Bowser's Kingdom: tales of a Shell

Disclaimer: I own nothing, Nintendo characters based from the flash movie series, Bowser's Kingdom.

Author's note: Watch the Bowser's Kingdom flash cartoons and movie before reading this story to follow the plot line. This story is going to be compiled as one episode per chapter. I intend to do it this way to keep away from any permanent storyline, if the characters have a overly long adventure, like in this one, it may carry across more then one chapter. I'm setting the rating on mature to stay on the safe side.

Now prepare yourselves for the continuing adventures of Jeff and Hal, and all their 'pals.' Read and review if you ever want to see your lucky candy again!

Chapter 1: Day of Redemption - Part 1

--Jeff and Hal's apartment--

Hal: "Its pointless Jeff, There's not one fucking place in this entire universe that a goomba and a koopa can work except with Bowser, and he's branded us as traitors!"

Jeff: "Ya, fine. Would you shut up already, I'm trying to read the paper."

Hal: "You're reading the freakin' Mushroom times, no way is somebody gonna hire ex-Bowser minions in the Mushroom Kingdom!"

Jeff laid the newspaper on the table and hopped off the wooden chair. "Dude, you never should have ticked off Steve like that, I blame you for this mess!"

Hal gave a bitter expression, "I'm sorry okay! How the hell did the bastard come back to life anyway? He was dead with a plastic bag over his head!"

Jeff: "I don't know, but I do think we can still fix this."

Hal: "Ya, how? Just go up to Bowser and say, hey king Koopa, we were framed, you can stop calling us traitors now. Oh no, I got it, a piranha plant framed us for telling him to go away to keep our ears from bleeding by his blindingly joyful ranting!"

Jeff: "Ignoring your shitty sarcasm, I think I have a plan."

Hal: "Well glory be! Might want to jump to plan C though, remember last time you had a plan?"

Jeff: "Hey, at least I fixed the problem. And while I was working to revive the princess, you were whining and nagging me the whole time!"

Hal: "Fine, whatever. So, what's your plan?"

Jeff: "Bowser thinks we're traitors, right? He believes that we took peach for our own reasons, right?"

Hal: "...Just spit it out!"

Jeff: "If we actually do get the princess to Bowser, wouldn't that clear our names?"

Hal beamed at Jeff, "That's perfect! Nothing could go wrong. Oh wait, Mario and Luigi could stomp our freakin' skulls into the ground!"

Jeff: "Com'on, you've seen how gullible the princess is, all we have to do is get by Mario and Luigi."

Hal: "Wait, you're not talking about wearing those stupid costumes again!"

Jeff: "Hal, don't you want to have your job again and not have to hide in fear of Bowser's minions."

Hal: "I never actually had a job, remember! But yes, I do grow tired of running from my old friends."

Jeff: "You had friends?"

Hal: "Er, Good acquaintances. geez, you can be a real ass sometimes."

Jeff: "I try. So, wanna get your old life back, plus whatever Bowser may possibly award us with?"

Hal: "What the hell, it isn't like we can do much as it is."

Jeff: "Great, I'll get the costumes."

Hal: "I'll get my own, thank you. I don't want to wear anything that's been in your dirty mouth!"

Jeff: "For Pete Sake, I open the door with my mouth. You've gotta get past your fear of germs."

Hal: "Well I was fine with that until you told me! Thanks a lot!"

Jeff: "A pleasure. Now go get your Luigi stuff."

Hal: "Hey, why can't I be Mario."

Jeff: "Luigi's the tall one. a giant Mario and short, stubby Luigi might be hard to pull off."

Hal: "True. Do we have to do this right now, shouldn't we plan it through or something?"

Jeff: "Actually, I wanted to stop by a burger shop on the way, we can scheme there."

Hal: "Fine with me, let's strip up!"

Jeff: "Strip up? What the fuck?

Hal: "Ya. You know, like stripping down, except up, get it?"

Jeff: "That's gay."

Hal: "Please, we all know you had a 'banana' shoved down your throat."

Jeff: "I was talking about a real banana, gay face."

Hal: "Oh com'on, can't you just let it go already!"

Jeff: "That's what he said, wasn't it?"

Hal: "I'm gonna kill you in your fucking sleep!"

Jeff: "Oh, just don't rape me in my sleep."

Hal: "...Fine, fine. You know what, fine, okay. I don't give a damn. Just put on your clothes already."

Jeff: "Are you enticing that I'm naked in front of you?"

Hal: "I'm not listening, la lala lala. What was that? Oh, can't hear what you're saying."

