December 19th: The Paradise Lost
By AllTheSnakes
Niles entered the room and stopped to announce, 'Behold the new wonder I have created especially for you!', then came to CC, who was stretching leisurely on the sofa of their California home. He gave her the glass of juice he had just prepared, 'Here it is, Blondie'.
She took it with a sarcastic smile and raised the glass, 'Oh, the Gods' nectar of the day!', she took a sip and made a face, 'It took you so long I was wondering if you had forgotten how to do it…'
'So, you're saying you missed me?', he asked innocently, sitting by her side, putting an arm on the back of the sofa and a hand on her pregnant belly. At her slightly disgusted glare at the glass, he nudged her, 'Hey! I'm not to blame that you used to drink so much alcohol you killed all the little taste things in your mouth. It is quite good'.
She eyed him while he sipped his own juice. Yes, he was so annoying he would always drink the same disgustingly healthy things he prepared for her.
She was ready to say a joking I hate you…
…but she couldn't say it, right now. When he tried to make her life easier, as he often did, by being thoughtfully caring, she couldn't even say it as a joke.
Before they got together, she already found herself strangely drawn to his pranks and zingers. She had gone to that kitchen to look for him so many times through the years it was ridiculous how they hadn't figured it out before.
What was it with them that they had to fight and break up before they realized they were meant to be together?
Or were they together all the time, and they just had to fight and break up to notice how they needed each other?
'What are you thinking of?', Niles asked, caressing her hair to attract her attention.
She changed her position, throwing her legs on his lap – what he happily permitted, waiting until she was settled to rest his hand on her belly again.
Both smiled at the gestures, and didn't say anything about them: both knew that she felt accepted and at ease with him as she had never been with anyone else, and that he was incredibly happy to be the father of her child.
(In fact, he seemed extremely happy to be with her, drinking strange tasting juice and just keeping her company in a Californian Autumn night.
CC was glad she had let him teach her how to cut some hours from work. Of course, now she had two very good reasons to have personal time – her child and that infuriating great man besides her.)
'So?', he insisted, breaking eye contact, because their blue orbs were already talking too much, and they often had to stop themselves before they got too chummy for their own taste.
'I was thinking that this is quite unbelievable'.
'This what? We being together?', he sounded so surprised she had to smile.
'No, Hazel', she patiently explained, 'We taking so much time to be together!'
He took a moment to understand, and then made a goofy face, coming closer to nose-kiss her, 'Awwww, darling!'
She shook her head at him when he backed off, 'You're so stupidly cute I don't know why I fell for you... I must have a thing for stupid people…'
'It's good to know therapy has improved your self-esteem to the point where you can have a thing for yourself', he easily answered, with a smirk.
CC caressed his hand on her belly and then resumed, as if his comment had been a natural addition to the chat, 'We're together for four months, I'm already pregnant for three, we're adapting to California very well, we still fight, and we managed not to kill each other. It is a bunch of miracles!'
'Isn't it?', he looked into her eyes and then approached enough to peck her lips, 'I love you'.
CC looked at him, feeling how good it felt that the words came that easily, and sighed, 'I love you, too, Butler Boy'.
He came closer to an intimate slow kiss…
And they kissed a bit more…
No, a lot more.
And when they parted, she put a hand on his cheek, 'I hate it when you extract information from me'.
His eyes were slightly dazed, 'Information?'
'Yeah… On my feelings'.
He started chuckling.
Suddenly, CC drank the last of the juice as if it was a tequila shot and said, 'I bought something for you'.
'Uh?'
She gave her glass to him and made a gesture for him to get rid of it, 'I wanted to give you this for Christmas, but I realized that at this pace, I will be as huge as a whale, by then'.
Niles put the two glasses on the living room table and observed while she reached out to take an envelope that was on her purse, by the side of the sofa, and handed it to him.
Taking it, he shook the envelope, 'I don't hear any tickling…'
'Oh, please, Niles, I'm so beyond those silly pranks!'
He stopped, 'And what about yesterday, when my apron disappeared and you forced me to cook without anything just because I accused you? You had hid it'.
'Oh, well, I never promised you consistency'.
He smiled and started opening the envelope carefully, 'Is it a ticket? Babcock, you're already trying to get rid of me? You know, you may have been senile for a long time, but you must remember you are the one with the money. You gain nothing from my death'.
She rolled her eyes, 'There's one for me, too'.
'Uhm…', he stopped and looked at her, 'It's a trip and you're coming along?'
