I walked slowly, my chin pressed firmly into my chest. In the back of my mind, I could hear them yelling at me to never give up. To stand and fight.
However, the battle was lost and their cries slowly faded. I passed by Lucy who whispered my name before I entered the hall. Being alone for a while might help. No, it will definitely help.
I failed every one. They needed me to get them those points and I fucking failed them. Just like I had failed Fairy Tail. I failed my friends. I failed the Master. I failed Ul. I failed Natsu.
I stopped.
Natsu.
He must hate me now. Now that he knows how weak and fragile I am. I had a few broken ribs and a lot of bruises. He will never fight with me again, not without teasing and bitching at me on how stupid I looked back in that arena.
Unknown tears slid down my face, heating up my body. I stripped off my coat and shirt, throwing them to the ground before sitting against the wall.
Reaching into my pocket I pulled out a pack of cigarettes. Pulling one out and lighting it quickly. I loved the feeling of the thick smoke drowning out my lungs. I loved the pain it brought when it was so hard to breath that I coughed. I loved the pain of not caring.
Slumped against the wall, I smoked cigarette after cigarette. Until the pack was gone. And 10 buds lay in a messing line between the cracks so nobody would ever notice them.
'I have another pack in my room.' I remembered and grabbed my clothes. At least this would waste time.
Once in my room, I went straight to the bathroom, using all my strength to shatter the tiles on the wall. Throwing another punch that hit the mirror. Blood flowed down my hands.
"FUCK!" I screamed. Punching the wall hard enough for my hand to shattered the glass tiles and go through the wall. My tears found their way down my face. One after the other. Non-stop until I froze the entire room over.
Hatred and disgust at myself was all I could feel. My body was so cold, that everything I touched froze over. What magic I had left was leaking out.
I turned on the shower, letting the steaming hot water stream out. The rom filled with steam and almost instantly melted my ice. Leaning against the sink, smoking another cigarette, I waited for the hot water to run out so it would be freezing cold.
I threw out the cigarette bud and stepped into the nearly-frozen water. The droplets glided down my sweaty and blood-covered body. The cold water invaded every cut and scrape I had and I hissed at the pain.
Having enough, I turned the water off and left the room in search of some clothes without holes in them.
"You look as hot as ever." A voice complimented from the corner. There was barely any light in the room, leaving the figure anonymous. It was a male voice. Not deep like mine, though.
"Who's there?" I threatened. Summoning an ice dagger behind my back so they couldn't see. "Show yourself! I have no time for-..."
"Relax, Ice Princess. It's just me." A pink haired mage said, walking calmly out of the corner. I stood up straight and the dagger shattered to bits. "Were you going to attack me? Your beloved boyfriend?" He gasped. Holding a hand to his chest as if he was offended.
I walked over to my dresser, pulling out a cigarette and lighter. "Had you been anyone else, I would have killed you. I want to be alone right now." I flicked the lighter and it sparked, but the flame never lit. I try a few more time before throwing it out.
"Why are you here?" He asked me.
"I needed to be alone." I excused. I really did. After all, someone who have died if I hadn't left. "And I didn't want to hurt anyone if I decided to hurt myself."
Natsu walked up behind and wrapped his arms around my waist. We had been dating for two years, not including the 7 years that we missed. I about to toss the cigarette down when a finger appeared in front of me. A small flame on the end.
"Here. And you reek of cigarettes, how many have you smoked?" He offered. His arm still tightly around my waist. I held the end in the flame until it started burning.
We went and laid down in the bed, facing each other. A half-burned cigarette in my mouth and a lovey-clingy Natsu beside me. His warm and soft fingers gliding over my scars. Both on my waist and my wrists.
"Why did you start again?" He asked me.
"When we got back from Tenrou..." I felt his body tense and he started stroking my hair. I closed my eyes and slightly purred at the touch.
"Why didn't you tell me you were in so much pain...?" I curled closer to him, not wanting to unset him if I said something wrong.
Taking a deep breath, I explained to him about how I've been letting everyone down. And how I've been drifting away from everyone. And how I've been suffering from things that happened from when I was a small kid.
He listened and didn't say a single smart ass comment. After I finished, he wrapped his arms around me and let me cry into his chest.
"I'm sorry I failed you in the arena." I sobbed.
"Shh. You didn't fail me. You were just up against an opponent that was really strong." He attempted to comfort me. "It's okay to lose a battle once in a while."
Smiling for the first time in days, I decided to finally get dressed. Walking over to my dresser again, I pulled out some underwear and my black skinny jeans. Slipping on the boxers, I was satisfied enough.
"You look beautiful." Natsu whispered in a low sexy voice.
"Thank you. But I still don't think that." I walked back to the bed, crawling seductively into Natsu's lap, slightly grinding my hips into his. He moaned and pulled me down with him, placing his hot lips on mine.
"No matter what, you are. And I just thought of something that would make you fell much, much, better." He smirked and kissed me once more.
"Yeah?" I nipped at his neck. "I'd like that."
"I love you, Gray."
"I love you too Natsu."
end