Note: Utter silliness. Because everybody knows that that is the best type of silliness there is.
This is set just after Meet the Lupins.
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.
Meet the Order of Merlin
As the sun set in great streaks of pink and orange across the sky outside, Carrie Winters frowned deeply at the world outside the sitting room window. From his position sat upon the sofa, nose buried in that day's edition of the Evening Prophet, Remus Lupin appeared to be reading the muggle's mind as well as the news articles as he inquired:
"What time is your mother expecting you home for dinner, Carrie?"
From where she lay sprawled upon the rug before the fireplace, surrounded by a vast array of Chocolate Frog Cards, Carrie glanced towards the clock upon the mantlepiece and mumbled:
"Six thirty...seven, maybe..."
"Mm." Remus murmured somewhat disbelievingly, turning a page of the paper, and Carrie reached to snatch up another card at random, holding it up for inspection.
"You mustn't take those home with you, you know." the werewolf told her, motioning towards the small neat pile of cards by the girl's elbow which Teddy had been midway through constructing before his mother had summoned him into the kitchen to help lay the table for dinner.
"Why not?" Carrie wondered, though she supposed she already knew the answer. It was no doubt the same reason that Dora refused to give her copies of the photographs that had been snapped in the back garden during the summer, or why Remus never let her step foot outside of the Lupins' house with a copy of the Daily Prophet in her hands.
"They're enchanted." Remus reminded her, frowning at the latest article that he was running his eyes over.
"I could hide them in my bedroom..."
"I imagine the Ministry would not be terribly impressed should your mother stumble across them whilst tidying up."
"I'd hide them somewhere really, really good!"
The werewolf let out a vague chuckle and suggested:
"Perhaps you ought hide them here instead. I suspect the chances of your mother discovering them whilst tidying up my house are reassuringly slim."
Carrie rather wanted to remind him of the very much enchanted and very much illegal school map that was printed for all to see within the confides of her school homework planner, something that he was personally responsible for, but she had a feeling that simple logic wasn't going to cut it in this situation.
It rarely did when it came to wizards, Carrie supposed glumly, and so instead the muggle let out a hefty sigh and returned her attention to the card in her hands.
As Albus Dumbledore peered over the rims of his half moon spectacles at her, an absentminded smile upon his lips, Carrie reached to tap a thoughtful finger against the card, wondering:
"Remus?"
"Carrie...?" Remus murmured, vaguely enough that Carrie was not entirely sure that he was paying much attention.
Raising a foot so that she could dig her toe into the edge of the rug that she was sprawled upon, Carrie's gaze drifted to the ceiling as she wondered:
"Have you ever grown a beard?"
"A beard?" Remus echoed somewhat bemusedly, and Carrie abandoned the Dumbledore card upon the rug so that she could look over at the werewolf questioningly.
"Yes, a beard. Like...a proper one. Like all the proper wizards do!"
For a moment Remus continued to hide behind his newspaper, his head ducking ever so slightly as if to hide his amusement. Then he carefully set about folding the paper up, dropping it down onto the sofa beside him.
"Well," he said, sounding remarkably thoughtful, "I suppose I might've dabbled in beard growing a while back...during the War..."
"Really?"
"Mm...but I can't say it was ever a proper beard. Like a proper wizard would have, I mean."
Carrie felt as if she were going scarlet.
"I...I didn't mean...you don't have to...it's not like you can't be a proper wizard if you don't have...it's just...well..."
She trailed off into awkward silence, only to find that it wasn't silent at all for the quieter she grew the louder Remus laughed.
"It's just...all these wizards...these famous wizards...it just seems to me that they all have beards! Long ones! Dumbledore, Merlin, Armando Dippet, Oswald Beamish...all of them!"
"You're not wrong." Remus admitted, attempting to swallow his amusement, and at that moment a voice from the doorway asked:
"Not wrong about what, love?"
As he watched his wife wander into the room, tea towel draped over one shoulder and Auror robes distinctly grubby, Remus explained:
"All of the most famous wizards in history have had beards."
"Long ones." Carrie added, nodding her head firmly.
Dora instantly cracked a grin.
"It's true!" she exclaimed, leaning forwards towards Carrie, her eyes growing wide as she added in an undertone: "D'you know what else they all have, Carrie?"
"What's that?" Carrie asked, leaning forward a little as if it were all some sort of big secret that Dora was going to spill the beans on.
"They all have an Order of Merlin." Dora half-whispered, eyes as wide as snitches as her gaze darted over to Remus and she told him: "D'you, Remus, I think...I think Carrie might've finally cracked it!"
