The god's have seriously taken too much for granted with playing with my life. Nothing should be able to take away a person's choice to what lies ahead in their future, fate or destiny is something that shouldn't be messed with and now, I have to face this with a bunch of hormonal and territorial guys who have always been the most annoying on the reservation. Why in the world would I be happy with my life right now, my cousin gets to be with the one man I have ever loved, my father dies of a heart attack while hunting large wolves, and the kicker to make it all better, I happen to turn into one of those huge wolves that he went hunting for. Yeah somewhere out there in the great beyond, someone's having the time of their lives screwing with mine. "Tell us how you really feel Leah. None of us wanted this" Paul's voice filters into my head, not something that I really want to hear right now. Yep another thing I now have to worry about, thoughts that should stay private, no longer gonna happen. "How the hell do I go back to being me?" I growled; well fuck me it comes with audio. "Think about being you, what it's like to be you in human form. Something good." Embroy I know is trying at least he's not being an ass like Paul. "What part of my fucked up life so far is a good thing?" again I growl, that shit is getting old fast. Fuck it, picturing what I look like; being with my family is all that I can muster as a good thing right now.
A shiver runs through my body as I feel myself once more becoming me, but on looking down I can't help but want to scream, shout fucking kill whoever it was that set this shit off. "You're kidding me right! Turn the fuck around assholes. Someone could have warned me that I'd be naked when this happens, I'd rather be in wolf than have you guys near me while I'm like this." I cried out being the only female wolf is one thing, maybe I could have come to terms with it eventually, but having these guys getting a free show of my goodies well that shit isn't right. "Leah calm down, here take these." Sam's voice cuts through the clearing; he at least has the decency to avert his eyes from seeing me naked. Quickly getting dressed I am all for the running away and never coming near anyone ever again. "Right so now I know everything I can go now?" I all but bite his head off and really I don't give a fuck. This right now is not gonna happen with a sunshine and daisies attitude. He nods his head and smartly says nothing. Turing on my heal I make my way into the tree line to lose myself in the surroundings that I have walked all my life. "Leah where are you going?" the only voice that I'll listen to right now calls; Seth. I don't want to turn around the tears running down my face isn't gonna be an image that these guys will ever see. "I'm going for a walk. I need to think about shit and I won't do it around you fuckers. Sorry Seth but I need to get the hell away from all this. And if any of you think of following me you better think again. I'm still good with a switch blade, and I'll castrate any of you who think of tailing Me." and with those words I head further into the woods that now hold a whole new meaning to me.
Its peaceful, quiet with only the sounds of small animals scurrying in the long grass and up in the trees. So I walk, enjoying the solitude and finding a little irony that the bitch of La Push is no longer a phrase concerning my attitude now. No it's true in every sense. I laughed, indivertibly scaring the poor birds in the tree, one good thing about being a werewolf is that you are stealth like in your movements, fucking ninja's don't have shit on us. That plus we smell like the woods so the animals don't get freaked too much with our presence in their world. Their world that's a phrase that I never truly understood until now. How people think of things as being on one world or another. Fuck I wish I could get back to that shit, not knowing that there truly is another type of world other than the mundane. Supernatural shit is just not something that should be real; it's the shit you read in books like Frankenstein or shit like that. Looking at my life right now, it sorta makes sense that something like this would of course happen to me, I mean who in their right mind would want to deal with all the shit that's been thrown my way? Why can't I for once in this existence get a break from drama? Ah hell why should am I the only female to go through this shit, I accept that my ancestors were what I am now, but shit me couldn't that gene stay with the men in this world?
Reaching the clearing long before I have ever done, I noticed that the sun is just starting to rise over the trees. Well isn't that just great me and Seth hit the big furry stage just around mid-night and now the sun had to come up on the worst official day of my fucking existence. Just pour the salt into the wound there why don't ya? It's not like I want to experience this shit with the entire world around me all smiles and fucking rainbow shitting unicorn. Well at least the males I'm now bound to didn't follow me to here, maybe the idea of the switch blade worked. Breathing the air in, smelling the wet grass, the crisp air fills my lungs and actually helps me to calm down a little. Taking those few steps closer to the river I sit down and just lose myself in the world around me, not caring if those dumbasses are looking for me. Getting told I'm not allowed to hang out with my friends anymore only those who are in the pack or their imprints; well that's just gonna be fine and dandy. Seriously I couldn't stand these guys before I came a member of the furry club, now I'm expected to hang out and be all buddy and shit. Way to go captain obvious and let's not forget his trusty sidekick lieutenant no shit; like that's not gonna draw unwanted attention or make me want to take a bite out of anyone of them. I feel like a good backhand up back of the head might just get through Sam's thoughts.
