88 Lines About 44 Herculeans

By Goddess Of Mayhem

Salmoneous was a salesman type, he held out to the bitter end.
Hera was a different type, she's the type who likes revenge.
Jett was an assassin, and I was afraid of a man like that.
Gabrielle wrote poems sitting down like the Oracle sat.

Discord was a vicious girl, Gods a distant memory.
Eli was a Jesus-freak, preached love and brought misery.
Cupid had this special way of turning sex into song.
Phsyce, who couldn't sing, kept the beat and kept it strong.

Najara was an archetype, the saviour queen, the queen of wrath.
Cleopatra always conducted business relaxing in the bath.
Athena was a feminist, and she got herself a stab.
Aphrodite's point of view was this: take whatever you can grab!

Ceasar was a conquerer who left his mark upon the map.
Ares liked to tie me up, and left me hanging by a strap.
Iphicles had this emperor walk that made grown men feel underage.
Nemesis, who had a son and said "I must go," but finally stayed.

Strife, the God of Mischeif, Callisto murdered in a fight.
Deimos brought the mischeif back and held it up before the light.
Caligula, who knew no shame, was never, ever satisfied.
Perdicas came and went so fast, he didn't even say good-bye.

Hercules was the people's champ, his deeds brought him love and fame.
Iolaus was his faithful buddy, a hunter's spirit in his veins.
Meleager thought his life was empty, filled it up with alcohol.
Autolycus was much too clever, he didn't do that shit at all.

Uh-uh. Not Auto.

Hades thought that love was simple, find a girl and whisk her off.
Deinerra was more complicated, but excepted her bad lot.
Callisto was a perfect lady, always kept her killings straight.
Joxer wore a pasta strainer, the weirdest armor and chest plate.

Serena was the Golden Hind, lean pristine transparency.
Xena flung her Chakram in a crazy kind of urgency.
Borias liked to fuck while wearing leather riding boots.
Falafels's strange obsession was for certain vegetables and fruits.

Atalanta was a blacksmiths's daughter, competition shook her up.
Xena's mother killed her father, but it was Ares' bad luck.
Apollo had no such problems, perfect Mount Olympus home.
Jason married Alcmene, left his kingdom, but not alone.


Eve became the Emperor's bitch, and changed her name to Livia.
Nebula, who was a pirate, exorcised Dahak here and there.
Hephy didn't give a shit, he was quite the realist.
Jace was much more my style, he sung songs just like this.


Morrigan went years drinking a cup of blood a day.
Nauticaa met her love Iolaus on a Grecian bay.
Ephiny was the Amazon Queen, ruled with an iron fist.
King Zeus, here's a kiss, I chose you to end this list.

Inspired by 88 Lines about 44 Women by The Nails.