Here Comes Goodbye
He closed his eyes, hand on the doorknob. This was the last thing he wanted to be doing. The absolute last thing. Memories flashed before his eyes as he paused before opening the door, something that would most definitely change his life forever... and even though these memories were incredibly distant, and hardly meant anything to him, they were still there. They were always there.
He remembered them arguing all the time, but that was back before they'd gotten their divorce. Memories like those, were what he carried with him through life. After his parents split up, his life did change, but it got no better. Instead of waking to daily bickering, or walking in on his parents' sexual escapades, he was then left with a completely empty home. The house he stayed in was definitely left vacant after his father left.
Once he was a teenager, he'd just decided to leave that part of his life behind. Why keep thinking about thoughts that just left him upset, he would tell himself, and then the process of forgetting began. Chandler Bing did his absolute best as an adult to push his parents away, and keep them out of his life. As far as he was concerned, he already had the family he'd always yearned for... his parents were too late. But why was he thinking maybe he made a mistake ignoring them, as he stood outside this closed door? Why was he suddenly questioning every decision he'd made as a young adult? He knew why. His father lay on the other side of this door. His father was losing his life, and Chandler was just coming to realize, he would never have another moment to spend with him... not ever again.
He took a deep breath before finally twisting the doorknob, and pushed the door open wide enough to slip inside the tiny room. Everything around him was white, and that was something he found himself really despising about hospitals... everything was white, and it felt like a constant reminder of blood, and death. Of how after this evening, his father would be lost forever.
"Son," a weak voice greeted him. Chandler's ears filled with tears as his gaze travelled over the feeble form of his dad, just lying there in his gurney. They locked gazes for a moment before the smile crossing his father's face grew, arms opened shakily, offering an embrace. "I was starting to think you weren't going to show."
"I'm here, dad," Chandler's voice shook itself, one single tear trailing down along his cheek, "I wouldn't miss this for the world, believe me."
"Chandler?" Charles asked softly as he watched his son pull away from his embrace, "Chandler... are you crying?"
His son sniffled before dragging the back of his hand across his damp cheeks, even more tears threatening to fall from his eyes. "I'm never going to see you again, am I?"
Charles sighed, eyes downcast. "Son... I didn't think it would change anything between us... you've been avoiding me for so long, I thought... one last goodbye, was what would be best."
"Can you blame me?" he asked bitterly, turning away from his father, "it's not like you and mom gave me much to wait for, you know?"
"I know," his father's voice dropped even below a whisper, blue eyes flooded with misery, "you don't know how much I regret that... if I could go back, and change one thing... I would forget about my own life, and focus on yours... I would be the father you've always needed... always wanted. I'd make sure you and your mother were happy."
Chandler paused, eyes sliding shut. He knew he'd end up crying if he spoke of the "what ifs"... so he did what Chandler did best, and changed the topic before it got too emotional. "Did mom even show up, last night?"
Charles breathed a sigh, but nodded nevertheless. "She did... we spoke for a long time, Chandler... mostly about you."
"Me? What about me?"
"How even though I have these regrets, over leaving you, and your mom... looking at you and Monica, I don't think I would change a thing... not with how happy you look, when you're with her. My only regret is not being able to come to your wedding, next year."
Chandler opened his eyes, finally allowing his tears to fall. Charles motioned toward his son, taking him in his open arms as soon as they grew close enough, tears mixing as they cried together. "She means everything to me, dad... I need you to be there."
"Is she here today, son? Did she come with you?"
Chandler nodded shakily, voice catching as he stood from his father's arms. "Yeah, she's in the waiting room. I told her I could handle this on my own."
Charles looked up at his son, disbelief flooding his eyes... the eyes that matched Chandler's. "Can you, though? Handle this on your own?" Chandler paused for a moment, before tears clouded his vision once again. "Go get her, Chandler. I want to say goodbye to her, too." Charles watched his only son nod through his tears, before disappearing through the silent door, his mind reeling... it was coming, and very soon... Monica would have to find her way to him quickly.
