Temari walked down the streets of Konoha. She had come to spend much of her time in the village and had begun to think of it as her home away from home. Still, she didn't really have any friends there besides Shikamaru, so she was somewhat surprised when Sai approached her and asked her if she would like to get breakfast together. She had seen him around and knew nothing about him except that he was from the anbu root and had no social skills. They sat together on a park bench eating dumplings. Temari was not surprised when Sai began to ask her personal questions. He had, after all, only just been allowed to have friends so he didn't know any better. She felt sorry for him really. He reminded her of her little brother Gaara who had until recently been seen as a monster and had no friends. Temari agreed to talk to Sai but clarified that her answers were only to help him understand people as a whole and not to be told to anyone else.
Sai nodded. "Of course. As a member of the anbu root, I never give away other people's classified information. I read in a book that in social situations it is called gossiping and is not appreciated."
Temari smiled. This was going to be an entertaining conversation. She was interested to see what her and Shikamaru's complicated relationship would sound like to someone so ignorant. "So, you asked me if I love Shikamaru. That is a complicated question. Could you break it down for me?" She asked.
"Do you have sex with Shikamaru?" Sai clarified.
Temari lurched in place. A vein popped in her temple. It was all she could do not to strangle him. Temari closed her eyes and pinched her brow. She had no idea this creep was so oblivious. "No, Sai, I don't."
"Do you want to?" Sai asked.
Temari had no idea how to respond. If she should respond. "Ah, I guess it's crossed my mind" She answered wondering why the hell she was talking to this idiot.
Sai thought about this for a moment then turned to his book. He flipped through the pages until he found what he was looking for. He read intently for a few seconds then slowly nodded. "It has crossed your mind, as in, you have thought about it. When someone says that they will think about it, it means they are not yet willing to commit to a decision. They have not yet decided. So, you don't know if you want to have sex with Shikamaru?"
Temari shook her head. "No. I do know."
"You know that you don't?"
"Don't what?"
"Don't want to have sex with Shikamaru."
"No, I do."
"Want to have sex with Shikamaru?"
Temari grabbed the front of Sai's clothes. "Yes Sai, I want to have sex with shikamaru!" She screamed in his face. Everyone in the park turned to look at her. Temari began to turn red. "Heh, uhm… Sai, He um, made me say it." She said lamely. Temari got up from the bench. "I'm going home now. I hope you know that I will probably never speak to you again."
"She said what?!" Shikamaru yelled.
Konahamaru nodded. "Temari was sitting in the park and out of nowhere, she shouted, 'I want to have sex with Shikamaru!' and then she looked embarrassed, and left."
"I don't believe you." Shikamaru said.
"Well who would you believe?" Konahamaru asked. "I can go find someone else who was there. I'm not the only witness."
Shikamaru gulped. "Who else was there?"
"Let's see," Konahamaru began to count on his fingers. "There was me, and Moegi, and Choji, and Hinata. Hmm… who else? Oh yeah and the ramen guy's daughter."
Shikamaru covered his hands with his face. "This is bad."
"Oh, I forgot, and Kiba was there walking Akamaru." Konahamaru added.
"Go get Choji." Shikamaru commanded.
"Why don't you do it?" Konahamaru whined.
"Because I can't leave the house!" Shikamaru hissed. "Now go!"
Two minutes after Konahamaru left, there came a knock at the door. 'That was fast' Shikamaru thought. He needed to hear it from his best friend and get some reassurance. Unfortunately, that was not at store. It was Kiba.
"Heey! Shika old man! You are getting laid tonight!" Kiba yelled.
Shikamaru slammed the open door. "Shhhhh! Would you keep it down Kiba? My parents are home."
"Heh. Right. Sorry."
"If all you came here for was to congradulate me, then you can leave now." Shikamaru snapped.
"Congratulate you? Pfffft!" Kiba laughed. "I was going to give you some advice. Akamaru and I have a lot of experience when it comes to this stuff, don't we?"
"Arf!"
Shikamaru was desperate to get Kiba to leave. "Look, I appreciate this but, could you please just-"
Kiba cut him off. "I'm only here to help. You can thank me later. No offense, but I wouldn't expect a guy like you to know how to please a woman. Now from my experience with-"
"Stop!" Shikamaru yelled. "I don't want to here about your experience with, with whoever! Can you just leave me alone?"
