Author's Notes: I forgot to update my profile with this story. I suck. Nonetheless, Horatio/Ryan is love. Reviews are greatly appreciated.
Disclaimer: I don't own CSI: Miami. CBS/Jerry Bruckheimer/some other guy owns it.
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There was a saying that absence makes the heart grow fonder; and perhaps, that saying was true.
Here stood the victim's brother, or the victim in itself, considering the way the male seemed to be reacting to the loss of his beloved sister. He had never really made up to her, having never bought her the art set she had been begging him to get her for so long.
Ryan stood there; cutter unsheathed, the blade seeming to glint under the pale moonlight. He breathed heavily, staring down at the silver item, contemplating whether he was going to do this or not.
Her name came across his lips.
Down came the blade, slicing at his skin; small groans of pain escaping the CSI's lips, the crimson liquid dripping down his arm and towards the floor. His breath heightened, and there he stood, continuing to slice, not quite caring if someone came in and found him dead.
At least he would be with her again.
Then came the thought of him.
Ryan stopped for a moment. Was his sister worth losing the one person he may have ever loved? Hell; he hadn't even confessed yet, and perhaps he would be too late. Wasn't he always too late?
Always, always.
Ryan bit his lower lip, holding back tears, before continuing to slice his skin; small moans leaving his frame.
"I'm so useless."
He was too busy slicing, too busy wallowing in the pit of self-pity, to notice the approaching footsteps.
"So.. useless.."
Ryan felt tears slip from his eyes, the salty liquid falling upon his cuts, intensifying the searing pain that shot across his arm. He winced, gasping loudly; having not expected that.
"Useless."
"No, you aren't."
Then, came salvation; Ryan turned his head, looking towards the intruder, at first with eyes filled with hate before he realized just who that intruder was. He stared, wide-eyed at the sight before him. It was most probably a dream, one he would wake up from. He was probably still cutting himself, in the real world, while this was a dream. All a dream. He would never care.
"Horatio.." The name was almost nothing but breath, and the word had formed on his lips rather awkwardly. Ryan could never expect the Lieutenant to be standing there, familiar stance; hands on his hips and legs wide apart.
It looked as if Horatio was contemplating whether to touch him or not.
Eyes hazed over; blood loss taking over him, Ryan trembled, dropping the bloody cutter to the floor, his eyelids drooping slightly.
He fell.
And he caught him.
---
Light.
Ryan opened his eyes a crack, wondering where he was. Perhaps he was dead.. perhaps it was all over. He could only recall losing any feel for the real world and falling to the ground.
So where was he, now?
"Ryan."
The male turned his head, spotting the familiar red-head, eyes wide once more in surprise. Once more, he wondered if this was a dream. If everything was just his imagination, that Horatio didn't care at all, and that he was simply here to make sure a colleague wasn't dead.
Because that was all they were.
Colleagues.
".. What?" Came the response, a small tone of bitterness laced within that one word. Horatio sighed, looking at him with those deep blue eyes of his. He had removed his sunglasses, surprisingly, and Ryan had never thought that his eyes would be so.. beautiful. Considering the fact they were looking right at his pale, sickly form; one that seemed so.. unfitting to be looked at.
"Don't ever do that again." The voice was stern, not the soft tone Horatio would normally use with victims in the hospital. Was he disappointed in Ryan? How surprising.
Ryan stared at him with lifeless, dead eyes. "Do what? Being useless? I doubt that's possible." He muttered, looking down at his bandaged wrist.
"Ryan. Look at me. You are not useless. You're an indispensable member of our team. I recruited you with my own hands, and if you were so useless, would you still be hauling your ass to work everyday?" Horatio's response was suddenly much more softer, with a tone Ryan noticed he only used with children. Did he think Ryan was a child now? How interesting.
"Then what do you want me to do? Take Speedle's place? Be the 'best Trace expert' ever, huh?" Ryan retorted, his tone icy and cold. He never meant to speak that way to Horatio, considering the fact that Horatio was speaking with him right now, talking to him; alone.
"I do not want you to take Speed's place, Ryan." Horatio placed a hand on his (good) wrist and rubbing soothing circles on it. Ryan relished the moment, then remembered he had to be angry. Mad. Furious.
"Then what do you want me to do? Fling myself in front of a car and die?" He asked, pulling his wrist away as if Horatio was made of toxic. Indeed, he was. Horatio was a heartbreaker.
"No. I want you," Horatio paused, not quite minding the cold shoulder, "to rest and stay safe for now. I'll be here with you. The whole time."
Ryan had almost melted when he heard that, then regained his composure, scoffing. "Whatever."
And, despite himself; he went to sleep, assured that Horatio would be there with him.
Now if only; that would last forever.
---
A warm hand cupped Ryan's cheek, tapping it softly, indicating that it was time to wake up. "Mommy.." The male muttered, eyes opening a crack.
And again, he was face-to-face with a concerned Horatio Caine, blue eyes holding complete worry.. and something else. Ryan guessed it was probably hate or something of that sort.
