Contest: Season of Our Discontent Anonymous Angst Contest
Pen Name: His Singer 1
Twitter His_Singer1
Title: Love like the weather
Picture Prompt: 10
Pairing: Bella/James
Rating: M
Word Count: 6413
Summary: Their love was up and down since childhood it was rain and sunshine, hail and snow and complicated because they made it so. Lines blurred between friendship, too afraid to admit and fights with harsh words a forecast of emotions but they called it love. You'll always be my friend they say and it's a promise they might break but they seal it with "Sempre" and "I love you" and sometimes "I hate you" a love like the weather.
Warnings and Disclaimer: The story is told through Bella's POV. The flashbacks are written in italics.
~L L T W~
We are on dry ground, a rough patch with love and that's okay but we may need something to bring everything back to life. So we stand on dry ground and beg for rain and as it pours down, drenching everything in sight, we are finally satisfied. But sometimes the rain is too much and it drowns out our love. We wade in the water, getting comfortable with its place in our relationship until a wave comes and takes it away.
Then the sun comes out and everything is beautiful again and we have nothing to fear or worry about. The sunshine makes us feel good and strengthens our relationship and we sigh in contentment, but we can't relax that easily because we know the weather can change, just like our love.
This is the story of my never ending, always changing relationship with my best friend but sometimes boyfriend James and how we try to survive through it because we don't want to give up.
Giving up is not an option but an intriguing thought that sometimes enters my head, after every hardcore fight we've had. I met James for the first time in kindergarten and I instantly didn't like him. He was too confident and if that can be a good thing in certain cases, at the time it wasn't. I was the new girl in town and to him another conquest. He had all the little girls wrapped around his finger, mind you. I was just a child so what did I know about love or young love? But I knew I hated the way he was the center of attention. I really started to hate him in first grade. He chased me around the school yard and followed me everywhere. My mom thought it was sweet and told me that was how he expressed himself, that he might just like me. I wrinkled my nose at the thought and took things in my own hands. This time when he chased I didn't run but stood my ground. And when the hitting started, it was the first and last time he ever hit me, although nowadays I may tend to hit him but he takes it out on objects. Back then when it happened, it was automatic like breathing. He stood there shocked, as did everyone else, but he never bothered me again after that and he avoided me if possible, even though we were in the same classes until high school.
Everything changed in third grade. Of course James was in my class and we sat next to each other. For a few days we avoided conversation until we had to work together. He seemed different but only with me so we started talking to each other, eating lunch together and hanging out for recess. He became my best friend -well, my only friend actually- and our friendship lasted through high school. It became something more. I denied everything when I started to think of him as more than a friend, and to avoid any feelings I went out on dates. James wasn't happy with that prospect and I liked to think it was because he was jealous. But it was better to ignore that thought because he couldn't see me that way, and I was truly ignorant of his feelings toward me. I guess you could say that I was naïve, and it cost me. To an extent, I knew he had feelings and I used it to my advantage. I liked to see him jealous, I liked the attention he gave me and I thrived on the fights we had about who I went out with. We could have saved us the trouble but it was never easy, especially when I went out officially with his best friend Edward. At first I genuinely liked him but it quickly died. James thought I was trying to make him jealous so he messed with other girls too. I was picky about the girls he hung out with and very selfish with his time. It became an ongoing battle on who could make the other more jealous, until I took it too far and flat out told him Edward and I had slept together. It was a lie, of course, but James didn't know. He was so pissed and that was the end of their friendship. We had the worst argument ever and he wanted to end our friendship too but I wouldn't have it. I needed any part of him no matter how small or big. Not having a claim on him scared me so I fought ruthlessly. He told me he hated me, hated the way I made him feel. It was the first time I ever hit him, besides this one time in our early days.
"You can't say that to me ever again!" I shouted, close to tears.
"It's the truth. I can't live like this anymore, Bella," he answered, holding his face.
