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UNCOMMON
It's what you want, isn't it? That feeling of rush, of adrenaline, of excitement, that's what you are looking for.
That's why you fly at 90 miles per hour in the middle of those stormy nights. That's why you drink so much Firewhiskey at parties, because you wait for that excitement that tells you probably won't remember the morning after what happened. That's why you do your homework in the last minute, and study for your finals the night before. Because it's what you like, right?
It's not that you enjoy fighting with me, or insulting me, or seeing me break and cry and suffer at your words. It's more like; you enjoy that thrill of not knowing when it will be enough. When I'll stop forgiving you and stay mad at you forever. You like the expectation of not knowing if apologizing will be sufficient this time.
In your own (and twisted, may I add) mind, maybe the idea of losing me, winning me again, putting our so called "relationship" in danger, and then in the safe zone again, makes us stronger in your eyes. It makes us more real. Or perhaps, it's simply that you thrive on drama. Whatever it is, you probably think, it's a good foundation for that grand life you have planned ahead for us.
Some may call it masochism, some say that you just enjoy the feeling of being rejected and hurt and all that. But I know better. I know you better. You enjoy the wait of seeing me smile again to you, don't you? Because after all that scowling I give you after a fight, that smile means more than anything else I could do.
That's what you want, right? You want the wait, the expectations, the hope and the feeling of completeness when we finally start acting friendly towards each other again. But you like the fight too, the idea of losing me makes you appreciate me even more, and you're hoping it will have the same effect on me.
That's what has you so interested in me. I used to think that it was because you liked the chase, because of the energy you had to put in our relationship. I thought you liked the trouble you had to go, to get my attention. But I was wrong.
I now know it's not anything like that. It's more than the chase, more than the hope that someday I'll say yes. It's the idea, the fact that after fighting with me, after arguing, after doing all those things you do to me (and no, I'm no saying that in any sensual or romantic way), I'm still here. I'm always here.
"Where the hell are you, Potter? I am going to kill you."
And count your blessings, because – Merlin knows why - I'm going to stay here a long time.
Yes, I know I should be working on my other fic, but this just came out of nowhere. I was reading something (can't even remember what), and I read the phrase: It's what you want, isn't it?
And this one-shot derived from that. Tell me what you think. It's rather short, but it's a curious, little insight of how Lily thinks of James' feelings for her, before their relationship starts. And I liked it. So I'm sharing it. :)
So, yes. I hope it makes sense, and I really hope you like it. :) Please, please review! Give me feedback!
Hope you have a lovely Easter break!
kim.