Dear Diary,
Troy and Gabriella won the parts in the spring musical today. Sharpay is really mad about it, she slammed her bedroom door so hard mom thought it might come off the hinges. That was hours ago, she didn't come down for dinner. We're supposed to be like a dynamic duo or at least that what she says - it's obvious to everyone I'm the sidekick, which would be a fine relationship if it is all going to play out like she tells everyone that it will - I ride her success to a Broadway role but I feel like I'm lying to the world - in more ways than one actually. But I don't want to act that's not what I want to my life to look like ten years down the line. So then WHY do I stand by her and give every second of my life to supporting her?
I had thought she was asleep by now but I just heard her softly crying, even through the walls. I feel so bad when she's truly hurt. She's this vicious type of angry and that's how everyone knows her. But other times, in private, she will be vulnerable and it is so sweet.
I think the reason I play along with her antics is because I want her to need me in a way.
I don't want to second so teenage angst here, even to myself, and yes I know I'm scribbling madly in a DIARY…
But thing is: I've never had a girlfriend and I think people are starting to get suspicious about me. I'm scared honestly to write it down cause I don't know if that's even what I'm feeling but nobody can describe love right and I've never felt it before so how do I know what I'm feeling but j want to touch her hair, and wrap an arm around her waist to protect her, and I think I want to kiss her too - not as romantic leads - but like in IRL. I don't know. Like its not like I'm going to do anything. I can't decide if I should quit the duo and showbiz to take a step back before I get in too deep, family movie night is hard enough. Or should I stay and soak up this precious time before she's off to bigger and better things: NYC and wild acclaim.
I'm a little stuck.
~ Ryan Evans
P.S. she's snoring now