"You're my best friend! I love you, you can't leave me!" I shouted.
He ignored the first part and focused on those three words. He was always able to read between the lines so he knew what I was scared to say.
"You love me?" he asked.
"I hate it, it makes me feel weak," I replied.
"We can't be friends. All we do is hurt each other and those around us," he said, walking away.
My chest tightened at the sight, he had never walked away even through our worst times. I grasped at anything to make him stay.
"Don't go, I love you and I know you love me. We don't have to be friends, we can be boyfriend and girlfriend," I pleaded.
He stopped in his tracks. "You don't know how long I waited to hear those words but not like this," he replied and continued walking.
I was panicking now, my chest heaving and tears streaming endlessly down my face.
"Don't go," I pleaded again.
He ignored me.
"Please?"
He was almost at the door and I could see my whole life slipping from my grasp. It hurt too much. I dug my fingers in the palm of my hand. They were itching to hit someone, to cause pain. I picked up the first thing I saw and threw the shoe at his head. He whirled around.
"What the fuck!" he shouted.
I picked up another shoe and threw it.
"I hate you!" I screamed, wanting to hurt him as much as I was hurting.
He ducked and came forward.
"Bella, please calm down. I'm not leaving permanently but I need to figure this out," he tried to assure me.
"You won't be my friend," I said.
He came forward again and hugged me tight. I melted into his form and held on for dear life.
"I'll always be your friend," he whispered in my ear.
I looked into his rich brown eyes. "Promise?" I asked.
"Sempre," he replied.
After this fight, I told myself I could deal with it since he wasn't leaving forever and I would see him every day in school and everything would be okay. But he barely spoke to me and avoided me wherever I went. I was confused and hurt. He ignored my calls and when I went to his house he acted like he wasn't home. I was alone more than ever. Even the few friends I had avoided me and I didn't know why. I told myself to give him time but when I saw him hanging with other girls, mainly Victoria, I lost it. I confronted him at school in front of his locker.
"So you're talking to her but not to me?" I hissed.
He sighed. "Bella, not here, not now," he replied.
"Why not? What did I do to deserve this?" I asked.
He glared at me. "You lied to me. You ended my friendship with Edward because of that lie," he said.
Oh shit. That was a stupid mistake and I regretted it.
"I'm so sorry, James. It was a stupid lie to make you jealous. You know when we used to play those games," I said.
"My friendship was a game to you?" he asked in disbelief.
"Don't act innocent. You played the game too," I replied.
"No, Bella, that was an unnecessary lie and you know it. It hurt a lot of people. I just never thought I would be one of those people," was his reply before he walked away.
I was left staring at his retreating figure, feeling that tightening in my chest. I wiped away the tears escaping and turned to leave. It's when I realized we had an audience.
"Take a fucking picture," I told them all, walking away.
I had to fix this problem I had created, starting with Edward. I apologized profusely but he said he had already forgiven me. I saw the looks from Alice and Rosalie but I ignored it. They had always been jealous of me. I went over James' house to try and apologize again but he was not home. I walked around the neighborhood, thinking of everything I had been through with him. All this for love? Love is something scary and wonderful to me and I had yet to really experience it when this fight happened. But I was starting to think that it was what I felt for James, what I still feel. But the lines got blurred in our friendship and we mixed love with hate. I used to think love was for the weak, and I was right, but I wouldn't give it up for anything. So I didn't give up on me and James. It was unacceptable.
I walked by our childhood hangout and started to remember the easy and innocent times we had before feelings got in the way. It caused unwanted problems and complicated our status. I knew that I did love him -I felt a rush at the thought- and I had been hiding behind this friendship guise, afraid to move on. Being friends seemed like the easy route but I needed more if I was to keep him. I entered the garden from our childhood, wanting to bask in the memories, but stopped in my tracks. It was already occupied by a couple and their identity was what stopped me. Red and brown hair cascaded over the back of an old bench. Tangles of arms, hands, and legs decorated the bench and noises of passion and pleasure was the soundtrack to my heartbreak.
