I got the idea for this from watching an episode of Mad About You. They remind me of Elliot and Olivia in a way. Haha. For my readers of Somewhere Over The Rainbow I promise i'll get the next chapter of that up soon. I'm just slow. Please read and review!
Olivia was running around their apartment trying to put things away while Elliot watched the workers make sure the cameras and microphones were working properly.
"Liv," Elliot said watching her run around the apartment throwing things in the closet. "This is supposed to be a portrait of our lives. If you clean up, then it's not really our lives."
"Well they can see our lives. That doesn't mean they have to see that we're pigs who just throw things around and leave dirty dishes on the counter for 2 weeks."
The camera men shared a surprised look that Olivia saw. "See! They think it's gross."
Olivia continued picking up clothes off their bedroom floor throwing things into the closet as Elliot stood and watched. Olivia stopped for a moment and looked at Elliot.
"Are you going to help?"
Elliot shrugged. "Why? I don't care if people think we're pigs."
"I'm not a pig," Olivia leaned up agaisnt the closet forcing it to shut. "I just got tired."
Elliot rolled his eyes and turned to the camera men. "Women,"
They laughed and nodded their heads at him. "Here," One of them handed Elliot a remote. "I'll show you how to control the camera."
The cameraman explained to Elliot how to record, stop and pause. "You shouldn't have to pause but just in case you have too."
Elliot thanked the cameramen and they left.
"Liv," Elliot called to Olivia and she came out of the bedroom. "Are you ready?"
"Sure," She said shrugging.
"Okay ready..." Elliot pushed the record button. "Action."
Elliot and Olivia stood there looking at eachother and glancing around the room for about 30 seconds until Elliot pushed pause.
"Wow we're boring," Olivia and Elliot laughed.
"We're always talking. We talk more than anyone else I know, why are we so quiet?" Elliot asked and Olivia shrugged.
"I bet it's cuz we're nervous."
"Probably," Elliot said.
"Okay how about this time i'll go do some paperwork and you play solitare or something." Olivia suggested.
"So you look like the one who works and I just play card games? I don't think so." Olivia rolled her eyes at him. "Lets just go make some lunch in the kitchen."
Olivia nodded. "Okay."
Olivia and Elliot made their way into the kitchen and stood next to each other.
"Ready?" Olivia nodded. "Action."
Olivia walked over to the sink and starting filling the cup up with water while Elliot got ready the coffee grounds. Elliot opened the cupboard to get out a coffee filter and only found an empty package.
"Sweetie," Elliot turned around. "We're out of coffee filters."
"That's okay," Olivia dug in the garbage completly forgetting about the cameras for a moment. "We can use this one." She picked one up out of the garbage and when she stood up she saw the camera. She looked between the camera and the coffee filter debating wether or not she wanted to embarass herself in front of the camera.
"Just kidding!" She said throwing the coffee filter back into the garbage. "I wouldn't use an old coffee filter"
She laughed nervously as Elliot laughed at her.
"Cut!" Olivia shouted and Elliot shook his head.
"No Liv this has to be real. We can't cut just because you embarassed yourself." Elliot was putting the stuff back into the cupboards when his elbow hit the shelf next to him knocking all the spices on the floor,
a few hitting him in the process.
Olivia burst out laughing as Elliot scowled. He took the controller out of his pocket and pushed stop on it.
"Elliot!" She yelled. "I thought we couldn't stop if we embarassed ourselves."
"Well that was if you did. With me it's different."
"Smart ass," She said throwing the coffee filter at him. "God it's not that bad to re-use coffee filters."
Elliot started making the coffee laughing at her still.
"Okay we're gonna do this straight through." Elliot turned around to Olivia who laughed.
"Alright staright through."
"No matter what happens."
"No matter what happens." Olivia agreed.
"Okay, action."
Olivia and Elliot looked at eachother for a moment before the door bell rang. Elliot walked to the door and opened it to find Casey and John standing there.
