If you've ever seen the film 'Walk the Line' you'll understand this story. I couldn't help but notice that the HUDDY relationship is like Johnny Cash and June Carter. If you think that's not true, no offence meant, but watch the film and you'll see what I mean. I would really appreciate reviews on this one, it just came to me this morning and I've spent all day writing it and it grew further than I ever thought it would. I would love to know what you all think about it. Just a few words would make me happy, thank you.
Disclaimer- I don't own any of the 'House' characters, I'm sure you all now what I would do with them if I did- HUDDY all the way. It also combines the stories of 'Finding Judas' and 'Merry Little Christmas'.
I Walk the Line
HOUSE
I knocked on the door. It was three in the morning. I knew she would be pissed at being woken at this hour, but I also knew if I didn't say this now, I never would. It had already taken me two weeks to work up the courage since I had actually said those unthinkable words. And now it was time for my one moment, my one chance.
"It's a good thing you failed to become a mom, because you suck at it!"
Those words have haunted me every night, every hour since then and deservedly so. I couldn't even play my Piano, even she was mocking me, taunting my cruelness at the one person who gave a damn about me. Yes, I know Cuddy cares about me and she knows I care about her, but neither of us have the guts to say it.
At last she opened the door and I was met with a furious glare until she saw who it was. Her face softened, as she took me in. I looked completely pathetic I know, I was sweating profusely even in the cold winter night, my clothes were hanging off me because eating had taken a backseat in my life now, my eyes were red rimmed from insomnia but that was due to my harshness of the words, I couldn't even remember the last time I showered.
"I'm sorry." I said quickly. I hope I said it loud enough, I don't think I could have said it again.
"What?"
"About what I said. It was awful, unforgivable and not true." I said looking her in the eye. God, I love this woman so much, no matter what I do she always forgives me. But not this time. Please don't Cuddy, I don't deserve it. I don't deserve anything, love, a pain free leg or even life. The world would be a better place without me.
Before she even said anything else a thought struck my mind and I spun and began moving as fast as I could, down her steps, down her street without a backward glance. It was time to put my plan into action and make the world a better place.
HHHHHHHHHH
CUDDY
I watched him walk, rather stumble down the street. I wanted to call out to him, to tell him I forgive because I do. Yes, what he said was mean, cruel and harsh even for him, but I know he was detoxing and he would never have said it under any other circumstances.
I wanted to help him so badly. I wished with all my heart that Tritter had never come to the hospital, that I had never given House as his Doctor, that House had just apologized at his first chance, that I hadn't let it get this far. Just something. But of course you can't change the past.
Between my thoughts I realised that I had been standing by my door for an hour now. I don't know why but I wanted to go after House, I saw the glint in his eye, he was gonna do something and I had a keen idea what.
Quickly I threw some clothes on and jumped in my car. Revving the engine, I drove as fast as I could to House's apartment. Praying I wasn't too late. I cautiously pushed his door open, he hadn't locked it, a risky mistake.
And yes my fears were confirmed. There he was lying on the floor, surrounded by vomit and an empty pill bottle. Tears welled up in my eyes as I walked over to him. I roused him up and thankfully, thankfully he was still alive.
"House. House, come on wake up. I need to know what you took." I said as clearly and quietly as I could.
"I took- pills- pain- had to get away- world better place…" He mumbled, as he tried to sit up. But before he could, he turned away and threw up again. I ran to his Kitchen and got a wet cloth and glass of water. I helped him take a few sips and ran the cloth over his fevered brow.
"House, you have to get to the hospital." I said quietly.
"No!" He cried.
"Not ours, we'll go to Princeton General." I said. I knew he didn't want anyone to see him now, only me.
"Yeah." He was slipping away already. I managed to get him to stand and half dragged, half supported him to my car. I drove quickly to the hospital, having to stop once, pulling to the curb as House slammed the door open and threw up in the gutter.
By the time we go to the hospital, he was more coherent, and aware of what was happening. I saw him looking at me as they led him away on a gurney, his look was one of complete sorrow, regret and shame. I had never seen House look so broken.
In the waiting room I cried. I cried for the man I loved.