Victoria and James were so engrossed with each other that they didn't notice I was there until I let out an enraged sob from deep within my chest. Startled, they broke apart and faced me. James had the nerve to look guilty but Victoria was smiling smugly at me. This bitch needed to be taught a lesson and I was the one she would get it from.
"So this is where you spend your free time," I said casually, all the while plotting murder.
"What are you doing here?" he asked.
"I came from your house looking for you and I decided to stop by an old memory. But I can see you're busy destroying the place with this new memory," I replied angrily.
"Ok, can you leave now?" Victoria asked me.
I hated her more than ever now. She must have been crazy. Who did she think she was, coming here to my favorite place and asking me to leave?
"This is my garden so if anyone is leaving, it would be you," I retorted.
"Fine. Let's go, James," she said, standing up.
I looked from her to him, waiting for him to reject her and stay with me.
"Wait, was there a reason you came looking for me?" he asked.
"Yes, I wanted to apologize and say that I regret what I did and that I hope you can forgive me," I answered, hoping he would hear the sincerity in my voice.
"Okay," was all he said before he left with her.
I was too shocked to do anything and so many feelings were coming at once, I made myself numb to the pain. I had no idea how I found my way back home. Then there I was, sitting in my room, surrounded by broken memories. Everything reminded me of him and his scent was everywhere. I picked up a random piece of clothing he had left and brought it to my nose to inhale. It was like a breath of fresh air but it was also suffocating. I choked back a sob and tried to remain numb. Was it how things would be from now on? The avoidance... seeing him with other girls… Any other time I would have gone running into another guy's arms but I learned my lesson.
How could I live in a world where I was nothing to him? Where I had no claim? You might think I was crazy but to me it made perfect sense because the better part of my world was him. I heard quietness all through my house and though I was not alone, I felt so alone. I waited for a call or a text, something that would let me know it was not over. I waited for words but all I got was nothing.
I went through the hell that was high school alone, without any guidance or company. They all shunned me and maybe I should have cared but I didn't. I told myself I didn't need anyone and I would live through this. No, James made my day gray with dark clouds and the rain came pouring down and then if I caught just a glimpse of him and he made eye contact with me for even a second, it was like the sun was shining but it never lasted long. I entered my senior year with one friend. Angela was quiet and shy around people she didn't know but with friends she was a joy to be with. She spoke her mind and liked the same things as me and for the first time, I was actually happy. I trained my mind to forget about him. At first it was not so easy with me seeing him every day, but I returned the favor and ignored him. It was so much easier and I was able to at least pretend to be happy and over him.
My happy quiet life without drama and without James all came crashing down quickly. I was a fool to think I could ever escape him, to forget that he existed, to forget that I had loved him –and still loved him- but I tried and moved on. One thing I avoided was dating but I still had friends. I could see James sometimes glaring at me whenever he saw me with a guy that wasn't him but I ignored him, the hypocrite, and told myself I was doing nothing wrong. I didn't think about dating again until the middle of senior year -and let me tell you, it was the biggest mistake I made but to no fault of my own- enjoying a life away from the storm.
It all started with this conversation with Angela.
"So do you have plans tonight?" she asked curiously.
"No," I answered automatically, not paying attention. I was too engrossed in watching Victoria and James that I didn't see the twinkle in her eyes.
"You should hang out with me and Ben tonight," she said.
"I'm done being the third wheel but thanks for asking," I replied.
"You don't have to because my brother Alec will be joining us," she pleaded me with her eyes to understand.
"Don't you want to spend alone time with Ben for a change?" I asked.
She sighed. "We've never been on a date alone, only once and it was uncomfortable," she said.
"Shouldn't you be over that stage already?" I asked confused.
She huffed. "Fine, you caught me. I only asked because I wanted you to meet my brother," she explained.
"Like a double date?" I said.