Jeff: "Alright moron, com'on, Mornings don't last forever."

Hal: "Hold on to your spores, I'm coming."

The two companions dawned their one and only attire and trailed away on the road to mushroom kingdom, stopping by Monty's burger parlor along the way. They passed through the glass doors and took a seat on stools at the bar. Monty the mole, who owned the parlor, was washing the inside of a glass with a rag behind the bar.

Monty: "Well, if it isn't the wanted dead and not alive pair, what are you doing around here, and dressed up like that?"

Hal: "Hey, is that any way to greet a friend?"

Monty: "I will bust your skull if you say friend again."

Hal gulped as he sunk his head into his shell.

Jeff: "Listen Monty, we're trying to clear or names. We were framed you see, and now we're going to get the princess for Bowser."

Monty: "Really? So what lout do you say framed ya?"

Hal and Jeff both answered together in a cold tone, "Steve."

Monty laughed. "You mean that funny little piranha plant?"

Hal: "Don't be fooled, he's a born killer. Steve framed us and took the princess to get the reward for himself!"

Jeff: "Ya, let him start a conversation with you and its all over for ya."

Monty: "Well I'm not saying I believe you but I'm not gonna stop you from eating in here, and I hope you two come through this on top."

Hal: "aww, thanks Monty."

Monty: "Mainly Jeff."

Hal: "Hey, com'on!"

Jeff: "Just face it Hal, he hates you, we all hate you. Live with it."

Hal: "And all I said was frie-... never mind."

Monty: "So, what can I get for you guys."

Jeff: "A mushroom burger with no mustard and a diet coke."

Hal: "Cheese fries with sweet tea!"

Monty: "Alright, just sit back a bit and I'll have it out for ya."

Hal: "Diet coke? You know that crap doesn't work."

Jeff: "Everyone's been bugging me about being fat, I'm trying anything to loose it I guess."

Hal: "Well I heard diet drinks have lots of high fructose corn syrup, which is bad for your mind, memory loss or something like that."

Jeff: "High fructose corn syrup is in everything Hal. It's in the cheese your eating, Its in my ketchup."

Hal: "Ya, you're right. We're all screwed. It's a conspiracy."

Moments later, Monty returned with two platters and set them on the booth before them. "Here's your tabs, pay'em before ya leave."

Hal: "So, we're here, time for us to figure a plan. Mainly you."

Jeff: "Well, for starts, the plan is to kidnap the princess, preferably without her finding out like before, and returning her to Bowser, thus clearing our names."

Hal: "We've been over this, more specific. Like, do we just waltz into the castle and say to her, hey princess, let's go for a very long stroll out of the Mushroom Kingdom?"

Jeff: "Okay. We sneak into the castle at night, trying not to be seen, but if we are seen, then we have these costumes. It should be plenty to fool them, especially at night. From there we go to the princess's chambers, ask her to go far a walk under the stars with us, and high tail it outta there. Once we are a ways off, we'll simply nab the princess and tie her up for the rest of the trip."

Hal: "Sounds doable, but make sure to tie her mouth too, listening to her is almost as bad as Steve."

Jeff and Hal both spoke together in a scowling tone, "Steeeeeve."

Hal: "I guess that's all, but do you have a back-up in case the plan blows?"

Jeff: "Ya, we hope you have a better chance at getting a job as a ghost."

Hal: "Actually, I think I turn into a skeleton when I die. Turtles turn into skeletons, shy guys into ghosts, what about Goombas? I've never seen a goomba ghost or undead."

Jeff: "Goombas are mushrooms, we just die and rot. So ya, I'm screwed."

Hal: "Bummer. At least Mushrooms are easily fixed in the hospital."

Jeff: "Dude, mushrooms can't get 'fixed'."

Hal: " Wow, should've seen that one coming."

Jeff: "Alright, it will be getting late soon, scarf your food and lets get moving."

--Mushroom Kingdom-outside Peach's castle--

Jeff: "Okay, all we have to do is get over this wall."

Hal looks up at the giant wall, then back at Jeff. "That's suicide!"

Jeff: "Quiet! Look, here's a tree, we just climb it and go across that branch on to the wall."

Hal: "Yea, how about you first."

Jeff: "Fine, wimp." Jeff walked up to the tree, and stood there facing it.

Hal: "well, what'cha waiting for?"

Jeff: "Uh, I forgot that I don't have arms."

Hal: "You're kidding me! Use your teeth or something."

Jeff jumped and bit the tree mid-air, he held on with his mouth.

Jeff: "Dang, I cun duu anehhing."