Ah Sam there's another fucking problem I'm gonna have for the rest of my life. His reasoning for breaking my fucking heart, imprinting. Now doesn't that idea make you all want to jump for fucking joy? Not only do you get to break the heart of someone supposably love; but you get to have the choice of who you love taken away from you. Thanks but keep that shit to yourselves if you don't mind, fate/destiny/deity or whatever it is up there who thinks this is all fun and games. Think you played with my little life enough don't you? Now Sam thinks it hurt him to break up with me, hell he can use imprinting as a reason or excuse for whatever but it sure as hell doesn't take away the pain for me. it may make him feel better now that I know it all; but doesn't mean it makes the whole thing better for everyone. And you know mum and Emily are all going to be all let's be friends and blood is thinker than water shit. Playing nice and that isn't gonna make the whole thing just disappear. Hell she gets the only man who I ever loved and I get to stand beside her and watch as they exchange vows cementing their bond to everyone. Sunshine and fucking daisies all over again. And the images I know are gonna make me wanna be sick beyond anything I've ever known. But not just his memories and fantasies; no I'm gonna have to deal with every fucking hormonal urge those boys are gonna feel and want to act on. Fuck. My. Life.
Oh, and let's not forget about him being Alpha and all, now not only do I have to be a part of his little band of merry fucking men, I have to take orders from him. Of all people why him? Jake couldn't step up and take the rains, leaving the job up to Sam until he feels he's ready. No, I have boys, because let's face it they may look like men but not one of them is a man. Catch 22 anyone? How the hell am I meant to take this shit seriously, when I have to put up with sidekicks and fucking tag along assholes? Anyone out there want to take my place? If it wasn't for the pain that came with phasing I'd swear this shit was a nightmare that I couldn't wake up from. But I'm not that lucky. No fate is a bitch worse than I am. I wouldn't put anyone in this position no matter what they did to me. Come on people say it with me. Fuck. My. Life. Twice.
Now getting back to the supernatural aspect of this cluster-fuck that I call my life now. Fucking pointy toothed asses living near my home are the reason why I'm a fury beast. Let's face it those Cullen's have a lot of fucking nerve coming here and making nice with the humans. And let's not forget little Bella Swan. Stupid fucking child doesn't know what she's doing. Didn't her momma teach her not to play with pointy objects, you might get hurt. But she did, from what little I saw from Jake's head she got burnt by Eddie boy over there and was messed up big time. Now that pain I can relate to but fuck me sideways and backwards, or anyway you want. That shit is just too fucking weird for anyone to contemplate. Let alone she went from hanging with bloodsuckers to the big furry things that run around here. Only to drop our asses to go save the one that fucker her over in the first place. And still Jake chases her like a lost puppy looking for a home. Boy needs to get a clue; he's not the right monster for that girl. Though I don't know if she's all there? She needs her head examined, and not by doctor fangs as he's known in the boys club. Ha don't I just fuck that shit up now. Who needs this shit? All I wanted to do was get the hell out of here as soon as I could; now I can't. I'm stuck here while I watch everyone else leave and get the hell out of this small ass town.
Walking down to the river I can't but look at the depth that flows past, how deep is that water anyway? Maybe I could go and see if... no I can't do that. It would fuck everything that mum has worked so hard for since dad died. Dad; there little letters that hold so much love pain and respect that I can't but with that he was here now to help me. I got his eyes; everything else comes from my mum. But the eyes, those penetrating eyes that held so many secrets; that broke the strongest of people I know. I got those from my dad. Staring at my reflection, not looking at anything that is reflected in the water except my eyes. "Why dad, not only do you leave us, but those gods that you hold so dear took everything away from me. You, Sam, myself. You get that dad. I can't even be me anymore; I have to be a part of the fucking pack. I get Seth, hell looking back I could see it was almost guaranteed that he would be a part of the pack. But why me, why did I have to be the fuck up of nature?" I cried out, knowing that I couldn't get an answer, but it helped like nothing that I could imagine how crying aloud so that everything around me could hear it. I closed my eyes, thinking what my father would say. The member of the council and the one that helped Sam understand what was going on. He'd tell me I was chosen because I have the spirit of a warrior, that I was strong, that I was able to show them something that they would otherwise look over as something trivial. I'd be able to protect those who I love from being hurt again. I'm positive that he'd tell me to get over the pity party and grow the fuck up. I'm not some child anymore but a grown as woman and I needed to get my shit together. Yes I was handed a raw deal, but I could do two things. Either I could sit here crying over something that I can't change; or I could do something with it, something about it. I could show them that women are not weak but can do anything that they could do, and probably better. Smiling at this I quickly got back up. If I was stuck with the pack, the pack would be stuck with me. End of discussion. No matter what they said I'll show them that I am Leah Fucking Clearwater and nobody pushes me around anymore. And god help the fucker that tries to start shit with me they won't get away with shit anymore.