"Yes, and it's only this one time. If you don't hit it off…" she was practically pleading now.
I hesitated and looked over to where James was sitting and caught him staring back.
"Bella, you don't need his approval," she said.
"I know but I told you what happened last time and I don't want to start those games all over," I begged for her understanding.
"I understand, Bella, I do. But who cares? You've changed and he's been with that slut Victoria for a while. If you want to move on, you should," she stated firmly, glaring at James.
She didn't like the way he was treating me and never understood our friendship.
"Fine, one date," I gave in.
"You won't regret it," she promised.
If she had known then that it was a promise she couldn't keep.
Alec was the exact opposite of Angela. Where she was quiet and shy, he was outgoing and talkative and basically cool. Not to mention he was good to look at. We hit off instantly but only as friends. Anyway he was pleased to wait until I was ready and that was a problem… When would I be ready? It was the start of something new. He would call me every day after school and we would talk for hours about nothing and everything. Sometimes he would tell me about a book he was reading and we would have long discussions that I really enjoyed. This was a friendship I wasn't ready to give up just yet. I knew from past experience that feelings complicated things but something told me it could be different this time.
It all went to hell the day he surprised me and came to pick me and Angela up from school. I was shocked and flattered, especially when I saw the jealous looks of the girls around me. I was the one with the hot friend coming to pick me up and nothing else mattered. Until he kissed me in front of everyone and I looked over his shoulder to see James staring angrily back. Angela saw what was about to happen and told me to ignore him because I did nothing wrong and she was right. After that, kissing became mandatory like breathing, along with the hand holding, and I was in cloud nine. He said he would wait but that didn't mean he couldn't woo me as well and I loved every minute of it, the sweet texts and the flowers and the good night calls. But those weren't the only calls I was receiving. After seeing that kiss, James started to call me frequently but I ignored it. I knew what he was calling for and I was tired of fighting. At school he would try to talk to me but the ball was in my court and I treated him as he had treated me before. I let him spout off bullshit about loving each other and not making each other jealous but I told him the truth. I still loved him but it didn't change a thing.
I think I was in love with Alec too, not like I loved James but there was something I wanted to act on. He was so patient with me and waiting, I decided I was ready to tell him how I felt and change the status of our relationship. I planned everything out in my head but was nervous to take this big step. One day, I called him to see if he wanted to stay in instead of going out.
"If that's what you want then I'm all for it," he answered.
He was so sweet always putting my needs before his.
"Yes, I wanted to talk to you about something important."
"Good or bad?"
"With you it's always good, don't worry. It involves the both of us."
"Well, I can't wait. Where do you want to meet?"
"I'll come over around seven or later."
"I'll be waiting."
I would have planned it for earlier but there was something I needed to do first. I hadn't spoken to James in forever and it seemed wrong. He was my best friend despite what we had been through and I wanted him to be here through all the good happenings in my life. I wanted him to meet Alec so he could see what a great guy he was. I wanted him to know I loved him still and this was not an attempt to make him jealous. We needed to move on because we were better off as friends. This needed to be said face to face so I set out in hopes of finding him but before I could leave, there was a frantic knock on my door. I opened it, surprised to see James standing on my porch. After all this time, he still had the same effect on me. My heart ached at seeing him but not knowing where we stood. I wanted to hug him but I wasn't sure. I wanted to kiss him but I knew it was too dangerous. So I settled for causal.
"I was just about to go find you," I said, letting him in the house.
He was staring at me curiously eyes roaming all over. It made me feel hot under his stare.
"What?" I asked.
"You're dressed up and you never dress up. But you look beautiful," he replied.
I flushed at his compliment. But now I felt uncomfortable in this dress with James staring at me.
"Thanks, it's for a special occasion."
His eyes tightened and he took a step forward. "You're going out? With whom?" he asked.
I took a step backward, preparing for a fight. "I'm going to see Alec. That's what I wanted to talk to you about… well, partly."
