Author's Note:
Welcome to a brand new episode of Garfield! However, this time we take a little trip to the fantasy world of our favorite fat feline! What could he be playing in this fantasy? Well let's see.
Now for a very special theme song. Feel free to sing along if you know the words.
My life's full of babes and bullets.
No time to lay back and cool it.
I've got clues and claws, right here in my paws. Nothing to do but do it.
Claws and clues are my meat.
I paid my dues on the street.
A life full of babes and bullets!
It's a living...that's why I do it.
Now without further ado, on with the show!
The name is Spayed. Sam Spayed, private eye detective, who also happens
San Francisco is a beautiful city. Cable cars, fog rolling off the bay, Chinatown, the Golden Gate Bridge, the Warf...man I wish I lived there. Dust had to be an inch deep on my desk, a thick layer of papers was forming around the base of the trash, an empty milk bottle where I had a business engagement the night before.
"Coffee, Sam?" asked a woman from the distance.
"Sure" said our narrator.
Kitty wasn't much on cleaning, but could make a mean cup of coffee. I still remember the day she came in looking for work. She wanted to be a secretary, she had all the requirements, so I gave her the job.
Being a private dick ain't easy with a name like Sam Spayed, but I got all the requirements I need; I like babes and bullets, plus I look good in a trench coat.
"More coffee, Sam?" asked Kitty.
"Nah" said Sam "I've had enough for one day"
It was a slow day, the hours seemed to go by like a New York Giants vs. Brooklyn Dodgers game during a double header. I decided to get a phone and as soon as I was about to step out the door, I saw one of the most beautiful creatures in the city. A human female.
"Are you Spayed?" asked the woman.
I never know how to answer that question.
"Who wants to know? And what's your reason for being here and why me?" Sam asked the woman "There are hundreds of private eyes out there"
"My name is Tanya O'Tabby" said the woman "My husband was murdered"
Judging by her youth and beauty and the way she was dressed, she was obviously tapping some big bucks. Of course! It all makes sense now! She marries an old geezer, kills him, inherits all the dough, sends a second rate detective on a wild goose chase and ends up scot free.
"So how old was your husband, Tanya?" Sam asked Tanya.
"Twenty three" Tanya answered him.
Of course! Now it all makes sense. Her husband obviously was a regular Don Juan, so she finds out he's having an affair, kills him, sends a second rate detective on a wild goose chase and gets off scot free.
"So, what did your husband do for a living, Mrs. O'Tabby?" Sam asked.
"He at St. Morris University" said Tanya "He was head of the history department"
Something wasn't right here.
"Doesn't sound like the kind of place where enemies can be made" said Sam "It's pretty tame profession, doll"
"We all have enemies don't we Mr. Spayed?" Tanya asked Sam.
"Call me 'Sam' please" Sam insisted "What makes you think your husband was murdered?"
"He drove off Old Mountain Road, Sam please" said Tanya "That's forty miles away. He had no reason to be there. Besides, he was an excellent driver. The police say that he probably fell asleep at the wheel, but I just can't believe that"
Her lips started to tremble, I took her hands in mine.
"Go home, kid" Sam told her "I've got an investigation to uncover"
I watched Tanya as she walked into the dark street lamps as the street lamps illuminated. I knew I had to crack this case. After all, I am behind my rent at the Y.
Author's Note:
Looks like Sam Spayed is on a big case. Don't you just love detective stories? Just makes you miss the good old days of Shaft, Humphrey Bogart, Charlie Chan and Inspector Clouseau. Who could've murdered Professor O'Tabby? It's up to Sam to crack the code before this killer ends up Scot-free.
But for now, let's get over down to US Acres and see how Orson's campaign against Lord Jefferson is going.