Chapter 1: What I Want

Everyone has their own idea as to what it means to be happy. Some believe that popularity will bring them happiness while other, money and some believe that it is in respect and recognition. What these people do not know is that happiness is not something that comes in a package. It is not a material thing. It is a feeling that comes with accepting what you have and not crying and whining over what you do not have. And if there is something that you feel you should have, work towards it because that is the only chance it has of coming true.

Josi Gerard sat in her room, doing what she usually did. She sat in the bedroom that she shared with her five year old little sister, Annabelle, and wrote in her journal. At the age of sixteen, she was happy living with her mother and sister. They didn't have all that much, but she did recognize that Rhoda worked two jobs for them.

I try to stay true to this, but sometimes its hard. I see Lisey, Johnny, Cassie and Jessica getting to do all of this stuff that Annie and I never got to do. This includes spending time with mom. Or even having a dad. Just like my mom says about Aunt Mary, everything's perfect for her. The same thing goes for Lisey. I'm positive that if we didn't see them so often that I would have no idea on how much we go without. Around here this is all normal, but there is so much better out there. I don't think I could ever consider staying here after high school.

"Josi! Josi! We gots twenty five dollars!"

Josi looked up from her journal and smiled to the blonde haired little girl. Annabelle was the odd one out in the family. Josi had the dark hair, her mother's eyes and her father's smile. She talked and acted mostly like her mother. She knew this because anytime she did anything that would remind Rhoda of Joe, she would go out of her way to point it out. Annabelle on the other hand had blonde hair and blue eyes. In a few ways it was easy to tell that she was Rhoda's daughter, but there were just some things that could not be explained without knowing the father.

"Really?" Josi asked. "How much of that do you think you deserve?"

Annabelle took the bag and sat down on her bed with it. "All of it," she said starting to laugh.

"All of it?" Josi asked as she got up to go join her. "How about half? I did take you around, and actually did the work ya know?"

"Well," Annabelle siad as she looked over the bag. "Can I keep five?"

Josi laughed. "How about ten?"

Annabelle smiled and nodded. Josi took the bag and pulled out ten dollars for her. "There you go," she said.

"Thank you!" Annabelle said before hopping off the bed and heading back out of the room.

No one's life is perfect. I know that. There are a few things I would like to change about mine right now. First, would be the fact that I would like to be able to pay for college. Currently we do not have much money, but I know that there are ways for me to do this. Another thing is that I think my mom could use a husband. She hasn't been in a serious relationship since my father died and she does seem lonely at times. The final one would be to get a better place to live. This would be the hardest out of all three.

Each one of these has a solution. The first one I am already working on. I currently work at extra little odd jobs around the apartment for money while mom's at work. So far, after a year I have close to three thousand dollars saved. I am also doing a lot of cutting back on things, such as taking the lunch money that mom gives me and saving it instead of eating. I have decided to only buy the things that are completely necessary, such as things for school. I don't think I have actually gone and seen a movie or bought anything at the mall for a year now. As soon as the summer gets here, which is only in a couple of weeks, I am going to go out and get a job.

The second was about getting my mom a date. This should be interesting. I know this man who lives in 10B, he is always asking about her. It is so obvious that he has a crush on her. If not that guy though, there were still a few elegable men out there. The hard part would be getting ehr to agree to it.

The final one, getting a new place. I would need more money for that and a lot of convincing. We have been living here since I was born. Its hard to just pick up and move out. Its also more fo a choice for me. Do I save my money for college? Or do I put some towards a new place? I don't even know if mom would go for it.

Josi laid her pen down and sighed. These were things that she truly wanted to do. The more that she thought about all of this, the harder it all seemed. After a year she only had three thousand dollars. That wouldn't even get her through a year of college let alone through all four. Her mother, she knew would find every reason in the world to not go out with who ever she chose to set her up with. She also knew that it would be hard to get her mother and sister to pack up their things and leave to start over. "Oh well," she said to herself and then got up and left the room.

Josi knew that Rhoda would be home within the next hour. Her friend, Kate had gotten a hold of some hair dye from her mother's salon and gave it to Josi. She figured that this was the time to use it. First, she had to bleach what ever strips of hair that she wanted to use before applying the hot pink anywhere.

Rhoda walked in the door and set her purse down. Annabelle went running up to her. "Hi mommy!"

Rhoda leaned down and hugged her. "Hey there kid." Standing up, she looked around. "What's your sister up to?"

"Coloring," Annabelle said.

"Yeah?" Rhoda asked.

"Right here ma!" Josi called. "I'll be right out. Got somethin for you to see!"

Rhoda rolled her eyes. "Great," she said. "Ya know Jos, that stopped being cute when you were two!"

Josi stepped out of the bathroom with two pink streaks in her hair. One on each side of her face. "What do ya think?"

Rhoda looked it over with surprise. She was expecting to see a new peircing somewhere or something like that. "Hey, that's pretty cute there."

"You really think so?" Josi asked. She was glad that her mother approved. That seemed to be one thing that kind of seperated Rhoda from what she saw with her friends and their mothers. Rhoda was pretty open minded when it came to certain things.

Rhoda walked over and started to play with her daughter's hair. "Yeah. But how did you do that?"

Josi laughed. "I took some bleach and sprayed it in, let it sit and then rinsed it out a few times, washed it, put conditioner in and then dried it."

"I guess as long as your hair is still there."

"Can I have one too mommy?" Annabelle asked referring to the pink streaks.

"Well, you would certainly be easier," Rhoda said and then looked over to Josi. "What do you think?"

"I have enough to give you one too," Josi said.

Rhoda laughed. "Oh yeah, that would look good on me."

Just a start. The next chapter will include Mary and her family. Let me know what you think :)