Author's Note: This was originally supposed to be a short, happy, Billy/Jason/Tommy fic. Then my muse got a hold of it. Oi. I may, MAY, be convinced to do a sequel.
Edited to add: Another songfic where the lyrcis have been removed. The song it was is listed above.
Somewhere Out There
It was always late at night when the feelings came.
He knew he couldn't ignore them for much longer. It was grating on his conscious that he had put off answering them for his long already. But Trey had continuously insisted it was alright, that he did not have to join the battle if he did not want to.
But he wanted to. No, that was wrong. He needed to. He needed to help.
Turning over onto his side he moved closer to the man laying beside him, fast asleep and oblivious to his lover's dilemma. Sighing he traced the planes of his back with whisper light caresses, the contact with the one he loved so very much soothing his mind.
"Mmm." It was a soft sleepy sound. One he adored hearing.
He liked it even more when his lover shifted to his side and snuggled against him, wrapping an arm around his waist and burying his head in his chest.
He sighed, utter contentment sweeping over him. This is why he had not left yet. The man whose body was entwined with his gave him every reason to stay and made the feeling of discontentment over his inaction almost vanish.
Almost.
At one point the presence of the other had made all his doubts about not getting involved vanish. The other man never knew it but he was his hearth, the place where he warmed the chilled parts of his soul.
His lover spoke just as highly of him, even more so, but his love was more open, more touchable. He was more guarded and few knew how much he got out of their relationship. Even his love did not seem to fully understand.
He had tried to explain it many times but the words never ended up saying what he felt properly or his lover shrugged it off because he had lapsed into one of his moods where he did not feel worthy of that love.
But those moods were getting less and less. Time and patience and a great deal of love and affection had healed the wounds left on the other man's soul. He smiled slightly. It had been a long journey but it had been worth it simply because of that.
He sighed. And now something was coming to test the strength of their love again. Only this time he was not sure they could weather it. It tore at his heart to think like that put he couldn't ignore the icy pit in the depths of his stomach that told him it was so.
Another sigh escaped his lips. As much as he wanted to just bury himself in apathy and forget about the cry inside him that told him he had to go fight he simply could not do it any longer.
He held his sleeping lover closer, committing every nuance about the moment to memory.
He could only hope it would not be the last time he got to feel that overwhelming love warming his soul as nothing else could.
Tommy had known, since puberty, that his sexual tastes were not the same as most peoples. He was attracted to girls but he was attracted to boys just as much. Surprisingly it had never really bothered him all that much, unlike many other aspects about himself he wasn't fond of. He simply figured it out and accepted it. He had experimented a little before moving the Angel Grove but not much and when he got to Angel Grove everything changed.
He was never really sure of the path that led up to Jason and him becoming a couple but it involved Kim, Kat, a few fights, a few tears, and three break ups each painful for the people taking part. It had ended up with them being lovers. And now that had led them into trouble...
"You cannot be serious about this!" Tommy exclaimed. He had no idea how Jason could look so damn calm. It was annoying how calm he was being about the whole thing.
"I have to go." Jason said quietly. "I know you don't understand but I have to, Tom. I'm sorry, I wish I didn't feel this way but I can't help it."
"This isn't your fight. You're going to risk your neck for a planet you have nothing to do with, you've never even been to, and for what? What reasons do you have to do this?" Tommy swallowed. "I don't like this, not one bit. You're going to war! You get that right? Trifonia is at war. You could get hurt or killed for no good reason!"
"It is my fight!" Jason's eyes held a sudden, burning intensity. "I have to fight! It's my duty."
Tommy was taken aback slightly as Jason continued. "Tommy...I know you don't understand, I don't think you can. But the Gold Ranger powers...They changed me. They had to or I would never have been able to bear them for as long as I did. I became part of Trifonia, part of Trey. I don't want to fight; I don't want to go to a war like this. It's different from what we did as Rangers, we both know that. But I have to go. I just have to. I can't turn my back. I'll never be able to live with myself if I do."
"Then I'm coming with you." Tommy stated firmly.
"No. Absolutely not." Jason replied in a leader tone like Tommy had never heard before. "You are not going to walk into this battle. It isn't your fight the way it's mine. You could get hurt or killed far too easily."
"And you couldn't?" Tommy retorted.
"No, not in the same way." Jason sighed. "You see, when I gave up the Gold Ranger powers Trey and I discovered a side effect. I've become part Trifonian and part of his family, his lineage. It's complicated but, by Trifonian standards at least, Trey and I are like brothers. I won't ever have any legal power or responsibility there; I signed that away as soon as I learned about it. But I could have had it. And you know Trifonians sometimes form telepathic bonds, well, Trey and I have one. It just formed between us when I gave up the powers."
"Why didn't you tell me this?" Tommy asked quietly a little hurt.
"Because it wasn't relevant. I didn't know they were going to go to war and the bond between Trey and I is dormant most of the time. We don't think to use it. What happened didn't affect me. It wasn't important. I never thought I'd have to think about it again. But then this war started and..." Jason sighed. "Trey tried to keep me out of it for as long as possible. But now...I don't know how to explain it. It's like I'm being called there, to help, and I can't fight that call anymore. I can't, Tommy! No matter how much I'd like to."
"You've already decided this haven't you? You're not asking me. You're just telling me." Tommy commented coldly.
Jason sighed. "Yes. Tom, I'm so sorry. I just...I have to do this. I don't know why I just do. I don't want to leave, I especially don't want to leave you, but I have to. Please, understand. Please."
"How long will you be gone?" Tommy asked quietly.
"I don't know. Until the war is over, I guess. I don't know how long that will take but from what Trey has said it might be a long time." Jason replied. "And the fighting there right now...There is a chance I won't come back."
"You're telling my you are going off to fight a war that you don't need to have any part of, without me, and you have no idea when or even if you'll come back." Tommy exploded. "What is it you want me to say? Do you think I'll wait for you or something? Well, fuck you."
Tommy got up to leave but was stopped short by Jason's hand on his arm. He turned, intending to tell Jason off again, but the pain in the midnight eyes stopped him and he reluctantly sat back down at Jason's soft, sincere request.
"I...No, I don't expect you to wait for me. I have no idea how long I'll be gone for. That wouldn't be fair. I couldn't ask you to do that. I just...I don't want to leave with you hating me. I don't want to leave on a bad note." Jason sighed. "I don't know what I can say or do to make it so you aren't made at me, short of not going at all, and that I can't do."
Tommy suddenly noticed the hand that rested on the picnic table was trembling. It was oddly comforting to know that Jason was hurting over this and that he was...scared. At the same time it was out of place completely. Tommy couldn't let it continue, not when he had the power to stop it.
Reaching out, he grasped the hand firmly and pulled it up to place a small kiss to the palm. Jason face brightened with a tiny grin. Tommy kept hold of that hand, rubbing it comfortingly.
"I don't understand. I'm not going to pretend I do or that I like it but...but if it's something you have to do, if you can't fight it like you said, than I can't hold it against you. I want to know more before you leave...When do you leave?" Tommy questioned, praying that they had some time together yet.
"Four days." Jason answered. "I think. I have to talk to Trey. He doesn't know I'm coming for sure yet."
"Oh." Tommy felt strangely pleased that Jason had at least told him first. He looked down slightly, not really proud of what he had to say. "Jase...I can't promise you anything..."