'Congratulations, Sherlock! And of course I'm coming along! Now open it!'
'Well, that's good…', he said, taking the ticket and reading the information, '…because I'm not going anywhere without you, now that…'
His voice suddenly disappeared, and he stood there, mouth open, looking at the paper on his hand and then at her, as if he had not understood what he had read and needed an explanation.
CC got nervous, 'What is it? You didn't like the surprise?'
'I-I did…'
'Don't tell me you don't remember the place…'
'Of course I do! How could I forget? I'm just… surprised'.
'And not happy, it's clear'.
'No, I am', he folded the ticket and put it in the envelope, again. Then, he breathed deeply, 'Thank you, Love. It's a great idea'.
She made a face at his forced smile, 'Niles, you're scaring me here. I thought you would love it'.
He put the envelope aside and took her hands, 'Sorry. It's just that… that trip was something to remember…'
He was serious, but she couldn't help smiling, 'Yes, and that is why I bought the tickets. We enjoyed our time together, there… but not as much as we should…', she gave him a nasty smile, 'And now we could do it properly'.
Niles nodded, and smiled sadly, but sincerely, 'That will be great, I'm sure'. He tilted his head, 'Maybe it's time to create some new memories'.
CC seemed slightly offended, 'I like the ones we have from there! I mean, I thought I would spend the most boring vacation of my life, while Maxwell took his family to that Kibbutz, and then suddenly you were there saying Shake it, Miss Babcock and thinks were never the same', she grinned, remembering the shock in both their faces when they had met.
Niles kept looking at her happy face, and CC noticed that, even if the worst of the shock was over, his expression was still touched by some feeling she could not point out.
She caressed his hand with hers, 'I thought you would be happy to add new memories'.
'I am. It's just that…'
If there was one thing she didn't enjoy was hesitant Niles, 'Just say it'.
He still seemed undecided, and diffused part of the tension through a zinger, 'Give me a break, Ice Queen! We, humans, need time to put some things in words!'
Noticing there was something serious behind the story, she decided to say something that could help, 'If you think I am still annoyed because you suddenly disappeared, I am not'.
It startled him, 'I could not stay there any longer'.
'Yes, I knew when I get back to New York that you had a flight scheduled for December 19th. Nanny Fine told me. I just thought you could have warned me and not simply vanished in the air'.
'No, you don't get it… Even if I didn't have the flight… I had to get out of there'.
CC was suddenly worried, 'She commented you had said it had been the worst vacation of your life… Was it anything I did?'
He looked at her with a pained face, 'I don't know if I want to talk about it'.
'Well, it has to do with me. If you're a gentleman, you'll honor the obligation of telling me. I have the right to know!'
Niles shook his head, smiling fondly. She had a terrible case, but if they were going to make that trip to the tropical paradise, it was time for her to know what had happened that time. 'It was in that island, in the last day of my vacation that I realized… that I had feelings for you'.
'What?', she sat a bit straighter, surprised.
Niles just nodded, as if he didn't have anything more to say.
'Oh, Dear God, you're so going to tell me! How was it?'
He noticed the spark of curiosity and something more in her eyes, 'Maybe it is the right thing to do… But I don't know if you'll like it…'
'Don't worry about it! I love the way you tell stories', she relaxed on the sofa and pointed a bossy finger at him, 'Make it interesting: don't spare me any sordid detail!'
He breathed deeply, choosing the way he would tell her.
xxxxxxxxxxx
Niles had finally managed to book a place in the hotel of that amazing tropical paradise he had been trying to go for the last years.
Things had never got right for him: sometimes, he would not have the needed time to spend in a vacation; in other times, prices got so high he could not afford it; in some years, the hotel was all sold out; and, in others, he simply decided wherever place Mister Sheffield chose was good for him.
That year, everything had gone perfectly, and now there he was, in his third day of vacation, sporting a ridiculous flowery shirt and never caring less.
The absence of Christmas themed decoration in that open bar helped him to feel free to be another person, so he spent the majority of his day at the beach, swimming, walking or just laying in the sun, and the majority of his nights there, as far from the traditionally decorated hotel as he could.
It was not that he disliked Christmas; however, if he had chosen a distant place to spend a vacation by himself, he wanted to feel totally out of his day to day life. The hot weather, the ridiculous clothes and the lack of a schedule helped him to forget New York.
And he really had to forget New York and all he had there, or he would be speculating on what she was doing.
He had a cocktail in his hand, the music was great, the women were beautiful, and he was happy to be so far from home and able to think of anything that was not Babcock-related.
