's legacy like everyone else seems to do.
He trusts in Remus when Remus tells him Harry will be fine.
He trusts Remus because if he doesn't, Sirius doesn't know who to trust.
Hogwarts.
They're back to fight.
Sirius wears a grim expression. If he shall die here, he'll do it bringing down the enemy.
"For Harry." He whispers against Remus' lips when he presses one last kiss to them. Remus' eyes meets his seriously.
"For Harry." Remus repeats.
Merlin, Sirius hasn't laughed like this in years. He's howling with it, duelling expertly. Light is everywhere, bodies falling too. He stains the corridors with their pain and Remus is right there next to him, grinning too.
"For Harry!" Sirius yells as they reach the astronomy tower.
"For Harry!" Remus yells right back.
They're laughing.
Remus finds a chocolate frog in his pocket.
"Did you put this here?" He asks Sirius accusingly. The Death Eaters have been neutralised and they're catching a breath before hunting out the others. Sirius' grin is all he needs as an answer.
"I know you love your chocolate, Moony." Sirius grins.
The door opens.
The duelling begins.
They're out of practise at fighting this fast.
They're tired and worried.
The Death Eaters are skilled.
Sirius is still laughing.
Remus is smiling on the inside.
The flash of green echoes on the stone walls.
Two bodies hit the ground.
The house is empty and the floor boards creak as Harry makes his way through it.
Everything was emptied months ago. Remus and Sirius no longer needed the place now Harry was leaving.
Remind me one day to tell you how I got the other couple to leave, Sirius had said as Harry had helped them pack up. Remus, rolling his eyes, had commented that Sirius always got what he wanted in the end.
Like you, Moony! Sirius had proclaimed, pressing a kiss to Remus' temple. Harry had felt mildly embarrassed then to see such affection so blatantly as all teenagers are likely to do but he'd liked seeing the two smile. They hadn't since Dumbledore died.
Now there were only memories haunting the house.
"Harry?" The voice startles him and he turns around, wand ready and eyes wild. Petunia stands there, hands raised. She's wearing a frightened expression. Because of him.
"Sorry. I thought-" Harry lowers his wand. I thought you were Voldemort. Ginny's already noticed his jumpiness. He saw a brochure for therapy tucked away in one of her school books.
Maybe he'll take her up on it when she brings it up.
"I saw you come in." Petunia's voice is halting.
"You've come back to your home then?"
"They said it was safe." Petunia nods, taking a step forward. She takes a deep shuddering breath. "They're dead, aren't they?"
Harry looks at her, surprised she guessed so easily.
"Is it written all over my face?"
"I had a feeling when I last saw them." She shakes her head. "I thought to myself, this is the last time I'll ever see those men. Somehow, I knew."
Harry turns away, a lump rising in his throat. Voldemort was dead but he'd lost nearly all of his family in the process. Even the Weasleys… Fred…
He'd had to bury Remus and Sirius. He'd got them a place next to his parents. There, they could be happy, he'd hoped. They'd smiled at him when he'd called them back with the Resurrection Stone. Harry will carry that memory with him forever: his mum, his dad and his uncles, all together at last.
Next time he visits his parents' grave, he'll be alone.
Next time, he'll be visiting his uncles' grave too.
He feels Petunia's eyes on him. She takes a breath, like she's about to say something. Harry almost tells her not to bother.
"Did I ever tell you about the morning I met your uncles?" She says and Harry turns around to face her.
"No, you didn't." He says softly. A strange emotion crosses Petunia's face – is it relief, tinted bittersweet?
"Then let me tell you."
Petunia is crossed legged on the floor. Harry sits opposite, pulling his knees to his chest. She smiles at him comfortingly and clears her throat so she can start.
"It was a cold and drizzly morning when I heard the timid knock on the door…"