When You Can Live Forever…What Do You Live For?
Am I dreaming? This is too awful to be true. I'm never going to die, I've accepted that, but now, I'll always be dying, no matter how long I live. This can't be happening. If this is a dream, let me wake and remember it no more. I can't live with this pain. This shouldn't be happening. I was created, designed, to kill his kind, and here I am, unable to live without him. And there's nothing I can do.
Three
years ago when I moved to Forks, who would've thought life could be
interesting. There were no horses to ride or cows to herd. There
was just school and a job at the La Push General Store. That was
before I found out the truth about my father, and what I was.
My
dad died when I was just three, so my mom took me to the golden
plains of Clayton, Iowa, where she grew up. Her folks there welcomed
us with open arms. That's how I was raised, herding cows and
mucking horse stalls. It may not sound like much, but I loved it.
My dad, on the other hand, grew up in the town of Forks, Washington
on the La Push Indian Reservation. When I was 14 my mom decided it
was time to move back.
Some of the old legends spoke of the "cold ones", a.k.a. vampires. The spirits of the ancient La Push Indians joined with wolves, becoming one, able to change shapes at will, in order to protect the tribe. I didn't give it much credit, until the day I found out for myself what it's like to be a werewolf.
Mom burst through the front door banging my trumpet into the back of the sofa. How could she be so careless? How dare she do anything that would endanger my instrument? She knew better. I felt the senseless rage overflow inside me, felt its heat burning through my bones changing them. I shook so hard my teeth chattered. I felt myself flying apart, losing my shape to the anger that consumed me.
The next thing I knew, my mother was cowering in a corner behind the couch, shouting at me to "get out of my house, you filthy beast!" I didn't understand, what had I done? Sure I was mad, but that hardly made me a beast. I tried to tell her this, to tell her she was being ridiculous, but all that came out was a long, low whine, like a dog who doesn't know what he did wrong.
I will never forget what happened next. I heard voices in my head; I was seeing images, hearing thoughts that were not, never had been, my own.
What the?! Who is that?! A boy's rough voice yelled, but rather than hearing it with my ears, I seemed to be hearing it with my mind.
I don't know; it's not a mind I recognize, said a gentler voice than the first.
Ugh, great! Another newbie! Who's out there?
It's Aiyana.
What?! A girl?!
Apparently so, said a new voice, calm and sure.
Who is that? I had asked, terrified of a reply, desperate for an answer.
It's Sam Uley.
What am I?
I heard a mental sigh, and deep regret before his actual reply came. You are what we all are, what our ancestors were. You are a creature made to protect and defend all human life from the parasitic vampires that walk this Earth. You are a werewolf.
And that was it. My whole life changed. I had a purpose, something to strive for, something to do.
Yesterday, Sam got a message from one of the bloodsuckers. Others are coming, newborns, strong and fresh. An entire army with only one thought, to destroy. We will fight with the Cullens. It begins tomorrow.
"Mom, I'm going out," I call, no need to tell her where, she'll assume it's just another patrol. I usually get those assignments, I'm the fastest, smallest, and I blend in best, I'm also, believe it or not, the strongest in the pack. Only I can take down Sam. So, even though I'm fairly young, I'm going to fight. Seth Clearwater is mad about that. He wants to fight, but Sam says he's too young, they won't risk him. He's staying with Edward Cullen and Bella Swan. Stupid vampire, he's probably to chicken to fight, so he's staying behind and claiming it's because she wants him to. How a human girl can be stupid enough to love a vampire is something I will never understand, but somehow, Bella Swan manages.
I've never actually seen any of the Cullens except through the others' thoughts, of course. I arrive for the fight with the rest of the pack, just as eager as the rest. Then the leeches come leaping out of the trees. Carlisle, followed by the others, Esme, Alice, Jasper, Emmett, and Rosalie. Edward is somewhere safe with Bella presumably. And then he leaps in.
Suddenly, nothing else matters, not the coming fight or the fact that there are twelve others here. He is the only one. There is no one else. He is the reason for my entire existence. Without him there is no me. I feel the shock of the pack, hear their mental gasps, see this the way they do.
They're right. This can't be happening. This is wrong, sickening. I can't believe this. I need him, there is no way I can survive without him, and yet there is no way I can be with him. He's a vampire, one of those I have been bred to eliminate, but how can I when it would kill me too? He is the only thing in the world that matters to me now, there is no one else, and there never will be. I love him. I will live forever, but without him, I have nothing to live for.