"What is it? You don't like her?" Kiba asked. "Are you crazy? She's frickin gorgeous!"
Shikamaru shook his head as Choji opened the door. "No! No, no, no. I do like her, I love her, it's just-"
"Whoa! Did I just here you say love?" Choji asked.
Shikamaru spun around. "No! Yes! All of you just get out of my room!"
"But I just got here!" Choji pointed out.
"Yeah, why'd you send me to get Choji just so you kick him out? Some friend you are." Konahamaru grumbled.
"Okay! Okay. You can all stay, just quiet down and talk one at a time."
Shikamaru's door opened and his mom popped her head in. "Is everything all right? I heard yelling."
"Everything's fine, mom, we were just about to go… walk in the woods."
"All right hon, just be back by dinnertime. Your father and I hardly ever get to see you now that you're on so many missions with that Temari girl. Say, don't you think she's pretty? She'd make for a nice girlfriend, don't you think?"
"Yes mom" Shikamaru yelled as he ran out the door.
The mom shook her head. "Shikaku! Get over here. That boy of yours is a mess! I haven't seen him this upset since he came into our room crying about a nightmare he had that Naruto beat him at shougi."
Skikaku shrugged. "Boys will be boys. Did you say he was out of the house? What do you say to making another kid?"
"Stop using idioms." Shikamaru's mom scolded. "If you wanna fuck, say you wanna fuck. Romance is so not sexy."
Shikaku sighed as he followd his wife into the bedroom. It would be nice if every once in a while she would let him be at least a little romantic.
Shikamaru, Choji, Kiba, Konahamaru and Akamaru dashed out into the woods.
"I appreciate you all being here but… all I need is some time to think."
"So go ahead and think." They said.
Shikamaru stopped on a branch and crouched down. He closed his eyes and put his hands together. While he was doing this, Choji and Kiba were trying to get rid of Konahamaru.
"Don't you have work to do?" Kiba asked.
"Nope."
"Why don't you go… get us some…water?" Choji asked.
Konahamaru folded his arms. "You're trying to get rid of me just because I'm a few years younger than you. I'll have you know that I am the first disciple of Naruto Uzumaki. And I am pivotal in this conversation."
"And how is that?" they asked.
"Transform!" Konahamaru used Naruto's sexy jutsu to turn into a girl. "With me around, I'll be the stand in so Shikamaru can practice his moves." She said.
The older boys looked amused and disgusted. "That is just so wrong on so many levels."
Shikamaru opened his eyes and hopped down to the group. "Okay, Choji. I think I trust you the most out of the three of you."
"Four of us" Kiba corrected, pointing at Akamaru.
Shikamaru ignored him. "Could you tell me what happened exactly?"
"Well let's see…" Choji said rubbing his chin. "I was out in the park when I passed by Temari siting with Sai. All of a sudden Temari was grabbing Sai and shaking him and yelling 'Yes I want to have sex with Shikamaru! Are you happy now?' Then she looked up and realized how loud she had been and mumbled something quickly while pointing at Sai and then left."
Shikamaru slumped. "So you think she meant it? I mean, was it a joke?"
Choji shrugged. "Either way, she looked really embarrassed."
"Why don't we ask Sai?" Konahamaru suggested.
It didn't take very long to find him. He was always either in the library or at the river drawing. This time he was at the river.
"Hey Sai," they called out to him. "Can I ask you a question?"
"You just did" he replied with a smile.
Shikamaru sat down next to the anbu. "What were you and Temari talking about this morning?"
Sai shook his head. "I'm afraid I can't tell you that. She told me that any information she gave me was for my own understanding of human behavior and asked me not to share what she said with anyone else. I will grant her request until she says otherwise, which I fear may be never since she also said that she didn't want to speak to me ever again."
Shikamaru sighed. "Can you at least tell me if she really meant what she said? That she really wanted…"
"Wanted what?" Sai asked.
"To sleep with me?" Shikamaru finished, flustered.
Sai's face was expressionless. "But Shikamaru, she already sleeps with you all the time." He pointed out.
"What? No she doesn't" Shikamaru said.