Jason shook his head in protest. "I don't want you to. That's not fair to you. You know I love you but who knows how long I'll be gone? I can't expect you to..."
"...BUT I will try." Tommy finished, cutting his lover off. "I love you. I can't deny that or stop it anymore than I can stop breathing. If something happens, okay, it happens but I'm not going to go looking. You understand that? I want you to come back to me. But you have to promise me that you'll make every effort to do so."
Jason could only nod as his heart had suddenly taken up residence in his throat.
Tommy got up and quickly strode around to where Jason sat. He pulled him into a fierce embrace, Jason meeting him half way as their bodies clutched tightly together. They only pulled away enough to kiss, tasting each other with the hunger of a person who had been lost in the desert for weeks.
"I'll do everything I can to come back." Jason whispered hoarsely when they finally parted, still holding tight to each other. "I promise. I'll do everything possible to come back. I have too big a reason to come back to just ignore."
Tommy couldn't believe what had happened.
He honestly had never meant it to. He would never do something like that to Jason intentionally. But it had happened and, if he was honest with himself, he wanted it to happen again.
But what the hell was he going to tell Jason?
It had been over two years since Jason had left; over a year since he had seen him last and that had been for three days at Christmas. Jason had been beyond tired and slept for most of the time. Tommy hadn't like the changed he had seen in his lover but when he had tried to bring it up Jason had shrugged him off.
That had stung. For as long as they'd known each other Jason had never just shrugged him off without there being some kind of outside influence. Tommy knew Jason was under a ton of stress and all but still…It hurt, especially since they saw each other so rarely as it was.
They still spoke whenever they were able to. Billy had adjusted Jason's old communicator so they could talk to each other despite the distance and Jason did so on every available opportunity.
Billy...
Tommy groaned. He felt like smacking his head on the wall repeatedly. The situation was just too complicated.
He didn't know when it had happened, not exactly, but somewhere along the line less and less had been said in those conversations. Oh, Jason still spoke of course, about the weather, about some tiny whimsical moment of the day, about how much he loved and missed Tommy, but he never really said anything about himself.
It had gotten to the point where Tommy didn't feel he knew his lover at all.
And then there was Billy who had managed, more than any of his friends, to make sure he didn't just mope around. Tommy got the distinct impression Jason had asked him to make sure he didn't, actually, but it was nice all the same.
The more time he spent with Billy, who had confessed when he came back from Aquiter and found out Jason and Tommy were a couple that he had stayed for Cestro not Cestria, the more he seemed to drift away from Jason.
It wasn't as if Tommy was willingly letting Jason drift out of his life but he was lonely. He missed him, the Jason who had lay with him the night before he left and promised he would come back
Tommy realized now that he should have made him promise he would come back whole.
He knew Jason was changing, could hear it in his voice and had seen it in those midnight eyes for the brief time he had come home. He should have known it was coming, after all you can't expect some one to remain innocent during a war, but knowing he couldn't stop it from happening frustrated him.
He unconsciously began to resent Jason for leaving in the first place.
Tommy still didn't understand why Jason had felt so compelled to go to another planet, one he had never been to before, to fight in a war, with people he did not know, and leave him behind to boot. They had always been on the same level as warriors, having held similar positions and powers during their tenure as Rangers, and being left behind did not bode well with him. Intelligently he could understand the differences, he had never held the Gold Ranger powers after all and they seemed to have made all the difference, but his heart was another matter.
And his heart didn't seem to want to belong to Jason any longer.
"Hey."
Tommy looked up and smiled wanly, glad to be given a reprieve from his guilty thoughts. Jason had once told him that being with Tommy warmed him somewhere inside. He had felt it around Jason as well but now he was finding it in a different person. "Hey."
Billy sat down beside him on the couch and sighed, running a hand through his blond hair. Tommy recognized the gesture as one Billy made when he was very uncomfortable. He snatched the hand away and held it firmly in his own for a few seconds. Billy looked at him strangely and then pulled away.
"Tom..." Billy looked away from him. "I'm not doing this. I'm not going behind my best friend's back like this."
"He said he didn't expect me to wait for him." Tommy said defensively.
Billy snorted. "You couldn't live with doing this to him anymore than I could."
Tommy sighed. "No, you're right. I won't go behind his back but...I don't think I'll have to."
"What do you mean?" Billy questioned.
Tommy looked at the communicator he wore. "Unless there was a battle tonight he'll probably get in touch."
"That's a cruel thing to do to him." Billy commented stiffly.
"So? Like him going off to fight in a war that's none of his Goddamn business didn't hurt me. I'm not some girl he can tell to wait for him while he sails off to war. It's been more than a year and according to him he won't be coming back anytime soon. I'm fucking sick of this." Tommy's voice kept rising. "And who is to say he will ever come back, huh? You want to know how many times he's told me it was too close today? I'm sick of it."
"And I don't want to be the person you turn to because you're fed up with Jason." Billy retorted crossly. "Don't you dare toy with me just because you cannot deal with missing him."
"You know that's not it." Tommy protested. "I wouldn't do that. You can't tell me you didn't feel anything..."
"Oh, I felt something alright." Billy smirked just a little, unable to resist. "And it happened to be your hand down my pants!"
"Smartass." Tommy blushed. "You're hands weren't idle either."
"They would have been even busier if you hadn't pulled away before we could get to any of the good stuff." Billy commented quietly.
Tommy looked away, ashamed. "I couldn't. Not while...I have to talk to him first."
Billy nodded. "I know."
"But then we can figure this out and get to those good parts." Tommy managed a wan smile. "And I do have feelings for you. It might not be love yet but I'm thinking it won't take long to get to that point."
"Good." Billy leaned over, his lips ghosted over Tommy's neck. He definitely liked the shudder that ran through the muscular frame at the whisper caress. "I already told you what I've felt for you for a long while now."
"And Jason." Tommy mentioned, pulling away slightly. He would not do this before he talked to the other man. He could not do that to him.
"Jason was my first crush, yes, but over the past few years...I don't know. You just stole me heart away." Billy told him, taking the hint and backing off. He would not have gone any farther anyway. Jason had been his best friend for years; he wouldn't do that to him either.
Tommy chuckled. "Who would've thought you were a romantic at heart? Stole your heart away..."
"Hey, I did take Shakespearean literature as an elective. All those sonnets rub off on you. I could have said you have no beauty at all but I love you anyway." Billy teased.
"Hey! That's not very nice!" Tommy protested.
"That is what he said in most of his Sonnets." Billy chuckled. "I was being nice."
"Sure. If that's nice I'd..." Tommy was interrupted by the communicator beeping.
They exchanged worried glances and Billy grasped Tommy's hand supportively. No matter what it was hard to let go of someone like Jason.
Even if it was harder for him to be let go...
Jason sighed, resting his head on the cool wall for a few moments. His head hurt so much it was starting to make his vision blur. He had taken a bad hit to the head two days ago in battle and had not really had time to rest enough to make the remaining head ache go away.
But now he had time.
His squad had been given a few days reprieve after too long a time being part of the group manning the front lines. He had lost track of how long they had been up there. It just bleed together after a while.
Blood.
Jason shuddered at his own choice of words. He nearly wished he had become one of those people who just became desensitized to it all. Nearly, but not quite. Most of the time he clung to that shudder that ran through his soul at the site of a dead comrade or enemy. He had too high a regard for life for anything else.
