Heyyy sweetie :) beware! - lemons, angst, lemons, lemons...er, yeah? And language. First chapter is kept pretty clean, but from here on out, dear lord...

The party was about to start, and I wasn't dressed. I wasn't closed to being dressed, or showered, or anything else. Because I was sitting in the middle of my bed, head in hands, slowly mumbling all the reasons why going would be a total disaster. I'll share.

1) I am clumsy. I'll drop things. Spill things. You know? I'm a rhino in a china store. I burn myself every time I make coffee. It's actually ridiculous, to the point where my mom had me taken to the doctor to check why I was missing both any equilibrium or hand-eye-coordination. She delayed me getting my driver's license for as long as she could on the grounds that I was likely to kill someone. And she's meant to be the irresponsible one. She only relented when I saved up the money (with help from my dad, and a severe discount due to the fact that the car I ended up getting is a shitbag) and left for university.

Bear in mind that I'm still mumbling to myself.

2) I talk to myself when I'm nervous. I babble. Like now.

3) I am a virgin. This party -if we can call it a party, I doubt there's going to be much dancing- is not designed for virgins. I'm twenty one, I'm legal, it's all good, but I highly doubt this is an ideal environment to lose it. I wish I'd been one of those promiscuous people in high school. I suddenly feel bad for any negative thoughts I had about girls who slept around at Forks High. Really, they were champions. I'm the homebody nervous wreck over here.

4) With the exception of Jessica, Jessica was a fuckin' downright hoe bag.

5) I'm sorry Jessica. But remember when we did cheek swabs in bio? And one of your 'cells' from your mouth was moving, and you got really freaked out? And then we found out it was sperm?

6) That's how I found out about blow jobs, by the way.

7) Alice suggested I go. Alice is a hippy vegan. She is, by my carnivore reckoning, insane. If she thinks this party is a good idea, it is nota good idea.

8) I only want to go because- because I'm curious. But I think I'm more scared and nervous than curious.

9) I'll stick out like a sore thumb. I know I will. This party is based on very exclusive tickets, and the fact that I won one -and I have no idea how I did- means that everyone else is going to be college elite. Frat boys, sorority girls, the sons of politicians and the daughters of pop stars. Rich spoilt elite brats brandishing golden tickets, perfect hair...perfect bodies.

10) It's probably too late now, anyway. The clock is ticking. I have to either get up the nerve to attend this crazy gathering, knowing full well what they intend to do with each other, or stay here all night and get yelled at by Alice.

I glance up at the clock and hold my breath as the minute hand shifts forward.

Do I go? Or do I stay here, where it's safe, and familiar, and not intimidating?

Am I scared, or am I curious?

So what does our sweet little Bella decide to do, dear reader? Tell me in a review ;)