Something hinky is seriously going on with the Grillows fan fictions! Meaning there hasn't been any new stories! Which I think is horrid! I love Grillows, so anybody who reads this, I beg you please write something! Fanfiction seems to be going downhill with the small amounts being uploaded! So here I am writing more! Ha!
GRILLOWS
I'm sitting here in my office, with my head in my hands. I can't believe he slept with that thing! That tart! Lady Heather! I love Gil more than anything in the world! I feel so betrayed that he slept with her! But then again, I know I have no claim to him! He's not mine, so why does my heart feel like it's shattered? I have always loved him, why can't he love me back? He means more than the world to me! More than love itself. How could he love me though? I'm just an ex-dancer! He doesn't even look at me that way, but then again whenever he looks at me, I feel my heart beat faster and I can't help but smile, my life for him always shines through. He's been there for me through everything, even when Eddie was beating me, I went to Gil because he made me feel safe and secure. Dare I say it he made me feel loved. If only I could turn back time and leave Eddie for Gil, I wouldn't turn it back far enough that I didn't have Lindsay, I would only turn back time to when I was a couple of weeks pregnant, so that Gil and I could raise her together, so that she could have a proper father in her life. Truth be told he has been a great father figure to her. I wish he could be the father to my child for real, how much I would love for him to hold me, kiss me, touch me and make love to me. Like he did with Lady Heather. But that would be a dream wouldn't it? A wish my heart makes, and in my dreams my heartaches are gone, because I have him. I have my Gil. I have my bug man. I love him more than words could say. So how can I tell him? I don't want to ruin our friendship, but I want more. So much more. But I also wonder if he loves her. If he does, I don't want to destroy what he has because I want him to be happy. Even if it costs me my own happiness. I love him. So, what should I do about it? I don't want him to hate me, which I fear he might do if he realises how I feel about him, because what if he doesn't feel the same way? What if I put my heart on the line, to have it shattered by the only man I have ever truly loved, felt safe with and could see myself with for eternity? Maybe I should tell him. Maybe I shouldn't. Or Maybe I should leave because, if he was to turn me away when I love him as much as I do, then I doubt I would be able to survive. At least if I leave then he won't have a chance to break my heart. But If I leave then he shall never know how I feel about him. How my heart beats for him. How when he walks into a room I can't help but smile and feel safe. How even if his name is mentioned I can see his smile in my mind's eye and I smile brightly as my heart skips a beat. I can't describe how much I love him, because loving him is beyond my control. I can't stop loving him, but then again I don't want to. Even if he is with her.
"Cath, Cath, Earth to Cath", Gil says rather amused, waving his hand in front of her face.
I look up, "Huh?"
Gil chuckles softly, and I can't help but smile at the sound, "What were you thinking about?"
I can't tell him the truth, he would hate me, after all I was thinking about him, "Nothing, What was it you wanted?" I ask, and it's not till I see his facial expression that I said it a lot colder and harsher than I was meant to, and now I feel guilty
"Have I done something wrong Cath?", he asks sounding confused and slightly hurt.
I sigh, I might as well tell the truth, maybe he won't hate me? "You slept with Lady Heather" I state and look down, resting my head back into my hands, I can't look at him, I don't want to see the look of hate in his eyes
I can hear him move slightly closer, "Is this what this about? You think I slept with her? Cath, we aren't together, what would it matter if I slept with her or not?"
I feel like my heart is shattering, hearing him say those words, my heart has always been his, even if he didn't know it, I can't love anyone else, and now he's breaking it, "Because…..Because I…..I love you Gil" my breath is shaky with the threaten of tears spilling, and I can't look up at him, "More than anything in the world, and I always have done" I admit softly, and I can hear his footsteps and then feel his arms wrap around me, and I can't help but fall into his arms. His arms make me feel so safe and loved.
Gil holds me close, "I love you too Cath, I never slept with her, how could I?. I love you" he whispers in my ear.
I can't help but smile, and I stand up and kiss him, as his arms hold me close to him, and my arms wrap around his neck. It feels so natural, like I should have been here all along, and like this is where I am destined to be. In his arms, feeling so much safer and so much more loved than I have ever felt in my entire life.