Even when he knew it was his own weapon that ended the life.
That was something he would never get used to he hoped. The idea of taking a life still sickened him. Killing monsters as a Power Ranger was different. They weren't really alive. They didn't feel.
It was totally different to kill something that was and did. Even if it was their life or yours. Jason still mourned.
Jason pushed the thoughts out of his mind. There would be time for that later. Time for grief later. Time for everything later.
Only later seemed so far away.
Of course some people didn't even get the luxury of later. The battle they had just fought, and very narrowly won, had taken away too many. Too many of those he had counted as friends were not coming back. They were still on that damned battle field, staring vacantly at the sky as the stretcher bearers collected them up like rag dolls...
Don't even think about going there.
Too many of his men had died in that battle. Too many had died period but especially from his company, one of the first to attack. He had lost a great deal of good people, quite a few of them friends or if not acquaintances. None of the people he had eaten breakfast with the day before were there to eat the meal with him this morning...
'Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. This is not the time or place. Leave it be. Later. Leave it for later.'
Jason knew if he started crying now he'd never, ever be able to stop.
"Jason." A comforting hand came to rest on his shoulder.
"'Lo Trey." Jason mumbled.
"You should have seen a medic already." Trey told him, turning Jason around and inspecting the healing head wound himself. It wasn't bad, just a small cut. It was nothing in comparison to some of the other injuries he had had while he had been here. Nothing too serious, really.
Some of them wouldn't even leave scars.
"I did see a medic. She told me to rest." Jason answered.
"And you didn't." It wasn't a question.
"I haven't had time to." Jason replied honestly. "It's not so bad."
Trey snorted. "No. You are not experiencing a headache that is making it hard for you to see straight at this point."
"That's not because of the headache." Jason insisted. "I'm not that stupid or stubborn. I would have gone to the sickbay if it was that bad."
"You are right. You are having trouble seeing straight because you have not slept since the battle." Trey observed dryly. "If you keep going on so there will be nothing left to send back to Tommy by the end of this war."
"There was no one else to take over. We lost..." Jason trailed off. "There were so many casualties. Please. Tell me you've done better."
"That we have. The enemy is withdrawing from the North sections. We have fared well there. Very well. I have been transferred here because of our success." Trey assured him. 'Not to mention because of the casualties sustained here. Of all the luck! This place has fared the worst and it is where Jason was assigned! If I had known they were planning to target this border the worst I would have arranged to have him stationed elsewhere. He is too young...'
"Good." Jason breathed a sigh of relief.
"But first I am to see that you get home. You have missed your scheduled leave for the past four months..." Trey began.
"I couldn't help it! I couldn't leave my men behind when the situation has been so volatile. I went with them on day leaves but..." Jason protested.
"Peace. I know, brother. I would have done no less in your place." Trey paused looking at the young man who still leaned against the wall for support. "You have done admirably. None of the elders doubt you any longer. Some thought you were far too young..."
"Don't start with that again." Jason groaned. "You know humans mature faster than Trifonians. I'm not that young. I am almost the same age as you."
Trey snorted. "You are fifteen years younger than little Ashke and she is barely beginning the academy."
"That's not fair." Jason complained. "You live longer than humans do. It's natural that you mature slower. If you take all that into consideration I'm hardly younger than you are."
"I know but you will have a difficult time convincing others." Trey grinned. "We believe you though, little one."
Jason scowled at Trey. His age was a source of endless amusement to Trey's family, who had adopted Jason as one of their own very quickly. Trey's grandmother, a feisty old woman, who would have been fighting with them if it was still possible for her to walk unaided, had given him the nickname little one when she heard he was just nineteen. It caused Jason no small amount of embarrassment, even though he fit into Trey's family as though he had been part of it from the start. It was also the reason he had stopped telling people his age.
Those who knew it was always impressed. Even when one converted it properly he was still the youngest of his rank. He led his own squad, pushed up to the position partly because he was considered part of the Royal family, partly because he had been one of Zordon's chosen and partly because he had quickly showed his worth as a leader.
Still, Trey had misgivings about what all this was doing to Jason. He could not help but notice the changes in the young man and regretted them greatly. He knew Rangering had taken Jason's innocence from him at the tender age of fifteen but this had torn what remained to shreds. He bore it stoically, though after his first battle Trey found him retching painfully, and still managed to maintain that warmth of spirit that had told Trey he had found the right person to hold his powers for him in the first place.
"It is good that you are returning to Earth for a time." Trey commented quietly. "I only wish we could spare you for longer."
"A week is fine." Jason said dismissively. "I'm just glad to be able to get back for that long. I miss them."
"I do not doubt it." Trey smiled at him as he slipped an arm around Jason's waist to steady him as he drew away from the wall. "You had better change before you leave. Or perhaps not. You will have to tell me of Tommy's reaction if you show up in your uniform, especially that one. Perhaps he could finish tearing it off of you."
Jason blushed as Trey helped him to his quarters. It really only took the second of support to steady him but he knew Trey could be more stubborn than him and he was too worn to argue it. "I need to contact him first."
"Why?" Trey asked as he deposited Jason on the cot and started to pack his bag for him.
"Sure, I don't mind if you rummage through my stuff." Jason told him sarcastically.
"Good." Trey responded. "Why do you need to contact him? Why not surprise him?"
"He might not even be home. He doesn't just sit around waiting for me to call, you know. He has a life." Jason sighed and leaned back. He was so tired.
"Are you going to sleep or contact him?" Trey asked, amused. "You need both but in which order is questionable."
"Sleep can wait." Jason said with a grin. "Pass me my communicator."
Trey tossed it to him and Jason just barely caught it. Trey shook his head. He hated being right when it came to Jason's health. Going home for a rest was the best thing for him.
Trey was busy packing Jason's bag for him when the conversation started. It was nothing out of the ordinary.
"I've got a surprise..." Jason broke off laughing. Trey smiled. It was a good sound to hear.
"You go first. Mine can wait." Jason said the smile evident in his voice.
There was a very long pause and Trey felt complete despair well up inside him. He turned abruptly. It was not often Jason felt so strongly that Trey felt it also. They had a bond, yes, but it was rarely active. Jason was not comfortable furthering the link so they had left it at that. It was only because of Trey's strong abilities that they could have one at all.
"Oh." The word was perfectly level. Trey wasn't sure how Jason managed that. His face had paled to a downright deathly white.
"No. No. It's fine. Don't apologize, Tom. We agreed that what ever happened happened, remember? It's okay." Jason lied. Trey took a step toward him, unsure of what to do. The anguish building up inside him from Jason was making him feel sick but he was not about to let Jason deal with that all alone.
"You're happy, right? I know you don't want to do this to me but...You'll be happy with him, right?...Then that's enough. I just want you to be happy. It's okay, really." Trey was truly amazed that Jason's voice didn't hitch or break. Of course, it was rather dead sounding. He wondered if Tommy was too stupid or too much of a jerk not to hear how dead that deep voice was.
"It's okay, really. We knew this might happen. Just tell...Tell Billy he's a lucky guy, okay? He better not hurt you." Trey took Jason's hand, desperate to stop the trembles that consumed it.
"Listen. I have to go. I just...Sorry, I just wanted to say hello." Jason swallowed. Trey couldn't blame him for wanting to stop the conversation even though he wanted to have a few words with Tommy himself. "Oh. It was nothing important. Just that...Just that we'd won today. Yeah, yeah, it's great. I have to go. Bye."
