AN: Some of you may remember Mary Sue from 'College Days'. If you don't, never fear.
By all means, do fear.
Jonathan remembers her quite well. Unfortunately for her.
"A Mary Sue Jones is here to see you, Doctor."
Where had he heard that name before? He could have sworn he'd heard it somewhere…
"Send her in."
He glanced at the file on his desk. Postpartum depression after the birth of her…fifth child? Fifth? Did this woman not know the meaning of birth control?
The woman in question came in dressed in a too-tight tank top and shorts ten years too young. She looked familiar, anyway…
"Jonathan Crane?"
"Yes."
"Ohmygod! We went to college together."
Now he remembered her. It took all his willpower not to plunk his head on the desk. What had he done to deserve this?
"Ah, yes. Good to see you again."
No wonder she had five children. She probably hadn't figured out how babies were made.
"I'm glad I got you. You studied the hardest."
Obviously.
She moved a little closer, letting her breasts hang out over her top. Postpartum depression, indeed. He didn't believe that for a minute.
"You know, I always thought you were kinda cute."
He was aware of this, unfortunately. She'd made that very clear.
I think she has a nice sized chest, if you know what I mean.
Quit ogling.
Get your mind out of the gutter! I don't want a disease. I meant for screaming.
Oh. Yes, she did have a nice sized chest for screaming. He could appreciate that. Did he have any other appointments soon…no.
"I have a very effective treatment for my depressive patients." he said smoothly. "I think you'll react very nicely to it."
"I thought we were supposed to talk about feelings and stuff."
"It's similar to that."
Oh, if she only knew!
"Oh. Okay, then."
She looked a little put out that he was ignoring her. Scarecrow grinned and eased ever-so-gently into place. She wouldn't even notice. Bitch. She was going to be so, so sorry she'd ever come through that door.
"Take a deep breath and close your eyes." he said. "Just relax."
He plucked the aerosol can and his nice new mask from the desk. Once the mask was safely over his face, he aimed the can at her face and pressed the button.
Three…two…one…
The screams began. Scarecrow was grateful for the soundproof walls. Now he could enjoy this in peace.
"Now, Mrs. Jones, tell me what you see."
"…and then I told her to come back next week for another session!"
"You didn't."
"Well, Jonny did. Technically."
"Put him on, Scarecrow."
Scarecrow scoffed. A minute later his eyes softened and Jonathan blinked up at her.
"Hey, Kitty."
"So. Mary Sue."
He nodded and closed his eyes.
"We straightened things out."
She shook her head and wondered why she ever left him alone.
"Just don't…kill her. Okay?"
"I'll try very hard not to kill her."
"Jonathan!"
But that was all he would promise. If she hadn't met this…this…troll…she would have been a little more insistent. Think of the paperwork!