Mine

by Johanna-002

"However, the way Red was tripping over herself to ensure that she was okay told her differently. It only solidified to Nicky that they were on the same page and that the bond between them was not some one-sided illusion."

Title: Mine

Summary: "However, the way Red was tripping over herself to ensure that she was okay told her differently. It only solidified to Nicky that they were on the same page and that the bond between them was not some one-sided illusion."

Disclaimer: I do not own OITNB or any of its characters. They belong to Jenji Kohen, I do however own my writing, please don't steal- Johanna002©

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A/N: A result of conversation between myself and AliceSloane13. She helped much with this, both in a sense of actually helping and harassing, but I mean what can I say? The woman's a dream to work it! Enjoy!

Red opened one eye to see Nicky walking toward her, and she smiled sleepily. Before she could string together a coherent sentence, she felt Nicky softly kiss her cheek. She didn't have time to appreciate the gesture as Nicky was already pulling away.

Shifting so that she could get a better look at her girl, Red couldn't help but stare at her in wonder as a light pink blush colored her cheeks. The hue on Nicky's cheeks darkened, and Red couldn't help but question what it was that caused the girl to heat up under her gaze. Surely, she wasn't uncomfortable. Perhaps it had to do with the attention itself.

Nicky had been very open about the loneliness of her childhood. She confided in Red about everything that had transpired, dating as far back as she could remember. Hearing in detail, about how abandoned and broken, Marka had been able to make Nicky feel seemed to somehow kick Red's maternal instincts into gear with a vengeance.

What Marka failed to provide in Nicky's youth, Red doubled as best as she could. She prioritized the girl, whether it was giving her extra dessert, or ordering her more oatmeal pies then she had originally asked for. It warmed Red's heart to realize that her efforts had not been in vain. She could see it in Nicky's eyes, how much she cared for her.

Since the moment she had arrived, Red had done what she could to ensure that she felt loved and accepted. Her hand came up to grasp Nicky's, and she allowed herself to intently study her features. She felt a sense of pride swell within her as she recognized the look of adoration in Nicky's eyes. Often times she wondered if she was good enough; if she was doing the right things, if she was truly that valuable. Despite her best efforts, and secure sense of self, doubt would sometimes get the best of her. She worried that one day Nicky would wake up and not need her anymore.

Finally, finding her voice, Red asked, "What was that for?" It wasn't often that she was on the receiving end of the affection, and as sweet as it was it unnerved her. Usually, Nicky only sought her out in such a manner when she felt troubled or guilty about something. Racking her brain quickly, she struggled to come up with any reason Nicky could feel any sense of confliction. Things had been so good with the family, and even better between the two of them.

Laughing gently, Nicky hung her head in embarrassment. "Nothing, I just wanted to say goodnight." She ran her hand through the top of her hair, needing to focus her nervous energy into something productive.

"Anything you need to talk about?" Red asked. Sitting up, she patted the spot next to her and frowned when Nicky didn't move into it right away. She was sure that Nicky would jump at the chance to be next to her. Squinting, Red attempted to see through the walls she was sure Nicky was hiding behind.

Shifting on the balls of her feet, Nicky made a mental note to be more affectionate toward Red in the future. It would save her from all the questions. "Ma," she warned gently. "I'm okay." Nicky looked down at the intertwined hands and squeezed reassuringly. Tilting her head, she grinned as Red rolled her eyes in disbelief. "I promise." She kissed the back of Red's hand and let it fall from her grasp. She winked at her playfully and turned on her heel to leave, her wild curls knocking against her shoulders as she shook her head in amusement.

"Nicky?" Red called out for her, immediately clearing her throat at how strangled she sounded. With a shake of her head, she hoped it would clear how fuzzy she suddenly felt. It wasn't like her to be victimized by her emotions, but Nicky had a way of making her feel things she didn't want to feel, do things she didn't want to do.

Halting at the sound of Red drawing her name out, Nicky slowly turned around and shrugged her shoulders innocently. "What's up Ma?" She crossed her arms over her chest and leaned against the wall. She noted the blush on the older woman's cheeks, and she bit her lip in an attempt to conceal her smile.