"Fine, you wanted to make me jealous and it worked so you can drop the act now."
I was surprised and shocked, though I shouldn't have been, but I liked that he was jealous. And then I didn't, this was not what I wanted to happen.
"Look, James, this is not a ploy to make you jealous. I really like this guy and I wanted you to meet him."
"What do you mean?"
"I'm going to make it official tonight and I wanted us to be on good terms, James. I miss you. Can we at least be friends?"
The silence was demeaning as I waited for him to speak, bracing myself for anything.
"You're serious about this? I can't believe it!"
I flinched but held my ground. "Did you think I was going to wait around for you forever?"
"Bella, the reason why I said we couldn't be friends was to give you some time away from the guise of our friendship, and see that there is more for you to act on your feelings. I thought you wanted us to be together!"
I was shocked. If he would have said this from the beginning then we wouldn't be here. And I knew he couldn't be serious, I saw him and Victoria hooking up.
"If I knew that, James, you know I would have acted on it, but it doesn't change the fact that you're with Victoria and have been acting like I don't exist up until now!"
"I was with her because I thought you didn't want me and I was tired of using friendship as an excuse. And yeah, I guess I should have talked to you but if I wanted to be with Victoria then I had to cut you out of my life," he tried to explain.
Hearing him say this hurt more than anything, and to know that he chose her over me made it worse. The feeling of wanting to hit him crept up and I balled my hands together but that didn't stop the tears or the ache in my chest.
"You chose her over me? Your best friend? The girl you supposedly love?" I shouted.
He looked remorseful and pleaded with me but I couldn't forget this. It was the ultimate betrayal.
"I'm so sorry, Bella. I made a mistake choosing her and I've regretted it ever since. Being with her does not come close to the way I feel with you, even if we're just friends. I'll take whatever I can get, I miss you so much," he said, coming forward and wrapping his arms around me.
What I wouldn't have given to be able to melt into his arms and forget everything, but I couldn't, even if his scent was engulfing me and this was where I wanted to be. I remembered his betrayal and I remembered Alec. He never made me feel like this and I was always happy with him. I wouldn't give that up yet.
"I can't forgive you, James. Just go," I said, pushing him away from me.
He clung to me. "Bella, we've been through so much, don't give this up," he pleaded with tears in his eyes.
I hated him for making me feel guilty, for making me hurt him when I didn't want to, and most of all for making me choose between him and Alec.
"I'm sorry. You need to go and I need to get to Alec," I said and pushed him away successfully.
I walked to the door and held it open, waiting for him to leave. I avoided his eyes and looked down. I didn't think I could take his pain any more than mine.
I counted down the minutes in my head as the silence ticked by. He still hadn't moved from his spot. As I was about to speak, his scream disrupted the silence, making me jump.
"Fuck!" he shouted, putting his fist through the wall.
"James, I can't do this now. Please, leave," I pleaded again. The hit to the wall felt like it was directed at me.
"This wasn't supposed to happen. You weren't supposed to run into the arms of another man!" he shouted.
He was crying endlessly, grabbing fistfuls of his hair and punching the wall repeatedly. The sight of him in pain and the damage he was inflicting terrified me. As much as it hurt me to see him this way and as much as I wanted to wrap him in my arms and tell him everything would be okay, I couldn't. This was not a fairytale where I would end up with my prince and he needed to realize that the princess was taken.
"Stop, just stop!" I shouted losing my patience.
He stopped his movements, startled at my outburst.
"I made my choice and I'm sticking with it. You said yourself that we're not good for each other but I told you I want you to be in my life. So it's up to you."
I didn't want to force him to be friends with me if he didn't want it, so the choice was up to him.
He was angry. "Don't act like you're giving me a choice because you're basically saying you don't want me," he hissed.
I sighed and glanced at the clock. It was 7:30 pm and I needed to get going before I was late.
"I'm sorry but I have to go," I said, turning to leave.
