A/N: I have been reading ffs from the Finder series for quite some time now but I never really knew how to write about it so this is just a short (& poorly written) one shot about Akihitos feelings and yes this is angst so if you don't like it then don't read it. Although I do have to say that when I wrote it, it somehow seemed more sad then when I read it trough the second time...

In this fic I made Asami 32 years old and Akihito 24 years old not sure if it's their actual age though and sorry for the grammar mistakes I may have made.

Disclaimer: I do not own the Finder series

Akihitos PoV:

Hey, did you know? Did you know that I have always loved you? Ever since the day you saved me from Hong Kong I realized I fell in love with you. Ah, can you remember what happened afterwards? Haha, of course you do. I wanted to erase the feeling from another man...a man that wasn't you. So you made me forget. You always did that and I loved it. You took away my pain, my fears, my worries just like that...but you never said it.

Ah...I remember the old days, you know when I behaved like a brat and ran away from you? Escaped that golden cage of yours? Chuckle. Ah, those were fun days. In the end you would always find me and drag me back into the cage you called home. But you know...when I was with you I was the happiest person in the world though I probably I didn't show it enough since well,...I always called you a bastard or a pervert. But you said you liked my fierce personality, my 'sparkling' hazel eyes and the innocence and curiousity that lies within them. Yeah...that's what you always said with that stupid handsome smirk on your face that had me blushing everytime. Always raining compliments on me but never did you say the words I longed for.

For how long were we together? Five years? Yeah, that was a long time. I mean who would have thought THE Asami, king of Japans underworld would get stuck with a brat that was eight years younger than him. Hahaha, just thinking about it makes me laugh. Back then I was every bit the dumb blonde that I looked like, I mean I didn't even realize that we were together until the 'accident' with Fei Long. But when I realized...everything changed for me you know. My world became brighter, happier you know all that kind of stuff...and well, I had someone special in my life. Someone that I loved with every fiber of my being...

Hahh...how long has it been? One year I guess...I can't remember it anymore...well, it's been a whole year since I last saw you. I'm sure by now you probably foun someone new...maybe a cute girl who'd love you with all her heart...just like I did- no do. And maybe this time it'll work out. All I can say is that I wish you all this happiness in the world and that I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being a coward and for running away like that but...that's the only thing I'm good at. Running away from the ones I loved the most.

You would think that being the stubborn brat I am I probably never told him that I loved him. But that's where you're wrong. In fact I told him many, many times. He would always smile at me and say 'I know' and then embrace me as if nothing happened. It has always been like that. You know...maybe it was stupid to run away from you...I know you hate betrayal the most...but that you haven't found me or even tried searching for me is the clear evidence that I never meant anything to you anyways...right?

Ah... I didn't know that love hurt so much...even if I was the one who ran off I couldn't help but cry in the nights I was seperated from you, thinking about you who had that faint smell of cigars and expensive cologne on you, you with your stupidly beautiful GENUINE smile that you sometimes showed me, you who held such a thight grasp on my heart that it hurt. And sometimes I just wish I had never let you go. Now I am all alone, lying on a white bed with tubes connected to my body. On that fateful day I cut off all my contacts with my family, Kou and Takato my only friends and of course him.

...In this lonely year I only wanted two things: The three words that never came out of Asamis mouth and...to run again. To feel the adrenalin that rushes through my veins when I climbs skyscrapers, the feeling of the wind when I rush through a sea of people, the exilarating feeling of being free, that moment when I think I could touch the sky even for a second. Unfortunately I can't. I am 30 now and you would think it'd be easy for me to run since I was still young and healthy. Well, yes I am young but I am not healthy anymore.

Afterall there is a reason that I am in the hospital. My immune saystem is breaking down, my bones are getting weaker by day and so am I. It's really pathetic when I think about it even in my deathbed I still can't stop thinking about you. About the happy memories and the time we spent together. Maybe it was cruel to just leave a letter and the run away but...I just couldn't face you directly. Sometimes I wonder if it would have turned out differently if I just wasn't such a coward. But it was too late now anyways.

My eyelids feel so heavy and I feel so weak. Ah...how I wish to see your face on last time. „Akihito!" ...Oh. Standing before him in all his glory was Asami Ryuichi with dishelved hair and panting as if he just ran a marathon. Under different circumstances I would have laughed out loud but I was too tired so the only thing I could do was to force out a weak smile and with a hoarse voice I said „I'm glad...I...met you..." „Akihito, no- you can't-" but it was too late with the last energy I could muster I said the words that I longed for the other man to say to him „I...love...you...Ryu." „Akihito! I love you too please don't-"

At those words a single tear escaped my eyes. Ah...I am so happy...I wish I could touch your face and wipe away your tears...maybe we'll see each other again in afterlife...and maybe this time we can be happy...smiling one last time everything went black. Now everything was over.

Until next time,

my one and only love.

Oh my goodness I don't know what I have just written. Well I hope some of you still liked it (even if it sucks -_-)

As always please feel free to review or criticize ^^