"The Bills make me wanna SHOUT!"
The tagline that would be best left unsaid at a tailgate party held in Foxboro before the football game between the New England Patriots and the Buffalo Bills. Meg Griffin and Kevin Swanson had just arrived at Gillette Stadium with only an hour until kickoff.
"That guy is making hot dogs. You sure you don't want one?" Kevin asked.
"No thanks" Meg said. "I'm still digesting this morning's breakfast. You're still hungry from that stuffed waffle you had?"
"Only because I forgot to order bacon on the side. I didn't get my daily dose of meat today."
"I see."
"I'll be right back."
Meg stood casually, then looked away nervously.
Uh-oh…an anti-Bills rally.
Kevin returned with his hot dog.
"Last chance for a free meal!"
"Oh um, that's okay, sweetie."
"Ya sure? The stadium's hot dogs are expensive."
"I may want one during halftime."
"Fine." Kevin took a bite out of his dark-grilled hot dog.
Meg had been preoccupied with something on their way to the stadium.
"Why am I wearing this sweater again?" she asked, looking at the gray sweater she was wearing, which had no labels or logos, and her delicate hands were hidden beneath the long sleeves.
"So these Patriots fans won't eat you alive." Kevin answered. "If you've seen them after a typical game, you'll know what I mean."
"But it's not even a cold day."
"First Meg, I paid for the tickets, so I'm responsible for anything that happens to us. Second, you're rooting for a team that lost four consecutive Superbowls."
"Sure. Rub it in like the rest of the world."
"Just sayin'…"
With only forty minutes left until kick-off, Meg and Kevin walked to the Gillette Stadium to find their seats. They followed the crowd and crossed a traffic-jammed road to get to the main entrance.
"These guys are never gonna find a parking spot in time for the game."
"Aren't you glad we took that bus trip Quahog University was offering?"
"Yes, but weren't we going to try driving here anyways?"
"Nah, my dad doesn't trust me leaving states on my own. And wasn't your dad busy with other stuff too?"
"He was too busy preparing for your dad's football party today. He was in charge of getting the snacks."
"He wanted me to cater for his party, no questions asked. I swear it feels sometimes we don't even exist in our own neighborhood."
"I know what you mean, honey."
After getting through the entrance gate, which took another fifteen minutes, Meg and Kevin found their seats, having made their way through a practically motionless crowd all the way from the parking lot.
"Kev, where did you buy our tix?"
"They were scalped tix from some website. This game had been sold out for weeks."
"Too bad we couldn't get better seats."
"All they had were 300-level seats. And it's not like I didn't come prepared." Kevin handed Meg a pair of binoculars from his handbag.
"I feel like I'm at the friggin' opera!"
Kevin noticed how Meg couldn't stop wiggling her arms around.
"I can't find the end to these sleeves. This sweater's too big."
"Not for me." He laughed to himself when Meg crossed her arms angrily, and the long sleeves swished across her pot belly.
"It doesn't even have a Pats logo. How 'bout a 'thank you'?" Meg waved her hand in Kevin's face without so much as a word.
"Close enough."
As the game was about to start, the last of the fans were taking their seats. Most were New England Patriots fans, but some were Buffalo Bills fans who travelled all the way from Buffalo, New York to enjoy the game. At least they tried to enjoy it while dealing with taunts from rowdy Patriots fans. The sight of one Bills fan meekly making his way to his seat while a crowd of Patriots fans booed and jeered him made Meg particularly nervous.
"Meg, are you okay?" She was leaning so far back, she didn't realize that she was pressing against Kevin's burly arm.
"Oh, I'm fine, Kev. I just…needed a pillow." She took a sip from her water bottle, and sighed softly while pretending to rest her head on his arm.
It was at that time kickoff began, and the Bills were receiving. Some scattered cheering could be heard among some Bills fans as the receiver caught the ball at the 15 yard line, and ran before being stopped at the 35 yard line.
It was now first down. The quarterback sent the ball to the receiver through the scuffle, and was stopped from a two-yard gain.
Second down, the quarterback did the same thing, only the scuffle reared back. Three yards were lost.
Third down, the quarterback decided to throw. He threw to an open receiver at the 45 yard line…
...but it was dropped.
The scattered Bills fan applause faded as their team prepared to punt the ball back to the Patriots. All the while, Meg kept silent as she watched the game closely. Kevin took large sips from his cherry pop.
The ball was kicked to the 10 yard line, and the receiver ran up to the 40 yard line. The crowd was suddenly electrified by the roar of the Patriots fans' cheering.
First down, the quarterback stepped back, and didn't hesitate to throw the ball forward. The ball was caught at the 50 yard line.
"ALL RIGHT – YEAH!!!!" Kevin sprang up to cheer the team on, causing Meg to almost jump out of her own seat.