"So get this..." Casey started completly ignoring Elliot who was smiling at John as he wore a suit.
"What is that?"
"Hey I thought I'd look nice for this."
"I got to the restaurant to wait for John." Casey started going into the kitchen and grabbing the peanut butter out of the cupboard. "I'm waiting like a normal human being when this guy comes up to me and asks if he can sit down. I tell him that I'm on a date waiting for my boyfriend. He sits down anyways. So i'm like alright... But then he starts talking to me. John walks in just as this jerk decides to lean across the table and kiss me!"
Casey walks out of the kitchen still talking as Olivia follws. "So John comes over pissed off, obvisouly,
and starts yelling at the guy." By this time Elliot and John start following Casey and Olivia into the bedroom. "So John is yelling at him threatning him and saying all this stuff like he is mister tough guy when he throws a punch at John. Of course John freaks out because he is a police officer and throws cuffs on this guy who is completly lost by now. And john goes all tough guy and is like you just assulted a police officer." At this time Casey takes off her coat and reveals that she has nothing on underneath exposing for all to see.
Elliot turns around quickly and starts hitting his fist on the door, shocked. John and Olivia just stand there wide-eyed as they cannot believe Casey just stripped in front of them. She throws on a shirt of Olivia's drawer and continues on with her story walking back out into the living room.
"So he goes down to the precient and in the interrogation room and everything where we find out he seems to be a pretty nice guy. Except for the fact that he has ties to the mob and just might send his friends after us because we threw him in jail."
Casey pulls John towards the door but before she closes it she hands Olivia a movie.
"Thanks for letting me borrow the tape." She just about closes the door before John gets a word in.
"I had a suit made for this and I only get 30 seconds centered on Casey and her nuditity."
Casey closes the door and Olivia and Elliot stand there dumbfounded.
"Look honey, Transformers." She says showing Elliot the video.
"You leant that to her?" He asks and takes it from her walking to the video rack putting it back.
Just then their dog came up carrying something in his mouth. Olivia is surprised but takes it from him anyways.
She starts looking through it when she notices a recepit. "Honey,"
"Yes sweetie?" Elliot asked not paying any attention.
"What's this?" Elliot looks up for the first time and sees what she is holding. He tries to grab it from her but she won't let him.
"It's nothing honey, just work stuff."
"It looks like a receipt...for film equipment." She pronounces the last part bitterly.
"You want some coffee?" He asks trying to change the subject and walking into the kitchen.
"You told me you just found out about this a few weeks ago." She says and Elliot nods. "Then why does the date on that say from two weeks ago?"
"Huh?" Elliot asks looking at the paper again. "Oh,...yeah...Sometimes they do that."
"Yeah they do that when you rent it two weeks ago."
Elliot closed the folder and opened up the fride looking for the coffee. He finds it and just about takes it out when he remembers they don't have filters.
"Oh yeah we don't have filters. I'll-I'll just go down and get-"
Before he could finish his sentence Olivia cuts him off so he can't get out of the kitchen. "When did you find out about this film?"
"What?" Olivia starts getting closer to him and he backs away.
"When did you find out about this film?" She says a little more clearly.
"What difference does that make?"
"John had a suit made for this thing didn't he?" She asks laughing but not amused.
"He's little how long could that take?"
"You've been teaching Karu tricks." She said surprised.
"How do you know he didn't already know how to bring you folders?"
"Because he's the dumbest the dog in the world!" She screams at him. "Okay so you told John and you told Karu." She lists them off on her fingers.
"You know maybe Karu told John." Elliot defened. "You don't know."
"I can't believe you lied to me." Olivia said clearly upset.
"You know what honey lets talk about it later." Elliot was exremetly uncomfortable by now.
"What? Did you think I wouldn't want to do it?" Olivia kept pressuaring him.
"No. Honey, later. Seriously." He said glancing up at the camera.
"No you keep talking about honesty well lets be honest. " She said pointing at the camera.
"Yeah okay," He laughed nervously. "I'm honestly saying i'd rather talk about this later."