For her, Red was it. She would do anything for her. It was an open secret; a fact she would have no problem admitting to. Despite knowing better, Nicky feared that their relationship was a dream. Insecurities that Marka had nurtured told her it was only a matter of time before she screwed up; before Red gave up on her too. However, the way Red was tripping over herself to ensure that she was okay told her differently. It only solidified to Nicky that they were on the same page and that the bond between them was not some one-sided illusion.

Averting her eyes to the ground, Nicky took a moment to bask in the joy she felt in being able to elicit such strong reactions from the Russian. Her smile was hidden by her huge hair. She'd have to remember this moment. Typically, she would only really seek Red out for reassurance and validation and while the interaction always made her feel better, nothing compared to the way she was feeling now. In those moments of panic, she was so blinded by her problems that she never really allowed herself to register the emotion behind what Red was actually telling her.

Once more Red found herself calling her name. "Nicky." Her voice was much steadier this time around. Shaking her head gently at the wide-eyed look on Nicky's face she gestured with her head for her to join her. Reclining back into the pillow, Red patted the spot next to her once more. "Come here." It was more of a plea than an invitation.

Nicky raised an eyebrow in question, but Red ignored it, instead holding out her hand. She couldn't understand it herself; much less explain it to Nicky. She didn't know why she sounded so desperate, all she knew was she wanted to be close to her. It wasn't often that they were afforded such quality time together.

Ducking her head shyly, Nicky shuffled over to her bedside. Needing no further encouragement, she settled next to Red on the twin size mattress. On her stomach, chin resting in her hand, Nicky draped her free arm across Red's abdomen.

Nicky didn't miss how Red's body relaxed almost instantly. "What's up?" She whispered softly, her hand blindly searching for Red's.

Taking Nicky's hand in both of hers Red played delicately with her fingers. She traced the lines in Nicky's palm with her perfectly manicured fingernail and chuckled softly at the way Nicky shivered in response. She compared the size of their hands, before allowing her fingernails to gently scratch the inside of Nicky's wrist.

She could feel Nicky watching her, but she wasn't exactly ready to look into her eyes. There was something about simply being next to her that she needed to process. Even if she had tried, she couldn't put it into words, the thoughts that were running rampant in her head. All she knew was that she needed this. She continued to study her hand, memorizing every detail about it.

"Ma," Nicky called, she nudged her gently with her knee. She enjoyed this, probably more than she should have, but there was no way she'd deny herself the chance to bask in Red's attention. Something felt slightly different about this interaction, and she couldn't quite process what it was. She was conflicted between watching Red's face, or watching her hand as it continued to trace along the length of her own. "Ma?" She tried again, eyes flicking upward.

"Shh," Red silenced her instantly. "Shhh," It was less authoritative and more soothing the second time and Nicky felt her brow rise in confusion. Trying to shake the intense feeling of being watched, Red strained to regain focus. She knew how she must look and she was well aware of the fact that she wasn't making any sense.

Squeezing Nicky's hand lovingly, she felt a sense of euphoria and closeness wash over her. She recognized the feeling instantly- it was the same feeling she had experienced as a young mother nursing her sons. Lifting her head up, she couldn't help but grin. The magnitude of realizing just how much she cared for Nicky hit her like a ton of bricks. No. She corrected herself, not just how much she cared for Nicky, it was how much she loved her.

If she could feel this way from just caressing her hand… she was terrified to know how much more of a reaction the girl could provoke. There was confusion all over Nicky's face, and Red couldn't help but chuckle. She couldn't comprehend it herself, much less try to explain it.

"Red," Nicky called out. "You good?"

Red shook her head, and her voice dipped into a whisper. "I'm fine." Her hand moved to brush the stray curls out of Nicky's face. She smiled, and her index finger moved of its own volition, stroking gently along the skin of her cheek, coaxing Nicky into a state of serenity.

Nicky pulled back slightly, "You sure? I could have sworn you disappeared to another planet."

"Really," Red assured her. "I'm okay, just," she struggled with how to explain her realization. It wasn't anything to be embarrassed about, but still, it was something she was tempted to keep to herself. "I love you Nicky, I don't know if I tell you that enough, but I do." It was the most simple, honest explanation she could give without going into too much detail.