First down again, the quarterback did the same thing. The receiver ran the ball up to the 15 yard line. The Pats fans' cheering grew louder.
First down yet again. The quarterback stumbled a little, and was about to get caught. But he threw the ball before he could be knocked down. The ball zipped into the endzone…
TOUCHDOWN!
The cheering grew so loud that Meg had to start covering her ears. The cheering calmed during the first break after the extra kick, which gave the Pats seven points.
Kevin caught his breath from screaming at the top of his lungs and took another large sip from his pop cup.
"Woo, some fun, huh Meg?"
"Yeah, loads of fun." She wiped the sweat from her forehead with her sleeves while trying to get the ringing out of her ears.
The Patriots stole all of the game's momentum throughout the first half of the game. But towards the end of the second quarter, the Bills began to show signs of life.
Trent Edwards tossed the ball to Terrell Owens, who ran 47 yards to the endzone…
Touchdown, Buffalo!
"Yay!" Meg bounced out of her seat and clapped with her sleeved hands. Not even her enthusiasm joined with other Bills fans could drown out the booing from the Patriots fans. But Meg stopped clapping when she saw Kevin with his arms crossed, not saying a word.
"What? Your team is ahead by twenty-two points."
Rian Lindell kicked the field goal for the extra point. "Twenty-one points."
It was halftime, The Patriots were ahead 28 to 10.
Something else concerned Meg about Kevin throughout the game.
"Why hasn't your dad ever taken you to any football games?"
"He expects me to be his slave, even though he's capable of getting around in his wheelchair alone."
"I thought you would've cooled off from all that YELLING you and the rest of these men have been doing." Meg poked Kevin with her sleeved finger.
"What are you so happy about? Your team still has a long way to go."
"I'm just glad they're doing anything at all."
"I wouldn't enjoy it too much. We're still leading in the AFC East."
"The AFC what?"
"The Eastern Division in the American Football Conference."
"Mm-hmm…"
"You don't know anything about the Football Conferences? And the divisions in the conferences?"
"Divisions, conferences……what? Is this a Math question?"
"Huh?"
"Um, never mind. I'm going to get some snacks. Do you want anything?"
"Bring me some popcorn. With lots of salt and butter!"
Meg kissed Kevin, and left with the bulk of the crowd for their fifteen minute break.
Kevin thumbed through his booklet, checking on the remainder of the Patriots season. His cell phone rang.
"Hello?
"Hi, Kevin."
"Hi Dad. How's the party?"
"It's going great, except we're low on snacks, and we don't have any caterers to run to the store to get some more!"
"Dad, don't start this again. Can't you or your friends take care of yourselves?"
"One of us might miss the kickoff for the third quarter."
"So? Then I'd be missing kickoff."
"Kevin, why did you plan to go to a game when you knew we were having this get-together?"
"You never take me to any games, and it's not like we do that much together anyways, because you're usually on some lame adventure with Mr. Griffin. And I wanted to treat Meg to a game."
"Is she wearing a sweater?"
Kevin sighed, "Yeah, she's still wearing the sweater I loaned her. And our team is winning in case you're interested."
"Does the sweater have a Patriots logo?"
"No."
"I'm disappointed in you, Kevin."
"Not everything is about you and your idiot friends, Dad!"
Just as Joe and Kevin raised their voices through the phones, Bonnie interceded.
"Kevin, this is Mom."
"Hi."
"We're all doing fine. Just enjoy the game."
"Thanks, Mom."
"Bye, honey."
"Bye." As they hung up, Bonnie grabbed her keys and walked out to the car.
A frustrated Kevin pounded the arm rest of his seat.
Meanwhile in the lobby, Meg had to rush to the bathroom to remove her sweater. I have to get these butter stains out!
But she did not want to remove the sweater in front of everyone. She rushed to the ladies' restroom, where it was crowded. After the crowd cleared up, Meg went to the sink to scrub the stains off her sleeves. But the stains wouldn't come out. Just then, her cell phone rang.
"Hello?"
"Meg, hurry up! The third quarter started!"
"Okay, I'll be right there." She hung up.
She quickly dried the sleeves off under the air dryer. In a few short minutes, Meg returned to her seat catching her breath.
"Hi. What'd I miss?"
"Just the kickoff. You got the snacks?"
"Yeah." She handed Kevin his popcorn.
Kevin took big handfuls, savoring each crunchy bite. "Mmm….yeah. That hit the spot."
"You're not bothered by all that salt?"
"Nuh-uh. It's called popcorn nirvana."
"What's that?"
"The attainment of the ultimate popcorn taste, made only with the correct amount of salt and butter."
"Yeah, about that…" Meg showed Kevin the stains on her sleeves. The look on her face feared backlash. Kevin thought for a moment.