Hal fell on the ground laughing. "That's ridiculous. Way to go Jeff, way to go get stuck like that!"

Jeff let go of the tree and plopped on the ground. "That was because I listened to you Hal, not that I haven't regretted that before."

Hal: "Jeff, this is over complicated. Lets just go through the gate, it's worked before. "

Jeff: "Fine, we'll do it the easy way."

Jeff and Hal approached the wooden gate, a toad was guarding it, standing under a lighted torch.

Guard toad: "Halt, who goes there?"

Jeff: "Uh, uh, it'sa me, Mario."

Hal: "You made that sound like a question!"

Jeff: "Shh, tell him who you are already!"

Hal: "Oh, and it's me, his brother Luigi."

Guard toad: "Oh, hey Mario, hiiii Luigi. Having a good evening, Luigi?"

Hal: "Crap, it's this guy again."

Jeff: "Just go along with it."

Guard toad: "So, come to see the princess guys?"

Jeff: "Ya, can we come in?"

Guard Toad: "of course Mario."

The guard opened the gate, Hal and Jeff passed through.

Guard Toad: "I hope to see you later to night, Luigi."

The two crossed the courtyard and beheld the castle entrance.

Hal: "I'm glad that didn't last long. What, a, weirdo!"

Jeff: "The idea of that toad and Luigi is sick, beyond sick."

Hal: "Ya, what is up with that? Did he have a bad experience or something with women?"

Jeff: "Never mind that. We're here, lets get this done."

Hal: "Right behind ya!"

Jeff: "You better not be right behind me, fag."

Hal: "I'm shutting up now. Shutting up."

Jeff and Hal followed the hallways to Princess Peach's room.

A High-pitched voice that sounds like Alvin the chipmunk: "Flalala, what a wonderful evening! I wonder if Mario will come to see me today?"

Hal: "Jeff, we haven't even started and I'm already sick of hearing her! Just kill me now."

Jeff: "Get over it! Remember, life, money, dignity, not a skeleton."

Hal: "Right, right. Okay, lets do this!"

Jeff knocked on the door, with is head of course. knock, knock, THOWMP! That last one was him tripping into the door, producing a small headache.

Jeff: "Damnit! That hurt."

Princess Peach: "Who is it? hm hm hmm, la la lala."

Jeff: "It's me, Mario."

Princess: "You sound congested again Mario. la la hum."

Jeff: "Uh, ya. Allergies I guess. Can we come in?"

Princess: "One second! Lala la, hm hm hmm!"

Jeff: "Anytime now."

Princess: "I'm almost there."

Hal: "Is she at-"

Jeff: "Oh ya, she's twirling at the door still."

Peach finally opened the door, Jeff and Hal strode in. "So, what are you guys doing here?"

Jeff: "We wanted to take you for a mid-night stroll, if you aren't scared of the dark."

Peach: "Of course I'm not scared with you around, Mario, and you too, Luigi! We can take my air balloon again if you'd like."

Hal: "Just make sure to bring lots of extra rope!"

Peach: "What for?"

Jeff: "Uh... To, er, in case a line snaps, for emergencies."

Peach: "Oh, okay. That sounds nice. If your ready then lets get going!"

Peach performed a pirouette out of her room and twirled down the halls with Jeff and Hal following her.

Hal: "Jeff, she's so oblivious and making it too easy, it's making me too sick."

Jeff: "I don't know anyone who could keep that optimistic after being kidnapped and molested by Bowser fifty times. Just don't talk to her much, try not to strike a conversation too often."

Hal: "Are you kidding? Every moment we're not saying something she is! As far as I'm concerned, I'd rather talk about how whether cheesecake is really a cake or a pie!"

Jeff: "Dude, it's totally a tart."

Hal: "What? Tha hell is a tart?"

Jeff: "Pies have crusts on the top and the bottom with filling inside, tarts only have a crust on the bottom, like a cheesecake."

Hal: "I don't know where you got that from."

Jeff: "The Internet of course, just search Wikipedia."

Hal: "I don't have a computer, or the money for one. How did you use the Internet?"

Jeff: "Hal, I have a freakin computer in my bedroom. Have you never noticed?"

Hal: "No! I don't go in your fungicidal room!"

Jeff: "Like I said, get over it you germaphobe! You've been missing out on the web because you're scared to go in my room, pansy."

Princess Peach was talking about the wonderful day she had while Jeff and Hal were discussing cheesecake. She reached the outer courtyard and found the air balloon, and they all entered it and floated away in the silken moon light.