The communicator dropped out of his limp fingers and Jason moved away from Trey, curling into himself on his side. His head spun, he felt like he was going to vomit and he couldn't cry.
'Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. If you start to cry you'll never stop. Leave it be. Later. Leave it for later...'
"Jason." Trey's hands were on his shoulders and he was saying his name quietly.
'Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. If you start to cry you'll never stop. Leave it be. Later. Leave it for later...'
"Jason!" Trey's voice was more demanding now but Jason wasn't sure a sob wouldn't come out when he tried to speak.
'Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. If you start to cry you'll never stop. Leave it be. Later. Leave it for later...'
"JASON!" Trey had turned him over and slapped him in the face. Hard.
Jason came out of his stupor as if he had been dunked in a tub of cold water. His eyes focussed on Trey who was leaning over him, a desperately worried expression creasing his face. He shook his head once, trying to clear it, before attempting to pull away from him again.
"No. You will not do this to yourself. I will not let you. You are far too important to me to bear this much pain alone." Trey told Jason, holding him despite Jason's feeble attempts to get away.
"Let me go. Just leave me alone." Jason whispered desperately.
"No. I cannot do that. You are too beloved by me to allow me to let you bear this hurt, which should never have been yours, alone. I can help, little brother, let me." Trey murmured gently.
Jason stopped trying to pull away. He wanted, more than anything, to rid himself of his heartache. It was too much. With Tommy gone...It was too much. He sagged further into Trey's arms and shut his eyes tight.
Jason stiffened as he felt a very peculiar sensation in the back of his mind. He considered struggling away but he was too drained to fight Trey, who was rested and well and determined. He simply gave in as Trey moved further into his mind.
It wasn't a bad feeling, Jason decided. In fact, Trey was being so careful it actually felt comforting. There was a slight tug and the feeling of something collapsing and then everything dulled.
Jason looked up sluggishly at Trey. His face was creased slightly but Jason wasn't sure why. Thinking felt like wading through waist deep mud and it didn't feel worth the effort. He figured it might be better to just lie back and drown in the warmth that was somehow encircling him.
"Get some rest, Jason. I will take care of you tonight." Trey murmured. He gently manoeuvred them so he could lean against the wall and Jason could lie against him.
Jason murmured something too softly for Trey to make out before settling against him. He was asleep within moments, helped along by Trey's gentle urging.
Trey stayed awake as long as he was able, chasing off the ghastly dreams that prayed upon Jason's weary mind and gently pushing him further into sleep until he was slumbering so deeply the dreams would no longer reach him. It meant that Trey spent quite a while in Jason's mind.
Trey had a very high sense of honour. He was not about to go snooping in someone's mind uninvited. The dreams that formed in the troubled mind he could not help but see. He also sought out the source of Jason's physical pain and was dismayed to find it stemmed not only from the shallow head wound but from bruised ribs and multiple, half healed abrasions on his lower back as well.
"When will you learn how to take care of yourself properly, Jason?" Trey sighed, his fingers ghosting over the young face in a gentle caress. "You are the most stubborn man I have ever met though from what I have observed that seems to be a trait most Earth youth possess. You will not make old bones if you continue thusly."
Jason slept on peacefully as Trey gently pushed the bond between them fully open. Normally he would never do so without permission but he knew it would be painful, because of Jason's Earthling mind, if Jason were awake. And he was making a vow to himself, then and there, that would need a fully functional bond for him to fulfill.
"You have had to suffer alone for far too long," Trey sighed. "And without Tommy's support and love I fear for your coping ability. He was your sanctuary, your escape from all this. You should not have had to lose that on top of everything else you face."
"I fear I have not been properly fulfilling the role I gained when you held the powers for me. Whether you like it or not you became part of my family, part of me, that day and I will not stand to lose you because you forget you are much loved one day in battle." Trey murmured to the sleeping man. "I will protect you and take care of you whenever I can, as I know you already attempt to do for me. That is my vow to you, my brother."
Satisfied at that, Trey let himself relax and closed his eyes. His own head was starting to ache. He had strong mental gifts but delving inside Jason mind was tiring. Alleviating the pain, both physical and emotional, sapped his strength. Activating the bond between them was even more exhausting because of the care he needed to take when dealing with the less tolerant Earthling mind.
Shifting slightly to keep his back from aching in the morning, Trey drew the lone blanket around him and Jason. The already sleeping man did not stir at the movement and a quick, careful probe assured Trey he would not dream while he rested. Settling under the limp weight of Jason's body, he let himself drift off, content that everything would be well until morning.
The sounds of footsteps rushing past his quarter woke Jason the next morning. For a few moments he simply closed his eyes again and relished the sound of the heartbeat thrumming under his ear and the hand gently stroking his back. It felt so good to be home with…
Not quite, little one.
The strange voice inside his head made him jerk up, wincing as his back protested the sudden movement. Hands steadied him gently and he looked up to see Trey smiling ruefully at him.
"Don't call me that." He muttered, still gaining his wits.
"My apologies." Trey said, stifling a laugh.
"Oh man. What happened?" Jason blushed; it was obvious that he had slept sprawled on top of Trey. For a moment he couldn't figure out why he was still on Trifonia or why the pain from his injuries had dimmed so much…And then the memory of the previous night came crashing down on his senses. "Oh…"
Trey watched as Jason blanched and felt the desperation tear into him again. He grasped Jason shoulder's firmly, making the midnight eyes met his gaze. Do not grieve so fully, Jason. A lost love is not the end of the world. I can help, if you let me.
Jason blinked rapidly a few times and stared at Trey in utter shock. He knew he had not seen the other man's mouth move but he had heard him speaking to him. "Wha…?"
"Our bond became active last night. It would have been painful for both of us to leave it only half finished." Trey told him. "Can you not sense it?"
Jason could only gap at him in stunned silence for a few moments. He slowly realized that there was an odd presence at the back of his mind. It didn't hurt, if anything it was a comfort, and if his attention had not been drawn to it he never would have noticed as it felt so natural. He hesitantly sought it out and ended up tumbling into Trey's amused thoughts.
Easy, easy. Trey cautioned, righting Jason again. You do not have the training to be walking within my mind yet. That will take time. You will be able to sense most of my thoughts and feelings if you so wish but I would not advise you to go clamouring around my mind. It could do damage to both of us at this point.
"Shit." Jason mumbled feeling a bit disoriented. He shook his head and looked carefully at Trey. "You didn't think to ask me before you gave yourself full access to my mind?"
Trey resisted the urge to sooth Jason's fears mentally. He knew the intrusion would not be welcomed until he explained no matter how good his intentions. "I did but leaving the bond as it was last night would have caused both of us pain and I fear it would have been very painful for you to have it fully opened while conscious. Earthling minds are so primitive…"
Jason made a sound of protest at that.
"I mean no offence." Trey added quickly. "In most ways they are very similar to Trifonian minds but the ability to withstand the aging process the same way as our minds is not as advanced. Nor is the ability to deal telepathic and empathetic bonds. If not for the changes made by the powers I would never attempt such a connection as we have. It would snap your mind in two, for lack of a better expression. The normal Earthling mind just does not have the same capabilities to deal with such things."