HHHHHHHHHH
HOUSE
After I'd had my stomach pumped, an experience I never want to go through again, by the way, I was put on a bed. I grumbled and grabbed my own clothes, my jeans slightly encrusted with dried vomit, I looked at them in disgust but dragged them on anyway. I slipped my t-shirt on and left the room.
I discharged myself, even with my Doctor shouting at me what a mistake it was. I just flicked a finger at him and left.
I wandered to the exit, didn't bother looking for Cuddy. She had probably left, God knows why she would want to stay and wait for me. I now know I truly don't deserve her. I can't believe I let her see me, lying on the floor, chucking my guts up in her car, and naturally she turned away. She was a Doctor, she was obligated to help even the lowest people on the Earth, that was why she had taken me to hospital. But what reason did she have to stick around. I'm worthless and don't deserve anyone.
No other possible reason.
Outside I hailed a taxi and drove to the Police Station, I had to see Tritter and take the deal of rehab, not for me, but for Cuddy. I owed her that at least, at the very fucking least. No scratch that, that doesn't even begin to top all the things I owe Cuddy. Over twenty years, all the things she'd done for me, there is no way I can ever pay her back.
I arrived at the Station in record time, and stumbled through the office to reach the desk of the smug bastard who held my future.
HHHHHHHHHH
CUDDY
I couldn't believe it. I fell asleep, and somehow House had discharged himself and left without me. I heard his Doctor moaning about what an irresponsible idiot he was to go home. I just left in the middle of his tirade and raced to my car. Only then did I realise it was 8 o'clock in the morning. On the way to House's apartment I called the hospital and told my secretary I wouldn't be in due to a family emergency. I also told them that House was ill and wouldn't be in, I knew immediately what everyone would think but who fucking cares. House needed help.
Reaching House's home and once again I prayed he was there. Pushing the door open which was still unlocked, I walked in.
"House?" No answer.
"House?" No answer again. I checked all the rooms and found them to be empty. So where did he go? Even he wouldn't be stupid enough to go to work. Maybe with Wilson? As I thought I began to clean up his floor, wiping away the vomit and putting down a strong detergent to get rid of the stench of possible death.
As I sat at the Piano, I smiled. Flute and Violin lessons had been my forte when I was little, I remembered a few tunes from then. I let my hands rest over the keys and began to push them, listening to the deep sounds they made. Somehow I figured out how to play a classic melody, one of my favourites.
Just then the door slammed open to my complete shock. "AAH!" I cried, as I looked at the door. There House was leaning against the door jamb, smirking at me. "Fuck, you scared me."
"Didn't know you could play." He stated shuffling to the couch, his eyes lingered to the now-clean spot where he had almost died, much like his blood-stained carpet in his office.
"Flute and Violin when I was a kid. Remembered a few things." I said trying to fill the silence. But music was the last thing on our mind right now.
I knew it was to soon to ask but I just had to know. "House why did you-"
"Tritter took away the deal." He interrupted. My eyes went wide.
"What, no he couldn't? Why? Did he say?" I stumbled trying to figure out what I could do to help.
"He found out I took the Oxycodone from Wilson's patient, that was what I over- I took."
"OK, well don't worry we're gonna figure something out. I promise you." I said looking him in the eye.
"OK." He nodded. He stood up and began walking down the corridor. "I'm going to bed."
"Good idea you should sleep." I followed him and managed to get him settled between the covers. I also slipped him a couple of Vicodin, something I saw he needed. He took them gratefully.
"Why are you here?" He asked quietly, as I turned to leave. I think that was what he said anyway, he said it so softly as if he had finally broken and was at last defeated.
"What do you mean?"
"Why are you still here? Why did you take me to the hospital? Why have you stuck by me? I don't deserve you." His gravely, tired voice asked.
I felt tears well up in my eyes. "I waited for you at the hospital."
"You did?"
"Of course. I had to make sure you were alright. But I fell asleep and when I woke up you were gone."
"I thought you had left me already. You should have done. You should have left me on the floor, let me choke on my own sewage. That would be too good for me."
