This is another collaboration between myself and Margaret. We got to talking about changing the locks to keep someone out, and she asked, "Which Plum character would you lock out?" Out of all the characters and reasons we could come up with, this was the funniest one we thought of.

BTW, all the characters remain the property of JE (bummer). The mistakes, of course, are mine (unless you'll believe Margaret did it). Let me know what you think, I love hearing from you!

When I got home from my shift, I could hear the noise from my mother's TV all the way out by the street. She needs to turn it down before someone complains again, I'd really hate to have to write my mother another citation for disturbing the peace. I put my key in the lock, but the stupid thing refused to turn. I banged on the door, trying to get her attention. "Ma, my key isn't working."

I heard an intake of breath from the other side of the door, letting me know she was close by the door knob, "After what I saw today, you can just go away! I thought I raised you better than that! I've sacrificed my whole life and this is how you repay me? Your conduct for that uniform you wear is certainly unbecoming."

"Ma, what the HELL are you talking about?" I banged on the door again for good measure. "Let me in so we can talk about this!"

"Didn't you see the Locksmith van just pull away from the house? I've had them all changed, your stuff is on the curb. How could you miss it? Those big plastic trash bags are yours. Now, leave me alone. Already I've had calls about what I saw walking by, others did too. No mother should have to see what I did when I was just trying to bring you your lunch. You should hang your head in shame!"

"But Ma."

"I just don't know what to say other than leave. Really the image of you and that person in the alleyway is just sickening. I need to lie down for a bit."

A sick feeling slid into the pit of my stomach. She can't be talking about what I think she is. I can't believe we got carried away like that in the first place. Is it possible that someone saw us? I looked back at the curb and saw the black plastic bags piled up. Oh, god. What if other people know? This time I tapped gently on the door. "Mom? can I please come in?"

"Go Away! Or else I'll call the police to have you removed. You no longer have a home here."

"Ma, I am the police."

"Not anymore, you're dead to me. I'll never be able to hold my head up when I leave the house. Why do I have a child that is like that?

Why me?"

"I love him, mom. No one else has ever made me feel this way"

"You think he loves you? He's been engaged to that Plum girl before, not fornicating in the alley behind the police station! If you love him, then you can just go live in sin with him!"

I pressed my forehead against the cool wood of the door. What I couldn't say to my mother was that although I loved him, I'm pretty sure that the feeling isn't mutual. I've known him too long to think that there could ever be more than what little we have now. I walked back to the curb and started pitching garbage bags into the back of my car. I guess it's time to move out of my mother's house and get an apartment of my own.

I walked up to the apartment building on the corner of St. James and Dunworth. It was an ugly red brick building, but it was close to everything. I went to the basement and knocked on the Super's door. When he answered, I said, "I heard you have an apartment for rent?"

He picked up a ring of keys and walked towards the elevator. "Yeah, it just came open on Sunday. I haven't had a chance to change the locks yet. The old tenant left her furniture, so it's furnished if you want it."

He led me up to the second floor. At the end of the hallway, he unlocked the door to an apartment that I was very familiar with. Stephanie's furniture was ugly but functional. She had even left a battered old TV on the bookshelf. I guess she doesn't need any of this stuff since Ranger owns that building on Haywood St. that she moved into. I'm probably going to want to get a new bed, though.

We went back downstairs and filled out the paperwork. I was the newest occupant of apartment 215. After I moved my garbage bags in, I picked up my cell phone and called. Since he didn't answer, I left him a voicemail message. "Hey, Joe. It's Carl Costanza. You're not going to believe what apartment I just moved in to. I was just going to have a pizza delivered if you were interested in coming over."

I hung up the phone and walked to the door. I was debating whether or not to change the locks. On one hand, I know that people have broken in here before. On the other hand, Joe may still have a key...