Sighing happily, Nicky tried to ignore the butterflies that fluttered wildly in her belly. These were the moments she enjoyed most. It wasn't often that she and Red were afforded such quality time with one another and she was determined not to take it for granted. Tilting her head, Red grinned at how unusually quiet Nicky was. Her girl was not someone who did well in silence, but even she seemed to understand the magnitude of this small blessing.

Red gripped Nicky's chin, lifting it up enough so that she could look into her eyes. There was so much love and adoration being reflected back at her. Red's hand relaxed against the soft skin of Nicky's face. She could see the tension in Nicky's body dissipate and she relished in the fact that she had the power to do that. Nicky was always a much more calm when she was around and Red took a moment to bask in that knowledge. She didn't allow herself to indulge in these moments enough, and she wasn't exactly sure why because they were as calming to her as they were to Nicky.

Nicky smiled and Red smile back. Silently, she vowed to her herself to make more time for this- more time for them. Too often she allowed herself to become overworked and stressed, forgetting to enjoy the little things.

Once more, Under Red's intense gaze, Nicky's face heated up and she shifted so that she could bury her face in the mattress. She felt Red's hands come up to her head, scratching gently at her scalp. Groaning at the sensation, she couldn't help whine, "Maaa," drawing out her name in warning when she felt her hand slow in its ministrations. "Keep scratching," she pleaded in a drowsy whisper before closing her eyes.

"You're silly, Nicky," Red whispered as she continued to scratch her head. Nicky's body relaxed once more next to her, and she wondered briefly if her girl had fallen asleep. She was probably tired; Lord knows Red herself was exhausted. "Tired sweetheart?"

"No,"

"Liar,"

Nicky smiled, "Just a little. It's been a long day." She groaned as Red's hands moved to squeeze at the muscles in her neck. She hadn't realized how much she needed this.

"Hmm." Red hummed in agreement. Life in Litchfield had been tougher than usual. What exactly had made this week more stressful than others, she couldn't say, but they had at least survived another day. "I'm proud of you, Nicky," She whispered sleepily, "You're a good girl."

Lifting her head up, Nicky grunted in amusement. "Where did that come from?"

Red shrugged, "I don't tell you that enough." She chuckled at the confusion on Nicky's face and pat her head gently, encouraging her to lay back down. "Just been thinking," She squeezed Nicky's neck once more. "You don't realize how much you miss when you focus on how stress you are. I know I work a lot and we miss each other most nights. I don't spend as much time with you as I would like, but I just wanted you to know that I was proud of you for staying out of trouble."

The praise sent a shiver down Nicky's spine, and she curled further into the mattress. Her stomach flipped and she groaned- a lame attempt to communicate how much Red's confession meant to her. She had never had this before- anything, or anyone, worth fighting. Being loved was a foreign concept. Red was too good to her and she wasn't sure what she had done to deserve her. "Ma," Nicky whispered, voice muffled by the blanket, as she struggled to compose herself. "Don't get too mushy on me, okay?" The emotion in her words had not gone unnoticed.

"Why not?" Red questioned. Normally she would be worried that she had upset her girl, but intuition told her that that was far from the case. If anything, she was eliciting emotions- positive emotions- that Nicky was too embarrassed to address.

Her instinct had been confirmed when Nicky had lifted her head just enough to grin a girlish smile. Red felt her heart soar at the sight. She enjoyed when Nicky got like this- too shy to make eye contact, too giddy and excited- she looked so beautiful in these moments. Granted, Red always thought that, but in this case, it was especially true. The young woman always seemed much younger and more relaxed. These stolen moments with Nicky were different, and Red appreciated what a gift it was to see Nicky in such a loving, childlike state. It was an honor reserved solely for her.

Her question still unanswered, Red moved her hand down and lightly moved her fingers against Nicky's neck, smiling at the sound of laughter that Nicky released as she shrugged out of her reach. "Hmm?" Red asked again, hands following Nicky's body as she squirmed away from the ticklish sensation. "Why?"

Piper, who had entered the cube moments ago, successfully unnoticed, finally made her presence known. "Because she'll never go to bed." She smiled at the sight of her friend's flustered face as she turned her head back to look at her and she enjoyed, possibly more than she should have, the look of embarrassment on Red's face at the realization that she and Nicky were no longer alone. Red cut her a look of warning, fearful that her sudden existence into their space would cause Nicky to retreat. Her features instantly relaxed, dissipating completely when Nicky curled into her side.

