Take It Easy
By: Secca Castillo
Chapter One: Coffee and Muggle Piss
Coffee. He needed coffee.
Sirius had never actually tasted the drink before, but for some reason his dreams the night before had been fully centered upon the mysterious muggle beverage, and thus he'd woken with a craving. It was pretty vague, as cravings go, but Sirius wasn't about to let that stop him.
The only question was how to obtain this object of desire.
…
It was the morning of September 1st, and Sirius Black was due to start Hogwarts. He'd been looking forward to the day for years, and was determined that it would live up to his rather high expectations.
Of course, his expectations didn't precisely line up with those of his mother's...
"SIRIUS!"
...who happened to be the reason he was up so early, stolen from dream coffee and, possibly, biscuits.
The young Black heir dragged himself out of bed with a groan, and stumbled in the general direction of the bathroom, yawning as he did so. As usual, it took some fumbling to locate his toothbrush and some more fumbling to find the toothpaste. Water on the brush, toothpaste on the brush, brush into the mouth, teeth scrubbed for at least two minutes, mentally mocking his mother as he disregarded the Toothcare Potion Kreacher laid out for his "use" every morning... Everyone had their morning rituals. Sirius preferred his to include as much muggle stuff as possible. It was the little things that made living at Black Manor slightly more bearable.
"SIRIUS, GET DOWN HERE!"
Finished with his teeth, he ran a quick brush through his messy black hair, blinked owlishly at his reflection, then ran back into his bedroom to get dressed.
There was only one robe in his wardrobe, and Sirius vaguely remembered it going with a belt. There wasn't one in sight, but he put it on anyway. Figuring that his mother's patience was probably thin enough as it was, Sirius made his way to the door, and through that, to the stairs, only to realize that he'd forgotten shoes. Had there been shoes in the wardrobe? He went back to check.
There were.
"SIRIUS, SO HELP ME-"
He decided that putting on his shoes could wait until after mother had been dealt with. She sounded rather angry.
The kitchen was in the basement, and that was four flights of stairs down. Sirius skipped down them all, landing finally in the kitchen with a loud THUD.
Seated at the rather large table in front of him was a skeletal woman, hair up in an impossible arrangement with silver snakes woven through the braids. Sirius rather thought she looked like Medusa. He briefly considered telling her that, before realizing that it was more than likely the comparison would be taken as a complement.
"Sirius! We leave in half an hour! I told you last night, I won't tolerate your laziness. I expect you to be ready, on time, and NOT skipping breakfast, this is your first day after all, a new start-"
She was clicking her 't's, and the vowels were so long that "last" became "laaaaaaaas'T". It wasn't even affected – the woman really was just talking like that naturally. Sirius found the entire business rather tedious.
"Do we have any coffee?" he interrupted.
The woman stopped her ignored exposition suddenly, mid "aaaaaaa".
"What?"
It almost became a multiple-syllable word, Sirius noted with distaste.
"Coffee. Made with coffee beans that have been roasted until they pop, then ground up so you can press boiling water through the grounds in order to make a really fantastic and bitter drink with lots and lots of caffeine in it."
She looked like someone had forced her to swallow a bottom-of-the-pot cuppa, with grounds and a fresh twist of lemon mixed in.
"Coffee." She twisted the word, pulling the "eeee" sound out. "Is that a muggle drink?"
She clicked the 'k' sound too. Ugh.
"No more so than water. Should we not drink water either? Did you know that the water we drink is the same water that's been around since the planet was created? So really, our water today is purified muggle piss-"
The woman was very still for a long moment. She looked stressed. Sirius giggled to himself in glee.
"Sirius. Son. Today is the beginning of a new life for you. Tonight, you will be given a chance to prove yourself to the Family – to your Father, your Grandfather, and to me. You will be given a chance to be a proper role model for your brother.
"I understand that I have been reticent, ignoring your education, allowing you to go off on your own. That is my fault. You are, however, of an age where you may make choices on your own. For everyone's sake – "
Sirius figured this meant he wasn't getting coffee, and stopped listening.