"Greg." I said sitting next to him and stroking his wiry hair. "Why do you say that? You deserve as much happiness as anyone else, maybe even more than others. You live in constant pain, I hate myself every time I say it's in your head. Because I have no idea the amount of pain you're in, only you do. So only you can truly say what pain relief you need and how much it hurts. Yet you keep getting knocked down by others, and you always come back up."
I saw tears falling from his face, spotting his pillow. He refused to look at me. So I continued.
"I'm glad you didn't die Greg. I have no idea what I would do without you. You're not wrong, I'm not better than you. I'm equal, we've both done bad things, bad choices, said things we didn't mean, but that doesn't mean you're worthless. And I promise you, I will not leave you until you're better." I grabbed his hand and squeezed it to reassure him.
HHHHHHHHHH
HOUSE
I couldn't believe what she was saying to me. I loved this woman so much, I did. I had been lying all these years, I couldn't take it anymore. I had to tell her, otherwise I swear my heart would break. Even if I went to jail, she had to know the truth. I needed to hear the words too anyway. I had never said them out loud.
I lifted my wet blue eyes to hers and whispered. "You're an angel."
"No I'm not," She laughed softly, tears in her own eyes. "We have to help the ones we care about. You're my best friend, I care about you and I helped you."
My heart filled up then. Her best friend? Her best friend? I know it sounds crazy but I had never been anyone's best friend before. Friends, mates, acquaintances, sure. Even Wilson I was just a good friend to him, and not even that lately. And here I was, her best friend.
I took my chance then, I knew like before, this was my one chance and I had to tell her.
"I love you Lisa." I said. She smiled and kissed my cheek before whispering in return.
"I love you too Greg. I really do." She settled herself behind me, holding me close in her warm arms. "Now go to sleep, we'll talk more in the morning." And I did, it seemed like the best thing to do. She had seen my at my worst state, my very, very worst state, one I didn't even think I could reach and she hadn't turned away. She had stood by my side, even when I thought she hadn't.
Sleep was good at the moment. Especially in her arms.
HHHHHHHHHH
When I woke up my guardian angel had already pulled the blinds down blocking out the shining sun. Even though it was winter and freezing outside, the sun was at it's highest. I looked at my watch which was still strapped to my wrist.
Midday. Which meant I had only overdosed about five hours ago. And been sleeping for about three hours. But I did feel better. Still wrapped around my chest was Cuddy's soft, creamy arm, which I began to stroke. It was like heaven being held by her, maybe I had died and this was it for me.
"Hey." I heard her say.
"Hi." I managed to croak out. She tried to sit up, but I held her down.
"Greg, I know this is how you've always wanted me, but I'm hungry. Want some lunch?"
I nodded against her arm, food did sound terrific right now.
"OK here's the plan then. I will go and cook something for us to eat. While I do that, you will shower and wear some clean clothes. OK?"
That did sound like an ingenious plan right at the moment. "Alright then." She helped me to the bathroom and pulled my t-shirt off my head, and pushed my jeans down my weak legs, or rather one weak leg and one complete useless lump disguised as a leg. She left my boxers for me to get and left me alone in the bathroom. I didn't bother locking the door, why should I? She'd seen everything now, no point.
I let my boxers fall down and stepped into the shower, getting the water at just the right temperature. The warm water felt great, just what I needed. Cuddy is one clever woman. I didn't take my time, I'd wait later for a bath for that, for now I just needed to be refreshed and truthfully I was a little as I dried myself off.
I smiled as I saw Cuddy had left me some clean clothes. Jeans and a band t-shirt, she knew my fashion. Grasping my cane, I walked to the Kitchen where the smell of food made me both nauseous and hungry. But I swear by the time I sat down at the table I was drooling. Cuddy had laid out a feast. A few sandwiches, pancakes, French toast and Waffles. There was also a couple of Vicodin which I took with slight hesitation.
"We're not leaving until every plate is licked clean." She said, piling up her own plate. I chuckled. "Now there's something I haven't heard in a very long time."
"What's that?" I inquired.
"You laughing."
"No reason to lately."
For a few minutes all that was heard was the sound of us easting. Or rather Cuddy eating like the polite woman she was and me shovelling food into my mouth as fast as I could without choking.
But then I suddenly thought of something. "What about work?"
"I've already talked to them, I told them you were ill and I had an emergency."
