A/N: Erm, we
wrote this during a very boring history class…it's kind of insane. I think we
love the HP characters too much! (Not to mention our leather fetish…) Oh, and
we don't hate Snape! We just thought he'd look better in the attire we chose as
opposed to leather. If this gets lots of good reviews we may write a sequel,
which will most likely be better than this one cuz we wrote it in an hour. The
beginning sucks, but it gets better, I promise! There's lots of plot holes, but
stories like this aren't supposed to make sense anyway.
Disclaimer: All
characters belong to JK. The idea belongs to Fox and I. Kanga belongs to
herself (so she says…). Raven's basement belongs to Raven (me!). Vex and Island
Stingers are registered trademarks of whoever they belong to. Jumanji belongs
to whoever made up that movie. And all the Simpsons quotes we ripped off belong
to the writers of the Simpsons (geniuses *sniff*).
The Leather Pants Party
By: Fox_goddess and RavenWillow
[It's a boring afternoon. Fox
and Raven are hanging out, bored as ever.]
Fox: I'm bored.
Raven: Yes, we've already
established that.
F: So what should we do?
R: I know! Let's have a
leather pants party!
F: OK!
R: Who should we bring in
first?
F: Let's start with…Harry!
*poof*
Harry: Uh…hi?
F: Hi Harry! Want an Island
Stinger or a Vex?
Harry: A what?
R: Never mind…
F: Now Raven, how shall we
dress Harry? [She snaps her fingers and Harry lacks clothing.]
Harry: Ack!
R [wiping the drool away]:
OK…maybe we should give him some clothes. *snap*
[Harry appears wearing a pink
tutu.]
Harry: This is even worse!
Help!
R: Oops, sorry. That's Snape's
wardrobe. *snap*
[Harry appears in black
leather pants and a black shirt.]
F: Yay! Leather party! We need
more people, though. Let's get Draco in here!
*poof* [Draco drops out of the
sky.]
Draco: Ow…where the hell am I?
R: Welcome to the Leather
Pants Party! Oops, he's lacking leather. QUICK, I NEED 500CCs OF LEATHER,
STAT!" *snap*
[Draco appears in brown
snakeskin pants and a white shirt, half unbuttoned.]
Draco: WHAT THE HELL AM I
WEARING?!
R: It's Armani, I thought
you'd like it…Fox, dear, close your mouth, you're getting drool everywhere.
Harry: This is too kinky for
my liking. Can I go home now?
F: Harry, no! Hey Draco, wanna
drink? [waves a Vex in his face] You know you want it.
[Draco grabs the drink
greedily and sits on a couch, grumbling.]
R: OK, this party's dead.
Let's bring in…
*poof*
Harry: The Weasley twins?
Fred & George: Um, Harry,
what's with the pants? And who are these girls?
F: Ooh, twins! Thanks, Raven!
[tackles the twins] Let's make you match!
*snap*
Draco: Fred is sporting a pair
of the traditional black leather pants with a tight orange tank top, then comes
George with a yellow shirt and pants to match his brother.
R: Draco, I question your
sexual preference.
Draco: So does everyone
else…HEY!
[Raven and Fox snigger.]
Draco: Well, can you guys at
least bring in a girl? All this leather is making me uncomfortable…
R: I s'pose…Hmmm…
*poof*
Raven and Fox's very confused
friend Kanga: Uh, Fox? Raven? What's going on?
R: We bring you Draco!
F: Desperate!
R: And in leather!
[Kanga squeals and tackles
Draco, dragging him off.]
F: Happy now?
[Harry staggers out from
behind the bar, and empty bottle of vodka in hand.]
Harry: I love you guys, all of
you!
F: Uh oh, Harry's gotten into
the hard liquor. That's mine!
[Fox tackles Harry and beats
him.]
R: Well, this is getting
better, but we're still missing something…
Fred [mumbling]: Yeah, and
authority figure…
R: Great idea! Thanks!
George: I don't like the sound
of that.
*poof* [Remus and Sirius
appear. Raven squeals with delight.]
Remus: Um, ok…I'm somewhere
where I don't know where I am, and I am in leather pants…
Sirius: Go with it, man!
[Grabs a Vex from Fox.]
F [leaving Harry passed out by
the bar]: Now the party is complete! [Fox collapses on a couch with George
& Fred.] Well…except for one thing.
*poof* [Snape appears in a
pink tutu.]
F [giggling]: Dance, you
greasy-haired git! [She threatens him with her wand.]
Snape: Ack! Help! [begins to
prance.]
R: Complete? My dear Fox, no
Leather Pants Party would be complete without…
*poof*
R: Ron! [Ron looks around,
confused at his new leather attire.]
F: Ron's mine! I own the
Weasley boys!
Ron [backing away from Fox
slowly]: Where are we, anyway?
R: The best place to go for a
drunken party!
F: Raven's basement!
*snap* [Booze, beanbag chairs,
a fog machine and swanky music appear.]
Ron: Al right!
F: Mmm, Vex, my favourite!
Besides the Weasleys, of course.
Fred and George: Hey, we're
lacking attention!
F [in a sing-song voice]: I'm
coming!
Harry [swaying drunkenly]:
Come one everybody! Everybody get naked! Come on, don't be shy, it's going to
be great!
R: OK! We have everyone in
leather, Snape in a tutu and Harry's faced – what now?
Sirius [grabbing another drink
and ripping off his shirt]: PAR-TAY! [He chugs his drink and passes out on the
floor.]
Ron: Ri-i-i-ght….
Remus [to no one in
particular]: These pants are chafing me…
F: Hey Remus, if those pants
are chafing you, why not take them off?
[Remus cowers.]
Fred: Hey Fox, what about us?
F: Oh yeah! [Prances off to
her corner with the Weasleys.]
R: What corner? This room is
circular…
Remus [turning to Raven]: Well,
seeing as how you're the only sane one here, what's say you get rid of everyone
and I'll show you *CENSOR*
F: Ew, that was the dirtiest
pickup line ever!
Remus: I must warn you, I get
kind of weird once a month.
R: That's al right, so does
every girl.
[Draco emerges, buttoning up
his shirt. Looks around at Harry hanging off a chandelier, Sirius passed out on
the floor, Snape in his tutu, and all the other goings-on.]
Draco: Did I miss something?
R: Not much.
Draco [shrugging]: Well, as
long as everyone's here, let's just party!
Ron: Uh oh, all the booze is
gone…
Harry: I know how to solve
this one! JUMANJI! [long pause] It didn't work…
[Everyone stares at the empty
bar. Snape emerges from a back room, having changed out of his tutu. He is now
also in leather pants.]
Snape: What's going on?
Fred [pointing at the empty
bar]: All the booze is gone.
Snape: WHAT? But liquor is the
sustenance of life!
[Everyone screams in terror at
the prospect of a booze-less party.]
R: This fanfic is over…
*poof* [Almost everyone goes
back to where they came from.]
F [shrugs]: It was fun while
it lasted.
R: Yeah…wanna go watch some
Heath Ledger movies and get drunk?
F: Sure.
[Fox and Raven exit.]
Harry [still hanging from the
chandelier]: Hello? Mrs. Pummelhorse? I'd like to get down now…
***
Fin
