It had been a typical day at Devil May Cry, or as typical as it could be, considering. No angry demons had come busting through the front doors, no evil towers had risen up from the ground, and Mundus hadn't seen fit to come back yet. Agni and Rudra were chatting away, much to Dante's utter annoyance, but after several threats they'd quieted and let him finish his pizza in piece.
Trish (who, like Dante, had become quite the glutton for pizza over the years) had been disappointed when the last piece had been consumed, but decided it was worth it to order another one. She'd hit the speed dial for the pizza place and had finished placing her order when something completely unexpected happened.
The front window of Devil May Cry exploded and a motorcycle flew into the room in a complete ripoff of her own entrance all those years ago. She frowned.
Dante sat at his desk impassively, watching as the rider of the bike steadied herself and prepared to take off her helmet. "Hey, if you have to take a piss, the bathroom's in the—" The words died in his throat as the rider's face was revealed.
She was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen, with a pale, freckled pixie face, huge, haunted, expressive pink eyes, and luscious, pouty red lips. Her vibrant silver-golden hair hung in ringlets to her thighs, over her beautiful body, which was possibly shapelier than both Trish and Lady put together.
Dante found himself smiling idiotically and staring at her great rack, while Trish just threw her hands over her chest and gasped in awed amazement at the mysterious stranger before them.
"Hi," the woman said in a small, sweet voice. "I'm Francesca C'sandra Lily Rheanon Alomar. But everyone calls me Frannie. Or Fran. Only one friend calls me Sandy. But you can if you want to." She smiled, revealing brilliantly white teeth.
Dante's gloved hands also moved to cover his heart, which was palpating in his chest. "Hotness, I wanna bang you!" he blurted, his eyes wide.
She giggled, flinging her hair over her shoulder and thrusting her ample chest forward. "Doesn't everyone?"
There was a sudden crashing from the back room and the door flew off its hinges, revealing two panicked devil hunters. Lady and Nero rushed out, guns at the ready.
"What's wrong?" Lady demanded, Kalina Ann held propped in her arms. She looked from Dante to Trish, but both were too enthralled to answer.
"We heard a crash," Nero continued, only to catch sight of Frannie and drop his gun. He gasped in awe. Forget Kyrie, this magnificent creature before him was the most beautiful woman (no, person) he'd ever seen. Not even Dante could compare. His hands also went to cover his chest.
Lady looked from Nero to Dante to Trish, then to the woman on the motorcycle. She felt vaguely dizzy for a moment, then like she was being pulled towards her, like she wanted to throw her hands over her chest and gasp. But with a clenching of her fists and a deep breath, it passed, and all she was left with was a vague feeling of repulsion.
By the time she righted herself, Dante had jumped up from his seat and pulled out a chair for the woman, who unstraddled her bike and sat down in it.
"How can we help you, Frannie?" asked Trish intently, leaning forward and staring deep into the woman's eyes. Lady felt a flash of jealousy, which just intensified when this 'Frannie' smiled back flirtatiously.
However, contact was broken when Dante shoved her off the side of the desk and took her place.
"How can we help you?" he repeated, but made a deep growl of anger when he, too, was pushed away, by Nero.
"Yes, how can we help you?" he asked, smiling inanely.
Frannie suddenly sniffed, and her weird pink eyes (pink eyes, thought Lady incredulously, was she wearing contacts or something?) welled with tears.
Dante looked like he was about to devil trigger. "Now look what you've done, you've made her cry!" he spat, enraged.
"No, it's not that," Frannie wept. "It's my boyfriend."
"Boyfriend?" asked Dante, Trish, and Nero simultaneously, each looking equally put out and jealous.
Frannie didn't notice, apparently, and just kept weeping. Only a split second later, however, Lady noticed with no small amount of shock that her irises changed color mid sniffle, from pink to purple. What. The. Fuck?
"Yes," the woman cried. "Dave. My boyfriend. He's been kidnapped, by Mundus."
"I didn't know Mundus kidnapped people," Lady cut in. "I thought he just killed—"
Frannie sobbed loudly, earning Lady death glares from the other three occupants of the room. For a minute she was worried one of them would pull a Superman and shoot laser beams from their eyes, but nothing happened and Frannie continued talking.
"You see," she said, "there's this prophecy. I'm destined to mate with Mundus and bear his children, but I love Dave!"
Lady was hard pressed not to burst out laughing. She was pretty sure she'd heard something similar to that on Buffy last night.
However, in the next minute she noticed that Dante, Nero, and Trish all seemed to be taking it very seriously.
"Mundus," growled Dante angrily. "Should've killed him when I had the chance on Mallet Island."
Trish nodded vigorously in agreement. "Yeah. You should've, slacker."
"You should've," Nero also agreed.
They each moved toward Frannie, trying to touch her comfortingly.
"We'll kill him for you," Trish said.
"I don't have any money," she sobbed.
"Doesn't matter," Dante said, making Lady choke on her own saliva. Since when did he do things for free?
"Yeah. We'll get him for you and get Dave back." Nero grimaced at the name 'Dave' but still managed to sound supportive.
Lady watched with a surreal sense of disbelief, and almost jumped out of her skin when the front door opened, bells chiming semi-pleasantly in alert. The pizza guy came in, two large boxes balanced on his hand.
He dropped them upon taking one look at Frannie.
"Bear my children," he exclaimed, staring at her with wide eyes. Several loud bangs sounded a split second later and he fled, gunfire following him to the door. Dante, Trish, and Nero, guns drawn and smoking, rushed to the broken window and continued firing for several moments until the screeching of the pizza guy's tires could be heard.
Lady watched in shock (since when did the staff of Devil May Cry hurt humans?), and could've sworn that she saw Frannie smirk.
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Author's Note: So, I did one of these 'Invasion of the Mary Sue' stories for Harry Potter, and people seemed to like it, so I thought, why the hell not do one for DMC? Dante's 'hotness I wanna bang you' line is from something having to do with Metal Gear Solid, I think Metal Gear Awesome. And the rest is just pretty random stuff I thought up on impulse. Why pick Lady as the one who isn't affected? I dunno, she just strikes me as someone who wouldn't be. Dunno why. It was between her and Trish, as Dante and Nero strike me as sex obsessed.
And let's stop with the a/n before it becomes longer than the story.
-Anna
EDIT: Had to add this, the line where she explains her nicknames is inspired by a Silent Hill fic I read where the poor main character runs into a midnight blue ("almost violet") eyed woman who takes time out of situation where she could possibly be brutally killed my hideous monsters to explain that her name is 'Tina', short for 'Christina', and that only 'one friend' calls her 'Christie'. It was sad, too, because it'd been a really good story up to that moment.