Thanks so much for the reviews of 'Deluge'. It really made me want to write more! Another getting back together fic because this is how I process my feelings. Enjoy!
"Where do you see us in ten years, Kurt?"
The question kind of comes from nowhere. They'd fought about where to have dinner. Kurt had called Blaine obtuse and Blaine had called Kurt self-absorbed. They'd both apologized but lost their appetites. It was the first time they'd tried going out as friends: riffling through sheet music and thrift store racks. It had been good until it wasn't. Blaine asks the question just as they're turning into Kurt's street, the rest of the drive having been in silence.
"Where do I see myself in ten years?" Kurt turns the question over and stalls.
"No. Us. Where do you see us?" Blaine needs to know what they're doing. In truth, he needs to know what he's doing.
"What?"
Blaine can tell Kurt's watching him but he keeps his eyes on the road. Turning into Kurt's driveway, he puts the car into park and kills the headlights; he leaves the engine running. "Tell me the truth."
Now, looking at Kurt, he can see the fear, the same from the elevator, the same look he's thought about every night and every morning since. He can see the hesitancy, some anger in the corners of Kurt's eyes, confusion and an ache that makes Kurt's lips turn down. Which in turn makes Blaine frown as well.
Kurt scrubs a hand over his face, which messes up his hair. "I… Look you don't wanna hear this and it hurts me to say it."
He sounds resigned. Blaine unbuckles his seatbelt and turns more in his seat. He wants to reach out and cradle Kurt's face in his hands like he used to, wants to fix his hair and then mess it up again. He wants to kiss him. He's so confused and still so hurt. But still so in love.
"Kurt, just tell me." Blaine doesn't think it matters that he sounds angry and frustrated with Kurt because he doesn't think this could feel any more uncomfortable. He's pushing and not enjoying it.
Kurt, rather than return the anger, fight or storm off, seems to sink back in his chair, more resignation, Blaine thinks. "I still see myself with you. I know, maybe we aren't ready now. I know you aren't and that's fine. I know you don't want to hear it and that's fine, I didn't want to say it—"
"Why?" Blaine interrupts, his heart beating a million miles a minute in his chest.
"Why what?" Kurt asks without looking at him.
"Why do you still believe in us, even after it all went so wrong before? We've tried so many times and failed? I was with someone else, I was moving on."
Blaine knows he's screwed up using past tense to refer to Dave but Rachel is a big enough gossip to have already told Kurt about their breakup, surely.
Kurt sighs and wriggles around to finally face him. "I know and I wasn't pushing. I was just going to wait it out. If I got to forty and you still didn't want to try again who knows, maybe I'd have to reevaluate, but somewhere between breaking up and seeing you here again, I realized that I can't see myself with anyone else, that I don't want to." He deflates and there's a pause, Blaine thinks he sees the curtains of the Hudson-Hummel living room shift, light momentarily spilling out onto the lawn. "I could go on," Kurt says but isn't really offering.
There's a long pause and then, "You know what's weird?" Blaine asks, feeling his stomach twist. Kurt raises both eyebrows. "I really hope you're right." A deep breath. "I mean, I know you're right. I want that too."
The slow spread of Kurt's smile, not easy or wide, but honest, makes any risk and any hurt worthwhile. Blaine breathes a sigh of relief. "Really?" Kurt asks and Blaine can tell, just be looking at him, that he's fighting the urge to lean over, grab his hand, kiss him, hug him. Blaine feels it too.
Nodding, Blaine dares to lay a hand over Kurt's where it rests on top of his thigh. "I'm… This is so complicated and maybe a mistake—"
"I don't think so," Kurt interrupts.
"Me neither but… I have some things to work out, some thinking. We have a lot of talking but, you're right, I can't see any other way besides making this work."
Kurt keeps smiling at him, then turns his hand over and interlaces their fingers. "Really?"
The disbelief makes Blaine smile and want to kiss him even more. There's is going to be one hell of a love story, something they'll tell and retell to their friends, at their wedding, to their kids. "Yeah, really. I mean, I'm kind of angry that I can't escape you but also kind of relieved. Where was I ever going to find something better than what we have?"
The front door to the Hudson-Hummel house swings open with a bang making them both jump. Burt sticks his head out to check on them. Blaine gives him a quick wave and that seems to be about enough for Burt who goes back inside.
"So…" Kurt trails off.
Blaine fidgets. "Can I take you out for breakfast?"
"That'd be nice," Kurt admits. He doesn't ask if it's a date or a chance to talk and Blaine's thankful for that. To be honest, he's not sure yet. "I'm gonna get inside now, before my dad comes out and starts banging on the door."
Blaine lets out a bark of laughter, pleasantly uncomfortable in the same way he used to be when dropping Kurt home after a date, back when he was still just a little bit scared of Burt. But then Kurt starts to move, opens the door quietly and unbuckles his seatbelt and he's leaving.
Holding onto Kurt's hand tighter, Blaine realizes he's not ready, "Hey, wait," he says and Kurt does. He swallows and asks quietly, "I know we're not really… It makes no sense but… Can I have a goodnight kiss?" And oh god, his cheeks are on fire and he can't quiet meet Kurt's eyes. He feels like an idiot but again, he knows this massive risk is worth the smallest possibility of reward.
Kurt's hand slides across his cheek, fingertips petting at the hairline of Blaine's temple. "We're gonna be okay," Kurt quietly tells him as Blaine's eyelids flutter closed.
He doesn't see Kurt lean across to him, just senses his body heat shift in closer, can smell the sharpness of Kurt's cologne on his neck, can feel the radiant heat of him nearby. Kurt kisses him, soft but full on the lips, the hand splayed across Blaine's cheek guiding him in and angling his face just slightly, perfectly so they fit together like they always have.
It's so gentle, simple warmth and a hint of pressure but it's enough to make Blaine melt and sigh into it, enough to make him remember all the good times they've had, how much they are to each other. He kisses Kurt back, gets Kurt's bottom lip between his and sucks, equally as gently as Kurt is still kissing him. Blaine lets his tongue trace the crease and almost drowns in how safe he feels here, how he could stay here forever.
But then Kurt pulls back, putting inches between them although not letting his hand fall away from Blaine's face immediately, instead taking the weight of Blaine's leaning cheek, caressing down his jaw. "I missed you," Kurt tells him.
Nodding, Blaine nuzzles closer to Kurt's touch until Kurt finally drawers his hand away, smiles softly and then slips from the car.
Before he closes the door, Kurt turns back to him, uncertainty in his expression once more. "I'll see you tomorrow morning?" he asks.
Nodding, Blaine tries to find something to say but can't. The car door clicks shut and Kurt walks towards the front door of his house. Burt is there, pulling it open for him and ushering him inside; Blaine is still a little dumbstruck. The engine is still running.
It's still not all right between them, he's still not sure how they will make it work. But kissing Kurt, soft, unassuming, being kissed by Kurt: he knows they need to keep trying. And they will. For as long as it takes. For as long as they both shall live.