Before I start getting weird looks, I wrote this as a joke to my friends. We were talking about my potential for writing weird slash, and I thought it would be funny if I actually did write weird slash. So without further ado, the magical fic in which I completely troll everything while having it still be tasteful.
Enjoy!
As the door creaked slowly shut behind Barty, he gazed around him in wonder.
"It's bigger-"
"On the inside, yeah," the Doctor finished with a wide smile. "Yeah, I get that a lot."
"Are you sure we're safe in here?" Barty asked nervously. "No one will find us?"
"Mr Crouch, I'd like you to introduce you to the TARDIS. She's bigger on the inside and nearly impenetrable from the outside."
Barty began to pace around the TARDIS, trying to take it all in. "This is incredible!" he exclaimed. "I use magic on a daily basis and this is still beyond anything I could ever imagine!"
"Yeah, she's brilliant," the Doctor said. "Almost as brilliant as you."
Barty turned his gaze on the Doctor. He was leaning back against the TARDIS's console, hands in his pockets, glasses shed, a lazy grin occupying his face. He had shed his coat and jacket, and seeing him spread lazily across the console sparked something within Barty.
"Hey, you said something about being impenetrable?" he said, his lips curling into a coy smile as he began to move toward the Doctor.
"I remember that, yes." The Doctor feigned only mild interest, but his eyes lit up with desire.
Barty was now close enough to touch him. He reached out a hand and stroke the Doctor's face. The Timelord closed his eyes at the sensuous touch.
"Many things seem impenetrable," Barty said, close enough that his hot breath fanned across the Doctor's face and he shivered, "But it has become my self-appointed duty to show you that locked "doors", so to speak, can always be opened."
Their passion ignited and melded the two together, each one consuming the other in their need to be closer. Their lips met again and again, beginning to ache with the force of their action, but the men were hopeless to resist each other. The Doctor's touch was like wildfire to Barty, and the more of it he got the more it burned, but he knew he could never have enough because the Doctor was everything, all-consuming. He was time and space and pure existence, and Barty could feel the echoes of the Vortex in his every touch.
When Barty reached for the buttons on the Doctor's shirt, he was stopped, and the Timelord's eyes filled with uncertainty.
"I've travelled through time and seen the recesses of the universe," the Doctor said, his breathing hitched from the passion of their interaction, "but I've never…never been with….a man."
Barty silenced him with a kiss. "Don't worry," he whispered in response, soothing him with his touch. "I learned from the best."
Soon nothing lay between them but a thin layer of sweat as their bodies met in the most intimate ways. Barty helped the Doctor to reach heights he had never explored before, and in return he was brought to a climax so powerful it shook them both with its ferocity and left them breathless and exhausted.
After his two hearts slowed their beating, the Doctor turned on his side to face Barty.
"In another life, I said everything was fantastic. I just realized that I never knew the meaning of that word until tonight. Really, that was truly, just, fantastic."
Barty smiled, admiring how cute the Doctor looked in his blissful state.
"You know," he said, "if anyone were to come in right now and see us together, I don't think their first concern would be that we're both men."
The Timelord laughed. "Well it's not every day you see near clones lying naked together in a spaceship! And I can say that, because I've seen nearly everything!"
"I bet Freud would have something to say about this," Barty said.
"Freud can suck my dick."
"I don't think so." Barty filled with lust once more. "I believe that's my job."
Part two was even better than the first. After all, like Barty said, he had been taught well.
The Dark Lord would have been proud.
Tell me what you guys think! I know it was a joke but I still think there's some merit to it...be nice to me, it's my first (and probably only) slash fic.