"Oh." Jason processed that quickly. "So basically, if it wasn't for what the Gold Ranger powers did to me, it would scramble my brain."
"Like an egg." Trey replied.
"How did you know it wasn't going to do that anyway?" Jason questioned.
"The bond was already there just inactive. Establishing that is the hardest part. Leaving it half open would have been more dangerous because neither of us would have had any control over it. We both would have been very vulnerable mentally and it would have been painful, as if you had a dull headache that would simply not be cured." Trey explained. "Forgive me the intrusion. If the circumstances had been different I would have most likely not opened the bond at all but I could not leave you to deal with that pain alone."
Jason looked away. "I could have handled it."
"I do not believe so. You were crying out for help even if you did not know it. I never would have been able to feel your pain that strongly if you had not wanted reprieve from it. I could not ignore such a call, especially not from you." Trey told him gently. "I can feel it radiating off you even now. Why do you think it is no longer all consuming?"
"You don't have to do that." Jason said somewhat embarrassed.
"Yes, I do. Jason you may not realize it but the Gold Rangers powers made us part of each other. Nothing can break that save death and even then…It is difficult to explain but the closest comparison I can make is to twins. Not Earth twins, Trifonian twins. They are very rare here and you have seen the closeness between them."
Jason nodded. There had been a pair of twins in his company, Dyre and Tam, two light-hearted young men who were literally inseparable. Dyre had fallen in battle one day and Tam had carried him back to base, oblivious to everything else, then lay down beside his lifeless body and simply died.
"Trey…" Jason began the thought worrying him.
"Worry not. That is an extreme. Our bond is close to that but not that. Drye and Tam were exceptional close, even for twins. It was a kindness for Tam to be able to follow his brother. What would have been left behind after the severing of that bond would not have been the same person." Trey assured him. "They are together now, wherever they are, and that is the only way they could be whole."
Jason was not sure if that was comforting to know or not. "I guess that's understandable. I'm not sure I like you being able to get into my head though."
"I will not go uninvited, though I am puzzled as to why you are so secretive." Trey paused and frowned slightly. "Unless you enjoy hiding your injuries."
"I don't know. It's an invasion of my privacy, I guess. It just feels weird, you know?" Jason groaned. "How'd you find out?"
"I traced the source of your pain. It was the best way to stop it. You should have had the injuries looked at as soon as possible. They cuts on your back are becoming infected. In a few more days you will start to become feverish from it. Right now they are just very tender. I am going to have to start telling the medics to accost you as soon as you step off the battlefield. " Trey told him with a grin. "I do not believe I understand how having a bond with someone feels weird but I have had more than one since I could form coherent thoughts. I am bonded with all of my siblings and four of my closest friends. It is something that comes natural to me. I can see how you would need time to adjust to it though."
Jason looked uneasy. "I'm not going to form a bond with anyone else, am I?"
"No. You may occasionally pick up snatches from Cadeo through me because he and I have a very strong bond but you will never be able to form another bond. Your mind could not handle it." Trey assured him. "Now, I believe we should visit sickbay to stave off that infection before it gets any worse and then I am to see you off."
Jason's expression darkened. "I'm not going anywhere."
"Yes, you are." Trey informed him.
"No, I'm not. How can you expect me to go there now?" Jason questioned feeling oddly betrayed. "You know what I'm feeling and thinking now so how can you ask me to do that?"
Trey's face softened and he gently touched his arm as he eased part of the pain away from his heart. Jason's expression turned to wonderment as he felt the pain ebb into something much more manageable. He couldn't help but relax slightly.
"I would never ask that of you, especially not now. I know your pain for I share the burden of it. I did not mean you are returning to Earth." Trey said quietly.
Jason was relieved but also painfully aware that, "I have no place else to go."
Trey shook his head slightly. "Jason, you are a part of my family now, whether you want to be or not! Aithne would have me killed if I did not send you to them and I do not wish to go against her. Walking aid or not she is a fierce old bird! They are expecting you there within the next day."
"You told them?" Jason asked astounded. Telling something like this was not like Trey at all!
"No! Dov and Cadeo picked up on your pain through me last night. That is how strong it was! I only told them that you would be fine, that I was taking care of you, nothing more. It is not for me to tell. Aithne demanded I send you home to them this morning though I have no idea how she got the message here so quickly." Trey was honestly befuddled at that. His grandmother was a tricky one though.
"Oh." Jason was relieved at that, until Trey chuckled.
"Do not sound so relieved. You are going to be coddled and comforted until you no longer look like you are witnessing Armageddon." Trey wrapped and arm around Jason's shoulders and pulled him up, intent on getting him to the sickbay quickly so he could send him to the Palace for a longer overdue rest.
"Great." Jason mumbled, not really protesting. It would be nice to be smothered, at least for a little while. He was not too stubborn to see he needed to take this leave before he simply collapsed from exhaustion. Half the time he was away he would probably spend sleeping anyway!
"A word of advice: stick close to Aithne. She likes you and she is the one to give the least amount of bullshit." Trey told him.
Jason stared. It was the first time he had heard Trey swear. He normally stayed far away from slang, especially Earth slang. Trey grinned. "What? You can see what I am thinking now. Swearing will no longer shock you soon."
Jason had to laugh a little at that and allowed Trey to lead him to sick bay, grateful for the nearly overwhelming support.
He desperately needed it.
Tommy loved it when they could spend a lazy Sunday morning together.
It didn't happen very often as Billy was normally either working or he was teaching at the dojo or something but today they both had off. So far they hadn't moved farther than the bathroom.
And that was fine with him.
He was lying on his side, letting his hand trail lazily up and down Billy's back, when the thought rose unbidden to his mind.
A little less than five years ago he had lay like this with Jason, soothing him back to sleep because the deep bruises under his eyes reminded the world of just how little rest he had gotten during that first year on Trifonia. Jason had smiled at him, shifted so he could kiss him, and then tucked himself as close to Tommy as possible before falling asleep again.
"Tommy? You okay?" Billy's voice was muffled a bit by his pillow, as his head was still half buried in it.
"Yeah. Fine." Tommy replied.
"You sure? You looked a million miles away." Billy observed.
Tommy smiled and looked into those sea green-blue eyes. He could remember another pair of eyes, dark as the night but warm enough to save a lost soul...But at that very moment, if he had been given the choice the would have sea instead of the night. "I'm thinking about getting up and getting some food."
Billy raised an eyebrow, "You looked like you were orbiting Jupiter."
'No,' Tommy thought, 'Farther away than that.'
But at that moment his stomach decided to growl. Billy laughed before leaning forward and pressing his smiling lips against Tommy's for a few seconds. "Do you want to raid the fridge or should I?"
Tommy groaned. "The last time you went to get breakfast we ended up with chocolate for breakfast."
"Nutella is a perfectly fine spread to put on toast..." Billy began.
"Even I know better than that." Tommy interrupted.
"Sure. The amount of peanut butter you put on your toast is outrageous. It's no wonder we are always out of it!" Billy retorted.
Tommy snorted and rolled out of bed reluctantly. "It's still better than that chocolate stuff."
"It is not." Billy rolled his eyes and took the opportunity to sprawl over the whole bed.
Tommy chuckled as he left the room, knowing that there would be room for him on that bed when he came back. There always was.
It was when he was waiting for the coffee to hurry up that his mind wandered off into space again.