"You know what rumours will be floating around tomorrow then?"
"Who cares?"
"What was that? Was that the sound of Lisa Cuddy not caring what people think of her?" I mocked.
"Yep."
"Feels great, doesn't it?" I asked.
She nodded as she finished her breakfast.
As she cleaned up the plates, I wandered into the living room and put the TV on, finding 'SpongeBob SquarePants', yeah it was a kid's programme but at least it didn't require a lot of thinking.
HHHHHHHHHH
CUDDY
I followed him to couch and sat next to him. I knew now was the best time to talk.
"So what are we gonna do about Tritter?" I asked.
"I'm going to rehab."
"Seriously."
"Yeah, rehab, therapy, shrinks. I don't care, anything so we don't have another night like last night. Or this morning, I'm kinda confused on the timeline."
"This morning." I clarified for no reason whatsoever. "OK well I'll find you the best programme and we can get you onto some painkillers that won't destroy your liver and will still help you. Maybe back to Physical Therapy as well to help your leg, so the pain won't be so severe."
"Whatever you say." He said without looking at me. "I put my life in your hands now. You make the decisions for me."
"Speaking of which, why did you decide- last night- this morning when I found you- what did you think- OK help me out here, explain please Greg." I still couldn't say the words.
He looked at me and I swear for a second I thought he wouldn't tell me. But he did.
"I just thought everything would be better without me."
"How can you think that?"
"Because I hurt everyone. Like what I said to you, I didn't have any reason to say it, I just said it because you had something I wanted and I wanted you to hurt as bad as I did. That's the kind of person I am and I thought that you would have a better life if that kind of person wasn't around."
"Greg…" I started but honestly I didn't know what to say. "That is far from the truth. You help people, every day you save lives. You save people others have given up on. You are a good person, you do good things. I know as well as anyone you have to hurt others or sacrifice things to do that."
"I'm still sorry for what I said. It wasn't true."
"I've left it for now, I need to think about things." I said. I hadn't really had time to think about it. Thankfully, I still wanted a child, but I honestly couldn't see myself as a full time mother.
"Why are you so good when I'm so terrible?"
"Greg, please stop saying that. You are just as good as me. What the hell made you think like this?"
He was silent for a good two minutes before he spoke. "No ones else knows about this. Not Wilson, no other person except my parents. But I had a sister and she died in a car accident, and that's what my mother was told. What she never found out though was the truth, that there was no car. She was my little sister and I was meant to protect her, I was meant to be walking her home. But I was playing with kids from school in the park I just couldn't be bothered to walk her home, I told her to go by herself."
He swallowed hard. "She was 7 years old. She was walking in the park after school and a group of teenagers attacked her and left her to die by the side of the road. She was just 7. Hardly anything, but already then you could tell she was gonna be good and do some many more good things than me."
He stopped as tears formed in his eyes. "After she died, my Dad found out the truth about what happened. Of course he blamed me and he said the thing I didn't want to hear. Mostly because it was true. He said she was the good child, the innocent one and I had essentially killed her. That I was bad and worthless, I was the scum of the earth and I should never have been born. Well I figured if my own father said that to me, it must be true."
I swallowed as tears fell down my own face. I was completely shocked. So this was why, this was why House was so miserable, why he felt he didn't deserve any good in his life. Sometimes I hate parents, that's one reason why I don't think I should be one, because they have so much power over their child. And some, like House's father, abuse that power, they use it to the extreme. I couldn't imagine my parents saying that to me, I know they said some awful things but after what House told me, hearing my mother say 'You should wear make up Lisa, otherwise no boys will look at you twice, not with your natural face anyway,' sounds like the biggest compliment in the world.
I tried to think of something to say but couldn't. "What was her name?" I finally whispered.
"Emily." He whispered back.
"Greg, that wasn't your fault. Your father was wrong, do you know how many times I let my own sisters down and they got into trouble. Because of something one man said years ago, you've based your entire view of yourself on that one statement, one which is complete and utter crap." I said, getting angrier and angrier at his father. I had to do something just something to make him see how loved he was.
