The Wall

*spoilers for season 1*

Ymir looked at the tree next to hers in the forest. A tall, dark-haired man stood against the tree, staring at the ground with an angry expression. Bertholdt. She'd never seen him angry before, but she decided to just forget it. After all, she still had no idea where Christa was.

"We are not soldiers, Reiner. Why can't you get that?"

"It doesn't matter what we are! They're our friends."

"Who? The people that will kill us if they find out what we've done?"

"They won't. T-"

"If they don't kill us, then we'll be stuck in captivity forever, Reiner. I don't want that!"

"Well I don't, either!"

"If they ever find out what happened, or who we're after, then it's over. So stop saying they're your friends."

"You talk to them like friends would, so why can't I?"

"I know I talk to them; it'll be weird if I didn't. But I know they're not actually friends."

"Whatever, Bertl."

His argument with Reiner from before they all left the walls rang through his ears. Something was just not right with him anymore.

As of right now, the trainees were scanning the grounds for titans from the trees. Down below, were the horses.

The goal was to get to Eren Jaeger's basement, where possible reasoning as to why the titans and titan shifters exist could be. Eren had the only key.

However, our goal was to capture Eren, that was the whole point as to why we followed Eren into the Survey Corps. The argument that ensued with joining the Corps was because Reiner said he joined because they were our friends, not because of our mission.

He's losing it or something, Bertholdt thought, clenching his fists and staring at his feet intently.

At least Annie's keeping to it...She's messed up Erwin's plan so much that everyone was confused and took to the trees. No one has any idea what Levi's doing, but I can count on her. She's probably running right after them.

Bertholdt looked up.

What if Reiner isn't the only one I have to be worried about? What if something goes wrong? What if she gets hurt, what if someone figures her out?

Bertholdt cleared those thoughts from his mind. It will work. The plan will work.

However, things did not work.

I knew Levi was strong and quick, but... Fast enough to take on her by himself? He thought to himself as the Corps rode back to the Walls as fast as they could. Everyone was shaken up by the Female Titan, and so was Bertholdt, but for a different reason.

We failed.

We failed, we failed, we failed.

Now what? Annie's probably safe; back with the Military Police inside Wall Sina. But what do we do now? How am I going to talk to her to form a new strategy? People are going to start searching for-

Bertholdt was pulled from his thoughts by the sound of another cadet's voice.

"You okay, man?" It was Jean. He looked...surprisingly calm for all that had happened in the past few days...weeks?

"Reiner told me that you all got a good look at that titan... I should be asking you if you're okay." He changed the subject, after all, what excuse could he give him?

"I'm...fine..." He suddenly turned his horse's reins and went back to where he was supposed to be.

I wonder how he'd be if Marco was still here.

His eyes widened when he caught himself thinking about them again. They were best friends, well, Marco really being Jean's only friend. After the titans got in, Jean found him dead.

He'd never seen Jean sad before. Or not being an asshole, really.

He hasn't smiled since Marco's death.

Bertholdt shook those thoughts from his head; he can't start caring about the others, else he'll end up like Reiner.

"TITANS!" A distant voice from behind called out.

He looked back to see two people on horseback, one carrying a body, being chased down by two abnormal titans.

"Oh shit, they're fast-" He heard Jean shout.

He looked about for the commander and the captain. They decide to fight or to keep going.

After no intensions of stopping were made, he looked back to see the titans gaining ground on them. Not too long after, he saw the back of the wagons open, and dead bodies rolling out. Some were being crushed by the titans' feet.

Eventually, we were able to get away, and not long after, we arrived back at Wall Maria.

Bertholdt never looked up. He felt the burning looks from the townsfolk on him and the others. They knew the Corps failed. They knew he failed, but they didn't know how...yet.

Bertholdt was sitting upright on his bunk, his leg moving up and down franctically. He had skipped dinner because he was so nervous that he thought he'd puke just thinking about eating.

Reiner was probably outside still, staring at the surprisingly calm land. At night, the titans aren't very active, so we're at least safe then. He remembered how everyone used to do that. Nowadays, everyone enjoys what little sleep we can get.

If we can sleep.

Just then, Reiner opened the door to their room and walked past Bertholdt without saying a word. He hadn't spoken much since they were on the horses.

"Well... Now what?" Bertholdt asked.

"We sleep." He replied, climbing to his side of the bed. The upper bunk belonged to Eren and Armin.

"Reiner... L-"

"I'm not arguing with you anymore about...that. Okay?"

Bertholdt sighed. He's going to be useless soon.

"What?"

Bertholdt turned to look at him for a second. Did I just say that out loud? Shit. He thought.

"Reiner, I-" He started, but the look in his eyes made him stop.

"If I'm so useless to you, then why do you keep me around?"

Bertholdt thought, but no real reason came up. Other than them being friends for the past twelve years.

"Rei-"

"Goodnight, Bertholdt." He said bitterly, turning to face the wall. Bertholdt tried to apologize again, but Armin opened the door and walked quietly into the room.

He passed them and started to climb up the bunk, but stopped to look at Bertholdt.

"Is he awake?" Armin whispered. Bertholdt merely shrugged, too caught up in his own emotions to really care enough to give an answer.

"Did he say anything?" Armin asked.

"About?"

He sighed and stepped down from the ladder. "I...think I know who the Female Titan is..."

"What? Who?" Bertholdt's eyes widened. Please tell me he didn't figure it out.

"She didn't kill me. So I know that she's one of us-"

Shit.

"She knows how to fight, too. I saw her clearly plan out a counterstrike on Ness and Siss. Her stance right before-"

Shit. Shit. Shit.

"It reminds me of... Annie."

Fuck.