Olivia was frustrated by now so she walked away from him out into the living room. She began reading the mail completly ignoring what Elliot was trying to say to her. Elliot got upset and sat down next to her.
"Ok ok." He started. "I didn't want to tell you about it because i know you'd get over-prepared and it wouldn't be real. I wanted it to be honest."
Olivia nodded her head. "So you lied?"
Elliot sighed. "I may have misrepresented myself."
Olivia threw her hands up in frustration. "You are unbelieveable."
"Oh and what are you? Are you like Agnus from truthville?" Elliot started, getting Olivia even more frustrated with him.
"What?" She asks confused.
"I made it up. You got it."
"Compared to you right now, yes I am."
"Oh yeah, what about this?" Elliot leans forward and grabs the flowers off the table and Olivia stood up too trying to get them away from him.
"That's different and you know it." She kept trying to get the flowers away from him.
"How?"
"Because it is."
"How?"
"Because it is."
"How?"
"Because it is."
"I rest my case." Elliot said looking satisfied with himself because Olivia stopped trying to get the flowers away from him."
"Fine." Olivia walks to the door opens it and knocks on their neighbors door. "You want honesty"
In just a few moments she opens it looking surprised to see Olivia standing there.
"Come here," She takes the womans wrist and guides her into their apartment in front of Elliot who is still holding flowers.
"See these?" Olivia asks and the woman who looks scared and says yes. Olivia grabs the flowers from Elliot and hands them to the woman. "They're yours."
"Oh." The woman says.
"You happy now?" Olivia asks Elliot.
"Oh like i'm so impressed." Elliot gets a thong out from underneath the drawer and shows them to the woman. "You see these?"
"Yes."
"Well they're mine. I bought them. I wear them, and they make me feel very special."
The woman is looking very scared by now but Elliot and Olivia completly ignore them.
"Oh big deal," Olivia says taking the underwear out of his hand. "You want to see Casey's mowick?" The asks the lady and she refuses.
"No, No." She runs out of the apartment back into her and locks the doors.
"Okay, Okay." Elliot starts walking into the bedroom and Olivia folllows him. "Let's be honest." He walks over to the closet door, opens it and starts throwing all the clothes around that Olivia had just picked up earlier. "You see this ma?" He kept throwing clothes on the floor. "This is how we live."
Olivia turns to the camera. "Excuse me, I don't read scientific american."
Elliot goes in front of her. "See these?" He points to his two front teeth. "These are capped."
Olivia goes in front of Elliot now. "My middle name is Unis." She threw her arms out as Elliot went in front of her for his turn.
"I tape baywatch. Ok?" He says and Olivia pushes him out of the way.
"I have a tattoo." She says moving out of the way for Elliot.
"I once fell asleep- in the middle of sex."
"Okay thats true." Olivia says pointing at Elliot. "He did."
"No, No. No. Tell something about yourself." He says pointing at her.
"It doesn't look good for me either!" She says pointing at the camera with Elliots underwear still in her hand.
"Alright that's true." He turned back to the camera. "Ok. I was in Hooter Vacation. Under a false name."
Olivia went in front of the camera. "Cragen you know how I said I was doing paperwork this weekend?
I. Don't. Think so."
Elliot pushed her out of the way. "I-" He stopped before looking back at Olivia. "I thought your middle name was Karen."
"I lied." She said. "Hooter Vacation?"
"It was years ago!" He exclaimed. "Alright now you know."
"I feel much better." Olivia said pacing the room.
"Me too." Elliot agreed. "And why?"
"Honesty."
"Honesty." Elliot agreed. "Yes that's the only way to do this."
Elliot and Olivia stopped pacing and looked at eachother for a moment. They took a quick look around the room then back at each other.
"Let's clean this up." He says pointing at the clothes on the floor.
"I'm gonna get some flowers." She starts to leave the room and Elliot turns towards the clothes when they both turn around to run at the camera yelling,
"Cut!"