It had been a little less than six years since Jason had left for Trifonia, a little under five since Tommy had last seen him and a little more than six months since they had spoken.
Tommy heaved a sigh. He had forgotten all about that. How could six months pass by without him noticing Jason hadn't got in touch with them? And if he had contacted anyone else on Earth Tommy was sure he would have heard about it. That meant for six months no one had known anything about Jason.
For a moment a sliver of ice inched its way down his spine making him shudder all over. He knew that he the thought had made him blanch. Could Jason be, Tommy gulped, dead?
Then reality reasserted itself. If Jason had been killed Trey would have gotten in touch as soon as he could. Jason may not be his lover any longer but they were still friends.
Weren't they?
That thought sent the same sort of shudder through him. He tried to recall when Jason had started contacting them less but couldn't pin it down.
'Even after we broke up he still contacted me all the time and I wanted him to. I wanted to know he was alright I just couldn't be his lover anymore, that doesn't mean I wanted him out of my life entirely. Then I only heard from him every week or two...When did it get to be months before I heard from him? When did I start being surprised to hear his voice?'
Tommy jolted; suddenly unable to remember where he had put the communicator he could talk to Jason with.
He realized with a sense of guilt that Jason had slipped out of his life entirely and he hadn't even noticed for half a year.
For a moment he was angry with Jason for letting that happen. Then his conscious kicked in and reminded him of the dozens of times Jason had contacted him during the past five years he had been too busy to say more than hello to him.
Or he just hadn't wanted to let his absent friend's pain ruin his day.
Tommy felt his cheeks burn with shame and he desperately raked his mind to find some sort of defence he could use against that thought.
The best he could come up with was that he had thought of Jason before then. Sort of. He had thought of him in a detached sort of way. Remembering him with the fond fogginess one remembers someone who they never have to deal with again.
Sighing, Tommy poured himself a cup of coffee. It was too late to do anything, as much as Tommy regretted it. Presuming he could find his communicator, and between his and Billy's housekeeping skills that would be a feat in itself, he couldn't just contact Jason. What if he did so when the other man was in the middle of a battle or something?
A part of Tommy knew it was a weak excuse. A part of him was yelling that he should at least find out how Jason was doing, that the other man deserved that much from him. But at the same time he was angry. Angry at Jason for letting go of his former life like and angry at him invading his thoughts on what was supposed to be a nice, lazy Sunday.
Tommy knew he wasn't being fair. But, dammit, why did he always have to be fair? Why couldn't he feel like that if he wanted to? Jason was gone, and it didn't look like he was coming back anytime soon still! What did it matter?
Only why did he feel so guilty about everything then?
Tommy let out a long sigh and slumped against the counter slightly. He wanted to be able to hate Jason; he really did, but knew there was no reason he should. Jason had just done what he always did, went to lend a hand. How could he resent that when it was what had saved him in the first place?
"Tom?" Billy called. His voice was quite closer than the bedroom.
"Yeah?" Tommy replied, gathering his scattered wits quickly.
"We have a visitor." Billy replied.
Tommy walked into the living room, cup of coffee in one hand a bagel in the other, and stopped dead in his tracks.
It wasn't after day the prince of Trifonia teleported into your living room, after all.
"Trey." The word was incredulous.
"Tommy." The prince's voice was frosty to say the least. It did not bode well for whatever he had to say next.
"Trey..." Billy hesitated, absolutely dreading what his appearance could mean. "Jason's not...You're not here to tell us...Jason isn't..."
"Jason is alive and his health," Trey grimaced slightly, "is as good as can be expected."
Tommy narrowed his eyes. "What does that mean?"
"It means," Trey said, glaring right back at him, "that he has been in a war for the past six years. If you expected such a thing to have no effect on him you did not know him well at all."
Tommy bristled at the comment but before he could retort Billy let out a soft, relieved sigh. "Thank God he's alive. When I saw you I thought..."
Trey's stony eyes softened just a tiny bit. "I am sorry for that. I never meant to put that worry into you."
"Than what are you here for?" Tommy asked. He knew his tone was a bit sharp but Trey's voice and gaze, which were enough combined to freeze the Mediterranean Sea, was making his hackles raise.
"I came to tell you that our war has ended. It ended slightly less than two months ago." Trey said calmly, though his eyes burned for the chance to fight.
"What?" Billy exclaimed.
"The fighting stopped two months ago. We won." Trey's mouth twisted into a sad, ironic smile. "If you can call it winning."
Tommy snorted. "You either won or didn't."
"You have obviously never been in a war. The devastation to the battle grounds alone makes the victor a loser. The loss of life..." Trey's eyes flashed, "The loss of life suffered defeats all those involved whether or not they appear to be the triumphant side."
Before Tommy could say something in return Billy glared at him and than looked back at Trey. "For someone who has not been in battle for two months you look ready to fall asleep where you stand and I do not wish to have you passing out to the floor. You may as well have a seat."
Tommy could tell Billy was a bit nervous. His speech was getting more formal. Outwardly, though, he seemed fine as he all but flopped down onto the couch, indicating the worn, recliner to Trey. Tommy felt like protesting. That was his favourite chair!
Billy tugged his shirt and he sat down beside him automatically before he could open his mouth. A moment later he realized how petty it would have been for him to tell Trey not to sit there.
It didn't mean he had to like it though.
"Thank you." Trey relaxed a little. He didn't feel anymore at ease but the chair was comfortable and he was tired.
"Would you like a drink or anything?" Billy asked. The Trifonian did seem utterly exhausted and though his lover seemed to be trying his best to get a rise out of the alien he remember his manners.
"No, thank you." Trey let a tiny smile flicker over his lips to let Billy know he was being sincere.
Trey had honestly not come here to make trouble for Billy. He knew Jason had made peace with him a long time ago. Billy had taken the initiative to talk things out with his long time friend once when Jason contacted them and Tommy was out. Trey may not have liked how Billy got together with Tommy but he had done his best to see that Jason was alright afterwards. And Trey knew that while Billy did not regret hooking up with Tommy he did regret how it had come about.
Tommy on the other hand...
"You're obviously here to tell us your war ended. So what else are you here for?" Tommy ignored Billy's elbow to his ribs as something else occurred to him. "And why do you get to come here and Jason doesn't? Why can you get leave so easily when he hasn't been back for five years?"
Trey snorted. "Jason has had the opportunity to come back here many times. He has not chosen to do so yet."
Tommy looked stunned and Trey mentally smirked as he continued. "I came to tell you that he is returning to Earth within the next two days. I am unsure how long he will be back for and I am uncertain as to whether or not he will contact you. I thought you should know."
Billy was flabbergasted. "What do you mean by you're unsure how long he will be back for? I thought he would be coming home for good once the war was over."
"As did I, for a time." Trey sighed, focusing on Billy.
"How can you do that to him? How can you make him stay on Trifonia? He helped like you wanted to; let him get back to his life already!" Tommy interrupted angrily.
Trey's eyes sparked with rage. "No one forced him to help us. He did it because he felt he needed to help. He had a connection with the Trifonia and he felt the planet crying for help so he did what his heart told him was right. And I have certainly made no attempt to make him stay on Trifonia. He decided that for himself. If you want to know why, you should look to yourself for the answer."
"What the hell do you mean by that?" Tommy asked through gritted teeth.