"Eeey," Nicky grumbled, "You hush." She adjusted enough so that she could lay her head under Red's breast bone. Hearing Piper mutter under her breath, Nicky lifted her head up enough to look over at her and stuck her tongue out playfully.

Pushing Nicky's head back down, Red brushed her hair out of her face, hoping to calm her back down from the sudden rambunctious energy that was bubbling up inside of her. "Shh," she cooed playfully, "It's okay baby, relax. Hmm." She knew it was probably too much, but she didn't care. She wasn't ready to lose the connection they had found.

Suddenly restless, Nicky groaned, shifting and turning uncomfortably. Stupid Chapman. She shot her friend a glare, feeling like a restless cub whose mother wouldn't let her out to play. With a new sense of energy, Nicky swung her leg over Red's and rose up on her elbows. With very uncoordinated movement, she moved until she was positioned in between her mother's legs.

"Nicky!" Red chastised, hands moving to where Nicky's elbows were digging into her stomach and hip. "Ow!" She pushed Nicky's shoulders back in an attempt to ease the pain. "Nicky," She complained, hissing in another sharp breath when she felt Nicky's knee stab into her painfully.

"Sorry," Nicky apologized. She continued to move around until she could comfortably rest her head on her folded arms, which lay across Red's abdomen.

Shaking her head in amusement, Red couldn't help but roll her eyes. "Are you comfortable?" She knew they probably looked ridiculous, but another part of her found the position oddly comforting. Briefly, she pictured what it would have been like to have that chest-to-chest experience with Nicky that she had had with her sons as babies. She wondered if Marka had ever taken the time to enjoy that. The sound of Nicky's voice pulled her from her thoughts, and Red noted how much more calm she suddenly was. Perhaps their position was having the same effect on her.

"Tell me a story," Nicky requested. Her eyes fluttered closed, and she hummed in contentment.

Like a moth to a flame, Red's hand once more found its way to Nicky's head, and she gently stroked it through the top of her hair. "A story?" She chuckled gently and pursed her lips together in thought. "What kind of story?" She whispered.

Shrugging sleepily, Nicky smiled up at her. "I dunno," she shifted slightly. "Anything… I just want to hear your voice."

Piper, who had been silent, brought her hand up to her heart and gushed silently to herself at how cute they were. They almost made her miss her own mother. She reclined back in her bunk and turned on her side waiting to see how Red would respond. This delicate side of Red was not one she was accustomed to, and she definitely didn't fault Nicky for being so attracted to it.

Nodding, Red reclined back into the pillow. "Hmm," she mused. Suddenly she couldn't think of anything fitting. Feeling Nicky squirm once more, she cast a look downward and ginned at how little she looked. Her other hand found Nicky's and she began to trace the length of Nicky's fingers with her own. "What kind of stories did you like when you were little?"

Nicky lifted her eyes to meet hers and bit her lip in thought. Finally she shrugged. She couldn't ever remember Marka reading to her or even attempting to make anything up. The closest thing she had had to this was Paloma. "My nanny used to read me Charlotte's Web." She smiled at the memory. It had never really been her favorite book, but looking back on it now she cherished the effort. "We used to read that and drink chocolate milk- every night."

Chuckling, Red squeezed her hand. "You prefer strawberry."

"I do," Nicky conceded. "But she liked chocolate, and I wanted to be like her."

"You and a barn full of animals?" Red closed her eyes, imagining a little curly headed beauty chasing after a couple of chickens- possibly even talking to pigs. "Sounds a bit dangerous, Nicky."

"What? I'm good with animals."

"You are an animal." Red corrected lovingly. She smiled as Nicky mumbled against her, shaking her head no in protest. Nodding, she resumed playing with her girl's golden locks. "You're like one of those little monkeys, hanging on its mom's back." Laughing at the image, she added, "You'd do that now if I let you get away with it!"

Nicky smiled and moved her arms to either side of Red's waist. She smiled at Piper and then tilted her head back enough to look up at her mother. "Why don't you ever come to my bed?" She asked. Chapman's presence didn't bother her, but she wondered if Red would feel nervous in her cube with Norma as an audience to their sacred moment. "Why do you always wait for me to come to you?"

