Senselessness

by EKBlack

A quickie; I'm not sure how funny it is. Written 'cause of the recent lack of X humor, a skit because I didn't feel like doing a story. Now PG-13 due to mild shounen-ai and slightly citrusy implications. Scene 5 is in! R/R now!

1. Scene One

Senselessness

—a skit featuring part of the cast of X, some random cameos from CLAMP, a great deal of silliness, and no plot.

Disclaimer: GAH! There's no point in suing! I'm just a poor child, from a poor family(song by Queendon't sue for that either!)

Scribbles: HeeheeI shan't tell you about the characters involved apart from the X thing. Possible spoilers for X, some shonen-ai/shoujo-ai possibilities. I believe in free speech, including freedom of flaming. Write whatever you like for a review, although constructive criticism is nice

Scene one.

(At rise, a large model of Sunshine 60 building. Stage smoke is rising from it.)

Kamui: Oh my god!! Someone is trying to destroy another building! Let's go and attempt to stop them in vain and then get sexually harassed and tortured! All riiiight! (He runs off)

Subaru: (looking forlorn and fingering a sakura petal) Wait for me, Kamui-san. I want to go emotionally off the edge while giving the cigarette companies another boost of sales growth(He follows Kamui)

(Not far off, Fuuma is near a vending machine. He holds the Shinken.)

Fuuma: (Sticking Shinken in the vending machine ) You BEEPing thing! Gimme back my money! (He jabs at the mutilated machine a little longer and then gives it a couple of licks before slicing it in half with his bare hands. Soda and tea runs over his hands and drip everywhere. He licks the drink from his hands and walks off)

Little Girl Who Resembles Kinomoto Sakura: WAHH! Now I can't buy Kero-chan a nice root beer! (She rollerblades off, to be tripped by a bunch of fangirls who then beat her up)

(On top of Sunshine 60, Fuuma is sitting and positioning some soda cans. He then makes a funny shape with his two hands as though he was making a demented shadow puppet with a long neck.)

Fuuma: (mumbling strange things)

(There is an explosion, and we see that the soda cans have formed a large pentacle and that there is now a large pentacle-shaped hole in the roof)

Subaru & Seishirou: (banging their elbows into Fuuma's head) That's our job!! (They see each other and have a Dramatic Moment ™.)

Subaru: But, Sei-chan, aren't youdead?

Seishirou: Well, in the tradition of Shakespeare's Hamlet, I have returned to spend a while with you. (Follows censored material)

Kamui: Ahh! Oh my gosh it's you! Fuuma!

Fuuma: Yep. It's me. "Kamui."

Kamui: Look, I think you're confused. I am Kamui.

Fuuma: I'm Kamui.

Kamui: Oh BEEP this. Would you do me a favor and stick that nice Shinken you got there through my hand and then lick my blood?

Fuuma: (confused) Uh

(Nataku arrives, complete with Strange Ribbon-like Thing ™. It lands on top of Fuuma's head and hugs him.)

Nataku: In addition to being gender-confused, I will exemplify a traditional case of Opedial conflict! By the way, Daddy, what's Opedial conflict?

(Fuuma grunts and gets up unsteadily with Kamui's help. Subaru and Seishirou's ghost are stillin the corner)

Kamui: I can't help you with that one, Bioroid-person, but I do know that you're not laying claim to my Fuuma. After all, he's the only reason I'm gonna save the world.

Fuuma: OhI'm touched(warm embrace, followedby a very warm embrace, and then a make-out schpiel interrupted by Nataku)

Nataku: Daddy?

Fuuma: Ummph

Nataku: Do I call that one "mommy" now?

Kamui: FuumaI'm not sure I want to make that kind of commitment right nowbut I will meet you at the next place you choose to destroy and then you could stick some more things in me and/or tie me up or throw me against concrete. Bring the Shinken.

Fuuma: Is this adate?

Kamui: (saucily) You betoh, and the Bioroid has a security blanket. Didja know that?

Fuuma: (turns to Nataku) YesI see. I'll get rid of it. It annoys me too.

(Tomoyo pops up from nowhere and beams.)

Tomoyo: Fuuma-san, would you like me to design a new weapon for yourdaughter?

Nataku: (hysterically) NOOOOOOO!! (It runs off, and the train of fangirls in its wake runs over Tomoyo)

Subaru: Kamui-kun, it's time to go. I've been properly abused.

Kamui: Aww. (He waves a fond farewell at Fuuma and they leave)

Seishirou's Ghost: (indignantly) Hey "Kamui", you know those two are going around behind our backs, don't you?

Fuuma: (pondering) Yeah. Maybe we shouldn't see them anymore. After all, we're not exactly guiltless either. (they wink at each other)

(End Scene one)