Some nights she made it clear that she wished he was two feet under the sand so she would not hear him breathe. Those nights he stayed away several feet away, watching and patrolling instead of sleeping. She was a hundred percent more likely to leave him behind if he fell asleep.
But some nights she took his hand and wound his arm around her when they laid down. He told her no, he couldn't, but she insisted.
"It's what I want," she said with a frown, daring him to refuse her. Biting his tongue, he held her close as she desired and tried not to remember how it used to feel.
She was strength itself, and now that she had her freedom she used it to ensure other's. Day by day, she wandered the deserts of Jakku, challenging and defeating every junk boss. She fixed the broken ships and dispensed any portions equally that were in the town. She ensured their survival and helped them leave the dusty planet before she moved on. And he followed her silently, like a long, dark shadow.
None of them knew him, he was unrecognizable without his mask. And she did not tell. When he asked, she shrugged.
"You have freed the masses, and it was the best you could do." She told him. "I would not see you killed because of my own pettiness."
He was grateful she did not tell, and that she allowed him to be an extra hand in a fight or in counting the rations. She had not invited him, but she would not waste her resources either.
So, like wanderers of the old, they traced a path through the sands, living from post to post and he from night to night. Once upon a time, he had more than watching her smile at others, more than a stolen night of her in his arms. Once, he had loved her and she had not hated him for it.
She had been captured for the map she held in her head. Never yielding, he lost more than he gained trying to pilfer through her mind. She had almost successfully evaded them in an escape, put he had found her at the last moment.
The Supreme Leader ordered Ren to bring her to him. He examined her and then gave his orders; she was to be his apprentice. It was Ren's job to turn her to the dark side. They would live, sleep, breathe each other so that Ren could cast his influence over her.
They had put the implant in her back, at the base of her spine. It was made from ysalamiri blood and nerves, a natural material that repelled the Force, making it much harder to use so she couldn't escape. They trained in forms and spars, and she somehow grew more lean and hard.
She didn't like him, that was clear. But they shared the same space, and they grew used to each other. They ate together, trained together, and time passed fleetingly. Then there was more. Her smile, her laugh, it meant something. She made him feel—not rage, not pain, but something else entirely. She wanted to know him, understand him. Something no one but Leader Snoke had ever done. And he was hungry for her, to know and touch her. The night that she let him into the bed, lacing their fingers together, was the best he had ever had.
Soon he was holding her at night, the occasional kiss exchanged. She was oh so careful, cautiously silent when he told her he loved her. She cupped his cheek and did not answer. She never did, no matter how many times he said it. But her acceptance was enough for him.
For his master, it was nothing. He was not impressed.
"You have failed, Kylo Ren," he scolded. "Month after month, and yet she still walks the path of light."
"I'm sorry, master," Ren murmured, ashamed. In the deepest, darkest corner of his mind, he did not think it was possible. She was the light.
"We must not waste this opportunity," the Supreme Leader thundered, and Ren nodded.
"The girl is powerful," Snoke admitted. "We must make use of her."
Ren raised his head from his respectful kneel, wondering what his master could mean.
"I want you to breed with her," Snoke said unexpectedly. "Make a child that will rule the Galaxy when you are gone."
Ren's lips parted in shock. "Supreme Leader, I cannot," he insisted.
"You defy me?" Snoke roared.
Ren shook his head. "She is not…ready. She would not allow me."
Snoke's ugly laugh filled the chamber.
"You would give her the choice?" He asked, and Ren's stomach sank.
"Master," he tried again.
"Perhaps we can let her go free after the child is born," Snoke considered. "Did you consider that?"
Oh, how much she would want that. But he couldn't, he wouldn't. "Master!" He interrupted.
"Quiet," Snoke cut him off. "You will do it. Or she will die. I won't have Jedi trash running loose around my ship."
The ice cold shock forced Ren into silence, and he was dismissed. He had seen how easy it was to kill. His master would not have to try. It would be so. This was their fate.
"And don't tell her the plan's outcome," Snoke told his apprentice. "If she knows what lies ahead, she will surely ruin it."
When Ren seemed unsure, Snoke tightened his grip on the younger's mind.
"Do not fail me again," he warned.
"If we do not, you will be eradicated," Ren told her. "We have no other option than to lay together."
She pushed away from him, complete horror washing over her delicate features.
"No!" She cried. "I won't do it!"
Frustration mounted. How long did they have before Snoke intervened?
"You must, darling. We have to, don't fight this."
She gaped at him. "I can't believe you're agreeing to this. I thought—" She straightened. "I thought you cared."
Now he was angry. "I do not care, I love. You. I love you. And I will not let you die because of this."
She gave a funny little chortle, her lowest bun slipping down her neck. "You believe that? You believe that I will die because you don't have sex with me?"
