She gives me these looks. I don't know where to begin describing them, but there's so much in those eyes…
It was what gave her away, when she left that first sweet kiss. Not that we count that one…
It was the first thing I noticed when she came back. Her eyes – the way she held my gaze.
For a long time after that, it was like she couldn't bear to look at anyone else. Well, good, I thought. Damn them, they don't deserve her! Except, of course, Niblet was hurting and the Slayer hadn't the foggiest beginnings of a clue.
Not that I blamed her.
I've never blamed her, I'll say that right now. Dealt a right shitty lot in life, she was, and those friends of hers- !
I'm getting off track. Funny how she has that effect.
But her eyes – yeah – they got it bang on when they said they were the windows to the soul. For her, anyway.
Sometimes… sometimes, when she looks at me, it's like she's reflecting her light back.
I know it sounds bollocks but, god, it feels so…
She looks at me and I feel alive. Even the eyerolls – heh, I'd give the world to have her keep rolling those green orbs at me the rest of my existence.
The Slayer, she's gorgeous. No two ways about it. And her body! I'd say she could hurt a man with that thing, but it's beyond that. It's her calling.
It's a damn honor just to be in same room as her. And to think she let me come close, for a while. I'm a damn pillock for ever pushing it. Like Icarus, not able to turn away from the light.
Like Icarus, I burned up the moment I went too far. The moment I looked at her, saw I'd overstepped, and torched everything we'd built between us, broken as it was.
The light in her eyes was like… it was less. And that was me.
I hurt the girl.
Selfish, unforgiveable, bloody wanker, I'd done it.
That day was the closest I've come to killing her, and I loathe myself for it.
So, no, she doesn't touch me anymore. I can't even pretend to blame her.
But she's a goddess, see? Because, after all, she still looks at me.
I still get moments where she graces me with her gaze – real deep and intentional, like – and I'm a man again.
At least in her eyes.