Growling gently at the question, Red brought a hand up to her face, and she felt her cheeks darken instantly. She bit her lip and leaned her head back, contemplating how to answer. She felt Nicky watching her and shifted uncomfortably. "Because," She drew out playfully, shifting once more in an attempt to conceal her nervousness. Part of her was tempted to push Nicky's head back down so that she wouldn't witness how flustered she suddenly was. How did she explain this without giving herself away?

With piqued interest, Nicky eagerly awaited an explanation. "That's not an answer," she warned gently. She reached for Red's hand that covered her face and brought it down to her lips, kissing her palm quickly before moving it to rest on her cheek.

Turning her head, becoming aware once more that she and Nicky were not alone, Red tried to focus on the divide. She heard Nicky calling her name, and she debated the best way to explain herself without sounding mad. "Because," She tried again, another low growl escaping her, "For a minute I can imagine you as my child." Her eyes lowered to meet Nicky's, and she relaxed under the love that was being reflected back at her.

So vividly, when Nicky sought her out, Red could picture her as her little girl. It reminded her of when her sons had come to her in the middle of the night; when they needed her to make them feel better after a bad dream, or to soothe them to sleep when it stormed. Despite how desperately she wanted all of those experiences with a young Nicky; it was something that was never going to happen. Allowing Nicky to come to her was the only way she could nurture that need.

Realization dawned on Nicky, and she smiled widely. She quickly laid her head back down and hugged herself as close as she could get. She could feel her pulse quicken, and she exhaled a long breath in an attempt to calm her racing heart. "Tell me," she begged quietly. "Please." Red had thought about her. Red had imagined a life with her, not just one outside of this place, but she had imagined her as her child- her own flesh and blood. She needed to hear it, every detail. She wanted to imagine what she imagined. She wanted to compare it to her own fantasies. "Please tell me."

"Well," Clearing her throat Red fought to keep tone even. "You'd be attached to my hip." She stated easily. She wanted to paint this picture so that Nicky could envision it the way she had.

Nodding against her, Nicky smiled. "I already am," she declared proudly, squeezing her tighter.

Grinning, Red hummed in agreement. "Even more so," she whispered. Feeling Nicky's smile against her widen she felt confidence flow through her and she continued on. "You'd help me in the kitchen. We'd bake together- all the time." Her hand found its way to Nicky's head and she resumed her earlier ministrations of playing with her hair. "Although I have a feeling you'd be more trouble than help: making a mess; eating things before they were ready."

"More," Nicky begged quietly. Her eyes closed in response as she pictured that very thing- them together. A younger version of Red and herself- her sitting on the counter, stealing ingredients and popping them into her mouth, while Red attempted to teach her, her craft. If she tried hard enough, she would even swear she could visualize Red's apron.

Relaxing into the pillows, Red closed her own eyes; seeing what she had dreamed about a thousand times play out. "You'd be extremely difficult to put to sleep. I'd have to carry you around all night until you finally dozed off." She laughed softly at the image of herself exhausted, begging Nicky to sleep. She could hear herself pleading, "Isn't your mouth tired? Aren't you exhausted? Honey, please, please, go to sleep." When that wouldn't work she would sing. She would do anything she could think of to get her child to relax.

"You'd end up sleeping on my chest." It always ended the same. In every dream, whether Nicky was difficult or not, Red would either be too entranced with her daughter to put her down, content to simply watch her, or she would be too exhausted from her tiring efforts that she would fall asleep with her on the couch. It had happened so many times with her own sons, that it just felt like a natural conclusion. "Three older brothers Nicky, you'd be spoiled." The thought of her sons and Nicky together made her smile. A mother of four. It sounded heavenly.

Nicky laughed and lifted her head up enough to look at her. "Would you read to me?"

"All the time," Red declared proudly. "We would read Goodnight Moon, Anne of Green Gables-"

"Russian books?"

"Hmm," She nodded. "Russian stories, lullabies. You would have been very immersed in the culture my love."

"You put a lot of thought into this." Nicky whispered. She swallowed the growing lump in her throat and inhaled a large breath before releasing it.

