Their little ray of hope.
Author: Lucy Maria Elmer.
Pairing: A/R with some Kara/Lee.
Genre: Drama and angst.
Summary: When Laura makes a life changing discovery it pushes her relationship with Bill to the limit and changes Lee and Kara's lives.
Authors note : This fic was originally written years ago. I recently reread it and wasn't happy with my writing at all so I decided to edit it to hopefully improve it. Suffice to say a whole new fic was born which is hopefully a load better than the original. You have to suspend belief for some parts, and Laura isn't gonna have cancer and Kara doesn't have some weird destiny. Anyways hope you enjoy it J Set during Season 3!
Laura Roslin lay in the tent, enveloped in the arms of the man that she loved. He was fast asleep and spooned up against her, his arms holding her close to him and his hands resting on her stomach tenderly. She could feel his breath against the back of her neck as he slept, the man she held so very dear to her tired from the many battles that were raging in their lives.
He was so peaceful and she was comforted by his presence there with her. Laura never felt safer than when she was with Bill or in the arms that held her so protectively- the arms that belonged to a man who loved her more than she could ever truly know.
If only he knew, she thought to herself, looking down at those hands. These were the same hands that brushed her hair out of her eyes so gently, the fingers that caressed her cheek so tenderly, the hands that so often became entwined with her own. If only he knew what he was protecting at that very moment.
Laura gently placed a hand over Bills, tracing circles on his rough skin with her fingertips. She wondered if subconsciously he could sense it- if that's why his hands had found their way to her stomach as he slept.
She wondered if he could sense it like she had been able to.
It wasn't nausea or tiredness that had made her aware of the fact, although she was sure that she would have those joys to come. It was something else entirely- the sense of something different forming within her, something that needed her protection.
At first she hadn't been able to put her finger on it. Laura knew that something had changed but she had no clue what it was. She had been worried that it was the cancer returning at first, but deep down she knew that it was something different and when she dreamt of herself and Bill holding a newborn child, she knew for definite. It was as if she could sense the tiny flicker of life growing within her before she had been given any kind of real confirmation that it was indeed there. A baby. Her baby. Her and Bill Adama's unborn child.
Laura had waited until a few days after she'd had the dream before going to see Cottle with her suspicions and she hadn't wanted to tell Bill until she was one hundred percent sure. She had wanted to come to terms with how she felt about her child before she faced what was bound to be a negative reaction from the Doctor and told what she knew would be a worried and distressed Bill.
If she came to feel that it was a blessing…a miracle, she wanted to be able to defend her pregnancy with all of her might. If she felt that it just shouldn't be then she wanted to be ready emotionally to make a hard decision, but that thought hadn't even crossed her mind. As much as she knew that there were bound to be difficulties because of her age and her health problems in the past and as much as she didn't know what the baby would mean for her relationship with Bill, she couldn't help but feel that their unborn child was indeed a miracle, and one that she wanted to bring into the world with all of her being. Yes, she was older than the average parent and yes, circumstances weren't ideal. She knew that there could be all kinds of difficulties also, but it was her baby and it was a part of her that she already cared so much for.
Laura had always wanted children, but gradually time had slipped by and she'd never been blessed with such a wonderful gift. Then she had gotten sick and the Cylon's had attacked and as far as she was concerned that was it, that time in her life had passed and she would die without ever knowing the joys of parenthood. But then her cancer had been cured. Her body had changed in ways she probably didn't even know due to Helo and Sharon's child. Now there she lay with the man she loved holding her tightly in his sleep as if he never wanted to let her go and their baby was growing in her womb.
She could remember Cottle's face when he got the results of the pregnancy test, which had indeed confirmed her suspicions as clearly as anything. It was a face contorted with a look of total shock and maybe a little bit of disgust.
"This can't be." He had said going over the results again and again as if doing it would change the outcome.
"It obviously can doctor, or you wouldn't look like you're about to have a coronary." Laura replied calmly watching the man, the fact that her hands were clasped together to stop them from shaking the only visible sign of how frightened she was.
"Laura these results confirm that you are indeed carrying a child." he told her taking a seat across from her and staring at her aghast.
Laura's hand fell to her stomach protectively. While she had known in her heart that it was true since the moment she'd had that dream, hearing it pass Cottle's lips made it real. She truly was going to be a mother.
"I want you to think very carefully about this." he told her sternly. " With your age being above the average that it would be to have a safe pregnancy and in light of your previous health problems and circumstances…"
"Thank you for your concern Doctor but…" she started.
"You cannot be serious. You cannot even be considering having this child." He interrupted; his voice full of restrained anger.
"Excuse me?" she replied, her eyes narrowing.
"With all due respect Laura I don't consider you to be in any fit state to have a child."
Laura had spent the past few days preparing herself for such a reaction from the Doctor. The moment she had realized she was pregnant, all of the complications and difficulties were the first things that she had thought about too. She had also thought of the fact that she and Bill weren't exactly going to be bringing this child into a young family, in fact there was every chance that neither she or Bill would see the days when their child would get married or have a child of its own.
That said she knew that no matter what happened it would have an older brother that would adore it and she knew that no matter how much she protested Kara would love and look out for that baby as if it was her own. If something were to happen to both her and Bill she knew that it would always have someone to take care of it.