"Cracked what?" Carrie asked, feeling such a sudden rush of excitement at the prospect that she hastily scrambled up into a sitting position.
"The Order of Merlin!" Dora exclaimed, throwing up her hands as if it were all terribly obvious. "You've got it sussed!"
"I have...?" Carrie wondered rather doubtfully, and as she made to cross the room, flopping down upon the sofa at her husband's side, the Deputy Head of Aurors insisted:
"Yes you have! We've been trying to figure it out for years, haven't we?" She fixed Remus with an expectant look, and the werewolf muttered non-committally under his breath, concentrating instead a moment later on coughing rather violently into the sleeve of his jumper.
"Trying to figure out what?" Carrie asked, leaning forward eagerly.
"Every year," Dora announced, voice dropping again to an almost-whisper, eyes twinkling as she too leant forward. "The Wizengamot hands out a bunch of Order of Merlin awards...and nobody know what they're for!"
"They...don't?"
"No! Nobody! Except for you! You've figured it out!" Dora straightened up, grinning broadly as she informed the muggle: "Quite clearly the Order of Merlin is an award the Wizengamot gives to wizards who grow impressively long facial hair!"
Carrie felt her eyes widening in bemusement.
"Why would they do that?" she wondered as Remus let out another spluttering cough, burying his face in his hands for good measure.
"Because!" Dora cried, slapping a hand down upon her lap in apparent triumph. "It's obvious, isn't it?!"
"Is it?"
"Of course it is!" Dora paused for a second, only to turn to offer her husband an exasperated look. "She doesn't know about the beard thing!" she told him, rather unnecessarily Carrie thought.
"Apparently not." Remus agreed soberly, lips pursed together into a thin line, and Dora promptly demanded:
"Well go on! Tell her about it!"
Remus' eyes widened ever so slightly and he hastily cleared his throat.
"Well it's...it's rather simple, really..." the werewolf began slowly as Dora took a turn at coughing into the sleeve of her robes, leaving Carrie to wonder if they were both coming down with something. "Magic can be...stored in...in hair. So...so by growing a long beard a wizard can...can become more magical...in a manner of speaking..."
"Voldemort was clearly missing a trick, there!" Dora mused as Carrie's mouth dropped open a little at the notion. "What with him being follicly challenged..."
Remus seemingly couldn't help himself, then, he slumped back in his chair, positively roaring with laughter.
"No wonder Dumbledore was the only one he feared," Dora went on as if it were a deeply serious discussion. "After all he had a beard Voldemort could only dream of!"
"But if that's true,Remus," Carrie said, utterly fascinated by the idea. "Why did you shave your beard off when you grew one?"
"Because it was itchy." Remus shrugged, and his wife reached to press a hand to his hair-free cheek, grinning as she added:
"And because it made you look like you were homeless..."
"I was homeless..."
"Oh don't split hairs!"
"Did you make him shave it off?" Carrie sniggered, and Dora grinned, hand slapping lightly against the werewolf's face as she told the muggle:
"Of course I did! Got to keep him in line somehow, haven't I?" Slumping sideways until her head was resting against Remus' shoulder, the metamorphmagus sighed whimsically and mused: "Sometimes I reckon I should morph a beard. A really long one...you know, then try some wandless magic and see if it makes a difference..."
The laughter that promptly ensued was once again so loud that at long last Teddy appeared in the doorway, no longer able to hide his curiosity.
"What's so funny?" he asked, folding his arms firmly across his chest as if he were quite unimpressed that the trio sat in the sitting room might be having a good time whilst he slaved away in the kitchen.
"Ted!" Carrie exclaimed, launching herself excitedly to her feet, positively swelling with pride at the prospect of knowing something he didn't. "Do you know what an Order of Merlin is?"
"Of course I do..." Teddy began, frowning ever so slightly because it really didn't seem a remotely hilarious subject.
"Yes, but do you know what it's for?" Carrie went on rather impatiently, and no sooner had she turned her back to the sofa Dora reached to fling her arms around Remus' middle, flopping sideways until she could bury her face in his chest, shaking with silent laughter as the werewolf was forced to bite his tongue against his amusement. Not waiting for Teddy to reply, Carrie offered her best friend a broad grin as she informed him: "It's for wizards who grow really impressive beards!"
She waited for Teddy's eyes to widen in realisation, for some sort of exclamation proclaiming her a genius...
Teddy simply stared at her.
There was a sizeable pause before the boy's gaze darted accusingly towards the sofa and he informed his parents:
"You're wicked, both of you."
