Disclaimer: I don't own anything in Star Wars. It all belongs to Mr. George Lucas and I am jealous of him.
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The young Padawan had spent hours searching for a Jedi Master on whom he could write his report on. The Jedi Archives held the tens of thousands of private journals kept by Jedi in the five-millennium year history of the Order. But who should he choose? The report for his teacher was due soon, and he had procrastinated too long already.
While the Padawan leafed through the mounds of data files, a single name caught his eye. The name stirred something deep in the Padawan's memory. He was a legendary Master, all Padawans learned of him, and the he did not know why he had not decided on this Jedi sooner.
Eagerly, he opened the data file, and he began to read...
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The Private Journal of Obi-Wan Kenobi:
The blockade of Naboo by the Trade Federation is over. I cannot believe it. One day, I am going on a simple, routine mission with my Master. The next thing I know, he is gone, and I have agreed to his dying wish to train Anakin Skywalker.
What am I doing? Everything has gone wrong. Since I was a young Padawan, I have always had the picture of my future in my mind. It was perfect, flawless, the way that it was supposed to be.
I had always imagined Qui-Gon Jinn proudly presenting me at the Knighting Ceremony. I saw him severing my Padawan braid, his eyes shining with pride at my accomplishments. I saw myself enjoying the freedom and travel of a new Jedi Knight, occasionally going on missions with my former Master, not as teacher and student, but as friends and brothers.
I saw all of this in my dreams, and I saw myself someday, when I was sure that I would be ready, taking on a Padawan of my own choice, and forming that profound and intense bond with my student, the same bond that I had shared with Qui-Gon.
It was all impeccably formed in my mind. It was a perfect plan, and it was filled with everything that I had worked my entire life to gain. But then, in the back of my mind, Master Yoda's voice penetrates my deepest desires. "Perfect, nothing is, young Kenobi."
That darn little green Jedi is always right; I was just too blind to see it.
But instead of my picture perfect plan, I see the red blade piercing my Master while I stand hopelessly behind the energy field, and all that I can do is shout, "No!" My future is struck down while I hold my Master in my arms, as I struggle not to cry, and he takes his last breath. I promise him that I will train Anakin Skywalker. I promise him that Anakin Skywalker will become the Jedi that he had risked everything to save from the shackles of slavery on a barren planet.
I cut my own Padawan braid in silence, and Master Yoda gave me my title. I look behind me in the empty room in the Palace of Theed on Naboo. I think that I will see my Master with pride in his eye, but all that I see is an empty room. My eyes smart when I look to the door, hoping that he will just run in late, his eyes filled with their usual mischievous gleam.
I swear that Master Yoda gave me a look of deep sympathy; but when I searched his face again, all that I could see was the serene look of a Jedi Master at peace with the Force. The despair in my heart at that moment outstripped any other feeling that I have ever felt.
That same evening I stand gazing into the flames that engulf the body of my dead Master. I stand next to Anakin Skywalker. My new apprentice. The apprentice who my Master asked me to train. Deep in my heart, I do not want responsibility for this boy. I had always followed the Jedi Code to the deepest extent of my ability, and I had often more than disapproved of my Master's rebellious antics.
And then I feel ashamed. This was my Master, the man who had kindly, patiently trained me for twelve years, and here I stand, a Jedi Knight, resentful of being bound to this boy. The flames lick at Qui-Gon's body, eventually reducing it to ash, and I turn to Anakin and pledge myself to him and to his training.
The boy looks at me with his blue eyes, shining with tears that he tries desperately to hold inside the confines of himself. All that he can do is nod. I had never felt so confused, so alone, in my entire life.
That night I have too much to drink. It was entirely unacceptable for a Jedi to act as I do, but I feet that somehow, perhaps I can find solace in some substance. The next day passes in a fog as I accompany Anakin to be fitted for Jedi tunics and receive a desperatly needed haircut, and the start of his own Padawan braid. I try to act the part of a good Master and be kind and attentive, but all I can think of is the pounding in my head and how much I want to simply go back to bed and sleep away my problems.
