The Heart and Soul
A grunt, a moan, a hitched whimper. A strangled grunt, a half-voiced cry.
There was no love between them. How could there be, when they had no hearts? They only felt whispers of emotion, memories of times before. Had they still been Myde and Ienzo, they probably would have been perfect for each other. Were they still their somebodies, they would have complimented each other beautifully.
They weren't those people anymore though. They were Zexion and Demyx, shadows of their former selves. They were Nobodies, and as such didn't have feelings.
Sometimes, it seemed like they did. Demyx especially seemed to think that he might still have a heart. Perhaps he was deluding himself, or perhaps he was just pretending. Zexion didn't care; Demyx didn't care. How could they, after all?
One didn't need a heart to do what they were doing though. Somebodies did this all the time with no feelings for their partners. It was to relieve tension, to get as close to actual feelings as a Nobody could come. They couldn't feel lust, but the physical aspects of the feeling were still there. They couldn't feel comfort, but the pleasure was there. There wasn't joy, or relief, or satiation, but there were all the things felt in the moment. That was enough for them.
Demyx liked to pretend that it was fun, that he got something more out of it than just pleasure. Demyx liked to pretend that by doing something like this, he was somehow important to the other man. Demyx liked to pretend that he had part of Zexion's heart by sharing his bed.
Zexion didn't try to pretend. He didn't try to get more out of it than what he got, and that was best. Not that he could feel disappointed when his nice little image was inevitably shattered, but it was the point of the thing. Demyx could pretend all he wanted, and it wouldn't make a difference.
So when Zexion occasionally sat and listened to Demyx play that ridiculous instrument, and when Demyx joined Zexion in the library to watch him read, there were no feelings of adoration or love or comfort on either of their parts. Sometimes though, they'd brush hands when passing each other in the corridors or exchange glances; and Demyx would smile a little and Zexion's chest would get a little tight.
No, there wasn't any love. So why did Demyx suddenly feel the urge to cry when Zexion mentioned he was going on another mission? Why did his head and chest hurt? Why did it feel like he was just punched in the gut? And why did Zexion give him a knowing look and ask him quietly to spend the night with him?
A few months later Demyx stood before a stone labeled The Cloaked Schemer and cried silently. He didn't know why he cried, or why he hurt so much, but he did know it was because Zexion had died.
He wiped the tears away and turned with a final longing look. If he didn't have a heart, how could he cry? It was supposed to be impossible.
Maybe somewhere his somebody was feeling the loss. Maybe his heart was still tied to him, still beating inside someone's chest for Zexion. Maybe Zexion was tied to his soul, and that what felt enough pain for him to cry.
If he could miss anything, it would be playing for him and watching him become lost in his books again.