No More Dirty Little Secrets
Syed's point of view
I cringed as I turned away from him, just wanting to find a hard surface and bang my head against it hard. Repeatedly. It was one of those split second moments that replays in your head, again and again. He introduced himself as Christian. Christian. A perfectly normal, common name for a man. Like Christian Bale. Or Christian Slater. Why didn't I just reply with my name "Syed" like any normal, sensible, rational thinking person would? Why did I have to blurt out "Muslim" and watch his eyes widen incredulously while his lips tried to stifle a smile? It's not as if he even looks religious.
And even then, most normal people would have stopped right there, made a joke of it, laughed it off. But my mouth just had to carry on moving regardless with that stupid comment about his handshake.
What an idiot. I can't face him again. I'm just going to keep my head down and my hands in the dishwater. Work hard, earn my keep, do my penance for stealing the money and get on with my life. It's not as if we have to talk or anything. I don't even have to look at him.
I'm not surprised he's gay though. I think I would have guessed that. I wonder if he tells everyone right away like that, or was it just me? Perhaps he thinks I'm homophobic. He won't want to talk to me anyway if he thinks I'm homophobic. How can I prove that I'm not? I'll just be really friendly. Not overly friendly, of course, not gushing or anything. Warm and open. Just so he knows I don't have a problem with it. With him. Oh god, he's going to think I'm such an idiot. I only want him to like me. So we can talk and stuff. It's not a lot to hope for, is it?
Christian's point of view
Poor bloke, he made a right arse of himself over that introduction. Still, we've all been there, haven't we? God knows I've tripped myself up enough times. Mainly with straight men: sometimes it takes a while to get the gaydar fully operational. He must have thought I was a Christian – god, I hope that doesn't mean I look religious. I would hope to be a bit more, well, stylish, than that.
But he must be a pretty heavy duty Muslim if that was the first thing to come out of his mouth. Funny though, because he didn't look religious either. That hair's just a bit too long, the way it curls around the base of his neck and those eyes are just a bit too lively… Ok, ok, so I noticed. Just because he's out of bounds doesn't mean I can't look now, does it? It's like going shopping but leaving your credit card behind in the kitchen drawer.
I shouldn't have snapped at him like that. I don't really think he meant it. It's just that with him and his family, well, I guess I feel a bit of an outsider sometimes, and it just makes me a bit defensive. I hope he didn't take it the wrong way. I'd like to think we could have a laugh, we're going to be working together after all. He's got to be better company than Zainab.
And he was quite cute too, I thought.