Written for comment_fic on livejournal (a multi-fandom prompt fic community)

The prompt was for Eliot/ Parker, "There'll be no living with her after this."

This fic is set in a steampunk AU for the Leverage team. (Steampunk is a community of fans of Victorian culture, design aesthetics, and technology, often putting a modern twist on steampunk images, and sometimes incorporating an anti-establishment 'punk' sensibility). There are a few people on comment_fic and lj who write or do art in the steampunk!Leverage AU (better than I do, I admit), so I am certainly not claiming exclusivity for this AU. If you are interested in writing steampunk!AU, please do me a favor and let me know on lj so I can read your work (I'm daria234 there also). And again, no hard feelings if your fic is way better than mine. :)

"There's something wrong with that girl," Eliot said, with equal parts love and exasperation.

They had been hiding the automata in the underground lab, and almost all of their team had much the same reaction to these contraptions designed to look like humans. Even Mr. Hardison, who was usually the most fascinated by new technologies, was a bit disconcerted at the soulless painted-on gazes of these man-shaped machines.

For truly these automata reminded them of the worst parts of human existence. The 'man' in the top hat destined to lift his wine glass as if to toast, again and again, the motion of gears audible beneath his well-tailored suit. The other automaton in a tight vest, destined to play the piano forever. But since they hadn't stolen the piano, he just sat there with his hands pressing patterns into the air, like a lunatic escaped from the institution.

That terrible tension, between human and not-human: while fascinating to watch for a moment, and surely a great feat of engineering, became disturbing after a bit. The ghoul-like jerks of motion when the automata started up after a rest, the toy-like sheen that truly did not look all that much like skin. The broad smiling lips that never changed expressions. And, they kept repeating - the eyes. The eyes were donwright terrifying if you stared at these monstrous machines long enough.

But then there was Parker. Parker, who had proudly walked in front of them to inform them that they would now be living with their team. Parker who had benevolently said, "Yes, I am the master thief who rescued you from your captivity, but I do not hold you here against your will. Thus, if you stay, I shall assume it is because you wish to be here." Parker who told the "musician" that his playing improved each day. Parker who would give each automaton a kiss on the lips before bed, and then giggle and say, "Why sir! You really should have more control of yourself!"

Until one day when Eliot had enough. He was fuming in silence as Parker was offering tea to the machines, and Nathan was watching the entire scene with amusment, when Mr. Hardison walked by Eliot and said, "Luddite."

"What? I'm not political."

"But you're jealous of a machine," Mr. Hardison said with a grin as he left to return to his own engineering projects. "You know I have a new set of brass joints that I'm using for my latest invention. But don't worry, I still think of you as my best friend.... Though the brass might be wittier in conversation."

Eliot took off a glove and threw it at Alec's retreating figure before turning to Parker and deciding to confront her.

"Parker, I must ask. Why do you spend so much time with these things?"

"Don't call them things! I've named them."

"Of course."

"This is Lord Eliot and this is Miss Eliot. She pretends to be a man so she can have a career as a concert pianist. But that will all change when women get the vote."

"Splendid. But Miss Parker, you already have an Eliot if I am not too bold to point it out. And a quite devoted one, I might add."

"Devoted? No, Mr. Spencer, I'm sorry but Lord Eliot and Miss Eliot are far more devoted. They kiss me whenever I ask, even if others are present. They always have time for tea. They never get jealous or engage in fisticuffs if I bat my eyelashes at another. And they never go off on safari or other adventures and make me worry whether I shall ever see them alive again. So I must inform you, Mr. Spencer, my companions here are the very model of devotion."

Eliot sighed. "And if I do my best to match their level of devotion?"

Miss Parker smiled. "Then perhaps I shall find myself too occupied to visit these friends as much as I used to."

Eliot offered her his arm and they walked toward the stairs together. Eliot tried to ignore Nathan's smirking face as he said, "There'll be no living with her after this."