IIf Vince McMahon wrote Xena/Hercules
By Goddess of Mayhem
Disclaimer: Robert Tapert I'm sure belongs to his own person. Otherwise him and his cohorts belong to Renassainse Pictures. Vince McMahon owns Titan Sports, and Titan Sports owns Chyna. No copyright infringement intended.
Vince McMahon struggled into the Rennasainse Pictures board room, looking very de-fraggled and clutching at Xena's Chakram in one hand and a steel chair in the other. B.S Hollinfoffer raised an eyebrow, rushed to poor Vince and gave him a mighty good slap across the chops.
"Calm down man!" B.S shrieked, shaking Vincent wildly. "What's the matter? Have you got writer's block...?!"
"Noooo..." Vince whimpered, as his son Shane trooped in with David Scott Pollson, a joint hanging loosely from his mouth; Vince's eyes bugged and he rushed to his flesh and blood, bitch slapping the cigarette away with a snarl. "Shane, you're a disgrace to my companies!" He turned to Davie with a glare. "And you...!"
"What's the problem with the idiot?" Liz snapped, twitching uneasily then hurridedly bending down, scooping up and shoving the fallen joint in her mouth. Paul crept about the office like the snivelling coward he was as Jerry was aiming his paint gun at him with a vicious smirk. Vince flung his steel chair down with a clatter, and then made a threatening gesture with the Chakram; everyone shut up.
"Rob!" He bellowed; Robert Tapert sprung to his feet, his eyes following Xena's weapon, and hesitantly approached the maddened WWF owner. "The filming is having some hiccups..." He announced. Rob raised an eyebrow, shoving Davie from his path and standing to face Vince.
"Oh yeah, cowboy?" Jerry hissed, shoving his gun back into its holster and stalking over to Vince, removing Shane forcefully. Rob tried to hush him. "A good soldier don't come snivellin' back to headquarters...a good soldier stands his ground!"
"Kevin Sorbo and HHH had an altercation."
"...You're on your own then." And Jerry wandered away, resuming his threatening of Paul Robert Coyle with much glee. Rob took centre stage.
"Now now, Mr. McMahon...could you try and explain what happened?"
Vince's chin quivered. "Chyna gave Kevin a low blow!" The board all groaned simultaneously. "Then, she took off on a stunt horse; I just managed to wrestle this off her!" He stuck the Chakram in the air hastily; Rob jumped back.
"Ah...I see."
Paul burst into tears. "Doomed...we're all doomed! I gotta get out of town!"
Liz leapt to her feet and began to maniacally giggle. "She'll kill you all!"
Jerry whacked Liz across the head with the butt of his gun. "Now that's enough, missy!"
B.S Hollinsfoffer said nothing, but he did throw himself out of the window; nobody really cared. Davie stepped forward...
"Whoah, whoah, whoah...timeout." He sauntered over to the unbalanced senior McMahon. "How'd ya get that thing off her, man?"
Vince fell to his knees in despair and began a heartfelt sobbing. "When she flung it and smacked me in the forehead...I'd rather not discuss it!" Liz laughed long and loud, but then shut up when Chyna came charging through the door with a clenched, surgery altered jaw. She waved the whip of Xena over her head and let it come cracking over a conviniently placed Spanish Announcers table, quite destroying it, before grabbing Rob Tapert by the collar in a vice like grip.
"Give me Xena's show or I'll give you a testicular claw..." She growled through clenched teeth. Paul wailed loudly, Shane fell to a swoon; Jerry lunged at her but she replied with a swift low-blow which floored him instanteously. The room was silent and the tension built as Rob squirmed feebly in the mighty she-male's grasp.
"...Noooo." He said meekly. Chyna growled and flung him to the floor, where he landed with a hefty thump. Taking her stilletto, she prodded him viciously in the buttocks.
"Lick my boots bitch!"
Paul mournfully fell to his knees and began lapping at her thigh high pvc bootie's toe, but Rob crawled backwards with a shriek of refusal. Liz rushed up to Chyna excitedly and within seconds they were business partners, and with that she kicked at the defiled Jerry lying sprawled out upon the floor. Shane McMahon had fled by now, and had crawled into a corner like a dirty dog would crawl into it's box after being violated, and now Chyna was eyeing off Davie. He nervously approached to the two vicious women.
Um, ya know, no hard feelings, OK? I mean, ya... ya got the chops and that's a fact. If it's... if there's one thing that us Rennasainse crew appreciate, it's a good show of strong, brute force. Ya know-- no mercy.So, uh-- let me be the first -- to welcome ya to the club.
Chyna spun on him, steel chair in her grasp. But I wouldn't wanna be in a club...that'd have me for a member.
And with that, she smacked him across the head with the implement; Rob crawled over to a bootlicking Paul. "Take that down...that's gold, gold!"
"Ooooh..." Paul whimpered as Davie smacked into the floor beside him, Chyna leaping to her feet and proceeding to rip the room apart. When she reached the broom closet and discovered Alex Kurtzman and Roberto Orci she got particularly nasty, flinging the pair of them out of the window where they landed on B.S Hollinfoffer's car. Everything seemed lost; Rob, in one final, gut wrenching act of defiance, leapt to his feet and addressed Vince.
"You'll never work in this business again, McMahon!"
"You wouldn't last five minutes on the mean streets of Greenwich!" Vince retorted. Chyna thundered foward; Rob closed his eyes...this was the end...
But no! In Kevin Sorbo charged, grabbing the jacked up she-he and giving her a mighty good shaking, then flinging her into the table, quite popping her silicon. She moaned in her angst but Kevin would have nothing of it, and, lifting her above his head through the window she went. The room was silent; Liz snatched up another cigarette, lit it, and begrudingly produced a little Hercules flag.
"Go team." She said flatly, waving it about.
Vince and his son stood side by side, swaying slightly; Robert Tapert approached, stepping over Jerry Patrick Brown lightly. He spoke; "Tapert says if you don't get outta here, I'll lay the smack down on your roody poo candy asses..."
Kevin enforced the statement by grabbing the McMahons, clunking their heads together, and tossing them away like yesterday's trash. Paul sobbed in joy.
"Ooooh Kevin Sorbo..."
"Good job Kevin." Rob said enthusiastically, patting him on the back. "You're a man with a vision!"
"What do I know..." Kevin shrugged, producing a two year WWF contract. "I'm just a wrestler." And then, without so much as a goodbye, he departed. The Rennasainse crew stood in stunned silence; it was broken by Liz.
"Is WCW hiring?"
The End.