After a few more moments of waiting, the ache spreading through his bones just growing and growing, two figures finally made their way through the opened door, one his son, the other... well, the woman his son had trusted with his heart. Monica Geller's blue gaze filled with tears as she approached him, holding out her hand for him to shake as soon as she entered the room. Charles shook her hand with a weak smile, eyes trailing over the sparkling engagement ring secured onto her ring finger. He couldn't help but smile with pride, his son really did love this woman... and she was gorgeous, Charles couldn't bring himself to deny that.
"Monica..." he greeted her with a raspy voice, body growing exhausted with each word he choked out, "we don't have much time... but I wanted to thank you... you've done an amazing job with my son." He watched her smile slightly, eyes burning with pain, and love. "I trust that you're the one for him... I trust you'll be making him very happy."
"I'll do my best," she whispered softly, tears dropping from her eyes, "I'll take care of him for you, I promise. He's my everything, I'm beyond lucky to have him."
Charles smiled over at his son, his breathing becoming shallow, and forced. His eyes suddenly became vacant, body tensing up beneath the covers of the hospital bed. "Chandler, son.." he noticed him step up beside his bed, eyes filling with tears, "I love you more than anything else on this planet... I hate knowing I've failed you, not only as a father, but as a friend... I hope someday, you'll forgive me for what I've done."
"I already have, dad.." Chandler whispered, lacing his fingers with his father's, though both of Charles' were trembling... "I've never been able to hate you, dad.. I've always loved you, always... I always will."
Charles' eyes flooded with tears again, his fingers gripping his son's even tighter. "Don't forget about me, Chandler... I'll be here for you, whenever you need me to be. That's a promise I'm not willing to break."
Chandler nodded his head furiously through his tears, eyes aching as he focused on the beeping of the heart monitor, set up at his father's bedside. After a few long, silent moments the beeping grew louder, faster... and then, it stopped. All was quiet as the monitors pronounced his father's dying moment... the one he'd been dreading since he'd received that phone call, the morning before. He felt the tears before they fell from his blue eyes, pain flitting through his entire body. He didn't want to think, he didn't want to feel, and part of him didn't want to live... the child inside of him was aching to be with his father again, but instead he felt Monica's arms wrap around him from behind... and even though he was crying, he knew she'd be able to soothe his pain away that night.
"He loved you, baby.." he listened to her whisper in his ear, soft kisses pressing against his wet cheeks, and tender neck. "I know he did."
Chandler nodded weakly, turning around in his fiancé's arms, just enough so he could face her. He buried his face against her neck, arms wrapped around her so tightly, she could barely breathe. Her fingers gently ran through his mess of hair, softly trying to calm him, her eyes meeting his as he slowly pulled away, eyes filled with pain, limbs trembling.
"I love you Chandler," she told him softly, lacing her fingers through his, "if there's anything I can do..."
"Just take me home," he replied quietly, eyes refusing to meet hers. He knew she was about to protest, so he brought a finger to her lips, blue gazes meeting as one hand cradled the back of her head. He gazed into her eyes, her amazing sapphire eyes... and whispered softly, "Mon, I just want to lay in bed, and hold you... please, let's go home."
She smiled weakly, caressed his cheek one last time, and tightened her grip on his hand. As the young couple slowly made their way through the door, she made sure to glance over her shoulder one last time. Blue eyes travelled over the limp body of her true love's father, his blue eyes still open, death clinging to the air of the room... and she found tears lining her eyes again. Though Charles wasn't her father, she could literally feel Chandler's pain when he spoke of him, when he stared at him... When Chandler was in pain, she was, too.
"Let's go home," she agreed softly. She pressed one last kiss against his cheek before she turned away, knowing all too well, that that was the last time she would ever see Charles Bing. Sadness swept over her heart as she walked alongside Chandler, her head leaning gently onto his shoulder. He glanced over at her as they walked through the parking lot, away from the hospital... away from those painful memories. "He'll be at our wedding, baby.. I can feel it."
He forced a slight smile, but his eyes remained sad. "I love you, Monica."
She gently tugged on his hand, leading him along, closer and closer to the home they shared together. "Let's go home."