A/N : This one-shot is dedicated to Restrained Freedom for his constant help and support.
Thoughts and Feelings.
1. Nightmare.
Some nights I dream of a deep, dark sea. The water is spread out in front of me almost still, as far as my eyes can see. The thick clouds of the dusk are hanging low above my head, tinted in a blurred yellow colour and a dark red; the colour of the blood that has been spilled and dried on a garment, since long ago.
Sometimes I stand on a desolate seashore, on the cold, coarse sand that scrubs my bare feet and I look at the wide, watery horizon. And then the waters swell and overflow. The tide wets the sand and the large pebbles, reaching towards me and covering me, first up to my ankles and my knees, then up to my waist and chest, reaching to my chin. And the very next moment I am carried in the dark, deathly hug of the sea; and as much as I fight with my hands and legs against the element, I never manage to escape the cold water that covers my head, pulling me at the bottomless depths.
Some other times I find myself standing on the still surface of the water, far out to sea, without seeing a tract of land; trapped there, helpless and unable to make the slightest move, while I feel that the danger lurks underneath my feet.
And then, I see it standing out against the far horizon. A ship, a big ship with all its sails extended to the wind, sailing at breakneck speed, coming towards me. A heavy loaded ship full of people who stretch out their hands and shout desperately, as if they are the shipwrecked and I am their savior. In the deep water and under my feet I can see dark, thickening shadows, and I know that the danger is near. The only salvation for me is to manage to reach for the ship and climb on the deck. Deeply in my heart, I know that from there I will defeat the enemies that crawl beneath the surface, starting from the bottom of the dark water and climbing higher to come to the surface. I cannot discern them, but I know they are always there ... threatening ... unavoidable.
The skies darken over me, turning the obscured yellow colours of dusk to purple, and the heavy clouds are thickening. As the ship comes closer I can see familiar faces on the deck; men who are desperately brandishing their swords and spears. I can still guess the panic that shades the faces of their women, faces of the dead and the living, all together. Faces of the friends I have lost since long years ago and of the enemies I have killed.
Suddenly, the waters around me start swirling faster and faster. Sometimes the swirling goes up or down from the sea level, grabbing the ship on the edge of the monstrous maelstrom, causing frightening screams and a wave of panic on the deck. I stand motionless on the still water in the eye of the storm, while from the depths of the sea, like ghosts emerging from the grave, they appear on the surface.
They spring up like demons, having been spat out from the hell; dark, on their black, winged beasts. They fly around me yowling and emitting their unbearable stench which turns my stomach, while the ship is trapped by the vortex and begins to sink and, little by little, it is lost from my eyes.
As is usual, this is the moment when I wake up drenched in sweat and out of breath. I need to command my lungs to work again, while my chest pains from the effort. I look around me like a crazy man grabbing my bedding, trying to hold on to reality, not to be lost in the dark depths of my nightmare.
I am alive and the war is over. The ship overtook the vortex and reached a safe harbor; all the passengers survived, and the dark monsters are long since dead.
She sleeps next to me, with her copper hair spread over the pillow, with her gentle breath stirring her tender bosom, with her belly expanded by the new life that grows in there. I bring my nose closer to the folds of her neck and drink greedily the smell that exudes her beloved body. I breathe deeply the sweet scent of her sweat and I touch gently with my hand her swollen stomach, trying to discover the new life moving in there.
Then, I enter tiptoeing in the next room, where our children sleep peacefully on their clean, safe beds. New lives, brought in this world by our love and her care, who are dreaming in a world full of peace and safety. With my foot I put aside a toy, I close a forgotten, half-open window and I check if they are well covered; only when all these things are done, am I calm enough again to return to my bed, by her side.
The dark sea of my nightmare is far away and the war has been over since long ago. I lie next to her and I grasp in my hand a crumpled, copper curl that escapes from her pillow, touching it on my cheek, feeling its softness and breathing deeply its scent.
Once, I gave her my word that we will be together as long as we live, and I intend to keep this oath.
As I'm passing in sleep again and soon I will lie dormant, I lull myself muttering her name ...
… Katrina …
A/N: Thanks for reading.