One Mossflower morning, Chickenhound sat distraught as he gazed into his empty herb bowl. For the third time that week, the unfortunate fox had run out of the much needed Shamafalafen herb. But now, Chickenhound was determined to find some. So, he casually strolled out of his soft den and into Mossflower Woods.
Suddenly, a blueberry muffin appeared from seemingly nowhere and hit him in the face. Confused, Chickenhound picked up the dirty muffin from off the ground and examined it. Peering and then reaching inside the muffin, he found a note, reading;
"Be sure to get the lamp. Llama! Llama! The banana is corrupt, no need to finalize. Nutella the Shoop-de-Woop at 5 am.
-Shorfendorf
Chickenhound stared, aghast, at the rumpled note in his paw. It was written in simplistic, messy handwriting, as if it 'twas penned by naught but a dibbun. Chickenhound simply dropped the note and the muffin onto the ground and continued with his day.
As the day went on, Chickenhound grew steadily frustrated as he searched unsuccessfully for the herbs. Soon enough, he had become lost in the somewhat vast woods.
"BY THE TIME I FIND THESE HERBS, I'LL BE AT SALAMANDASTRON," screamed Chickenhound to no one in particular, making it clear that he was starting to become somewhat insane. Or the drugs may have been kicking in, who the hell knows.
"RAPE!" somebeast shouted, startling him.
Suddenly, Chickenhound slammed face-first into a large tree. As he fell backwards, whiteness blinded him and pain shot through his face and snout. As his vision returned, he looked up to see another note floating down from the tree and onto his exposed belly. He read:
"Barf-Bucket McSugarbacon, deny the kumquat. Butterfly the smooze for tomorrow, it's only sausage."
-Shorfendorf
Before he could process what the note meant, Chickenhound was startled by the feeling of something poking him on the right flank. He leapt off the ground, turning to see a vaguely aged vole staring up at him with wide eyes.
"Who in the hellgates are you?" Chickenhound barked.
"Ma' name's Butter. I've been watching your every move for two years," the vole said, with a light, airy voice, "I've got a nice big bucket of candy in tha' back of ma' van. Would ya' like some?
Chickenhound stared blankly. "Whu? Um…..huh? No thanks…"
Chickenhound shifted uncomfortably as he noticed the vole's gaze focused upon his furry flanks.
"Okay then..." Chickenhound continued, "Do you know anything about this note? Or where I can find some Shamafalafen herb?"
"I have some in the back of my vvvvvaaaaaaaaannnnn. I have a lot of things in the back of my vvvvaaaaaannnnn. Ya' wanna' go take a look?
"I DON'T WANT TO GET IN YO' GODDAMN VAN!" Chickenhound shouted, running. As he took off, he looked back at the vole for a brief second. But Butter had disappeared.
I was several days later. You would think that Chickenhound would have had the sense to ask directions from somebeast, but he didn't. 'Cuz he's STOOPID like that.
ANYWAYZ…
Hunger tore at Chickenhound's empty stomach as he trekked through the woods mindlessly. But, seemingly out of the blue, a flying maroon llama with a top hat and a FABULOUS moustache descended down from the heavens and landed beside Chickenhound.
"Chickenhound!" the llama proclaimed loudly, "You must stop!"
"What? Who are you?" the withered fox mumbled in confusion.
"My name is Mr. Squiggles, god of the universe! I was the one who sent those letters! I'm sorry if they may not had made much sense, my writing of the English language is a little off. Sorry bout' dat', bro."
"Okay…."
"What I was trying to tell was that you must stop. You were mistaken about the herbs, as they have been in your bag this entire time."
Chickenhound looked down to the small satchel at his side. "Oh yeah."
"Say, "Mr. Squiggles asked, "What are those herbs for, anyways?"
"It's a laxative. It cures constipation."
"Oh."
Then they were both lazer'ed by Dr. Octoganupus.
TEH END