And with that, all three Lupins positively howled with laughter.
"BEARDS!" Teddy cried, throwing his hands up in exasperation. "For goodness sake!"
Carrie felt her face blooming with colour as she spun around to look at Remus and Dora upon the sofa, her hands flying indignantly to her hips.
"Are you winding me up?!" she demanded to know, failing not to give her foot a little stamp, which only seemed to make Dora laugh harder than ever.
Eventually Remus reached to clamp a hand down over his wife's mouth, muffling her laughter.
"You might care to take a closer look at that mantlepiece, Carrie." he informed her soberly, and with that he set about prising the witch away from the front of his jumper, narrowly avoiding pushing her straight off the sofa and onto the floor, demanding: "Go and put the kettle on, for Merlin's sake!"
"It wasn't ALL my idea!" Dora protested feebly, staggering to her feet, "YOU'RE the one who started on about...magical beards! Magical beards, for goodness sake!"
"Well you started it." Remus shot back, reaching to give her a firm push towards the door. "Voldemort was follically challenged! Really! Now go on, hurry up..."
The witch spun around to offer him a smirk.
"Alright then, professor!" she teased, arching an eyebrow. "Is this the part where you say I'll deal with you later?"
As she turned to shuffle curiously towards the fireplace, Carrie was sure she heard Remus mutter:
"I'm sure I will."
Dora promptly dissolved into laughter again, her progression out into the hallway left somewhat staggering, ushering Teddy out in front of her as Carrie ran her eyes across the familiar photographs upon the mantlepiece; Remus and Dora upon their wedding day, a beaming Teddy aged two who seemed to be laughing just as much as everybody else was, and a crowded photograph of assorted Potters and Weasleys who waved at her enthusiastically.
And that was when she spotted them, set side by side between the photographs. Encased in pristine glass held in identical oak frames were two shining silver medallions upon plum velvet. Cast amongst the elaborate border and the M symbol Carrie recognised as being stamped atop any Ministry documents that Dora brought home from work, Carrie could just about make out the number two cast upon their surfaces. Underneath each medallion, a small silver plaque made the muggle lean closer, squinting.
Nymphadora Lupin of the Order of the Phoenix, Carrie read from the first plaque. Order of Merlin 2nd Class.
Remus Lupin of the Order of the Phoenix, it's neighbour read as Carrie found herself holding her breath in an attempt not leave a smear on the glass. Order of Merlin 2nd Class.
For a long moment, Carrie simply stared at the two awards, marvelling at the striking silver, the grand velvet...
Their simple place upon the mantlepiece, like the meagre little trophy back home that one of her brothers had won at their school sports day.
They were almost hidden by the photographs, Carrie found, as if they were not terribly valued, as if they didn't really matter and yet...
"It's...it's an award for bravery, isn't it?" she found herself observing, turning to look at Remus upon the sofa. "The Order of Merlin, I mean."
Remus had returned to studying his newspaper, gazing thoughtfully down at the front page.
"It can be, I suppose." the werewolf mused, glancing up to offer the muggle a smile. "First and foremost an Order of Merlin is awarded for services to wizarding world. They give them to inventors, politicians..."
"War heroes."
"...people who fight in wars, people who make great sacrifices, that sort of thing."
"People like you and Dora."
"Apparently so."
"You must've been really proud." Carrie said, turning back to gaze at the awards. "You should...you should put them somewhere where everybody can see them! Not...not hidden behind stuff like this..."
"We much prefer the photographs." Remus told her as he abandoned his newspaper and got to his feet. "Nobody wants an Order of Merlin on display around here, Carrie, it's far too common."
"Common?" Carrie repeated, frowning deeply at the much sought after awards, and the werewolf chuckled as he headed for the hallway, explained:
"Yes, they're dreadfully boring, all our friends have them." Nodding towards the clock, the werewolf added: "Dinner time I think, Carrie."
Glancing disappointedly at the clock, Carrie obediently followed him out into the hallway and set about pulling on her shoes.
"Bye Teddy!" she called down the hallway towards the kitchen. "Bye Dora!"
"Bye Carrie!" Teddy shouted back as Dora called a similar farewell, and with that Carrie made for the door.
"Thank you for having me." she told Remus has she paused upon the front step to say goodbye, and Remus opened his mouth to reply, only for an almighty crash to sound from the kitchen and Teddy's voice bellowed:
"DAAAAD! COME AND TELL MUM TO CUT THIS BEARD OFF! SHE KEEPS TRIPPING OVER IT!"
Finish.