"Surely Doctor it is my decision whether or not I should go ahead with this pregnancy." Laura argued, her hand still lying protectively over her stomach and her eyes burning with unshed tears. "Not to mention the fact I outlawed abortion when we first found ourselves in this Gods awful Cylon predicament. How would it look to the people if the former President aborted her unborn child while forcing them to carry their own?"
"This pregnancy shouldn't be, Laura don't you see that? It shouldn't have happened. It shouldn't continue. As your Doctor I am urging you to take my advice and do what's best for your health and for this child. You're not noticeably pregnant. We could end this before anyone even has to know."
A single tear slid down Laura's cheek and she quickly wiped it away. At that moment she needed Bill more than ever. She needed him to tell her that her wanting and loving her baby was the right thing, not terminating its life as the Doctor had suggested. She knew however that there was every chance Bill would agree with the Doctors point of view. How she was going to tell him she had no clue.
"Surely what's best for this child is having parents that will love it. A mother who already does."
"A mother who's suffered with cancer and is years past what is considered as a suitable child bearing age? And what about its father? A father who's an Admiral fighting against an enemy that constantly wants to screw us over and who has no qualms about killing us? Do you think he wants the responsibility of a newborn at such a crucial time?"
Laura glared at the Doctor, shock radiating from her.
"What? You think I don't know that he's the father? Everyone knows how close you both are." Cottle told her, sitting down on the cot at her side.
"It's not anyone's business but our own Jack."
"Ah but it is. Now it is my business because you are my patient and keeping you healthy is my job. Having this baby is going to put your body under a lot of strain…"
Laura looked at the ground.
"You haven't told him yet have you?" Cottle asked her softly.
Laura shook her head. More tears started to fall and once again she quickly wiped them away. Gods she hated crying but more than anything she hated being told of her own shortcomings and that her baby shouldn't even exist.
"He needs to know. Maybe then he can talk some sense into you. I can't see him being thrilled about this Laura."
"It's my body doctor. It's not yours or Admiral Adama's it is mine and I will do what I wish."
Cottle crossed his arms in frustration and sighed.
"Don't be so stubborn about this. You know that to have this baby wouldn't be right. You could die. You could lose the baby before you even carry it to term."
Laura's heart broke at the thought. Even at such an early stage the thought of losing her baby was unimaginable.
"We could all die doctor. Like you said the Cylon's have no qualms about killing any of us…"
"But in this circumstance you have a choice. Anyone can see that the Admiral loves you. Have you thought about what it would do to him if he lost you because of a child that…"
"A child that what Doctor? You're talking like this child is some kind of abomination when it's not. It's a baby! It's mine and it's the Admirals. It didn't ask to be conceived. We didn't know it was going to be conceived and yet here it is." She shouted. "And I am not going to terminate it."
"And what if the Admiral wants to? What are you going to do then?"
"I…" Laura felt her resolve breaking.
She knew that she wanted to have this baby. The thought of terminating the pregnancy was one that hadn't even crossed her mind. Even though she knew there would be so much going against her she at least wanted the chance to carry her baby to term whether the pregnancy was meant to be or not. She didn't want to live with the 'what ifs' that she knew would plague every day if she terminated for all of those reasons Cottle had stated. Wondering what could have been would break her heart every day that she had left to live.
"You haven't thought that far ahead have you? Face it Laura, there are too many things going against this pregnancy. I suggest that you think long and hard about what you are going to do and I only hope that you come to the right decision."
Laura felt a wave of anger brewing inside of her.
"I've made my decision Doctor and I am going to go through with this pregnancy. I could sense that I was carrying this child before I even came here to see you." Laura told him rubbing her stomach without even realising. "Do you have any idea what that's like? To be able to feel a life like that growing inside you? I didn't think so. If Bill doesn't want me to have this baby then I will go through it alone, with or without your medical care." she told him, resigning herself to the fact that she might well lose Bill in deciding to keep the baby.
"And you'd be willing to do that? To lose the man that you love for the sake of a child that should never even exist?"
"Will you please stop saying that?" Laura could feel tears burning her eyes again and her cheeks reddening with upset and anger at the Doctor. She needed support and his promise to take care of her and her unborn baby but she didn't seem to be remotely close to getting either.
"You're right. This child shouldn't be here but it is and I am going to do this. Of course I don't want to lose Bill but I cannot and will not terminate the life of my child. Every life is precious and this…this is miraculous."
"Is that why you're so adamant? Because you believe this to be a miracle? It's nothing more than a fluke."
"So what if it is a fluke? It still doesn't detract from the fact that there's a human being involved who is the child of a man that I know that you as well as I respect very much. Either you're going to do your duty, respect my decision and take care of me and my unborn child or you're not. Which is it going to be doctor?"
Cottle studied Laura carefully. He could see the determination on her face, and the love she had for her child in the way that her hands covered her abdomen protectively. Whether it was going to be risky or not, this woman was determined to go through with the pregnancy through hell or high water and he knew there was nothing that he could say to change her mind. One thing he was sure of was that Laura Roslin was the strongest woman that he knew and a woman who would do anything that she could to keep that baby safe.
"I can see that nothing I'm going to say is going to change your mind."
"No Doctor it's not."
"Then I will do what I can for you throughout this pregnancy. But, I want you to think very carefully about this and I want you to tell Bill and talk it through with him. See what he has to say about it. Then come to me together and if you're still determined to go through with this pregnancy I will do an exam, check the baby's condition and decide where we go from here."