"Really?" Sai asked. "You don't sleep together in the same tent on missions?"
Shikamaru sighed. "Talking to you is such a drag. You know what I'm trying to say."
"No really, I don't." Sai insisted.
Shikamaru hung his head. Did he really have to say it? He guessed so. "Did Temari mean it when she said she wanted to have sex with me?"
Sai thought for a bit. "Well, she did say that I made her say it, though I'm not sure that I did."
Shikamaru got up. "Thanks Sai. I won't ask you any more questions."
"Wait!" Sai called out. "Do you want to have sex with Temari?"
"What do you think?" Shikamaru replied.
"I thought that you weren't going to ask me any more questions."
The next morning, Temari and Shikamaru left the leaf. Shikamaru watched Temari very closely. She didn't seem to be acting any differently. She didn't avoid eye contact or try not to talk to him. Man, she was good. Night fell and they stopped to make camp. Breaking the silence of the crickets as they ate their dinner, Shikamaru spoke up.
"So, you told Sai that you wanted to have sex with me?" He asked.
Temari bit off a large piece of her roasted squirrel. "He told you? That jerk. I'm going to kill him."
Shikamaru coughed. "Sai didn't tell me, Konahamaru did." He cleared his throat. "Apparently you yelled it."
"So I did." Temari replied flatly.
There was a long pause.
Temari spoke up. "I heard that you told Choji that you love me."
Shikamaru didn't know what to say. He couldn't deny it without sounding like a jerk.
"Uh, Yup." He replied.
There was another long pause. Temari sighed. "This is stupid. Shikamaru. Look at me. Do you want to sleep with me?"
"Wh-What?!" Shikamaru was stunned.
Temari rolled her eyes. "Just cut to the chase. You told me that you're attracted to me, I told you that I'm attracted to you. You found out that I want to have sex with you and I found out that you love me. Answer the question and then I'll tell you if I love you."
"That's not how this works!" Shikamaru stammered.
Temari glared at him. "Oh? And how is it supposed to work? Do you expect that when the moon is just right we'll look into each other's eyes and find that we are naked and surrounded by candles?"
"No"
"Then just tell me if you want to fuck or not!" Temari yelled.
Shikamaru was baffled. He had no idea that this was going to be what it was like. He was starting to wish that he'd stayed to listen to Kiba's advice. Shikamaru nodded. "Yes, I want to have sex with you."
Temari was relived. "Good. Take off your clothes."
"What, now?" Shikamaru blanched.
Temari looked at him like he was crazy. "What are you waiting for?" She asked as she pulled off her shirt.
Shikamaru couldn't help but stare. "Do- do you love me?"
Temari looked up and blushed. "Yes, I love you Shikamaru." No one moved for a moment. Temari sat shirtless on the ground and Shikamaru stood staring at her. "Just take off your goddamn clothes!" Temari ordered. "I'll feel like an idiot if I'm the only one naked."
They got down to business. It was highly awkward. Shikamaru kept on feeling like he was making mistakes.
"Stop apologizing." Temari told him. "I'm just as bad at this as you are. And to be honest, you're really cute when you're nervous. Kiss me harder."
Shikamaru was relieved to be told what to do. It was much easier that way. He realized that he was being bossed around by a girl, but he didn't really care anymore. He was just happy to be with her.
Author's note: So I already had this written a for a long time, but I was just too embarrassed to post it. I still kinda am. I mean, sure I read stuff like this, but It just feels different to write it. And it's not that I think it's bad or anything, I actually really like how this turned out. Is it bad to think your own writing is funny? Is it like laughing at your own jokes? Anyway, where was I? Yeah, I didn't really write any graphic lemon in this but I think it's more about the silly interactions beforehand that lead to it anyway. I also would have no idea how to write a sex scene, having had no... personal experience... *cough* Anyway, I tried once, writing smut that is... and the result was so sickeningly embarrassing that I had to delete it. Unfortunately having a perfect memory means that those horrid lines of what I wrote will forever be burned into my mind... And now It will be burned into yours (^U^) I think I said, *gag* "he filled her eager hole with his passion" *retch, choke, dry heave* Yeah, it's bad. So you're welcome for not including my terrible attempt at smut in this story! :)