It was a strange childhood, growing up a Black. Sirius's parents had always been far too busy to take part in the day to day rearing of their children, leaving that instead to a steady stream of tutors that rarely lasted more than a few months. Sometimes, Regulus and Sirius managed to learn something worthwhile from the seemingly endless supply of Slytherin graduates, but more often they bribed them into allowing the brothers to go to Diagon Alley on "learning expeditions."
It was on one such "learning expedition" that Sirius had managed to obtain The Adventures of Martin Miggs, the Mad Muggle #74", a comic that went on to fuel an obsession with all things relating to the muggle world. Regulus didn't understand the obsession, but was willing enough to help Sirius smuggle home ensuing editions.
Sirius's mother didn't quite trust him on shopping trips, not since the Flobberworm Incident.
A few minutes later the droning stopped, and Sirius was allowed to finally sit down and eat after nodding a bunch and saying "Yes, Mother" during the pauses.
Breakfast was unsweetened porridge. He tried to eat a full serving, but couldn't bring himself to eat more than a few spoonfuls.
Then Sirius was back up in the bedroom, looking around rather blankly and wondering where the wand he had been sent to locate had gotten to. (It was under the bed.) A few minutes later, mother was yelling again, and he went back down three flights of stairs to the ground floor. There, Mother was waiting with a green and silver trunk, and a young boy fidgeting next to her.
"Regulus asked to join us. Your Father, of course, has gone to the Ministry already."
Sirius nodded, cautious, waiting to catch the boy's eye once Mother's eyes were elsewhere. They grinned a bit at each other, then schooled themselves into blankness once Mother's attention returned.
"Well then. Let's be going. I'll apparate us to the platform."
Dutifully, Sirius walked over to his mother and made sure he had a firm hold on the trunk – presumably the one Kretcher had packed for him the night before. Then he was being turned inside out, pushed and pulled all at once and unable to breathe –
And then they arrived. In front of him was the gleaming train, scarlet and black, a testament to Gryffindor engineering that, amazingly, the other Houses of Hogwarts had apparently allowed.
He reached out and ruffled Regulus's hair. "Don't worry, Reggie, you'll join me soon enough. Don't let Mother and Father get you down, alright?"
Regulus looked up at Sirius, eyes wide. He grinned, wider. "Hogwarts! I'll have to send you a toilet seat."
They had arrived at least two hours early. Mother had dragged Sirius and Reggie over to speak with her friends, and demanded that Sirius sit on the train with the children standing silently next to their parents, all of them wearing silver and green. Sirius naturally ignored her, slipping off after one last hair ruffle for "Reggie" with his trunk, intent on staking his claim on a compartment. They were all empty, so he chose the last compartment on the train and stuck the trunk there. Then, after a moment of consideration, he opened it and rummaged around until he located a piece of parchment and ink/quill combo.
A minute later, she'd left, and the compartment was sporting a sign that read "Reserved for the Marauders – All others will be hexed".
Back off of the train, Sirius realized that Mother was looking for him. Not wanting to be sucked back into that conversation, he slunk through the shadows toward the portal to Muggle London. Then, with one last glance towards Mother, he went through.
Across the way was a big sign proclaiming "Way Out – York Way". Sirius made a beeline towards it. Time to find some coffee!
He wandered down the street, ignoring the looks he was getting. Muggles didn't normally walk around in robes, even if they were only eleven, but Sirius honestly couldn't find the ability to care.
There- a café! Excellent.
He crossed the road, ignoring the traffic (and the honking) and went inside, marching straight up to the counter. Sirius' shoulders were about the height of the counter, but he didn't need to see the menu to order.
"I want a coffee. Black, yeah? And the biggest size you've got."
"…Are you lost, son?"
"Course not! I'm here to get a coffee."
The looming woman looked down at her, uncertain. "You're dressed pretty funky… You sure you're supposed to be here?"
Sirius looked back up at the woman, self assurance wrapped around him like a cloak. "My parents are hippie cultists – they're only in London to try and find this crystal shop, but I've run off because I want coffee and they're a pair of loonies anyway."
Someone behind her in line was snorting, but Sirius continued on, earnestly. "My uncle Alphie is trying to get custody, but that's taking AGES, and my brother Reggie doesn't want to leave anyway so he keeps on lying to the social workers but I'm sure Alphie will figure something out – anyway, all I have is this gold coin, it's real gold I promise but the Camp we live in doesn't believe in money and Mother melted down all her jewelry so this is the only thing I have to pay with-"
The barista looked completely bewildered. "I'm – uh- we can't – "
From behind him, someone passed over a five-pound note and said "I'll pay for his drink. A large black coffee, right, lad?"