"Greg, I love you so much. You're everything that I see as good. You're confident, you're kind in the rarest of times so it really matters and people remember it for life, you're intelligent to no end, you're persistent, you're resourceful, you're a rebel, you're aggressive and get things done, you're handsome, you're tough, you never give up and you are my best friend." There I'd said it, everything I had ever been holding back. But I couldn't stop. "You know me so well and wish you could see how beloved you are."
"Thank you." He said kissing my cheek. Before he pulled away though, I moved to his lips and kissed him there, at long last. After many years of wanting to, I had finally gotten my chance.
HHHHHHHHHH
HOUSE
I have no idea why she kissed me but as soon as she slipped her tongue in my mouth, I never wanted her to stop. It was the sweetest most loving kiss I had ever had. It was so passionate and I knew. I was truly loved.
I pulled away reluctantly, in desperate need of air. Looking at her, she was a little shocked as well.
"Right." I said just needing to say something. Anything.
"Yeah."
Thankfully my leg was still at a dull ache due to the Vicodin she had given me an hour ago. Hopefully it would hold out for a bit longer, there was something I wanted to do. I grabbed her hand and pulled her towards my bedroom for the second time that day. She looked at me and understood the meaning in my eyes. This was something we both wanted, needed, longed for. As she pulled my t-shirt off, I knew there was no turning back and I was happy about that.
HHHHHHHHHH
After we made love, we were tangled in my sheets, Cuddy lay in my arms this time. Holding her close, I didn't ever want to let her go, hopefully she was content to stay there as well.
"Your turn." I said.
"What do you mean?"
"You, you're list. You're kind, you're strong, you understand me in a way no one else does and no ones else ever could, you've never given up on me, you take care of what's important you in every way, you're sweet, you're smart, you're the most gorgeous woman I've ever seen, you've never tried to change me and you helped me. I love you more than you could ever know."
"Thank you." She whispered in imitation of me. She smiled at me and for now that was all I needed to keep going.
HHHHHHHHHH
Six weeks later
HOUSE
Well that was it. I had defeated Tritter, I had gone to rehab and found a weaker Medicine which still helped seen as how I had also gone to Physical therapy, my leg was healed or anything but it was apparently true that some of the pain was in my head. I had fought that, it was still an ongoing thing and would always be, but I was getting there. With Lisa at my side every step of the way.
Every time I fell there she was helping me stand again. I loved her, I really did. She had seen that small light inside me and had known that I wasn't beyond saving. I was gonna live, I was gonna stop depending on drugs so much, I was gonna do it all for her. Because she did it for me.
Most of the hospital now knew that we were a couple, but I didn't care. We had each other and that was all I needed or so I thought. I had apologized to Wilson and we were slowly repairing our tentative friendship. I had even apologized to my team for the hell I had put them through. Foreman accepted it, Chase forgave me for punching him, Cameron tried to see if there was anything she could do. But I just told her plainly that Lisa was there for me, she understood me, I had my guardian angel.
CUDDY
No matter how many times I said it, Greg still thought I was his guardian angel. Of course he never said it to anyone else, only me, but still it made me blush. Except of course those times in the bedroom when he calls me the sex vixen that I am.
Greg was still rude and abrasive to all, still a miserable curmudgeon bastard to the outside world and he still saved people, but the drugs and pain had diminished a little, enough for now. Time would be his guardian angel. I hoped he wouldn't be completely good and start loving everyone, that wasn't my Greg, not the one I love. I loved him just as he was. I really did.
I knew I could never say this to his face, he would think it was too sappy and pathetic, but he was my soul mate. I had never loved anyone more than Greg House, there was no way I was gonna leave him. It would destroy me.
I was the only one who knew what had happened that night. The night he overdosed, I had seen him at his weakest and I was the one who had helped him stand tall. We agreed never to tell anyone about what had happened, not Wilson, not his team, not his parents. I also never told anyone about Emily, I would never dare, that was Greg's private secret and it had torn him telling me, thinking I would turn away. Instead what it did was make me hate his father. I hated someone I had never even met, I had never done that before.
Greg had made me do a lot of things I'd never done, and I loved him for it. Forever and always.
HHHHHHHHHH
It was a faint line for House to walk to Cuddy, but he did. He walked the line for her. And he reached her loving arms and stayed there for ever.