"You…can take your sweater off…if you'd like."
"Are you sure?"
Kevin though again. "Yes."
Meg quickly took the gray sweater off, revealing beneath her a navy blue shirt bearing the Buffalo Bills logo. She stretched her arms and wiggled her now bare fingers, letting the warm breeze dry the sweat off her arms, but used the sweater to wipe the sweat from her forehead. She stood up to wrap it around her waist.
"I'll make it my new pajama shirt."
By that time, the Bills had made inroads on the field. Trent Edwards was ready to toss the ball, but narrowly avoided a tackle as he rushed for the end zone.
Touchdown!
"YAY!" Meg bounced from her seat, now able to clap against the Indian summer breeze with her bare hands.
With the extra point, the score was now 28 to 17.
The second half of the game continued, with the Patriots vivifying their fans, but now the Bills fans showing just as much enthusiasm for their rejuvenated team.
By the two-minute warning of the fourth quarter, the score was a close 41 to 39, with the Patriots maintaining their lead.
Meg and Kevin grew tense in their bellies, and they were not the only ones. Though the Bills had to punt the ball, there was still time for a last minute advantage.
An onside kick proved successful, as the Bills recovered the ball at the 50 yard line. The clock trickled down as the players took their places.
First down, with some quick maneuvering, Marshawn Lynch ran and jumped past the 35 yard line, until he stopped at the 30.
At another first down, but with only eight seconds left, were the Bills going to go for the Hail Mary, or make a field goal?
Meg's heart was racing, with her stomach already tied up. She could no longer contain herself.
"GO FOR THE FIELD GOAL!"
She rose from her seat with her arms in the air. "FIELD GOAL! FIELD GOAL! FIELD GOAL!"
Some Bills fans joined her chanting cry.
"FIELD GOAL! FIELD GOAL! FIELD GOAL!"
The gathered chanting was now drowning out the booing from protesting Patriots fans.
Rian Lindell kicked the ball from the 45 yard line…
…which flew to the goal posts…
…bumping on the left end…
…but inward…
…as the clock ticked down to zero.
"NO!" Kevin shouted at the same time Meg shouted, "YES!"
The game was over! No flag was thrown as the scoreboard revealed the Bills' surprise victory over the Patriots 42 to 41.
Bags of popcorn and cups of pop flew all over the stadium from disappointed Patriots fans.
Meg laughed eagerly, and jumped into Kevin's arms, giving him a big kiss. This did not deter his disappointment for his team.
As the Patriots fans were leaving the stadium, some Bills fans stayed to celebrate. One of the FOX broadcasting cameras reared up, and revealed up over the balcony of the 300 section, an energized Meg rallying the scattered Bills fans into playing their theme song.
"Oh my God – Meg's on TV!" Chris said, as everyone at the Swanson's party froze in silence.
Later, when leaving the stadium in the sea of the crowd, Meg and Kevin said nothing. The Bills victory was somehow as bittersweet for Meg as it was painful for Kevin. They boarded the bus headed back to Quahog as the sunny afternoon faded into evening.
While the rest of the bus passengers were grumbling at the Patriots' narrow defeat, Meg chose to keep quiet about it.
It's going to be a while before we get home. Meg thought to herself noticing the clogged traffic leaving the stadium. She pulled out a pillow from the overhead compartment.
All Kevin could do was stare out the window.
My dad is going to have a shit fit.
Meg poked him on his burly arm.
"Kev, thanks again for the nice outing. I had a lot of fun."
"I'm glad you did."
Kevin's cell phone rang.
"Hello?"
"Kevin, you told me that Megan was wearing the sweater you gave her."
"She was, then she got over your charade."
"Do you know how much this game cost me? Not to mention we're now #2 in our division!"
"Yes Dad, I'm upset too, but your crappy bet is your problem, not mine."
"And next time, be a man and keep your woman on a leash!"
"Dad, I can't control her like that. She's not an object."
"You mother does everything I tell her to do, because she knows who wears the pants in this family."
"That may be fine for you and Mom, but we're living in the 21st Century."
"That is it! You're not going to anymore football games unless I come with you!" Joe's loud bellowing could now be heard through the phone.
"See, this is why I didn't want to stay for your crappy party. It's always your way or no way."
Joe was not finished yelling when Kevin hung up on him. Kevin started gritting his teeth as his face blushed red.
"Kevin, my dad is much worse. You enjoyed yourself today…all things considering?"
"Eh, kinda."
"Today, we proved that we can do better when we think on our own terms."
Kevin thought deeply about it, as his phone rang again, which he already knew was his dad.
As the bus rode on the freeway, what flew out the window and onto the pavement were the shattered remains of Kevin's discarded cell phone.
THE END