Sirius turned around, grinning, about to reply to the affirmative, when he came face to face with a boy his own age, gripping a copy of nothing other than The Adventures of Martin Miggs.
Five minutes later found Sirius Black sitting with the Potter family at a corner table and happily drinking down his coffee. Mr. Potter had refused the galleon Sirius had tried to pay him back for the coffee with, saying that the image of Madam Black in tie-dye and daisy chains more than paid for the drink.
"Run off, have you then?" Mrs. Potter was asking, kindly, after it had been thoroughly established that all four were members of the Wizarding Community.
Sirius nodded, more than a little proud. "I wanted coffee this morning but of course Mother refused, because it's a muggle drink, so then I pointed out that muggles drink water, too, and that of course made her rather upset, and I never did get any coffee, so I ran off once we got to the platform. She wanted me to talk to a bunch of Slytherins, anyway. I've seen enough of them already, why would I want to spend more time with them NOW, when there are so many other people to meet?"
Mr. and Mrs. Potter shared a laughing look, and James, the boy with excellent taste in comics, asked, "How do you know about coffee, anyway? With your family, I mean?"
Sirius grinned. "I've been collecting The Adventures of Martin Miggs for years, in secret of course."
"Wow, really? I've got the entire collection." James boasted, "I've got a whole shelf in the Library for them, and mom says that I might be able to get a real subscription for Christmas!" He waved the one he'd been reading at Sirius. "I got this one at Diagon Alley last weekend. It's the newest issue."
Sirius looked suitably impressed. A subscription was a big deal.
Over their heads, Mr. and Mrs. Potter were having a silent conversation, using Looks and slight gestures.
He seems like a nice boy, Mrs. Potter said with a smile and a flick of her eyes.
One of the Blacks, though, reminded Mr. Potter, with a small frown.
I was born a Black, or don't you remember? Said Mrs. Potter, with a quirk of her eyebrow and a teasing smile.
Ah, right. And a lovely Black you were, too, backtracked Mr. Potter, with a shrug and a flirty smile.
Were? Asked Mrs. Potter with a dangerous glint in her eye.
Are, replied Mr. Potter quickly, Were and always Are.
Quite right, said Mrs. Potter, And don't you forget it.
They're having a conversation over our heads, aren't they? Said James with a flick of his eyes and a conspiratorial grin.
Yup, replied Sirius, with a simple nod.
Ugh, not again, said James, with the long-suffering look of a child who has disgustingly cute parents.
The two soon-to-be-students shared a sigh, and went back to talking about Martin Miggs.
Best leave them to it, was their consensus.
By the time Mr. and Mrs. Potter decided that it was time to go to the platform, Sirius and James were best friends. Well, not best-best-friends, Sirius qualified to himself, they'd only known each other for about an hour, but still, James Potter was a pretty neat guy and had great taste in comics.
The station was a lot more crowded, now that there was only half an hour before the train left.
Mrs. Black was carefully concealing a furious, frantic expression, that didn't faze Sirius the slightest when it was fully unleashed upon his reappearance.
"Sirius Black," she said, drawing out the "aaa" and clicking the 'k' in Black, "where, in the name of Merlin, have you been?"
The 'ee' in "been" seemed to stretch on for an hour.
"Reading," replied Sirius glibly, "over there," and he waved off vaguely into some shadowy corner.
Mrs. Black clearly didn't believe it, but only a slight narrowing of her eyes betrayed her. "And your trunk?"
"Already stowed away."
"Well then. The boys have a compartment in the second box, and are expecting you. Why don't you join them?"
"Of course, Mother," said Sirius, lying through his teeth. "I'll go right there. Goodbye, then."
"Goodbye, son. Do the family proud."
"Shall do," said Sirius, lying again, and then he ran off to find James, who was going to meet him outside the last compartment, so they could start a Secret Club.
AN: Yes, this is a rewrite of Dream a Dream. I decided that idea was waaaay too ambitious, but wanted to keep the good bits about the Marauders. So, here we go!