Unable to help herself, Red snorted. A lot of thought. That was an understatement. Motherhood was something she had always valued. Adding a sixth member to her family would have been a dream come true. Looking down at Nicky, she smiled. Thinking about how her sons would have taken to a little sister was something she would have enjoyed experiencing. Even with Dmitri, she couldn't help but wonder how he would have been with a daughter. Shaking her head, a small laugh passing her lips, she concluded that one- especially Nicky- as free spirited and dramatic as she could be, would have given him a good run for his money. Her hand found Nicky's and she squeezed it gently. Nicky would have been her baby- she already was her baby.

She felt Nicky squeeze her hand back and realized that she had yet to say anything. Nicky's silence unnerved her, and Red couldn't help but ask, "Don't you ever think about it?"

Before Nicky could answer, Piper sounded off from her own bunk. "Aww, Red," she propped herself up on her elbow and grinned. "I love that. You would have been an awesome mom."

"She is an awesome mom!" Nicky defended, her eyes bulging slightly at her friend's intrusive nature. "Go away, Chapman." She lifted herself up and shared a look with Red who rolled her eyes in amusement. Once more she changed positions. Moving from between Red's legs she, found her original spot. Moving close to the divide, Red turned on her side, making more room so that Nicky could lie out comfortably.

"How am I supposed to hear anything?" Piper whined, flopping onto her back sadly.

"You're not." Red shot back quickly.

"Shh," Nicky whispered. "Don't talk to her." Situating herself under the blanket, her hand found Red's and she intertwined their fingers. "Just talk to me." Her other hand came up to brush the fringe of hair out of her mother's face and she smiled softly.

Red relaxed just slightly under her touch. "You never answered my question."

"Ma," she whined, "Of course I think about it," she whispered. "All the time." She bit her lip to contain her smile at how happy her words had made the older woman.

"You do?" Red sounded so unsure of herself, and yet so relieved.

Nicky nodded. "Yes." She cuddled close to her and whispered, "But in my dream I'm always an only child." She laughed at the amusement in Red's eyes. "I wouldn't want to share you." She defended.

After a few moments of reconnecting, one of Nicky's legs thrown over Red's, and Red's arm tucked under Nicky's neck, they resumed where they had left off. Eyes closed, Red softly whispered to her that she had imagined Nicky as a co-sleeper. With so much trouble getting her to sleep as a baby, she didn't think she'd ever be able to sleep alone.

Scoffing, Nicky rolled her eyes and cuddled closer to Red's warmth. "Where are you getting this from?" She asked. "Why do you think I'd be so terrible to put to sleep? I don't even sleep in your bed that often."

"Nicky!" Piper chastised the disbelief evident. "Are you joking?" She wanted to laugh at how seemingly oblivious Nicky was to the state she was currently in, never mind every other day. "You are in here more than I am!"

"You stay outta it." Nicky grumbled unhappily, tossing a look over her shoulder.

"Privet, hey," Red warned. Eyes still closed, her hand instinctively found Nicky's head and she lovingly coaxed her back down, "Come back." She chuckled as Nicky grumbled to herself. "Shh, lay down." She could hear Chapman giggle and she had to agree with her, her own vocals humming in amusement. And she thinks she would be easy to put to sleep.

Pulling Nicky closer to her, she encouraged her to tell her what her imagination had consisted of. She was pleasantly thrilled to realize that they had many of the same ideas of what their life together would have been like. A part of her was overjoyed, and yet another part of her mourned the fact that they would never have that. Hugging Nicky protectively to her, tucking her head under her chin, she was so focused on soothing that ache that she had almost missed what Nicky said under her breath.

"Teacher parent conferences, those school programs and holiday parties…" Nicky shook her head, "Who really has the time for all of that?"

"What do you mean?"

Nicky shrugged. "You would be working. I don't see you as the stay at home type, Ma. You have too much energy, I think after a while you'd get bored."

"I wouldn't abandon you just because I worked, Nicky." She sounded more offensive than she had meant to be and quickly evened her tone. "It is possible to do both. I did it for years."

"No, I know." Nicky sighed, irritated with herself for even mentioning it. "I just mean- it's a lot. Working and being at every event…" she trailed, unsure of how much of a bigger hole she had just dug herself into.

Pulling back, titling Nicky's chin up to look at her, Red studied the look in her eyes carefully. "Nicky," she said her name gently, and brought her hand up to cup her cheek, thumb softly caressing her skin. She cleared her throat, "Did she ever go to your school events?" Her stomach tightened in anticipation.