In fact, it was slightly pathetic that he was congratulating himself so often about being able to not think about her.
Maybe he needed to get a life.
Since their drunken kiss in the den and pretense that nothing had happened, in the next day, Niles had not been able to stop thinking of… them.
He knew he had been attracted to her for a while, but he didn't expect it to explode that way: the chicken prank, some zingers in the office, and suddenly he wanted to drink himself into oblivion because deeply he knew he wanted her to look at him as if he was Mister Sheffield. He had put himself in his place because he wanted her to desire him…
It was sick in so many levels Niles couldn't even think about all of them.
He had started drinking, and she had joined him, and things escalated, and he was confused as hell when he managed to enter his room, that night.
And he didn't know if he was more disappointed or relieved when she acted as if the kiss never had happened. Because he didn't know what to do about it.
About them.
But the seed was there: he couldn't ignore how good the idea of them felt, anymore. That kiss had made his fantasies about her rocket in a way he couldn't control.
And it didn't help when, close to his vacation, she had come to him with all those pamphlets showing tropical paradises that she thought he would never be able to afford going to.
If she just knew how much he enjoyed the same things as her, and how much he wished he could share a trip with her, just to be out of their usual element and see what would happen…
But, of course, she didn't know it. And she would probably never know.
That's why he couldn't quite believe his own eyes when he finished saying that 'Shake it, Miss Babcock' phrase.
ncncncncnc
After his 'Me want to go home', Niles and CC just snorted at each other and went separate ways.
However, some things cannot be unseen .
So, they spent the next hours pretending they had not met earlier and knowing each move the other did.
Niles kept drinking, what he knew was a bad idea, but once he had seen she was doing the same, he felt kinda authorized.
He never knew when the songs changed from exotic tropical place to summer hit, but Niles caught himself squinting to look at CC, and then he realized the lights had been dimmed.
She was at a bar bench, enjoying a drink and looking at her surroundings as if she was bored as hell. She had been alone all night (she had even scared away two guys who made attempts to get closer, just by looking them down).
That's his girl!
He noticed she was cautiously hiding the fact she was looking at him in the corner of her eye.
(He wondered if he was so discreet as her, and decided that he probably was, because he had done nothing but look at her all night. He almost sent Marisol away in a rather crude manner when she approached him, because she was distracting him of Babcock stalking.)
His head suddenly formed the first clear line of thought of the last hours: if they were not Niles and CC – the sworn enemies – and they were in a party and they were discreetly observing each other from a distance, and then not so discreetly, what would it mean?
It would mean they were flirting, of course!
Niles put his empty drink on the nearby table and went into her direction.
He observed how she started looking back at him when he approached, not pretending anymore, and found it really encouraging.
'I was watching you from over there…', he started, standing in front of her.
CC let go of her own drink and turned totally to him.
Niles realized that was the point when he had a choice: he could throw her a zinger and keep the safe routine, or he could seize what Fate had offered him.
'…and I was thinking that we have been great dancing partners, in the past. So… why not?'
He extended a hand to her and waited. He hoped the liquor gave her as much open-mindedness as it gave bravery to him.
She looked at the hand and then into his eyes. Niles sustained her stare, hoping she was finding what she had been looking for.
Finally, she smirked and accepted his hand, 'Yeah, Butler Boy… Why not?'
He didn't know how much time they had danced, but he knew they had fun as they couldn't have in New York, not worrying about property or what other people would say. They could be openly charming and seductive to the other, they could do as they wanted to please each other.
They were free to be themselves, and what they wanted sincerely was enjoy the moment alone and without interruptions they finally had.
At some time of the night the songs got them closer, the lights were impossibly dimmer, and next thing Niles knew, there was a wall against his back and Babcock pressed against his front.
She was looking into his eyes as she had done when she reckoned his intentions, and she seemed as heated and excited as himself, 'We'll never mention it to anyone', she more ordered than asked, rubbing her body on him while pushing his shoulders against the wall.
'No', he eagerly answered, his hands gripping her waist.
And then they kissed madly.
And they made out as teenagers.
Niles didn't know exactly what he felt, but consumed was probably the best word he could think of. There was nothing in the world around him but that woman; all he needed to live was that sensation of being hers while feeling how much she wanted him.
They spent a lot of time in that corner, never saying a word, just savoring each other; when they noticed, it was dawn.
Niles helped CC to her hotel door, she waved goodbye at him with a gracious smile and he went to his own hotel, walking in the clouds.