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The celebration of Peace on Naboo takes place this afternoon. I stand with Boss Nass, Queen Amidala, and Anakin Skywalker...my new...Padawan. Peace is proclaimed to the waving of colorful banners and cheerful music. How can they do this? How can they smile when Qui-Gon is dead?
Anakin looks at me questioningly. How am I supposed to respond? This is Qui-Gon's strength, not mine, gentle guidance. But Qui-Gon is dead. He is dead and he has left me with no idea what to do and how to train this boy. He has left me alone, and I am afraid.
I try to meditate but I cannot. When I try to fall into the flow of the Force, it refuses me, and instead of quiet, gentle tranquility, my mind flashes onto the black and red face of the Sith who murdered Qui-Gon.
It is almost time to leave Naboo. Anakin and I will return to the Jedi Temple on Coruscant, and Anakin will begin his training. I can already see that it will be a struggle. The boy is headstrong, angry, and fearful. I feel exactly the same way.
Everything will be different when I go back to the Temple. Overnight, the student has become the teacher. I will go back to the Temple a Jedi Knight. It has been my dream for my entire life to get here. But I never once thought, in all of my time as a Padawan, that I would be here without my Master. I appreciate the wisdom of the Jedi Masters, but it will never be the same as it was when it was just me and Qui-Gon, the man who taught me. The man who has guided me on the path of a Jedi.
I realize something now. My dreams of one day being a Jedi Knight and working with Qui-Gon Jinn as friends and brothers, perhaps they were not so far fetched. Qui-Gon and I were friends already. We were brothers. Every major experience in my life was shared with him as his Padawan. Every trial and triumph, every tear that was cried, every laugh that we had, we had had together.
As I watch the transport that will take Anakin and I back to Coruscant being loaded, I look at Anakin Skywalker, and I am filled with hope. I do not know if Anakin Skywalker is the "Chosen One," and I do not know what his future is, but there is a hope inside of me. Hope that he and I can find our own path. Hope that he and I may one day share the same sort of remarkable bond that I had once shared with Qui-Gon.
Anakin Skywalker is just a boy. He is young, but so am I. Perhaps Anakin and I will grow up together. Perhaps Anakin Skywalker will dream as I did, that together we will someday fight together as Jedi for peace and justice in the galaxy.
The ship takes off, and our next destination is Coruscant. I reflect that it was a Master and a Padawan who arrived not long ago on this planet, and it is a Master and Padawan who are leaving it. I do not know what is to come, but I know that, even though Qui-Gon Jinn is gone, he is not really gone. He is in my heart, and I hope that Anakin never forgets the wise Jedi Master who freed him from the bonds of slavery, and gave him this opportunity.
We both have so much to learn. But even though my Master is now with the Force, I realize a remarkable truth; I am not alone. Qui-Gon will always be a part of me, and I hope to give his wisdom, and my own, to young Anakin.
This is not the path that I have always imagined for myself, but as we fly away from Naboo, and we approach the Capital City, a course is set from one destination to another. Yet the path of a Jedi is not so simple, as I have learned from this mission. There will always be a destination, and you can only let yourself flow with the Force to get you there.
I hope that I can teach Anakin all that Qui-Gon has taught me. I do not know. But that is the way of the Force. It is mysterious, and at times it is elusive, but for a Jedi, it never fails give peace and serenity. I look at Anakin Skywalker and I remember my twelve years with Qui-Gon Jinn. I feel the Force flow through my body, calm and perfect, and I know it to be true. I smile and whisper only to myself, "There is no death; there is the Force," and I know that wherever Qui-Gon is, he is proud of me.
End Journal of Obi-Wan Kenobi
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A/N Thanks for reading! Feedback is always appreciated!