Adrien slid his back down the door to his bedroom and sat against it, the moments that had just passed replayed in his head a million times over. His deep sigh and shaky voice were the only noises in his all-too-big room. There was no use in holding back, the tears were already forcing their way to the top of his throat and he had no intention to push them back down. Nathalie was the only one who ever checked on him and only when she absolutely needed to, so there was no worry she'd be up to his room anytime soon. No one to see him at his worst. His spine was already killing him for hunching over but he didn't care enough to move yet. He let his head fall to meet his hands resting on top of his knees. Thoughts danced from one scene of Ladybug to another, each fading like a dream as the next version of her paraded through.

She stood with her back to him, shoulders hunched, arms wrapped around her, under her chest. There was no doubt something unwanted was gonna be said. Seconds before, Chat Noir had playfully tossed out one of his famous pickup lines to her, which only led to the closed off way she stood. As much as her voice was music to his ears, her words stung like a slap in the face.

"Chat, about that. I need to talk to you. I feel so terrible about this but I know if I don't say anything now, it'll be even worse later. So I'll just lay it all out here and now- I don't love you like you love me. I know that you joke when you say things like that but I also know you do love me. I can read it like a book in your eyes and how you look at me. And I would love to feel the same way about you, you're a great guy but, I just can't let myself. There's someone else. I'm sorry- maybe if I had fallen for you first then things would be different but- I really like him and if I let myself fall for you too then it would just feel like betrayal. I'm sorry. I don't ever want you to feel like I'm leading you on. I don't know if he and I would ever get together but, if we ever did I wouldn't want potential feelings for you to be in the way, you know? I love you Chat, but not like you want. I hope you understand and this doesn't affect how we work together as heroes? I don't mind the cheesy lines or names but don't expect anything more from it."

Somewhere in the middle of her rambling, Ladybug turned around and dropped her hands to her hips, looking more determined to make her words stick than shy like she was before. He didn't know how to handle it but managed a weak smile. Words still alluded him for a minute, until Ladybug filled the quiet again.

"If you need to go home, we can cancel patrol tonight"

He nodded once or twice and opened tried to finally answer.

"It's okay, I'm glad you told me. And I never thought you were leading me on, I knew it wasn't going to go anywhere. You saying it out loud is a little jarring though, I guess."

Taking her up on the previous offer, he started to leave. Not trying to pull any fancy tricks to jump away on his baton, he just walked down the stairs from the roof to the sidewalk. He didn't care enough to leave in any special way. No point in trying to impress her.

Of course, she was kind and caring and understood he'd need to take the time to process it. She just had to be sweet about it all. She couldn't even give him a reason to be upset. He knew she had every right to turn him down. She didn't owe him shit. He flirted and tried his luck at his risk. At least she let him down gently.

"Plagg, I can feel you behind my head judging me."

The kwami zipped back towards the floor boards below, just in time for Adrien to look up at him

"Hey, it's not every day I have to watch my kid cry, okay?"

His head fell back down

"I am a grown boy, so why the Fuck am I crying over a girl?"

The curse came out, as rare as they were for him, shakier than the rest. His whole body convulsed into what he had been holding back since he left Ladybug standing on a roof in the middle of town. At least his body waited till he was alone to give into the wave of emotion.

"Plagg, why did I have to fall for someone so- unavailable?"

His floating demigod best friend knew there was no use in answering the kid, that he just needed to let it out to someone.

"Even if I somehow made her fall for me. Head over heels. In love, completely and wholeheartedly, there's no telling if we could ever be together. She doesn't know who I am. I don't know who she is, as badly as I want to."

She was unattainable to him. Always right there but so far out of his reach.

"I don't want to see her happier with somebody else. But someday, if they get together she might want me to meet him. The savior of Paris' boyfriend"

He spat the word, full of hate that he couldn't use it about himself.

"I'll shake his hand and smile. I'll have to. There's no use in ruining this great thing I have with her as just friends so I'll have to deal with it. It just feels so soon. Like I just fell in love with her and I got so close to her but now she's gone."

Plagg nuzzled his face against Adrien's still shaking shoulders, the first sign of actual affection from him in months. He spoke gently so he wouldn't startle his kid after such long silence from him.

"Well. How do you know they'll even get together? I heard what she said, and it didn't sound to me like they were already dating?"

Adrien took a second to process he was saying something other than shit about fetching cheese for him. While he thought of a reasonably sane response, he stood and slinked to his bed across the huge room. Splaying down across it, he slowly answered, making use of his hands in the air above him where Plagg now floated. The sudden roller coaster of emotions making him drowsy.

"Because she's Ladybug, duh? She's amazing and sweet and caring and the savior of Paris. Anyone that she's interested in who didn't accept her love is an idiot. A fool."

Plagg always loved to hear Adrien call someone a fool but right now, it just made him sad. Hearing him try so hard to act like himself but just sounding even more depressed

"You know, she probably means that whoever she is in civilian form loves someone else. Someone who probably doesn't know she's a superhero. You gotta look on the bright side, kid. She could get over him someday, and she did kinda say if it weren't for him she might like you. You're the black cat, the epitome of bad luck."

Adrien muttered whatever response he could to what Plagg said until he finally let the exhaustion of feelings overtake him, spilling into sleep before he could really notice it.