Shaking her head, Nicky averted her attention quickly. "She worked a lot." She defended, unsure if it was embarrassment that caused her to do so, or a desperate need to protect herself. She knew it was silly, but what if somehow, telling Red that Marka had never bothered to even go to a parent-teacher conference would make her realize how hopeless she was. "She worked a lot," she repeated, "Something always came up and just…" she shook her head sadly, "She was never able to go."

It was pure reflex, the way Red's forehead automatically found Nicky's. Her hand came up to brush the hair off of Nicky's face and she pulled back just enough to kiss the top of her head, lips lingering for a moment before pulling back.

"Sweetheart," Red soothed. Shaking her head she couldn't help but sigh. "Nicky," once more she lifted her chin up and she smiled sadly as the scars of her daughter's past came to life. "I would have been there, Nicky," she whispered just loud enough for her to hear. "I would have been there for everything."

Breaking eye contact, Nicky once more curled into her. She felt Red's arms encircle her tightly and she closed her eyes as she felt her hands run up and down the length of her back. "I know you would've," she promised, eyes closing at the feel of Red squeezing her tightly.

"She didn't deserve you," Red practically growled against her. She closed her eyes in annoyance and exhaled a deep breath. Never, did she want to speak ill of Marka- it wasn't her place, but tonight she just couldn't help it.

"I don't want to talk about her," Nicky begged, "Please, just forget I said anything."

"Okay, Nicky," she kissed her forehead once more, "Okay. Let's think of happy things, yes?" She tried to smile but couldn't quite bring herself to put Nicky's confession out of her mind just yet.

Anger surged through her and she couldn't help but feel robbed. Nicky deserved more, maybe even more then what Red could offer her. Sure, maybe she didn't come from money, or have a prestigious education, but she was a good mother. She would have tried, and she would have been there. Nicky would have been loved; her dreams would have been nurtured and encouraged. Red would have given anything to be the one to cradle and tend to those needs.

Nicky could feel how tense her mother had suddenly become and pressed herself impossibly closer. "Stop thinking about her." She nudged her gently with her knee. "Just… focus on me. Hold me."

Nodding, Red did exactly that. She held Nicky close and inhaled the scent of her hair. How it always managed to smell like strawberries was beyond her. Rubbing her hand down the length of Nicky's back she smiled at the way her girl reacted to her touch as she passed over a particularly sensitive spot.

She could tell Nicky was struggling to keep herself from crying and she shook her head. She hadn't meant to upset her, in fact it was the absolute last thing she wanted to do. "Nicky," She whispered, careful to keep her words between the two of them only, "I'm sorry." She couldn't help but feel responsible for ruining the moment.

"You didn't do anything," Nicky pulled back slightly and sighed. Her issues with Marka were her own. She wouldn't hold Red responsible for her actions, or lack thereof.

"I just wanted you to know-"

Red being her mother would have been a dream come true. Finding her way back to her warmth, Nicky inhaled deeply. "I do know," She assured her. With every fiber of her being, Nicky believed her. "But that's the problem isn't it?" She felt Red stiffen next to her and she sighed sadly. "Everything would have been so different."

"Nicky-"

"No," Nicky replied softly. "I mean, everything would have been so much better. I would have been so much happier with you- I am so happy with you." Nicky smiled softly. "You didn't do anything wrong, okay? I don't want you beating yourself up over the fact that I don't have a good relationship with Marka. I don't need her. I have you and that's more than enough for me." She felt Red relax and she yawned, stretching her leg further up over her hip. "I love you."

"I love you too." Red blinked away unshed tears of her own. When had she become so soft? Shifting slightly, she was afforded a better view of her daughter and relaxed instantly. "You're tired Nicky," she whispered. "Go to bed my love."

Nicky grumbled against her, eyes closed tightly. "No,"

"Nicky…" Red drew her name out, part of her wanting to stand her ground, the other part of her wanting Nicky to further object. She wanted to hold her like this forever, while the other more reasonable side of herself, wanted to be at least under the illusion that she was in charge.

Once more, Nicky shook her head in protest. "Please," she begged sleepily.

"Why?" Red kissed her head gently. "Hmm? You'd be much more comfortable."

"No… Just wanna stay with you."