"Trifonia has become Jason's home partly because he feels there is nothing left for him on Earth." Trey replied. "On Trifonia people care for him, he is much beloved by many, and he thinks he has more of a future there. He does want to come back to Earth to visit; of course, his parents are still here..."
"People here care for him too, in case you've forgotten." Tommy all but growled.
Trey looked him squarely in the eye. "Then why has he not heard from any of those people, save his parents, in more than half a year. Perhaps there are those who care but he has not been made to feel so in quite some time."
"He was the one who stopped contacting us!" Tommy retorted.
"What, pray tell, kept you from contacting him? Both your arms seem to be in working condition from what I have seen." Trey replied with a dismissive snort.
"Tommy, stop it!" Billy whispered to him harshly. "You're trying to pick a fight with him."
Tommy paid no heed to his lover's suggestion of caution. "I wasn't the one going into battle all the time. I didn't want to try to get in touch with him during a fight and have him end up dead because of it."
Trey laughed humourlessly at the excuse. "You know as well as I do he never took that communicator into battle with him. You contacted him plenty of times in that first year. Do not try to pin all the blame on his shoulders because you are inconvenienced by having the weight upon yours!"
"You're one to talk about blame! You were the one that got him involved in the first place! It was your planet that had a war. Jason had nothing to do with it at all. If you had been a better Ranger in the first place and not needed our help he would have been fine and safe and happy here." Tommy barked using the lowest blows he could. Later he would feel ashamed of them but Trey's comments had hit too close to home for comfort. "You are the one who stole six years of his life from him. If there's a reason he has nothing left here on Earth it is your fault."
Trey drew in a sharp breath as if he had suddenly been punched in the gut. Tommy knew he'd hit a soft stop and would have gone in for the kill except...
"Tommy! What the hell do you think you're saying and who do you think you're saying it to?" Billy asked outraged at both of them. He could understand Trey's position, he was, after all, a leader trying to help his planet recover from way and, as far as Billy could see, trying to protect a dear friend. Tommy had never reacted well to confrontation, getting far too involved too quickly.
He would have liked to slap some sense into both of them and remind them that ultimately, they would probably only hurt Jason in their fighting.
Trey's gaze turned to Billy. "I apologize, William. I did not mean to inflict this conversation on you."
He rose stiffly and looked down at Tommy, disgust and anger still vividly gleaming in the rock hard eyes. "As I said early, Jason is returning within the next two days. I do not know if he will seek you out or not. I do know he will be in Angel Grove for at least part of the time he is here. If there is anything you wish to say to him I suggest you do so. I do not know when or if he is coming back again nor do I know when or if he will contact you. From the thoughts he has expressed to me I would not count on it."
"Jason will always be welcome on Trifonia. He is part of us, even more so now than before. However," Trey sighed, "if you can convince him to stay on Earth it may be a good thing. He was very reluctant to come back but he lost something..."
Tommy started to protest and Billy promptly covered his mouth with his hand to stop him. Tommy's eyes nearly bugged out of his head but it worked.
"He lost something that I am not sure he will be able to find again here." Trey continued. "Whether you admit it or not, you were his hearth fire and the anchor of his heart. When he lost that...I tired my best to help him but some things are irreplaceable. I am not sure he can be convinced to come back here permanently now."
Trey shook his head and sighed. He glanced at Billy and nodded slightly before teleporting out.
Tommy waited all of three seconds before speaking again. "Can you believe the nerve of..."
"Shut up, Tom." Billy snapped. "You both behaved like children. What in the world did picking at each other accomplish?"
"He came in here all high and mighty looking for a fight! He started it!" Tommy protested.
"Bullshit. Are you listening to yourself? He started it! Are you five years old or three?" Billy shook his head. "If you had been less concerned about taking cheap shots at a man who is obviously still hurting because his planet has been at war you would have possibly learned something from that conversation."
"Oh and what's that?" Tommy asked sarcastically.
"That someone you care about has been hurt badly. No matter whose fault you think it was that fact is not going to go away." Billy sighed. "Jason is hurting so badly he does not want to return to Earth. That should have been what you cared about. If you and Trey hadn't been too busy digging at each other I would have liked to have found out how to help him."
Tommy just stared as Billy continued to rant, pulling on jeans and a shirt as he did. "I know we hurt him when we got together. I talked to him about it more than once in the past when you weren't around for his call. Despite what happened he is still my friend, one I would like to keep and one I care for very much. So if you're done throwing your temper tantrum by the time I get back maybe we can talk about this and why you were acting like a child."
That broke Tommy out of his stupor. "Where are you going?"
"Out!" Billy shouted, slamming the door behind him just because it made him feel better.
Tommy sagged further into the couch and dropped his head into his hands.
Billy found him that way two hours later, dried tear tracks further marring the distressed face.
It was shocking how much Jason had changed in the past five years.
Tommy knew he hadn't changed that much. He was a bit less serious, at least when his temper wasn't getting the better of him, and he had cut his hair...but all in all he was mostly the same person.
Only he loved someone else now.
If he had learned anything from the past three days of soul searching, which he had absolutely hated, that was it. He loved Billy. He had said the words before and been sincere but now he knew without a doubt that he loved the other man.
He still felt very deeply for Jason, of course. The other man had been the first real confidant he ever had, had shown him how to trust and love people other than his adoptive parents, had helped to heal him. And he loved him very dearly as a friend, as a best friend.
But not as a lover. Not as his soul mate.
He had found that in a pair of sea charged eyes, eyes that sparkled with intelligence and warmth and shyness and warmed him to the very core of his being.
For Jason may have healed his wounded soul but Billy was the one who had completed it.
But Jason had, and still did, mean a lot to him as a friend and Tommy knew he had probably not done right by the other man by breaking it off with him as he had. It pained Tommy to know he had hurt Jason, so much that speaking about it had made him overly defensive during Trey's visit.
It had taken more than one long conversation with his lover, one which had included Billy smacking Tommy with a rolled up newspaper repeatedly because he was so frustrated, to help him figure out what he was going to say to Jason if...no, when he got the chance to talk to him again. He just couldn't leave things the way they were. He just couldn't!
Luckily, he had gotten the chance.
Unluckily he had known, nearly as soon as he had looked at his former lover, that he would never be able to set things right for Jason. It was too late to heal the hurt he had caused. Too many other hurts had piled up on top of it already.
Jason had changed.
Outwardly, he looked every inch a warrior. His body was leaner and more suited for battle than for karate tournaments. His face was weary and lined with toil. A wicked scar marred his face half way across his forehead to his temple. Another, smaller cut would show forever on his cheek. Other small marks, ones that would disappear with age, dotted the still strangely handsome face.
Tommy wondered how much of Jason's unseen skin was marked by lasting reminders of battles. The other man wore a long sleeved shirt so only his hands were visible. Tommy couldn't help but notice that there were marks on those, blistered, calloused hands too. How many blisters had Jason suffered as he tried to help the world rebuild?
Tommy didn't like it. He didn't like it at all.
Tommy could filter out all the physical differences, add more girth to Jason's stocky frame, erase the scars, fit him in a red tank top and shorten the slightly longer, slightly curlier hair, but he couldn't look past the other changes he could tell were just below the surface.
There was less warmth in the midnight eyes that used to look at him, and the world, so openly. Tommy knew that warmth that made up so much of Jason's soul was still there. He saw it when Jason had greeted Billy, his old friend, his little brother, and, as much as it pained him to admit it, knew it was probably also there for Trey, who was most likely the closest to Jason anywhere.