I heard his footsteps behind me and then he was suddenly in front of me, angry beyond recognition.
"You think I'm just going to let you walk away from me?" he asked.
"Yes, that's exactly what you will do," I retorted angrily.
We stared for a long time. His hands were clenched and his eyes were angry and sad at the same time but I could see a hint of lust. I had to look away before I did something I would regret. His angriness was turning me on and all the longing I had for him was coming back.
I took a deep breath and went to walk around him but he blocked my way.
I opened my mouth to berate him and was interrupted by his hands grabbing me and pressing me close to him, and then his mouth was on mine. I stilled not moving turning unresponsive. I was in shock. It felt good being pressed against him, his lips were soft and his scent took me in. He pushed the limits with his tongue and I was a goner. I responded eagerly, biting and sucking on his soft lips. He moaned in response and grabbed my ass, pushing us closer so that I could feel his arousal against me. That shook me out of my stupor. I shouldn't be doing this. There was Alec and he was waiting for me to come to him to make it official. Despite the lust I felt and the part of me begging to continue, I tried to pull away. He wasn't having that. He became forceful with his movements; his lips were unyielding against mine and angry. His hands roamed everywhere, eliciting feelings deep within. I still had my sanity to know that this was wrong but then I heard a rip and my dress was on the floor in tatters. The cold air woke me up until he angrily pushed my underwear out of the way and began thrusting his fingers in me. I let out a guttural moan and bucked against his fingers, lost in the moment. I was getting close to the edge when he pushed me against the wall and entered me in one swift movement. We moaned at the sensation and he began thrusting relentlessly, his eyes were still angry and he was forceful with his movements but I didn't care, this felt too good. My arms were gripping his neck and my legs around his waist holding on for dear life. The wall was hurting my back, mixing pain with pleasure.
"Look at me," he said harshly. He grabbed my face making me look at him. "You feel this? You feel me?" he asked.
I nodded, unable to speak.
"Remember this because you're mine," he said and bit down on my neck.
That was all it took. I cried out in pain and pleasure and my orgasm ripped through me. I clenched down on him and rode out my orgasm. He came after me, screaming out my name. He pulled out and zipped up his pants as I slumped down on the floor. My legs wouldn't work. I was freshly fucked and not in a good way because as I glanced at the clock, it all came rushing back.
"What's wrong?" he asked, seeing the tears streaming down my face.
I just shook my head.
"Bella, talk to me. Are you hurt?" he asked, concerned. "I'm sorry, I just couldn't bear you leaving and belonging to anybody else, but I don't regret what happened," he said in a half apology.
I glared at him through my tears. I hated him for what had happened, even though I was at fault also, but I needed someone else to blame. I regretted ever wanting him back in my life. I was not really with Alec but I still felt like I cheated, even if that was the best fuck I ever had. I wanted James gone.
"Just go," I said.
"Bella," he said in disbelief.
"This shouldn't have happened and as far as I'm concerned it never happened so please just go!" I shouted, not caring if I hurt him. I was far past caring anymore.
I heard his footsteps then the slam of the front door and I was free to break down and cry. I cried for the loss of a best friend and I cried for the loss of a good relationship. After crying endlessly I got up and cleaned off, putting on fresh clothes. I picked up the phone and called Alec.
"I know it's late but I need to come over. I need to explain," I said.
"Bella, are you okay?" he asked concerned.
I knew my voice was hoarse from crying but I couldn't explain now. "Not really, I'll be there soon," I said and hung up.
I told him everything, starting from the beginning and towards the end, he let me cry on his shoulder. I was shocked. I thought he would hate me and want nothing to do with me but he said that I had nothing to be sorry for because we weren't together, and that people make mistakes and deserve second chances.
"Bella, it was bound to happen, dealing with all those emotions. I don't blame you," Alec was saying.
"Are you sure?" I asked.
"Yes, it hurts but I understand and I don't want you feeling guilty for loving someone else," he said, wiping away my tears.
