Disclaimer: JK owns all. Warning: Language, teen angst.
Harry could hear the door open and their voices conversing downstairs. He tries to take a deep breath, to stay calm, but it is useless. He hears Sirius call him downstairs, and knows he's going to have to face her. Going to have to see them together.
Merlin how Harry hated it when she was over. Sirius acts in a totally different manner when she's around. It pisses him off seeing his godfather acting like some hospitable gentleman. As if. He hates seeing Sirius so lovey dovey, always attending to her every need. Pathetic.
He makes his way slowly downstairs, hating each footstep more and more as it brings him closer and closer to having to deal with them together.
Sirius smiles at seeing Harry and she looks at him smiling too. Harry hates her so fucking much. The rage boils up inside him and it takes all his energy to keep his cool. To keep his face expressionless to hide the angry sneer he wants to shoot in their direction.
Harry hates how she's so god damn nice. Like smiling and laughter will get him to like her. Never in a million years.
Harry detests how she makes him feel. Like he's good for nothing. Like he could disappear off the planet and Sirius would only spare him a passing thought before turning his attention back to her. 'I hate how she takes him away from me. How when she's around, I might as well be a speck of dust on Sirius' shoes. It's even worse when Sirius tries to include me and be 'friends' with her. I'd rather be left alone than be forced to act as fake as her.'
He hates how this stupid jealousy is such a childlike emotion, but it has such a strong hold on him that he can't let go.
All his life it has always been him and Sirius. Sirius is as good as his father. Has always been like a father to Harry. It was always just the two of them as Harry grew up. Harry never had to share Sirius with anyone. And now this stupid woman is taking him away from me, Harry thought angrily. Stupid bitch just has to go and ruin a perfectly fine family.
It's not like I have anything against her per se, Harry thought moodily, it's just how her existence affects my life.
And night time is the worst. It's bad enough thinking of Sirius having a sex life, but to actually hear it, made it all the more repulsive. Did she have to be so god damn loud? Didn't she realize how fucking thin the walls are? Harry swore she did it on purpose just to rub it in his face that Sirius likes her more than him.
Harry stuffs his headphones over his ears and cranks up the volume. He was exhausted but knew he wouldn't be able to sleep at all with the loud noises and bitter thoughts to keep him company.
It didn't help that Harry has been feeling emotionally unstable for some time. It feels like these days the slightest comment or action can set him off. His wrists are scarred but he's been trying to stop. Really he has. He doesn't want to be like that anymore. The rage he feels inside him makes it difficult to remember that promise to stop he made to himself. His fists clench, veins becoming more prominent on his forearm. He grits his teeth and his eyebrows draw together in anger.
The lyrics on his headphones blast out the words he can't ever be allowed to scream out,
"Father, why have you forsaken me? In your eyes forsaken me? In your thoughts forsaken me? In your heart forsaken me?"
"This is fucking bullshit," Harry whispers to himself as he rocks himself with his arms wrapped around his knees as the music blares. It's not alright. I'm not okay. Everything isn't fine. I'm trapped in a living hell. In my own personal cage forced to relive the same nightmare over and over again.
Harry was having a hard time breathing. The breaths seemed to get caught in his chest as he gasped for air, fighting back tears. The hot knot inside his throat was too much for him however and the tears spilled over onto his cheeks.
He wanted out of this house. He wanted out from his daily dose of pain. He just wanted out.
He clenched his fingers tight around his arms, fighting back the urge to pick up his wand and cut his wrists.
He knew he had to get over this. He counted down the days he would be able to move out of this house. But even if he moved out, she would still be here. Still keeping Sirius in her clutches. It would never end, not really.
Harry resisted the urge to throw his headphones at the wall of his bedroom. He bit his hand to keep from screaming out his anger and hurt.
The hours passed slowly, and when the morning broke the darkness Harry woke up to find he had been able to drift asleep at some point during the night. He splashed cold water on his face, wiping away any remaining traces of his sleepless, tear filled night. He made his way downstairs to find Sirius in the kitchen cooking breakfast.
"Hey there kiddo, how'd you sleep?" Harry wanted to vomit at Sirius' good mood. He was never a morning person. He was only ever in a good mood the next morning if he'd just had a shag the night before.
"Great," Harry said, being careful to keep any sarcasm from his voice.
"What happened to your hand?" Sirius asked seeing the puncture marks from where Harry had bit himself.
"The neighbor's cat bit me last night."
"Oh that's nice." Sirius mumbled distractedly. Harry looked up at Sirius, frowning at what he had just said. He looked up to see her entering the kitchen.
And here comes another day of hell Harry thought to himself, making his way out of the kitchen; away from the hurt of emotional abandonment.
A/N: Disclaimer: The lyrics are from the song "Chop Suey" by System of a Down. I am not affliated with them or JK in anyway. I do not own their music, the beat or the lyrics. Personally, I think it is an awesome song, check it out if you like that type of music. ^.^