He felt energized as ever when he awoke in the next day, and spent his afternoon in the beach basically daydreaming about her.
That night, Niles went to the same bar, again.
He wanted to find her there. He thought it was probable she had looked for another place, maybe exactly to make him understand it was a one-night thing, but he had some hope.
And there she was, as if waiting for him, at the same bar bench where it had started.
He approached as soon as he saw her. He was not drunk yet, she wasn't, neither, and she acknowledged him with a nod, a sly smile and a 'Slow as always, Bell Boy'.
That night they talked. They laughed. They got drunk together. They danced.
And they made out again, this time exchanging some not really unexpected sweet words mingled with their usual nicknames.
That night ended almost the same way of the first – he took her to her hotel, and went to his.
Just, this time, before separating, he glued his body to hers in order to kiss her good-night, and she happily reciprocated the gesture.
They established a very interesting routine: they would meet, be together having fun, and then they would be even more together and have LOTS of fun.
It lasted four nights.
ncncncncncnc
Then, the 19th arrived.
That was the last day of Niles' vacation.
They had met at the beach, that afternoon.
Niles was just sun-bathing at the sea, in front of her hotel, and she came to talk to him.
They commented the weather; the people passing by; the qualities and problems of the island structure.
They even exchanged some zingers over their bath suits, so they wouldn't act all the time as grown adults.
Not a word about the nights was said.
ncncncncncnc
And now, the night has arrived, and Niles was really nervous, while approaching their bar.
He had decided he would do things differently, tonight.
He would tell her he clearly that he liked her.
(He hoped he felt inspired when they were facing each other, because if his sweaty palms were any indication, he would have problem getting it out of his chest.)
Niles had come from his hotel thinking of her and all the things he liked about her: her style, her humor, her pride, her nasty ways, her body, her mouth, her eyes…
In the beginning he didn't know what exactly he needed to say to her, but then he realized he needed her to know he wanted to keep what they had, this time. He didn't want them to pretend they never got close…
…because he didn't want to be parted again.
He breathed deeply and entered the place. There were a lot of people, there – it seemed there was more people than in the other nights –, but he knew where to look for her. So, he went directly to their corner.
She was not there.
A bit confused and feeling his heart beating strongly, Niles walked to the bar and decided to ask for two cocktails. Maybe it was for the better that she was late – so he could enter the scene as a gentleman, offering her drinks and making her understand he was being nicer than the usual. Maybe she would be intrigued and ask him what was happening, and it would make things easier to him…
The drinks arrived, he kept searching the crowd and realizing he had never been that nervous in his life.
It was like a first date.
That made sense, once he was a middle-aged guy being ridiculously nervous about talking to a woman he had known for a decade.
His eyes found the blonde he was looking for.
He immediately knew it was CC – he could recognize her anywhere.
Trying to hide at least part of the stupid grin he had on his face, he started walking towards her.
He saw when a man approached her.
He saw her slightly surprised look.
He saw when she accepted the drink he was offering her, sipped from it and let his hand rest on her waist.
Niles stopped walking. His heart was beating so loud he could not think straight.
He saw when the man whispered something in her ear, she chuckled and put her arms on his shoulders.
He saw when she accepted his kiss.
Niles turned away and started walking until he was out of the party and beyond the reach of the music.
ncncncncnc
'And then I saw you with that man and it got me crazy. I went out of the party, feeling confused as hell about why it hurt so much and then… I realized I probably had strong feelings for you', he finished the tale cautiously.
'Oh…', CC made a face, 'I didn't know you had been there…'
'That's all right… I mean, we were not exactly together…'
'That's what I thought, at the time', she said, looking sad, 'When that guy appeared and commented he knew who I was, I kind of felt at my element, and pondered over letting him kiss me to compare and decide if I should wait for you…'
'You don't have to lie…', Niles answered, 'You were on vacation, you decided to have fun with another man… As I said, we were not…'
'In a way, we were together', she cut him off, 'I was just trying to see if it was the same with any other guy and… it wasn't', CC looked Niles in the eye, 'I came earlier from that vacation. Don't you remember? Maxwell was surprised when I showed for work before Christmas, soon after they arrived from the Kibbutz'.
'I tried not to think about it', he confessed.
'Well, you should have. I came back because I got bored without you there'.
'Maybe I made a hasty decision…'
'Maybe I spent too much time trying to find any other man that made me feel like you did'.
Niles shook his head and came closer to kiss her, 'Let's forget it, Love'.
'No, we're going to that island and I'll make it up for you'.