Irritated, he said, "The supreme leader will make it so."
She walked away from him. "Well, I say no."
She stumbled, a gasp of pain escaping her perfect lips. She fell into his arms that had dove to catch her. Staring at the smooth floor, he knew it was no mistake that she had been seized with a sudden pain. He was watching.
"We must," he mumbled, and pressed his lips to hers. They kissed for a moment, but the moment his hand began tearing at her shirt, she balked.
"No, no," she said firmly.
"No!" Ren echoed, tugging her to the bed. "No." Within a moment, her shirt was gone and her beautiful, bare chest was before them both, glowing in the dim light.
"Rey," he murmured, half begging as he pressed his lips all over her throat. His fingers laced through hers, allowing him to press their chests flush against each other's so their hearts could beat together.
She gasped and struggled. "No! Ren, stop."
Desperately he shook his head against her shoulder. "I can't," he whispered. "I won't let you die."
He kissed her there, but she cried out as if she was in pain.
"No, no, no—"
"Please, Rey—"
"No!" She pushed him off successfully, scrambling back until she hit the backboard. She kicked at him and covered herself with the sheet, but in a moment he had it off again.
"I'm sorry," he told her. "I told you I was."
"Then stop!" She screeched, trying in vain to throw him back with the Force.
He shook his head and grabbed it, groaning. "I have to," he whispered. "There isn't much time. We don't have a choice."
Rey sat up on her haunches, eyes flashing. "I have a choice, and it's to tell you no! You have the choice to stop this, but you are choosing not to!"
He swallowed dryly, watching her helplessly. "It doesn't have to be so hard. We had something, I know we did."
Clutching her half-naked body, she whispered, "We won't if you do this."
He was wavering. He wanted to explain it to her, just so she would stop fighting him. He didn't want to do this-not like this. She deserved so much more. But Snoke would kill her. But she had such a hold on him that he paused, and may have even considered changing his mind if she had not cried out.
"Ren!" She screamed, holding her head in her hands. Ren could feel her pain, so sharp and stabbing at her mind as the Supreme Leader twisted it, warning them.
"I am!" Ren gasped frantically, grabbing her and dragging her lips to his. She let out a whimper as the pain ebbed from her mind. When they both broke for air, Ren steeled himself and thrust her bottoms down her legs.
"Nonono!" She began again.
"Hush," Ren growled, becoming more panicked. He had to do it, he had to do it. "Don't you see what will happen? We must do this."
"Why?" She asked as he forced her fingers to intertwine with his. She twisted like a ribbon to try and get away from him, but this time he would not desist.
"I have to," he said simply. We must, for the galaxy."
Her lips parted and she stared at him, shocked. "You're mad," she said.
His brow furrowed and he pressed his lips against her unyielding ones. He tried to remember the soft touch of her hand on his back, the way she curved into him at night. Her lips, smiling into his in the dark. A deep breath filled his mind of her scent, now familiar and comforting. Even now he could become hard, just with her presence. It made him sick to think of this.
She screamed and sobbed, never once giving up. He did his best to soothe her, whispering to her of his dark love and reassurance. It went on too long, for he could barely stand the waves of pain coming from her. She would understand, he told himself. She would see, soon. It was better, he thought, than what it could be.
She would forgive him. She had to.
When it was finally over she would not stay in his arms, even as he begged her, apologizing over and over. She shut herself in the fresher and wouldn't come out. He heard her cries through the door.
With no other option but to break the door down and upset her further, he went to report to the Supreme Leader.
"It has been done," he said numbly. Even his master's rush of approval did not faze him.
"Good, Kylo Ren," Snoke said, leaning forward in his dais with a small smile. "I give you permission to tell her of the mission now."
Ren licked his lips. "And her freedom?" He asked weakly. Snoke laughed.
"You know already that that is not possible, Ren."
When he returned she laid silently in their bed.
"Rey," he said quietly, not willing to hurt her further.
"Why?" She asked emotionlessly. "Why would you do this?"
He knelt on the side of her bed so he could see her face, so he could address her properly.
"Snoke ordered for us to create a child," he told her. "To further the line and ensure the galaxy's stable future."
Her eyes were wide, but otherwise she said nothing. There was nothing but a whir of the fan in the ducts below them. Her freckles stood out on her nose. She had become pale, he realized.
"A child?" She repeated.
He nodded.
She shuddered, closed her eyes for a moment. Then opened them to stare right at him.
"I cannot bear a child," she said slowly. "I had the operation years ago on Jakku. Just in case a man forced himself on me."
Cold, cold realization shot through him. He connected the dots—an unplanned pregnancy was a death sentence on Jakku, where one could hardly keep from starvation. And she, his smart, fierce girl, would have done whatever it cost to survive.
