Chapter 1

Bonnie hadn't slept well in weeks. Her eyes were tired and her feelings confused as she lay alone on the old mattress in her New York apartment. She had never felt this much regret in her entire life, yet somehow she blocked it out. At times she felt like it was her magic that blocked everything out. At times she swore she could feel it rushing to the surface. Sometimes she swore she could feel it at her fingertips, waiting to be activated. Then she remembered that it was gone and that nothing and nobody could bring it back.

A boulder stood between Bonnie and her emotions. She couldn't let them in if she wanted. Occasionally, however, when she sat down in her small New York apartment with a cheap bottle of wine and a sad movie, a ray of regret escaped through the cracks in the thick armour surrounding her feelings. And, oh, how she wished it was regret for Enzo. She wished it was regret for letting him escape her sights. It wasn't, though. It was regret for Damon. For never truly forgiving him. For never listening to his side of things. For treating him like dirt even when he did everything he could do to apologise. She knew she shouldn't feel that way, but she did. And when that little ray of regret swooped in every once in a while, it was the most intense regret she had ever felt.

They had stopped trying to track Enzo and Damon down a month ago. Caroline, though worried about Bonnie, moved on with her life. Her and Alaric had their kids to worry about, too. Stefan didn't give up searching completely. He still occasionally followed leads. But his main priority was always Caroline, henceforth. He was not about to lose her again. Even Matt Donavan moved far away somewhere. Bonnie gave up too after Stefan did, but when she moved to New York, her heart didn't go with her.

Now, as she stared up at the ceiling, she pulled herself to her feet using all her willpower. She suddenly couldn't stand to lie there anymore. She dragged her feet to her small, untidy desk and opened one of the drawers. She searched through the paperwork until she found the stacks of papers she was looking for. A letter she had never sent.

The one at the bottom of the stack was from three years ago: from when Damon made the selfish decision of abandoning her.

Dear Damon,

Falling in love with you was like falling asleep jumping off a cliff and hoping that there's a trampoline at the bottom, which is exactly why I took every precaution to avoid doing it. I knew you loved Elena and that wouldn't be right. You were both my best friends. You and Elena were perfect together. Yin and Yang; you completed each other and everyone could see it. You and I were beyond that. For the duration of our time together, I couldn't stand you, you couldn't stand me but there was something there at least on my end that I never really understood. I danced around it, pretended nothing was wrong and it worked, until you left without saying goodbye. I only then realised I had plunged off that cliff and hit the ground at a staggering pace. I only then realised that you were always my first priority, but I was always your second. I was an option to you. You're probably reading this with a confused frown on your face and I don't blame you. You couldn't possibly know how I felt. I didn't know, myself. Don't even act regretful. You're not sorry. You don't care, you never did. All you've ever seen is her. Frienships cause heartbreaks, especially when they go beyond just frienship. And Damon, I'd just like to let you know, that yours didn't just break my heart. It broke me. You broke me.

Here's to you never being able to do that again,

Somebody that you used to know.

Bonnie read the letter, even though she had practically memorised the words. Yes, she had loved Damon. She had loved Enzo, too but in a different way. At this point in time, however, she had no idea who she loved or if she had the capacity to love anymore. As she pulled another paper out of the stack, there was a loud knock at her door.

"Damon?" She mentally slapped herself for thinking it was him. It wasn't him, or Enzo.

She pulled the door open and saw an all too familiar smile.

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