A/N: Hi everyone! I've been sitting on this for a while, due to school, family, etc. But now I have a good portion completed, and this fic is ready to be shared. As always, thanks for reading!
Also, I don't own anything.
I'm Logan.
Most of you know me as the grumpy, constantly irritated, yet dashingly handsome mutant who seems to attract trouble.
Well, for now, trouble seems to be afraid of the Wolverine.
Why? Geez, do I gotta explain everything? Okay, listen up; I'll only say this once. After the whole Phoenix shenanigans and crap got sorted out, the Professor transferred his entity, along with Jean and the Scooter's into new bodies. It was pointless really because they looked exactly the same. It spooked some kids though; I got a huge laugh outta that.
Things started to die down, and eventually life decided to give this old man a damn break.
One, I finally had a permanent place to call home. No more wandering, no more crusty and dirty as hell camper, just the Mansion. I had a room, a bed, and a dresser just like any normal person. Who would've thought that I'd end up living this life?
Two, I quit my beer habit. Yeah right, just kidding. This place finally gave me a mini fridge for my damn beer! Something about drinking in front of eight year olds poses a bad influence towards "impressionable youth", so I couldn't store beer in the kitchen. Assholes.
Lastly, you all know Marie, right? Cute kid became a beautiful woman before my very eyes. After the mini fridge, I knew my luck had ran out, but it turned out I was in 'fer a whole new surprise. Here I was, thinking that I'm no good 'fer her...that she needed someone less feral. Then, all of a sudden she tells me that she loves me despite all the crazy shit that happened to me in the past, and look at us now, we're a couple (Don't worry, she's legal). Take that, Popsicle Boy!
Yep, life was pretty good. I was less irritable around the mansion, more of a mildly annoyed state. And, I got to kick ass legally while getting paid.
Yeah, suck it Sabretooth.
Anyways, I was happy…until life had to come around and screw things up all over again.
Why, you ask?
Again, don't you keep up with the updates or am I some sort of gossip magazine? And, no I haven't been reading any! Try having your girlfriend's best friend throwing all her crap all over your girlfriend's room, completely ruining the mood when you go over there wanting a good back massage after a long mission!
Since Chuck wanted to be more modern, and apparently saw that advancements in technology would be better for the school, he decided to "treat" us to some new gadgets.
So, for the entire core team, he got us something called "smartphones".
I expected something much more fancy, like maybe a phone with a beer dispenser or a cigar lighter. But no, it was this black hunk of metal with one button on the bottom. Where the hell was the number pad?
Then I was quickly corrected by Jubilee, telling me it was a touch screen.
Whatever the hell that is.
So I got some sort of tutoring lessons from the loudmouth Banana, yet I still didn't know how the piece of shit works.
She told me to put a password in, and I thought, hey that's pretty fricken sensible because I didn't want some ass-hat stealing my phone.
I attempted to type, "stayoutbub" but my fingers kept hitting the wrong keys. Who the hell made the keyboard so goddamn tiny? Some of us men have masculinity running through all parts of our bodies, not just the obvious.
After I finally typed in my password, which I changed to a four-numbered PIN code, Yellow told me to download an "app" called "Facebook".
What the hell is an "app"? Did they mean an "appendix", or some shit? And what the actual hell is a "Facebook"?
I could tell that Jubilee was about to laugh her ass off, but after one snarl, she quickly focused on the matter at hand.
Jubilee told me not to worry, and that she'd download this "Facebook" "appendix" crap, so that I'd "fit in" and wouldn't be "excluded".
Uh, is the bubble-gum shit she chews making her delusional? We're mutants, a "Facebook" won't make us any more normal than we were before.
That got me an eye-roll….
And another snarl for her, that'll shut her yap for a while.
About fifteen minutes later, Jubilee returned my cellphone and told me that I should make an account on Facebook, because it was vital if I didn't want to compromise the security of team.
I think she'd be a good politician.
Anyways, at this very moment I'm sitting in my bedroom since Marie's gone off with Jubilee, and I'm staring at this dumb ass phone.
After I unlock my phone, I see a lone blue icon with a white "F" floating at the top of the screen.
Hmph, well I guess I could give it a try. Jubilee mentioned that Marie already had a Facebook account, so I guess I could help protect her there too.
How bad could it be, really?
"So how's Logan with his new phone?"
"Oh it's great, Chica…don't worry! I downloaded Facebook for him to use so that he doesn't seem out of time or anything," Jubilee replied to her best friend.
The two were sharing a pint of ice cream on the couch in the rec room.
"Yeah, because having a growly one-hundred-year old man on Facebook would take years off of him."
"You never know, babe! This may be the breaking point…will Wolvie finally get with the 21st century?" Jubilee said with mock suspense.
"He doesn't like being called Wolvie," Rogue deadpanned.
"Or will he be doomed to old age forever?" Jubilee continued anyways.
"You sound like a crappy, low budget movie trailer," Rogue snorted, and took another scoop of ice cream.
"Seriously, Roguey!" Jubilee said, "Maybe he'll finally start acting like a thirty-something year old man with this phone. You know I'm magical at life transformations. I mean, come on…Dr. Phil doesn't have anything on me!"
"Well, Dr. Lee, these next few days should be interesting," Rogue winked.
"Amen to that, Chica!"
Please excuse the change in perspective. The rest of the story will be written in third-person :)
Review, please!