But it was no longer there for him. Not in the way it once was. Not the open, endless, wonderful supply of love and caring and strength that had first drawn Tommy to Jason. That had made Tommy seal himself to a new fate that day long ago on a guilt ridden beach.
It was a loss he regretted. One he knew was his own doing.
He knew he could have, should have mended things with Jason long before this. Billy had taken the steps but old defences and insecurities had allowed Tommy to trick himself into believe everything was alright and the same when it was not. He had not heard or noticed the nuances Jason could not hide as he slipped away from his old life.
Jason had been through something he had not been. He had seen a world he had been detached from, had been smacked in the face by death and despair and pain and war and everything that made him just want to lie down and surrender to whatever could first end his misery.
He hadn't. He had survived. He had kept breathing and done more than that. He had been there for anyone who needed him, had kept his own troubles at bay to help others. He had been a hero, going on though death had touched him ever so deeply.
There was no denying Jason was strong. He just sometimes wished he didn't have to be.
That was why he had needed Tommy and their love so badly. That hadn't relied on his strength nor had it been his strength. It had been something where he didn't need that strength, a reprieve from the toil he took on everyday.
And then he had lost that. Tommy had taken it away from him.
He realized that now. There was nothing he could have done to prevent it from happening in time, of course, but he could have been gentler about it. He was just glad Trey had been there to soften the fall. He might not like the prince much but he had been there for Jason, there was no denying that.
Tommy sighed and glanced away from the emotionless, masked face of his former lover. What he wouldn't give for a glimpse of that warmth now!
As he watched Jason speaking to Billy about something, he wasn't really paying attention, he wondered if Jason still gave that warmth as freely as he had given it to him. A cold sliver trailed down his spine as he realized that was unlikely. It was a truth he was sorry to have to face.
Before he could continue riding the train of his melancholy thoughts Billy derailed him. He was leaning down, pressing a peck of a kiss to Tommy's lips before straightening and surprising Jason by wrapped his arms around him in a tight hug.
"If you take that long to get in touch again there will be hell to pay." Billy warned. He knew that Jason would not be convinced to return to Earth permanently and, when he took everything into consideration that might not be such a bad thing. He had fought long and hard for Trifonia, why shouldn't he be there during good years as well?
"I won't take so long this time. I promise." Jason hugged Billy back. It reminded him why he had craved returning to Earth so much in the beginning. It also let him know he had not lost everything he thought he might have.
And that when he went back home he would not lose it unless he threw it away. That was something he would not ever consider.
Billy shot him a look that clearly said talk to him or I will have to kill you before leaving the apartment. Tommy had no idea where he was going. Paying attention helped occasionally.
It might have prevented him from being left in a room with a man he had no idea what to say to. How did you breach five years miscommunication?
Before he could think of what to say Jason smiled at him, a weak, tired smile that only twitched the corners of his mouth and did nothing to light the rest of his face. "I am sorry for dropping in on you without warning like this."
The smile Tommy gave in return was similar to Jason's attempt. "It's alright. I was more worried that you weren't going to come see us at all. It's been awhile..."
Jason nodded. "Yeah, it has."
"Six months." Tommy added quietly.
"Yeah." Jason sighed. "It's been awhile."
Tommy shook his head. "That's longer than awhile. What happened?"
Jason shrugged and looked away. "Things got hectic."
"Please don't lie to me." Tommy sighed.
"What do you want me to say?" Jason asked. He was looking at Tommy now, his eyes emotionless.
"Something true," Tommy answered, "why you really stopped contacting me."
Jason stiffened so slightly it took Tommy a moment to notice the difference. "Tom..."
"No, I want to know, Jason. I want to know the truth. When was the last time you told me something true?" Tommy asked.
Jason snorted. "You haven't wanted to hear anything true from me for a long time. You wanted to hear that I was fine and nothing more. Then you wanted to hear nothing from me at all..."
"How can you sa..." Tommy began in protest.
"I can say it because it's true." Jason's voice was soft and his eyes, which rose for just a moment to meet Tommy's gaze, were not angry. Just sad and no longer hopeful. "Tommy, I...I tried to keep things the way they were, go back to being just friends, I wanted that badly. I knew I couldn't be with you anymore, I accepted that but I wanted to stay your friend. I just wasn't going to stay in your life when you obviously didn't want me to be a part of it anymore."
"I never wanted to not be friends." Tommy insisted.
Jason smiled a smile of sad acceptance. "We grew apart. It happens."
"It shouldn't have. It didn't happen with Billy." Tommy frowned.
"I know." Jason replied. "That was different."
"How?" Tommy questioned somewhat sharply.
"Billy..." Jason sighed. He did not want to have this conversation with his former lover. He did not want to have any conversation with him. He wanted to go back home. "Billy wanted to talk to me still. He made the effort to keep our friendship alive."
"And I didn't." It was not a question.
"No, you didn't and after awhile it was too hard to keep up the charade. I had other things to worry about. More important things." Jason replied.
Tommy took offence to that. He snorted disdainfully. "You were the one who used to say nothing was more important that your friends."
"I was wrong." Jason's eyes grew distant. "Lives are more important. Life is so much more than...than anything."
Tommy made a disgruntled sound but held his tongue.
Jason looked at him sharply for that. "Do not start with that again. I know you didn't agree with me leaving. I know it caused problems between us but there's nothing we can do about it now. Do not disgrace what I was fighting for. It was bigger than our friendship or my life."
"I know. Now, I understand it. I don't like it though." Tommy looked carefully at the man he once knew. "Or what it's done to you."
"We all have to grow up sometime." Jason mumbled.
"That is not all that has changed." Tommy told him.
"I know." Jason sighed. "Everything has changed. Including my home."
"You're really staying on Trifonia for good." Tommy simply couldn't wrap his mind around that concept. Sure, Jason had been gone a long time but he had always been coming back.
"Yeah. It's where I belong now." Jason smiled slightly.
"Why?" Tommy asked, honestly puzzled.
The smile faltered and Jason heaved a long, sad sigh. "I've been fighting for that planet for six years. I've seen my friends die before me, trudged through mud and mines and bodies and sometimes only had the memory of what peace was like to draw hope from. I want to see Trifonia prosper again. I need to know it's possible to recover from all that, that things can be beautiful again."
"You could find that here, if you wanted to." Tommy said softly.
Jason looked at him for a long moment and then looked away as if pained. "No, I can't. Not anymore. There's too much..."
"Why are you giving up like this? Okay, we broke up and maybe not in the best way but that's no reason to leave like this..." Tommy began.
Jason did not waste time with anymore words. He knew he would never be able to explain it. Instead, he showed him the only way he knew how.
Jason kissed him.
And Tommy knew that he was Jason's forever. That Jason's heart would always firmly rest in his possession. That it was too painful for Jason to stand by and watch him.
Jason wouldn't interfere if Tommy was happy. He wanted him to be happy even if it wasn't with him. But he couldn't stay and watch. Not when he had another future waiting for him, where he could rebuild.
Neither of them could change that fact. It simply was.
Jason smiled sadly and for a moment Tommy thought he saw tears in the midnight eyes. "Good-bye, Tommy."
Then he stood up and walked out the door.
Tommy didn't follow him.