AN: This original story is a bit of an apology for slowed updates. I do not own any of the characters mentioned in this story, or the Harry Potter and Percy Jackson books. I do not actually think atheists are scum, all points of view belong to the character I am trying to portray. All spelling mistakes are purposeful to keep everyone IC.
For anyone who does not know, Ebony is the main character in My Immortal by Tara Gilesbie, no longer available in original form, but can be read reuploaded or with commentary. Jerry is the main character in Prayer Warriors: Evil Gods Part One by Thomas Brown, and a recurring character in all his other stories. Tommy-boy's Prayer Warriors series is available either on his profile, BelieverInChrist, or with commentary on my profile, which is highly recommended if you want to read the stories with your sanity intact.

Jerry of Christ, a Prayer Warrior, stood in the middle of a small, impossibly hot room, wondering how he got there. Doing the only rational thing he could think of, he began praying.

"Dear God I want to now were I am"

"I ting were in hel." said a toneless voice from behind him. Jerry jumped at the sudden noise, and spun on his heel. A pale girl, perhaps a few years older than Jerry himself, with colourful hair and revealing black clothing, sat crouched in a corner. Seeing all her bare skin made him nervous, and so he responded forcefully to cover it up.

"How dare you suggested that you stannic whore! It is impossible that God and his only begotten son Jesus of narrative would send me here!"

The girl gasped.

"omfg, liek, ho did u no I wuz a Satanist? r u a fokin sykic or sumthng?"

Jerry rolled his eyes, trying not to wince over what even he could tell was a sore abuse of the English language. "Everyone is either Christian or Satanic, aren ` t they?"

Another gasp.

"omg, liek how culd u b so fukin stooped? dere r only us cool goffik pplz and da prepz and da posrz!"

"I know not of what you speak, whore, it must be some ungodly term. I shall check Conservapedia."

"der isnt any Internet axes hir. i chekd."

Jerry let out a choked gasp of frustration. Could it really be that God, his God, was forcing him to spend eternity locked up with this… this thing? What could he have possibly done wrong? Well, other than kill non-Christians, but that was all in the name of the lord! The world had to be cleared of all the atheist scum! It was his duty as a Prayer Warrior! Well, perhaps he had done a few things he wasn't proud of, Jerry mused, as a flood of images entered his mind, images of every man he'd killed, every building he burned down, every corpse he'd urinated on. With those images, a niggling feeling of doubt settled in his stomach. Could all those disgusting acts have really been in the name of God? Wasn't it Jesus who said to love every man, to live in peace? Could everything he and his followers had done as Prayer Warriors… have been sins?

Jerry fell to his knees and bowed his head.

"Forgive me god, for I hav sinned." Jerry muttered under his breath, tears streaming down his face.

"no shyt."

Jerry's head snapped up, anger knocking his earlier thoughts out the window.

"How dare you disturb a man in prayer, heathen!"

"my names nut hithen, its Ebony."

Jerry was stunned at the name, the name of the first female Prayer Warrior and his close friend.

"What did you say you name was?"

She straightened her back, and delivered her next lines like a memorized speech.

"Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way. I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie. I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen). I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic-"

"Alright, alright, I get it!" Jerry said, cutting off Ebony's tirade. He ran a hand through his close-cropped blonde hair and scanned the room again for an exit.

"omfg, u lik me!" Ebony gasped. Jerry really wished she would stop doing that.

" How dare you accuse me of such an ungodful thing! I am married, and-"

"evrbody luvz me! draco luvz m, vampire luvs me, evn snap and Lumpkin-"

Every little string of recently developed humanity snapped in Jerry. He couldn't possibly live like this for the rest of eternity. Something had to be done.

"Begon, you Stanic whore!" Jerry cried as he swung his sword, which had magically appeared out of thin air. Instead of sinking through Ebony's pearly white flesh, the blade bounced off her neck as though it were made of rubber.

"btw i am vampire so i cunt dy frm swords. i can ony die frm crosses nd steaks."

"But you have crosses in your ears write now!"

Just then a magical portal appeared, and a large mob, led by Draco Malfoy and Percy Jackson, came charging out. The tied them up, stoned them to death, threw the bodies out, and went to Hades' castle to celebrate their victory.

But in the joy of success, Draco and Percy had forgotten one thing- you can't kill the dead.

Jerry and Ebony are still out there, slowly sucking the life out of fandoms.

And you know what the worst part is?

It's impossible to stop them.

Hide your books, movies, and posters.

They are coming.