'You have already made it up for me…'
They kissed a bit more, and for a moment it seemed the subject was finished.
'That was why you acted horribly around me for the next month or so…', CC murmured when they parted.
'Exactly. I swore to myself I wouldn't let my guard down again'.
CC caressed his cheek. The fact he was ready to tell her how he felt and then saw her with another guy gave another dimension to her refuses to his propositions…
Feeling suddenly very guilty, she decided to turn things lighter, and teased him, 'So… You first realized you loved me at December 19th, in a Caribbean Island? You have a neat mind for dates, Butler Boy!'
'Who said anything about love, here?', he pretended to be offended.
'It's a pattern, isn't it? You ask me to marry you out of the blue; you want to tell me you love me after some making outs… Can't you just build relationships slowly, as a normal person?'
'I wasn't going to say anything about love!', he reinforced, tickling her.
When she surrendered and begged for mercy, he ended the little fight with pecks on her lips, 'And don't you think I was too patient with you? I have waited for almost fifteen years…'
CC shook her head, 'I admit I was stupid as a cow, but you must admit you tried to tell me and chickened out every single time'.
'I already said I was not going to…'
'Just two words for you, Mister: Lynn Redgrave'.
'Umpf. I'm more generous: I'll give you four words'.
She knew she shouldn't ask, but she couldn't resist, 'Which ones?'
He smirked at her, 'Cluck like a chicken'.
CC laughed hard and pulled Niles to be above her, 'You have no idea how it turns me on!'
xxxxxx
Later that night, Niles was spooning CC and looking at her while she peacefully slept.
He was glad she hadn't forced the issue; he didn't want her to know exactly what he had felt that night in the island.
Things were blurry from the moment he turned from her to when he found himself at the beach.
He didn't know where he had left the drinks; he didn't know how much time he had walked. He just knew it was still night, he was alone, panting in front of the sea.
He sat at the sand, supporting his head with his hands.
There was something oppressive inside his chest. He felt like he could not breathe.
And then he started crying.
The few people walking by must have thought he was one of those lonely guys who got drunk at the Holidays, reminiscing about a lost love, and sobbed until a drunken stupor made then pass out, thrown at the beach sands.
Well, it was almost like that: he was not drunk, but he felt like the loneliest guy of the world, right now, and he was sobbing for an unrequited love, on the beach sands.
Why had he done it?! Why had he let the tenderness for her, that had been lurking in the shadows for so much time, come to the front?!
He could have her like this, as a partying partner, having fun and showing her the best of him, and then calmly give her space when she wanted to go away and have an adventure; he could wait as much time as it was necessary for her to realize that he was the one… In the meanwhile, he would steadily get closer to her, again and again…
No, no, no! He couldn't wait anymore.
He couldn't stand the idea of her not wanting to be with him after they had tasted each other.
He had been giving small steps for more than a decade, and she still pretended she didn't see what he meant.
He couldn't back off, again.
He was jealous.
He wanted all of her attention.
And it was not new. The feeling had been there for a while.
Niles knew exactly why he was crying like a child: he was in love with the coldest woman he knew.
He had fallen in love with the Ice Queen, of all people.
He sobbed even harder – what did he do to deserve it?!
There were millions of nice women in the world. Why did he have to be stuck with her?!
Niles stayed there, trying to calm himself for a lot of time.
When he managed some dignity, he got up and went to his hotel room. He had to pack and catch a plane back to New York.
Back to his life of solitude, seeing the woman he loved, day in and day out, walking around without even acknowledging the wonderful moments they had lived together.
That was probably the worst Christmas of his life.
Seeing her in the mansion added sadness to his thoughts: they were back to being enemies, because those were their social roles, and she didn't seem inclined to change it.
Well, Niles wouldn't force her into a different direction.
And then, it took two years more, a car crash at Hanukah and Fran's clumsy moves pushing them into a huge fight to get them together.
No, wait.
Nothing would have happened if that woman now in his arms had not knocked on his door that night, demanding explanations.
She had come for him, willing to have the first real conversation they ever had.
Niles snuggled to her and kissed her shoulder – she really had made it up for him, already.
'Do you want to wait until Christmas to go there?', she asked in a slumber.
Niles smiled at her new obsession, 'Christmas is about being with whom you love and exchanging gifts. Whenever we go there, we'll have both. It will be like Christmas'.
'Right. We're goin' next week'.
'As you wish'.
'Witch', she corrected, smiling, and then really falling asleep.
'Yes, witch', he agreed, 'You can make even the past better'.
The End