She had had a medical exam upon arrival—Snoke knew. His comment now made sense to Ren, and he was not the only one. She sat up.
"He tricked you," she whispered. "I told you not to."
Horrified, he backed up from the bed before dashing into the fresher. He heaved the contents of his stomach into the bowl, sick with the truth.
He had raped her. He had raped her, hurt her. The foolhardy excuse he had hid behind was nothing but a ruse. Snoke had twisted him in his gnarled hands, and Ren had played right into it. There was to be no child, no freedom. All that had been done was the creation of an unhealable wound between the two. He had broken everything they had.
She was crying quietly into the pillow when he managed to leave the refresher. With shaking hands, he ordered a medical droid.
"Lay on your stomach," he ordered, and she stared up at him with absolute anger.
"I need to remove your implant," he told her, realizing how he had erred again. For a long moment, she stared at him, no trust to be shared. But then the droid arrived, and she finally rolled over.
The small scar was easy to trace. Even with trembling hands, Ren was able to be gentle and remove the white, twisted gelatin worm. He was careful not to touch her with his skin, not to trespass the boundary he had burned to the ground. Soon she was fixed up with copious amounts of bacta, and he stood.
"I'll be back," he said impassively. Something in his expression must have alarmed her, for she lifted her chin to meet his eyes. She looked at him as if she would say something, but did not. He yearned to do something—anything—to be able to reassure, comfort, or help her. But he would not press a kiss to her brow, touch her skin with his fingertips. Never again.
Snoke was waiting.
"So you know what has been done," he boomed sagely. Ren said nothing.
"You are stronger now," Snoke told him. "She was making you weak. Now, now you have a chance to be stronger than your grandfather ever was."
Such words would have stirred Ren before. He had been waiting so long to hear them. But now, they meant nothing. Guilt pressed into his stomach like a foot, and he felt nauseas.
"Do not let your petty little feelings make you weak again, Kylo Ren," Snoke scolded. "You're angry. But you should focus it. You must—"
There was a silent pause as Snoke stopped rifling through his mind.
"So you think to kill me," he said, but without the snide Ren would have expected. Was that—fear?
Ren drew his saber, the blade crackling to life.
"I've killed whatever I had with her," he finally said. "And now, I will kill you."
He yearned for the blood of his master. He wanted to drown in it and be reborn. Would she recognize him then? Would she love him then?
Snoke's eyes were red from their focus on his saber.
"You are weak," he repeated. Ren drew back into a beginning stance.
"I am," he admitted.
He hadn't known what to do, at first. For a month, he had taken his ship to the far realm of the galaxy, damning himself to exile from her. She had been given everything and anything the crumbling First Order had to offer and sent off in her very own ship. He thought she'd return to his mother, where one woman could mourn with the other, but she had set her coordinates for Jakku. And he had gone the other way.
But it tugged at him. No, it consumed him. He owed her everything, more than he had in his hands. He had only himself to offer, and that was something no one, not even himself wanted. He knew only of one thing that could be of use to her—his life.
So he followed her.
"Have you come for me?" She spit when he landed. She did not wait for him to come to her; she was not afraid. She corned him immediately in a dirty tent near Niima, enraged.
"I have, but not to take. Never to take." He told her. She scoffed.
"Leave," she instructed. "I don't want you here."
"I understand," he replied. "But I must try to make this right."
"With what?" She asked incredously.
He stood straight so his shoulders were no longer hunched from her attack.
"I have not much to offer but my life," he said. "I will ensure you will never be hurt again. Until the day comes that I can give my life to ensure yours."
She laughed.
"You're a real piece of work," she told him, and left the tent into the hot wind.
He followed her. "I will not disturb you," he told her. She shook her head and climbed onto her speeder.
"I have to," he said desperately, his hands empty and wanting.
She put her goggles on and stared at him.
"I've heard that before," she said cuttingly, and then raced off.
And so the endless chase began. She ranted at him, ignored him, fought him. But he followed. He spoke naught, interfered not. Only waited and watched as she went from settlement to settlement, following her on a slower, bulkier speeder that had been built and rebuilt several times.
Finally some acceptance had been reached. He was drawn close, than cast out again. Some days she would even smile at him, for something he said or did. But other days she screamed into the wind, wrapping her arms around herself as if trying to keep together. He felt her distress, saw the dreams. The Force rippled with her pain some days. And so they circled each other again and again, meeting now and then. Until the day she threw the pattern away, asked him the impossible.
That was the worst day of them all.
A/N Yes, so here's the little ficlet I told y'all I'd be posting. Keep an eye out for the final part in the next few days, and hold onto your panties. I can't write a damn thing without smut. If you're new here, check out my ongoing fic, Suffocating in Stardust. Thanks! Sorry for the rape :(