Friends.
Strangers.
Cinnamon Rolls.
Forgive me.
Mmm, Hella Gay, inspired by the SNL Digital Short "Dear Sister" (mmm whatcha say…)
Play the video before or while reading this. Seriously, just do it. Do it!
"Max, I can't believe it! The storm! You have to do something!" Chloe cried out in amazement as she and Max stood at the hilltop, watching the tornado begin to descend onto Arcadia Bay. Max, holding a hand to her bleeding nose, could only let out a weak grunt of acknowledgment as she kept the blood from getting into her mouth.
"Max, this is can't be real! Please, do something! Fuck it, if we're going to die then at least I can tell you-"
Bang.
Stunned for a moment, Chloe looked down as she felt something warm begin to trickle down her stomach. Putting a hand to her stained tank-top, Chloe brought bloody fingers to her face and looked in horror as she saw the smoking revolver Max was leveling directly at her. Feeling her legs give out from underneath her, Chloe could only watch as Max suddenly loomed over her.
Max shuddered, dropping the handgun as the storm began to subside. She had always known that it would come down to Arcadia Bay or Chloe; the past week had been magical, reuniting with her best friend. Maybe, Max thought as the gun slipped from her shaking hands, we could have even fell in-
Bang.
Feeling a pinching sensation in her back, Max turned around to see Chloe pointing a handgun at her, a surprisingly intense look on the bluenette's face as the storm began to form once more. Looking at Chloe with a harrowing sadness, Max looked over at the tornado one last time before falling to the ground. Landing next to Chloe, the girls' hands inches apart from each other, they had a look of calm in the face of an imminent storm.
Kate ran up the hill to where the lighthouse was situated, having followed Max after she had come to the hospital for a visit. Pulling her sweater over herself even tighter than it already was, she faltered mid-step at the sight of Max and Chloe lying dead on the ground alongside a bench overlooking the coastline. Oh…oh, no. Dear Lord, see these wayward children unto your-
Bang.
Kate saw Max's arm pop up, handgun aimed squarely at her, and felt hot blood seep through her shirt and into her hands as she clutched at her stomach before falling. Not knowing what was going on as she fell, her life flashed before her eyes. Ice cream with her sisters, quality time with her friends, and tea with the freckled girl who had just shot her.
"Max?! Kate?" Warren cried out as he stumbled along the path towards the lighthouse, half-blind by rain and dirt swept up in the gale-force wind. Making his way to the hilltop, Warren had only a moment to witness the carnage of dead girls lying ahead of him.
"Holy fu-"
Bang, Max's gun went off as she looked Warren square in the eyes.
Bang Bang Bang Bang, Chloe fired off round after round with a gleeful look on her face, only stopping and dropping dead again when Max looked her with a Really, Che? expression on her face before dropping dead as well.
Warren fell face-first onto the ground. He didn't even have a chance to go ape.
"Where the fuck are those feminazis?!" Nathan asked through gritted teeth, handgun drawn as Victoria followed close behind, a scowl on her face as they searched for the twee hipster and her trashy, blue-haired girlfriend.
"Calm the fuck down, Nathan. We'll find them, and then…holy shit!" Victoria cried out as she and Nathan stopped dead in their tracks, the bloodbath of Max, Chloe, Kate, and Warren splayed out ahead of them as the crested the hill. "What the fuck happened…?"
"Uh," Nathan said as he kicked at each body, "Looks like the feminazis killed each other, lesbian suicide pact or whatever, then the Jesus Freak came up and one of the girls shot her. This dipshit came up after and, wow, someone shot him the fuck up. Vic, what are we supposed to do now-"
Bang. Victoria looked at Nathan with eyes widened as she pointed the gun she'd been hiding under her cashmere sweater and fired a round into Nathan's stomach.
Bang. Nathan leveled his own piece and shot Victoria in the shoulder, the girl screaming "My fuckingcashmere!" before she fired off another round only to be met with one from Nathan in return.
mmm whatcha say…, was Chloe's last thought as her vision began to dim, feeling Max's fingers reach her own as the girls held onto each other before the oncoming storm.
Author's Note –
I feel like I should regret this, but I was honestly laughing as I whipped this up. I'm gonna die in a fiery hell of sinnamon rolls…and I'm not even a Christian…