"I'm in love with you too even if it doesn't seem like it, and I want to be in a relationship with you if you still want me," I whispered, nervous for his reaction.
He smiled big and crushed me to him. "I still want you, Bella, but I need to know that you're ready to move on from him and to commit."
"I know I will always love him but we're not good for each other and I really see some kind of future with you. I'm not doing this because I feel guilty of having you wait but because I want a stable relationship and I can see myself with you. You make me happy and I haven't felt that in a while."
He smiled. "Then would you do me the honor of being my girl?" he asked sweetly.
"The honor is all mine," I answered.
After that, I saw James in school but I avoided him, having nothing left to say. Of course I missed him and his company and I regretted what had happened. I needed to move on to a more stable place in my life. Our relationship was up and down, rain and sunshine, hail and snow and I only needed the sunshine.
Now here I am. Today is graduation day and I almost wish my parents were here to see me (they leave me alone a lot with my mother travelling and my dad following her like a puppy). It's an emotional day but I have my friends and Alec with me and I'm glad. I have made it through high school and I'm moving on with my life but something else is still missing.
Alec wants to take me out for lunch so we leave early to get a good table. We're walking to the car holding hands and I'm smiling, enjoying his praises of me. It feels good to be loved this way and everything is perfect and the sun is shining. Nothing can make me happier, well, except for one thing. And as this thought enters my mind, James walks quickly past us and I stop in my tracks, surprised to see him after a long time. He's alone and his shoulders are slumped. It makes my heart ache. I really want to leave on good terms with him and hope that one day we can be friends again.
"Are you ready?"
"Yeah," I reply to Alec, staring at James' retreating figure.
Alec sighs and looks to see what caught my attention. "Bella, I know you miss him and if you want to say goodbye, it's fine with me."
"Are you sure?" I ask.
"Positive, if you don't leave on good terms you'll regret it for the rest of your life," he says knowingly.
I nod and call after James. "James, wait!" I shout loudly.
I have to run a little to catch up with him but surprisingly he stops and waits for me.
"I just wanted to say goodbye and congratulations," I say nervously.
"Yeah, goodbye" he replies coldly.
"No, don't be that way. I want us to end on good terms. James, I do miss you. You're still my best friend whether you like it or not and maybe one day we can rekindle what we had."
He's quiet for some time and the sky is turning darker. It looks like it's going to rain today.
"I can't be friends with you, not after what happened between us, because unlike you it's something I'll never forget and I can't stand seeing you with him," he answers harshly.
I can see his point but at least I try to salvage what's left. I blink back tears that want to escape and nod.
"Well, I guess this is goodbye," I say softly.
He nods and turns to leave but I quickly grab him in a tight hug. He stiffens and pulls us apart.
"I still love you, James, remember that," I tell him one last time.
He laughs as the sky darkens even more and the clouds become heavy and then he delivers the last blow as it begins to rain.
"Well, I hate you," he replies, walking away.
The rain comes pouring down and thunder and lightning fill the sky but I stand there, getting soaked from head to toe, too numb to move. His words hit a chord and I begin to cry loudly. I don't hear Alec coming towards me with all the noise. He wraps me in his arms, trying to comfort me to no avail because when the rain comes, the sun usually comes after to warm me and despite what I feel towards him, he just isn't my sun.
He gets me in the car and we drive slowly away. He tries to attempt conversation but I ignore it and watch the rain coming down the window pane.
My love for Alec is perfect and feels too good to be true and my love for James is up and down, good and bad, changing constantly. Our love is like the weather but I choose to leave the eye of the storm.
Our love is like the weather
It's pouring rain
We can't change hearts
Cause it's snowed in
Just like raining hail
Pelting our wounds
Over and over again
We change
Work it out
All is calm again
The calm before the storm
Basking in the sun
It just takes one cloud
To come around
Bring rain down on our love
It's pouring rain