"How do you feel?" The lieutenant asked, and it was only then that Ryan noticed he was at home. Who had took him there? Then came the point, flying at him like a cinder block.
Horatio.
Ryan did not break down crying. He would not break down crying. Horatio would ask why, and Ryan would just keep crying, then the man would take him in his arms and hold him close, reassuring him; and Ryan would never want to let go.
"Better." Ryan muttered, looking to the side, avoiding the gaze Horatio's beautiful blue eyes seemed to be presenting him. Horatio nodded, before standing up from his crouched position and slipping his sunglasses on. "Alright. Stay here, while I prepare your supper. It's late right now, and you haven't eaten in days, considering your appearance." Horatio said, in such a soft tone that it was barely recognized as an order. Ryan nodded obediently, forgetting that he was supposed to be mad, furious at the lieutenant for getting into his personal life. Horatio was at his home, and was going to prepare supper for him. It was a sweet gesture, though the Trace expert could tell it was only done due to the fact they were colleagues, and the fact that Ryan was the replacement of Speed, a Trace, someone who was needed badly in the field of Criminology and Forensics.
Horatio moved to walk, and Ryan sighed, laying there on the couch, unable to think clearly anymore. What was Horatio doing, staying at his house and caring for him as if he was his son? Didn't he know that it messed him up so badly, having to see him in his home and not being allowed to do anything? It was horribly difficult to keep away from Horatio, in fact, due to the way he just seemed to be naturally attractive, and the way he cared about his team as though they were family. He was gentle, and firm at the same time, and Ryan would not be surprised if the man would have a new girl to make love to each night.
Ryan blushed suddenly.
Unlike most people his age; he was a virgin. He had dreamed so many times of losing it to the redhead, though remembered that the older man would not even consider kissing him. Much more fucking him senseless.
Horatio came, a plate of spaghetti in his hand, and he placed it on the coffee table, helping Ryan sit up and slipping next to him on the couch. Feeding him due to the fact that Ryan had cut his left wrist, and that he was pretty impaired with his right when it came to using forks. Ryan had spilled around four forkfuls of spaghetti noodles before Horatio had finally taken the initiative of feeding him.
"Open your mouth." Horatio murmured, holding the fork near the Trace expert's lips. Ryan had fantasized so many times of being fed by the man he loved so terribly, and here his fantasies were coming true.
Ryan opened his mouth, and the redhead placed the fork into it, removing it and using it to twirl the fork around the noodles again. Ryan chewed thoughtfully, watching Horatio's movements, before feeling tears spring to his eyes.
His sister had spoon fed him when his arm was broken once.
"Ryan?" Horatio asked, seeing the liquid drip down his face and onto his lap. Ryan trembled a little, sniffing, looking towards the man who he so dearly cared for. Horatio immediately placed the fork back on the plate, taking the male into his arms and holding him close.
Ryan's eyes widened, and he felt himself whimper, having waited so long for this to happen. He buried his face in Horatio's chest, letting the man hold him.
"Ryan.. it's alright to cry. Tell me what's wrong."
"P-Please.. don't let me go." Ryan murmured, whimpering even more and trembling in the man's arms, the tears still falling down his cheeks.
Horatio nodded, rubbing soothing circles on his back. "I promise." He said, holding him tightly, and only now Ryan noticed how much his figure seemed to fit the taller man's.
"I-I just.. I can't.. forget my sister.." Ryan murmured, sobbing into his shirt; gripping the fabric tightly and closing his eyes.
"I.. I.." He muttered, before starting to babble on and on, about random things; his dog, his family, a restaurant. Horatio held him, all the same, kissing the top of his head every so often as if they were family.
"Ssh.. Ryan. Look at me." Horatio tilted the male's chin upward, and Ryan's eyes glittered with tears. He sniffled, biting his lower lip. "I'm here. I care for you, Ryan. I'll do whatever it takes to make sure you don't get hurt again." He continued, and Ryan felt his body tremble again.
"But I get hurt everyday." He muttered, the tears seeming to continue spilling from his eyes. Horatio shook his head, a reassuring smile on his face. "Not anymore. I'm here. I'll do anything to keep you happy, Ryan. Nobody will hurt you again. No more pain." The lieutenant murmured, and the younger man raised his head a little more.
"Anything?" He asked, sounding just like a child who wanted a lollipop.
Horatio nodded. "Any--" He was interrupted when he felt a pair of soft lips against his own, and Ryan pressed against him, closing his eyes.
The lieutenant remained stiff for a moment, and Ryan pulled away, his cheeks a light pink color.
"I don't want to wake up to a cold bed tonight." He said, sniffling a bit.
Horatio, taken with the sudden display of affection, nodded.
"I'll make sure you won't."
The man pressed his lips against Ryan's once more, and this time Ryan's arms were thrown across his neck. Horatio pulled back only slightly, a small smile on his face.
"I promise."